Nothing immoral nor illegal, just really embarrassing.
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^^^ Lol just because one guy says he wants monogamy or a relationship and actually does, does not mean every guy who says he wants those things actually wants them. Like I said, most guys have figured out that they can use these lines to get a steady stream of NSA sex from a woman and because he has so many women in this boat, he feels no loss if one cuts him off because he has a steady rotation of new ones. This is exactly what I see happen to my friends all the time and what guys (that I am not dating) have told me happens now.
Even the dating coach I mentioned earlier has said this is exactly why you need to avoid dating sites. It's because men have learned to say "I am relationship and monogamy-oriented" in order to get NSA sex for awhile, and if he does this to enough women at once then it doesn't matter when one cuts him off for lack of monogamy (since he lied) because he has more misled women waiting for him with sex.
Also, I am coming from experience in a major city. It might be different in small towns or like the Midwest where it's religious. Who knows. But this is the reality in major cities in the year 2016.
There is nothing wrong with having high standards, I am just saying that women, especially sexworkers, do not understand why they remain single now and it's because there is only a tiny closet sized space in society now for monogamous relationships in a mansion full of women wanting all wanting monogamy.
This is lying and immoral, there is a difference to being upfront... and this. Quite frankly I don't use dating sites, the way I like it is through large social circles, it is a reputation system based on social capital.Quote:
Even the dating coach I mentioned earlier has said this is exactly why you need to avoid dating sites. It's because men have learned to say "I am relationship and monogamy-oriented" in order to get NSA sex for awhile, and if he does this to enough women at once then it doesn't matter when one cuts him off for lack of monogamy (since he lied) because he has more misled women waiting for him with sex.
That said I mentioned I was open, not that it was something I currently want. I don't play the fool and make sure nobody gets hurt. If I start to see real feelings I initiate the conversation about where we are.
Billions ;)
Actually I take it back, the idea of somebody quizzing me about fetishes and paraphilia is making my palms sweat...
I think they justify that it's not lying on a technicality that given the perfect opportunity they would be in a relationship, they just fail to tell the girls they are with that they don't want a long term one with them specifically. I think it's fucked up but I heard of this happening like 24/7, at least where I live.
I will say, in my experience, which does not include living in a huge city with lots of dating opportunities, most men indeed want a relationship.
They just may not want a relationship with you.
example:
Local bartender, 30's tall, good looking, banged every available woman in a 30 mile radius, incorrigible. Even smart women who knew him went out with him, fucked him, couldn't figure out why they didn't fare any better. Met a woman at the bar one night, pretty but not perfect or anything, good 5 years older than him. Bang, game over. That was the woman he was waiting for. Do you think he knew that was the woman he was waiting for? Hell no.
People here just seem to be assuming that somehow 'men' know more about what they actually want than they do. You see a pretty girl, talk to pretty girl, ask pretty girl out, bang pretty girl. you didn't set out to hurt anyone, you really didn't think it through more thoroughly than that.
Do you think a guy reasons through all the potential pitfalls of every person of the opposite sex he talks to? Do you?
I won't bore you with the stories of the times women were banging me and wanted nothing more and ran when I suggested more[you've done it. you know you have] but I will give an example of times I was 'the asshole'
Met a woman, friend of friends, smart, funny,liked to drink wine and talk. Went out, awesome sex, awesome conversation. Sunday mornings spent fucking, drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, laughing. Idyllic really. but..............reality steps in. She didn't want kids. Major life goals do not align. I broke up with her, broke her heart, really broke mine, miss her all the time, years later.
So, what, you have to have it all figured out, every step of the way? She no doubt thinks I 'didn't want a relationship'
If you are really meeting men who really don't want to have a relationship, you really have to look at the men you are attracted to. I am not making excuses for 'men behaving badly' but if you are just dating men you are attracted to , but not interested in, then you are bound to be disappointed.
Why are you dating him?
Because he talked to you? It just means he was attracted to you, but what's in it for you?
