-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Velveteen.Rabbit
That makes no sense though. Your original point was that looks matter but only to an extent because you need to focus on someone who has personality traits that are good for you. And then here you say that one day all the women on SW will be in for a rude awakening when they realize they are no longer super hot and can't hold down a roster of guys.
...Shouldn't it not matter how hot you are given your original long post about how looks aren't the most important thing?
[sigh]
What I am trying to get across is that when you have hit the genetic lottery of beauty, and have no doubt worked hard at maintaining this, do not waste it by falling for someone who also happens to have hit the genetic lottery
Looks, far from being unimportant, are very important, very important not to be fooled by, not to be distracted by. Use your inherent advantage, don't waste it.
If a guy says 'I only date hot chicks' what do you think of him? Not much?
Works the other way too.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
OHITSRIRI is spot on..exclusivity often gets mentioned early on through being possessive and it instantly comes off as selfish. (Don't dismiss that gut feeling) I believe now that being friends with someone prior for a good amount of time gives you a better insight of who they actually are. Space is essential in holding separate lives from each other and investing towards greater connection by creating memories through events for long term commitment.
Guys don't like to be in the friend zone by most woman because it means the chances of something more developing are unlikely. When being friends with someone you can see the signs more clearly than being blinded by lust or fake/nervous impressions. (No strings) Its very difficult given that a lot of men don't have the capability of holding out from making someone official when they are available to others. (Ownership) Being friends creates a type of bond that is very personal than dating with the expectations of commitment later on. People dating with any platform will have the chance of meeting someone great or far successful than even those being friends, this is just from what I've seen with changes.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
oldster
[sigh]
What I am trying to get across is that when you have hit the genetic lottery of beauty, and have no doubt worked hard at maintaining this, do not waste it by falling for someone who also happens to have hit the genetic lottery
Looks, far from being unimportant, are very important, very important not to be fooled by, not to be distracted by. Use your inherent advantage, don't waste it.
If a guy says 'I only date hot chicks' what do you think of him? Not much?
Works the other way too.
This makes no sense because different people have different types and fetishes. I've also met plenty of evil "ugly" (in my opinion) guys and lots of very sweet "attractive" (in my opinion) guys.
i also don't think I've ever met a girl that walks around saying "I only date hot guys!" Maybe "I only date men who are attractive to me" but that's true with every member of our species except gold diggers maybe.
I do t even understand the implication here. I mean a lot of us grew up not very cute and then turned to plastic surgery and new beauty techniques so it's not like all of us have had to rely on our looks and therefore never developed in other areas (intellectually, etc). Beauty goes far beyond the physical.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Velveteen.Rabbit
This makes no sense because different people have different types and fetishes. I've also met plenty of evil "ugly" (in my opinion) guys and lots of very sweet "attractive" (in my opinion) guys.
Bitterness is like rust, it really eats away at any personality and leaves barren husks behind you barely want to think about much less date. I know that when I figured out how social interactions worked, that I knew had to avoid bitterness at all costs and just have fun, that same positive halo would envelop everyone around me.
Quote:
i also don't think I've ever met a girl that walks around saying "I only date hot guys!" Maybe "I only date men who are attractive to me" but that's true with every member of our species except gold diggers maybe.
Golddiggers find that gold to be very attractive though. I don't know why this conversation has to run in circles, people go for what they find attractive asking for anything else is just unethical and a waste of everybody's time. I have only met one girl that literally could have had it all but went from undergraduate to marriage, I don't know specifically what she found attractive but damn she was desperate to settle down (with anyone!) so early for some reason despite being really beautiful and a sexual libertine. (And for the record it was not me that drove her to the pit of despair ;) we never were together). Lets see what the future brings for her.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Oh, I took what he said to mean that you shouldn't ONLY have looks be your priority and should find someone you're attracted to who is also good for you..which is what I hope most ppl do. there were a few times I only picked a guy cause he was cute AF, like the last fuckboy I had a fling with, didn't turn out too great obviously..no substance or depth to him, just a great smile and pecs. Lmao. Really stupid of me looking back. But yeah you also won't be fulfilled w someone you are not attracted to, not in a sexual/romantic relationship. You need both.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
We had a rabbit like you
Oh, I took what he said to mean that you shouldn't ONLY have looks be your priority and should find someone you're attracted to who is also good for you..which is what I hope most ppl do. there were a few times I only picked a guy cause he was cute AF, like the last fuckboy I had a fling with, didn't turn out too great obviously..no substance or depth to him, just a great smile and pecs. Lmao. Really stupid of me looking back. But yeah you also won't be fulfilled w someone you are not attracted to, not in a sexual/romantic relationship. You need both.
