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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
^yup, and really the ideal situation would be that you wouldn't just be faking it or doing it manipulatively (is that a word?) and that you really are independent and busy with life and happy with yourself/doing your own thing..I don't think it's an attractive trait for anybody to be seen as desperate or sitting there pining away with no life. Never get hung up one guy and give them all your attention and time when they haven't made any sort of commitment or gesture that they want the same. Date around. Don't let anybody think you're just sitting there on a shelf for whenever THEY feel ready to give you the time of day..if you wanna be pragmatic then it's just sales 101, creating a sense of urgency and high demand.
But yes, you also have to be fucking w a guy who wants monogamy and isn't just wanting sex in the first place.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
While you girls make some valid points. Reading this made my head spin. Lol. Dating is more complicated now than 10 years ago. Dufuq.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Truest thing ever posted on stripperweb. This shit has gone to hell.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I think it just comes down to the kind of guy you're dating. Some want relationships and commitment as much as women do and some don't like to be tied down. You have to learn the difference and figure them out right away. i made them wait for sex at least a few weeks and that usually weeds them out. Also don't get too attached right away. Just have fun, let him do the pursuing. I see too many girls chasing after guys and it should be the other way around. Let him call you, text you, take you out, pay for dinner and impress you. That's what the good guys want to do. You make it too easy for them and they get bored.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Another thing I just thought about it your work. Does he know what you do? If he does, wonderful - BUT I'd be cautious. If he doesn't, a commitment isn't something you should be thinking about right now unless you're willing to leave the business to make the relationship work.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
Another thing I just thought about it your work. Does he know what you do? If he does, wonderful - BUT I'd be cautious. If he doesn't, a commitment isn't something you should be thinking about right now unless you're willing to leave the business to make the relationship work.
Yeah I actually quit dancing when I was dating (and started vanilla work part time) so I wouldn't have to have THAT conversation or have an ironic awkward moment where the guy I'm dating walks up to the stage and in shock when he sees me pussy popping on a handstand. What are the odds? But dancing where I live was super risky and I had several close calls.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
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Originally Posted by
Vyanka
While you girls make some valid points. Reading this made my head spin. Lol. Dating is more complicated now than 10 years ago. Dufuq.
It really is hard now because a.) guys aren't expected to commit to monogamy anymore and b.) it is expected that all girls will have casual sex so if you won't then someone else really hot and a catch will.
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Originally Posted by
victoriavein
I think it just comes down to the kind of guy you're dating. Some want relationships and commitment as much as women do and some don't like to be tied down. You have to learn the difference and figure them out right away. i made them wait for sex at least a few weeks and that usually weeds them out. Also don't get too attached right away. Just have fun, let him do the pursuing. I see too many girls chasing after guys and it should be the other way around. Let him call you, text you, take you out, pay for dinner and impress you. That's what the good guys want to do. You make it too easy for them and they get bored.
The problem is that you can't figure them out right away. It's impossible. Why? Because men have figured out that's they can say they want a relationship and get sex easily that way. They act identical to men that actually do want a relationship a lot of the time. So basically the only thing you can do is go through trial and error and hope he wasn't lying. But you will definitely encounter a lot who do lie and figure it out the hard way because thats the only way with liars.
Even dating sites are pretty much exclusive guys who want to hook up now and have this idea that there's endless women just waiting to hook up with them on these sites. I know that people talk about how far women have come with feminism and equal rights, but I actually don't believe it.
All that has really happened is that women are STILL expected to be hot at all times like in the 1940s only now we are also expected to have a high paid vanilla career in addition, as well as have our own life with exotic hobbies and interests. The high paid vanilla career is reinforced by society because now men don't make enough to be the sole breadwinner so you need a two high income household if you want to have the equivalent to a comfortable 1940s household life. It's really fucked women over. And also, women who are hot as fuck with a high paid vanilla career will attract timewasters and losers like a motherfucker because the guys on her level will often constantly be trading in for a new sugar baby every 2-6 years, so she needs to date down for commitment. It really sucks. It's all about luck and trial and error.