If you meet an attractive guy and want to fuck him, go for it. If you cannot in this day and age have an orgasm with another person in the room without committing to raising their children, I do not know if this is America. Expecting everyone you sleep with to want to have a relationship with you seems a lot more limiting to you than to any potential men involved.
However, if you want successful relationships, which may or may not start out with fucking, find interesting people. To find interesting people it helps to be interesting yourself. Now there are plenty of interesting assholes, so there are no guarantees.
I have struggled with the attraction vs good for me equation most of my life. I imagine most people do.
So, in the end, find 'good for you' people, rather than 'attractive to you' people and for some of those people you will be a 'good for them' person above and beyond being an 'attractive to them' person.
At the end of the day it is amazing that people have successful relationships at all, considering the complexity of it all.......
"They just may not want a relationship you ". Ouch, but very true!! Happened to me a few times.."I'm not ready for anything serious right now , let's take it slow and see where it goes" then two months later they are in a committed relationship and madly in love. I've always blamed myself for asking for commitment too soon or acting clingy but maybe we just weren't good fit *shrug*. I eventually found my fit so maybe everything happens for a reason
Yeah you're right because absolutely none of this is relevant to those of us who live in a big city because most people paying those premiums to live in a big city already are interesting and only date people they are both attracted to and have tons of things in common with because there are so many people to choose from.
In fact, I don't even know anyone (including men) who fucks someone just because they are physically attractive. It's always because they find them physically attractive, have their ideal ferishes, like their clothing style, like their career path, and have tons in common.
This is why it's a zillion times more complicated dating in a major city.
Lol WHAT ?!
I'm sorry but I just died laughing at the post above mine.
"find people that are good for you over them being attractive"
yeah that's the dumbest advice I've ever heard.
Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.
A guy could be the total package as far as "good for me" goes but if he's ugly/fat--- HAHA Good luck buddy. Shallow? No I'm not shallow, it's called
sexual/physical attraction to somebody is EXTREMELY important. You think a woman wants to get pounded by an ugly fat ass who has his shit together and is good for her? Jesus christ smh . No woman wants some guy fucking her, let alone a relationship with that she doesn't find attractive. period. point blank. You cannot argue this .
This thread is so damn informational, and yet, so damn depressing. :(
At least the last 2 posters have it all figured out, whats wrong with the rest of you! lol
(not you lego)
^I am using information from books, dating coaches, a background in psychology, and my own experiences as a serial dater before I decided I wanted to focus on settling down. I used to often go on dates with 3-5 different people a week (ones I had stuff in common with) because dating was like my little hobby lol
Obviously this changes from geographical region (different cultures) to geographical region as well as age brackets, but honestly a lot of it is just kind of universal truths because the culture of society changed
I hope every woman who hears any of these lines after 2 maybe 3 months, runs in the opposite direction:
- Lets just see where this goes...
- I like to let things unfold naturally
- We are still getting to know each other and no one knows enough about the other person after 2 or 3 months so we shouldn't be official yet
- Oh facebook? Having a relationship status on there is cheesy and no one I know does that. It's all about what we have right now
- You're being pushy and I feel pressured so let's take the pressure off titles
- I don't believe in titles, we have a great thing going
- I spend all my free time with you though, my focus is on you, obviously I don't even have time to go out and date a bunch of women I'm so busy
- I don't have time for something really serious right now. If you just give it a little while things might change
- I'm not looking for anything really serious, but who know what can happen
They are all pussy hustles. There's a good chance that in 2 months he will be in a monogamous relationship with someone else he just met.
Those that know but are liars and should be shamed, the problem is of course knowing for sure that they are lying and if other women pay attention. I mean its not like women kept marrying Trump without knowing what it meant, that he would cheat and divorce them before the prenup expired...
That said I do ask for a little empathy on our end, we like sex we make it obvious we do, we sacrifice a lot to get it, without our stubbornness the species would go extinct (although mad respect for you ladies that UNDERSTAND what cold approaching really means). So we finally reach a point where our high libido is satiated and the party is over? its lights out everybody go home? Sometimes people have mismatching libidos. Ethical polyamory is a thing, perhaps it is convenient for me to believe it, but I believe I am doing right regardless.