Isn't that... common sense? And what everyone does when it comes to actually wanting a relationship?
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. The reason male stripping is not more common is because millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.
This is what the common attitude was back then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9v8hcAezkk
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Velveteen.Rabbit
Isn't that... common sense? And what everyone does when it comes to actually wanting a relationship?
It should be common sense but for men the hotness factor seems to be paramount so maybe he figured it was like that for females too, idk.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
We had a rabbit like you
It should be common sense but for men the hotness factor seems to be paramount so maybe he figured it was like that for females too, idk.
Idk I just feel like this is all common sense lol. Of course men are attracted to hot women and it's because, like I said, most men are not looking for a relationship unless she has all these mega qualities (hot, fit, all his fetishes, high paid or respected vanilla, always happy and fun, lots of exotic hobbies, and again all his fetishes), otherwise he's just going to hook up with you and not tell you that you're not a good fit most of the time.
I don't think most women are like that though. While a lot like casual things, I don't think any purposely seek out men they find to have the hottest body around and that's the sole reason they're interested. I mean I'm sure it happens but I don't think women are really wired to be like that. Women are more wired to be interested in his interests and personality as equally (or even more than) his looks because we are just wired to be that way.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I'm actually more suspicious of men who date people they don't think are hot. It makes me feel like they're so desperate for pussy or company they don't even care what the girl looks like and it decreases MY value if I'm with a guy who will date literally anybody. That being said, people should (and do) date people they find attractive, that doesn't mean they will be "hot" by societies standards, but only their own personal standards/type/fetishes/likes. I guess sometimes people do date for "arm candy" (both men and women) and want someone the rest of the world will acknowledge is hot, which I agree is a wrong. I dont think this is common though. Don't confuse that for women who want to date someone they're attracted to. Its pretty well accepted that men pursue women they find hot, so women should be allowed that same privilege. Women like to be attracted to the people they're fucking. Denying that is to deny women's sexuality entirely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DeathAndTaxes
The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. ]
I think you're right, I think younger generations are having higher expectations for men's appearances. I think this has to do with progressing gender norms.
Studies have shown that women find 80% of men actively unattractive. Because gender norms have shamed men who put in effort into their appearance (men call other men gay/metro for putting in effort, men's fashion is very limited, men can't wear makeup and even skin care is often shamed for men), very few men resist these norms and put effort into their appearance (or are naturally gifted with looks) and therefore very few men are attractive. Meanwhile women are expected to put in about 10x the minimum effort to even appear clean and hygenic than men are.... and therefore a MUCH higher percentage of women are considered attractive. Women also have MANY more socially accepted methods to improve their attractiveness-- everything from diverse fashion choices to makeup, skincare, shaving, more diverse accepted hairstyles that could flatter more faces, hair removal, etc.
Millennial men are less homophobic and less conformed by strict gender roles, therefore more and more millennial men are choosing to improve their appearance through skincare/better hygene/ more flattering haircuts and facial hair/better fashion/ etc. Unfortunately the more we normalize more beauty improvement options for men, the higher the standards are for all men including those who don't want to participate, which is the exact problem women have (like women being called "unprofessional" for not wearing makeup, women being expected to shave, etc).
Millennial women are finally rebelling against this bullshit requirement that says women must put in tons of effort to their appearance, that values women SOO MUCH on their attractiveness, and yet lets 80% of men get by and have relationships, careers, and lives without putting any fucking effort into their appearance at all. Millennial women are tired of dating ugly dudes because not enough men put in effort to look good.
I welcome higher standards for men.
Older generations of women only dealt with men's failure to be attractive because they literally had no choice, only 20% of men were attractive and so most women had to settle for men who had other good qualities instead. That's how this narrative that women are (or should be) more interested in personality/job/etc came about, and this same narrative demonized the women who sought after the 20% instead--- even though thats exactly what men do (except men can fulfill this desire because way more women are attractive). Its a double standard.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DeathAndTaxes
millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.