Also, if you withhold sex for too long, you're likely going to lose genuine yes who did want a relationship. They'll deem you as a game player or having sexual issues and will bail out because they'll be distracted by women who are catches and are already tucking them since that's the culture today. That's why the only real way is trial and error.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
The best advice I have for a woman looking for a serious relationship is to never reveal her adult career or to at least never ever talk about the details or keep it ultra short, and to find someone who is a guy you are around a lot in a non-sexual setting (non-adult job, hobby group, school).
You HAVE to be friends first or casual acquaintances and let him come to the realization that he has developed feelings for you BEFORE you ever make any move (not even a kiss). Every person I know in a relationship, it has happened that way.
This is why adult industry women are often not successful in relationships. Once you're seen in a sexual light or the sexual genie is out of the bottle, and you have done any pursuing, you have basically lost almost all of your power as a woman because he now sees you as a disposable object if he doesn't already have feelings for you.
It's fucked up, but it's true. Now that we live in a hookup culture world, it is almost expected that you'll be dropped soon after that point because he will see you as disposable, low value, and will get bored. Unless he came to the conclusion that he had feelings before you displayed yourself in a sexual light.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
This thread should be a sticky. I have to come back and read it all with all the hyperlinks tomorrow. It's too late to process this all.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Thing is, none of the men have posted here..
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
First time male
Women have a lot less sexual power, but that comes along with the sexual revolution.
Playing hard to get will only make me turn sex into an objective, not partnership.
Frankly as somebody that is honest about it, but still playing the field, the only, only thing nowadays that get me to commit would be a girl that knows and participates in my deepest and darkest fetishes. I never mention them, and if you think you found them then you clearly haven't or else you would not be asking. That is what sex used to be a taboo, once that went away you have to find the next taboo.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Um.. thanks for the input but no. Just no. Maybe this is what you think, feel and how you operate- like I said you can't put all men into a box; but women still have immense sexual power.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Just two cents,
Nowadays what power would they have though? I think it is close to 50-50 with millennials.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Can you give more details about women playing hard to get?
And don't men get bored easily if there is no challenge?
I guess its finding a balance.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Honestly, I just learned to tell the guys that I don't sleep with anyone I'm not in a serious relationship with. That worked wonders for me. The ones who were interested in getting serious would make it known right away and the ones who weren't would pretty much remove themselves from my life immediately and look for someone easier lol. But, I have a feeling you may be past that point sooo in that case....
As others have said, the best thing to do is probably to make yourself busy. Get a bunch of hobbies, work more, whatever. The fact that you're putting so much thought into how you might get him to commit gives the impression that being in a serious relationship is somewhat of a priority for you at this time. What you actually want is for him to be more like an accessory to you. He should be getting the impression like you have a great and amazing life and that he is just lucky enough that you're giving him the privilege to be a part of it. If he's really into you, he will put the effort in.
Side note though: The right guy is not going to actually make you play all these games. Just saying :)
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
Um.. thanks for the input but no. Just no. Maybe this is what you think, feel and how you operate- like I said you can't put all men into a box; but women still have immense sexual power.
Agreed, as far as most men are concerned--though less power than women had a few decades ago.
However, that power has to be granted. Otherwise, it doesn't exist. Getting laid isn't worth acting like a dipshit, or dealing with bullshit mindgames. Not to me anyway, & some guys I have known.
Working in the clubs will do that. But even then, some of both sexes working the clubs are still slaves to their libido.