That is not nice :) I actually registered for advice on something else.Quote:
Yes, I'm glad to hear from a non-troll blue w/something of substance to say.
Exactly "settling" is just a recipe for disaster. More likely than not: No attraction will be noticed, it will be resented and the relationship will fall apart, even if nobody cheats.Quote:
Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.
Speaking of "settling" it might as well be cardinal sin, saying that you were a wild girl before but now you are ready to settle down in a vanilla lifestyle, yeah I rather had been shot.
Ethical polyamory is a thing. Check.
But, we do not need men to keep the species alive. Cloning is done with mitochondrial DNA and more women than men are getting advanced degrees; so you better come with something better than "Sperm Donor". This is not me "man hating" because I actually like a lot of gentlemen (but not fuck boys). Obviously you like sex, 70% of you behave like cro-magnons the other 30% are gentlemen that might see their family legacy live on.
I think it's cute that some of ya'll think women are going back to chained to the stove cause this Pumpkin Martini "won" the presidency of the USA but the pussy will always grab back and now we are more educated and ain't no body sitting down; honey.
I met this cute 30 yr old customer this week at work, he tells me that he's seeing a girl that looks "good on paper" but he doesn't have that intense sexual chemistry he craves for. Basically, he called her basic. Lol.
It reminded me of this thread. I guess it goes both ways.
[shouldnta said that , deleted]...........
How you interpret my comments as saying 'fuck ugly people' is beyond me.
The world is full of people you will find attractive
People who are good for you are much more difficult to find.
When the question is 'why can't I find the right guy?'
The answer is usually 'because you are choosing poorly'
The alternative answer 'because guys suck' is both largely untrue and profoundly unhelpful
The problem with major metropolises is that one can live the fun and casual sex lifestyle for much longer than in the small boroughs that are the rest of the world. I did not mean to imply it was 'easy' but that out in nowheresville one must actually work at meeting people at all compared to a real city. Most of the thoughtful people[men and women] I know who spent their 20's in the city agree that 'OMG you can do this forever' but of course you cannot, one day you wake up tired, alone, and no longer hottest chick in the room.
I believe most of the women posting here have difficulty imagining that day, thus my belief that my perspective may be worthwhile.
Yeah not sure why Violet interpreted the way she did.
Attractiveness should never be "EXTREMELY" important because looks fade over time.
As human beings we naturally gravitate toward people that we think are "cute", "good looking" -- or at least "fuckable", so
the chances of me "getting pounded" by a man that I thought was "ugly/fat as fuck" is pretty slim.
I've dated A LOT of men that I didn't think were attractive at first but overtime they won me over with their personality.
Lol, women going their own way? j/k. That said I do think the future is less humans and more machines, the advancements in Artificial Intelligence over the past few years is jawdropping. I don't want to change the subject though.Quote:
But, we do not need men to keep the species alive. Cloning is done with mitochondrial DNA and more women than men are getting advanced degrees; so you better come with something better than "Sperm Donor". This is not me "man hating" because I actually like a lot of gentlemen (but not fuck boys). Obviously you like sex, 70% of you behave like cro-magnons the other 30% are gentlemen that might see their family legacy live on.
I sure hope so, I supported Bernie then Clinton. Trump is an existential threat.Quote:
I think it's cute that some of ya'll think women are going back to chained to the stove cause this Pumpkin Martini "won" the presidency of the USA but the pussy will always grab back and now we are more educated and ain't no body sitting down; honey.
That makes no sense though. Your original point was that looks matter but only to an extent because you need to focus on someone who has personality traits that are good for you. And then here you say that one day all the women on SW will be in for a rude awakening when they realize they are no longer super hot and can't hold down a roster of guys.
...Shouldn't it not matter how hot you are given your original long post about how looks aren't the most important thing?