Don't disagree about changing attitudes about body perception; but whose asshole did you pull this statistic out of? Also, that's not at all why male strippers are not more popular. You seem to ignore the fact that childless gay men tend to have quite a bit of disposable income and also like male strippers so that kills your theory. Women are not as visually stimulated as men are either which probably has a lot to do with it. I personally find the way male strippers move contrived and unattractive but that is just IMO.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
Don't disagree about changing attitudes about body perception; but whose asshole did you pull this statistic out of? Also, that's not at all why male strippers are not more popular. You seem to ignore the fact that childless gay men tend to have quite a bit of disposable income and also like male strippers so that kills your theory. Women are not as visually stimulated as men are either which probably has a lot to do with it. I personally find the way male strippers move contrived and unattractive but that is just IMO.
Exactly. Women aren't that visual (hence why we are into personality so much). But promiscuity and visualness is HUGE in the gay community so obviously a lack of male strip clubs has nothing to do with what that guy said.
And I don't even think a lot of women are attracted to stereotypical male strippers. I know I'm not. I don't even like the look of muscles and hairless men freak me out. Gay men are though, which is why every gay club in existence has male gogo dancers that look like male strippers, and many play gay porn in the background. There's no market for male strip clubs because gay men can easily get sex and women find male strip clubs very cheesy.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I am not disputing the generational changes. However, male strippers are more popular with gay and bisexual men than most women. Most women are not as visual as men. On a side note, I love male strippers because I am a visual woman and like men who are very handsome. However, I love very thin men and tons of male strippers do not fit that body mold.Culturally, I was taught that women should always value men's looks as much as you value his culture, religious background, income, personality, and etc.So, I am not like most women in that respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DeathAndTaxes
The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. The reason male stripping is not more common is because millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.
This is what the common attitude was back then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9v8hcAezkk
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I'm going to post a longer post but before DJOser moves this thread or it gets to 100 pages...
Speaking to you MissAP as I know you on here, you strike me as reasonable, kind, considerate, real, and intelligent. You have a ton of sense and you seem mentally strong. You might say I don't really know you and you'd be right, but the small amount of perspective I have will let me say you are unique and you might not want to use "standard" methods.
Why would you want someone to commit to you that is going to be terrible for you? He needs to be worthy of you and appreciate who you really are.
Speaking for me personally, I always know a monogamous relationship is coming when I have what I'll call "couple moments". The start of a road trip, or boarding an international flight. The holidays, walking through the crowds and looking at decorations. The first time she sees me with a cold, and she steps up.
But really it is when I feel protective of her. When the thought of her in pain hurts me. So many of the people on here are so fiercely independent. If you can let a man genuinely care about you, that's when monogamy starts.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I don't know if I can link this so just google cowboys4angels.
This male escort service that is 100% exclusively heterosexual.
Again attitudes are changing rapidly, don't believe me? check out these strip shows for yourselves the audience is almost all millenial women, gay men have their own subculture completely separate nowadays.
http://screenrant.com/magic-mike-xxl...male-audience/
Magic Mike XXL had a 96% female audience.
Still hugs for you girls that are still looking, don't lose hope you have an advantage over almost all women out there. Not just assuming looks, but also because you can cold approach, you can literally "choose" your man instead of pining from afar, that is huge trust me.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
MagicMike is a movie and I am sure there is an escort service for women. I am going to guess before I click on the link it is probably in Dallas or somewhere where a lot of WOMEN have... dut dun dun dunt DISPOSABLE INCOME.
Ok, spoiler alert... it came with a Fort Lauderdale number. So either they are using location service or they are here?? Also, there is a reality show surrounding this so it seems like it is semi-scripted. Who is going to go on TV and admit to hiring a hooker?
Also, why are we talking about all of this nonsense? The OP was asking about getting a man to commit. I am not sure how much help any of these answers were but I hope she any anyone else looking for this type of advice got something from this thread.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
MagicMike is a movie and I am sure there is an escort service for women. I am going to guess before I click on the link it is probably in Dallas or somewhere where a lot of WOMEN have... dut dun dun dunt DISPOSABLE INCOME.
Ok, spoiler alert... it came with a Fort Lauderdale number. So either they are using location service or they are here?? Also, there is a reality show surrounding this so it seems like it is semi-scripted. Who is going to go on TV and admit to hiring a hooker?:rotfl:
Also, why are we talking about all of this nonsense? The OP was asking about getting a man to commit. I am not sure how much help any of these answers were but I hope she any anyone else looking for this type of advice got something from this thread.