Anyway I got a request to move this to LO, which can still be done, & all guy posts deleted, mine included.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
"The only thing that will get me to commit to an adult, emotionally open, healthy relationship is a girl who just KNOWS I want my balls fondled a certain way and my ass penetrated" lol GTFO trolls fishing for easier sex ugh
And women still have WAY more..cause I sure as shit don't see a ton of male strip clips around my area at least where women flock to spend hundreds of thousands on naked men..Or ogle magazines with them n the front in sexy little poses..or do anything but roll their eyes at dick pics..The female body is still highly sexualized compared to male. Oh yeah and the sexual revolution was 50 years ago bud.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I wish I could read this whole thread, but I skimmed the majority of it. (I'm at vanilla work..... Le sigh)
1) I don't recommend that "black girls are easy" website. It takes the tone that if a man hasn't wifed you up yet there is something wrong with YOU. I've struggled with this mindset and it killed me for years when the "man of my dreams" didn't want to commit. Sometimes, it's them. A man can have a perfect woman in front of him, recognize that she's awesome, and still not commit.... Cause he still wants to hoe around, causes he's not looking for perfect, he's looking for easy ass, cause he wants to focus on his career, etc. Don't internalize why a man doesn't want to be with you because it will drive you insane.
2) A man will commit when we wants to commit. Plain and simple. Whenever I've found myself in a committed relationship, the dude just came out and asked for it. I've stopped asking the "where is this going" question a couple years ago and instead started asking myself "where are we at?" Does he call regularity? Take you out? Have you met his friends? Do you guys have deep convos or do y'all just text each other when it's time to come over and fuck?? Take an assessment of where you guys stand at this very moment and determine if that is something that works for you. If it doesn't, leave. If it does, stay.
3) Don't be afraid to throw traditional dating practices out the window. Modern dating is soooo different and playing by the rules created a mere decade ago can get you caught up and heartbroken. Who cares if he hasn't specifically asked to be your BF yet?? Is everything else right with the relationship? Are you getting good sex? Is he generous? Does he listen to you complain when you've had a bad day?? If all of your needs are being met in a relationship, don't fuck it up by trying to adhere to some outdated rules about where you're supposed to be in y'all relationship by this point.
Overall, if you're happy, keep messing with him. If you're not, then leave. :)
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
Can you give more details about women playing hard to get?
And don't men get bored easily if there is no challenge?
I guess its finding a balance.
Playing hard to get implies when starting out withholding until X. Unless X means a ring then welcome back to the 20th century. But even then divorce is more common now so that is an empty goal.
After already having had sex, witholding in a polyamorous relationship is just asking for me to forget. Its been 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, one month... wait who are you again?
Instead of playing hard to get, once gotten, you need to play hard to replace, and that is where you have to slowly go where no woman has gone before. Besides some fetishes are ilegal and you want to get away fast.
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And women still have WAY more..cause I sure as shit don't see a ton of male strip clips around my area at least where women flock to spend hundreds of thousands on naked men..
I am actually looking to work in one as a joke (All proceeds going to charity), but I need to tone my body more. You should check out the male stripper shows in Vegas, millennial women go CRAZY madhouse.
That said that is not the point, Ignoring what I already explained, there is nothing you can do to get me to do anything I don't want to do. Most of you are confusing the female vs male sexual power with the attractive vs unattractive sexual power, the former is closer to 50-50 the latter is 99-1.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
LegoMoney
I wish I could read this whole thread, but I skimmed the majority of it. (I'm at vanilla work..... Le sigh)
1) I don't recommend that "black girls are easy" website. It takes the tone that if a man hasn't wifed you up yet there is something wrong with YOU. I've struggled with this mindset and it killed me for years when the "man of my dreams" didn't want to commit. Sometimes, it's them. A man can have a perfect woman in front of him, recognize that she's awesome, and still not commit.... Cause he still wants to hoe around, causes he's not looking for perfect, he's looking for easy ass, cause he wants to focus on his career, etc. Don't internalize why a man doesn't want to be with you because it will drive you insane.
2) A man will commit when we wants to commit. Plain and simple. Whenever I've found myself in a committed relationship, the dude just came out and asked for it. I've stopped asking the "where is this going" question a couple years ago and instead started asking myself "where are we at?" Does he call regularity? Take you out? Have you met his friends? Do you guys have deep convos or do y'all just text each other when it's time to come over and fuck?? Take an assessment of where you guys stand at this very moment and determine if that is something that works for you. If it doesn't, leave. If it does, stay.
3) Don't be afraid to throw traditional dating practices out the window. Modern dating is soooo different and playing by the rules created a mere decade ago can get you caught up and heartbroken. Who cares if he hasn't specifically asked to be your BF yet?? Is everything else right with the relationship? Are you getting good sex? Is he generous? Does he listen to you complain when you've had a bad day?? If all of your needs are being met in a relationship, don't fuck it up by trying to adhere to some outdated rules about where you're supposed to be in y'all relationship by this point.
Overall, if you're happy, keep messing with him. If you're not, then leave. :)
THIS^
And. The IGNORE feature is a wonderful thing..ah. :)
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
whirlerz
Thing is, none of the men have posted here..
Wow. I had to go there?:beat::banghead:
Also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nY4rP35w00g
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
The core issue of this is that there's no real standard or norms for modern dating like there was in basically every decade before this one. That's what is kind of making it tough and people don't really show their true colors at first because a lot of the time they have ulterior motives they don't tell you about, such as casual sex. I've come across and heard about so many guys who brag about what a stud they are, when really all they're doing is ignoring when women tell them they're relationship-oriented and hookup with them anyway. There's no real way to weed people out other than praying that they are authentic and receptive to what you tell them, but a lot of men are not.
I think that many women just need to accept that you can want monogamy but you may not get it and to further push the issue just pushes the guy away and gets you farther away from your goal. Everyone on here hears about all these married/taken men who secretly cheat or go to escorts. You can't control if a guy is going to cheat or date a bunch of girls at the same time as you. All you can really do is tell him what is ideal for you and pray that he will respect that, but as we know, many pretend to and then still secretly cheat.
So because of that, in many ways, I don't even think having the "what are we talk" is necessary because he's still going to do whatever he wants whether you know about it or not. I guess the goal is to find a guy who flat out tells you he is relationship-oriented and isn't using that as a hustle for pussy like a lot of guys do. It's tough because monogamy-oriented isn't majority of men, and of those men who do actually want monogamy and aren't just saying that, most of them are not catches or not attractive, and the ones who are relationship-oriented and are catches have extremely high and specific standards for women in terms of her looks/her career/her income/her hobbies/etc just because he can get away with it due to being at the top of the food chain.
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
I think that many women just need to accept that you can want monogamy but you may not get it and to further push the issue just pushes the guy away and gets you farther away from your goal. Everyone on here hears about all these married/taken men who secretly cheat or go to escorts. You can't control if a guy is going to cheat or date a bunch of girls at the same time as you. All you can really do is tell him what is ideal for you and pray that he will respect that, but as we know, many pretend to and then still secretly cheat.
I have never cheated, never will believe it or not, I made it perfectly clear how to get monogamy out of me.
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It's tough because monogamy-oriented isn't majority of men, and of those men who do actually want monogamy and aren't just saying that, most of them are not catches or not attractive
Exactly attractive vs unattractive. Its not just looks either but full package attraction though.
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and the ones who are relationship-oriented and are catches have extremely high and specific standards for women in terms of her looks/her career/her income/her hobbies/etc just because he can get away with it due to being at the top of the food chain.
And what is exactly wrong with this? What is the problem with partners that want to be the best for the other? Lifting is not easy. Grooming is not cheap. True kindness and empathy (without looking like a looser and being trampled on) is the pinnacle of social intelligence. Why should I not have the same standards?
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Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Ugh....what do you mean participates in your deepest and darkest fetishes? Seriously, how dark and deep are your fetishes? Yeah, if a man told me that...than I would hit the door. However, I would totally do dark fetishes if I am having just a fling or affair. Also, they have to be within reason and sane. But I would not engage in dark and deep fetishes in serious relationships such as marriages or engagements;D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DeathAndTaxes
First time male
Women have a lot less sexual power, but that comes along with the sexual revolution.
Playing hard to get will only make me turn sex into an objective, not partnership.
Frankly as somebody that is honest about it, but still playing the field, the only, only thing nowadays that get me to commit would be a girl that knows and participates in my deepest and darkest fetishes. I never mention them, and if you think you found them then you clearly haven't or else you would not be asking. That is what sex used to be a taboo, once that went away you have to find the next taboo.