:thanx::argue:^^^:beat:
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bahuba
I'm going to post a longer post but before DJOser moves this thread or it gets to 100 pages...
Speaking to you MissAP as I know you on here, you strike me as reasonable, kind, considerate, real, and intelligent. You have a ton of sense and you seem mentally strong. You might say I don't really know you and you'd be right, but the small amount of perspective I have will let me say you are unique and you might not want to use "standard" methods.
Why would you want someone to commit to you that is going to be terrible for you? He needs to be worthy of you and appreciate who you really are.
Speaking for me personally, I always know a monogamous relationship is coming when I have what I'll call "couple moments". The start of a road trip, or boarding an international flight. The holidays, walking through the crowds and looking at decorations. The first time she sees me with a cold, and she steps up.
But really it is when I feel protective of her. When the thought of her in pain hurts me. So many of the people on here are so fiercely independent. If you can let a man genuinely care about you, that's when monogamy starts.
This is true. Most men won't commit if you can't be vulnerable to him. Not in the beginning, but when he earns it. Also I think men decide very quickly if you're a keeper or not. If you ever have a "where is this going?" conversation then monogamy probably isn't gonna happen with that guy. He should be the one to start that conversation, start calling you his girlfriend, whatever. ALL my LTR were like that. If you're the one pushing it, even if you stay together you'll end up as the place holder gf that he keeps around while he waits for 'the one.' Just something I noticed. Like those girls who are with their boyfriends for 10, 15, 20 years without a ring and sometimes even miss out on their chance to have kids (if they wanted kids.) No way in hell would I stand for that, sorry. If I like the guy and he isn't committing to me on his own after a month or two, and doesn't see how awesome I am, I move on. (Or I did before I got married.) I just moved on from the less serious guys before they waste my time. If I ever am single again, like my husband dies or something (god forbid) I would do the same. I don't care how old, ugly and withered up I become. Men see you the way you see yourself.
Also if you go out believing all guys are assholes, or all they want is pussy that's what you get. If you go out thinking there are a lot of great guys out there and they are all dying to be your bf then that's what you get. Maybe this requires meditation or therapy or something to undo a lot of old programming. I don't know.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
victoriavein
This is true. Most men won't commit if you can't be vulnerable to him. Not in the beginning, but when he earns it. Also I think men decide very quickly if you're a keeper or not. If you ever have a "where is this going?" conversation then monogamy probably isn't gonna happen with that guy. He should be the one to start that conversation, start calling you his girlfriend, whatever. ALL my LTR were like that. If you're the one pushing it, even if you stay together you'll end up as the place holder gf that he keeps around while he waits for 'the one.' Just something I noticed. Like those girls who are with their boyfriends for 10, 15, 20 years without a ring and sometimes even miss out on their chance to have kids (if they wanted kids.) No way in hell would I stand for that, sorry. If I like the guy and he isn't committing to me on his own after a month or two, and doesn't see how awesome I am, I move on. (Or I did before I got married.) I just moved on from the less serious guys before they waste my time. If I ever am single again, like my husband dies or something (god forbid) I would do the same. I don't care how old, ugly and withered up I become. Men see you the way you see yourself.
Also if you go out believing all guys are assholes, or all they want is pussy that's what you get. If you go out thinking there are a lot of great guys out there and they are all dying to be your bf then that's what you get. Maybe this requires meditation or therapy or something to undo a lot of old programming. I don't know.
I love this post so much. Thanks for this!
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
The best thing to do is to avoid living in well-known major cities because the only people who can afford those and want to create a life there have Peter Pan syndrome or are married to their careers.
Otherwise, the type of men is going to significantly vary by region because value systems and thus personality type are going to be completely different from one region to another.
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I literally JUST did a double take on that as well. I guess I missed whatever happened. Maybe SW can do like facebook and do temp. bans for lessor offenses?
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
IDK, I think that SW's bans are pretty spot on for the most part. Also, I think they do some temp bans.:)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
I literally JUST did a double take on that as well. I guess I missed whatever happened. Maybe SW can do like facebook and do temp. bans for lessor offenses?
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Noticed that, think it was a different thread that caused the trouble, nothing outrageous in this one
-
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RyanXO
Velveteen rabbit banned?
Sad. She was my favorite poster. :/