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Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Hey guys. So yesterday at work I was literally in tears...I didn't expect anything like this to happen and I'm still sad and confused by it. I just want to get this off my chest and hopefully some support too. So I met this customer who is a really nice, easygoing guy. And very generous too. He was attractive and looked very clean cut and healthy. We got a VIP and in the middle of our dance he puts on a breathing machine. I asked him, ''are you asthmatic'' (looking back I feel stupid for saying that but whatever). He tells me ''worse, I have lung cancer''...I was shocked! He looked so healthy I never would have guessed it. I told him that. We spoke just a little bit about it and he told me he's not a smoker, never was (besides occasional cigar) but that it's getting worse and he probably won't make it. I was fighting back tears as he told me that but I was very pleasant and gave him a hug.
I spoke about it with the other girls and they confirmed that it's true, he does have cancer and just got off the chemo. I know we dancers are not supposed to get feelings involved at work, but this is different...I have never met anyone with cancer. To be face to face with another human being and for them to tell you they probably won't be around much longer and just knowing they will have a painful death...it had such a profound effect on me. As a human, I feel for this guy. It's so sad and it was hard for me not to cry in front of him. I didn't want to because I wanted him to have a happy and fun time. He said he would come back for me and the other girls were saying how he wants to have as much fun as he can before his time comes. I have so many feelings about this I can't even sort them out. I want him to be happy and to have fun with him when he comes to see me because he deserves it, but a part of me also feels sad and guilty. Its going to be hard for me to fight back tears every time I see him even though I genuinely enjoy his company. Has anyone ever dealt with having a terminally ill customer??? How did you deal with it and stay strong and make him happy?? I'm way too sensitive and emotional for my own good! I just need some guidance and support, I'm feeling very emotional about this and I can't help it.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
We may be strippers, but we are human! I'm so sorry. There are some customers out there who are a genuine pleasure to be with, and it's sad when someone is going to pass soon and it's just a matter of time.
Please don't cry in front of him. He doesn't have much time left and he probably just wants to have as much fun as he can. The best you can do for him is show him the best time of his life. The truth is, any of us can go at any time. This is one of those times you have to summon up the strength and put him and his feelings first. Save the tears for when after he leaves. Just don't pay attention to him having cancer. Talk about fun topics and just be sexy and do your job. Crying in front of him or treating him like he's too "special" won't help.
This one customer I know had cancer. He's the kind of guy I know well and joke around with constantly. He had his nose/head operated on, and for a while he looked like a mess. I went up to him and asked him what happened to him, and he said he had cancer. He just wanted to keep drinking and pretend it wasn't an issue. I told him my boobs had special healing powers that would send him special healing vibes. So I grabbed each boob with my hands aimed them at his head, and made noises that sounded like a ray gun. Then I did this weird "healing vibes" cheer that made him laugh. I told him okay, now that he had my special boobie healing energy treatment, he'd be good as new. Miraculously enough, he healed up beautifully, and it looks as though nothing ever happened. We are all like damn, dude, you are a survivor! I think the laughter we all subjected him to made him heal. And he's still coming in to drink to this very day.
Since you don't know the guy too well, I wouldn't take my approach. But try and make him laugh and don't mention his illness. Pretend it isn't happening. He is trying to forget all about it and just wants to enjoy the life he has left. If you feel tears coming on, excuse yourself and say you are having a sinus issue. But remember the best thing you can do for him is just show him a great time.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
I have never had a terminally ill customer but I did sit with my uncle over the summer while he died. I don't usually post about things so personal but I hope I can help you... I'll keep the part about me short. My uncle was sick, in and out of the hospital many times over the last few years. He went in and his ex-wife and son thought he would be out in a few days. Me and my sister were the only ones to see him... family party and I got this feeling like he wasn't going to make it so made my godfather take me to the hospital; came back 12 hours later (2nd time) (with sis) while they took him off the machines and his son and ex-wife were there. We held his hands and talked to him the whole time. I'm getting very teary writing this.
Your customer knows he is going to die. He is probably not as scared as you are. In the medical field there are "end of life specialists" that are advocates for the family and their job is to make the dying person comfortable and be helpful for the family. This is the role you are taking on now. He probably does not have a lot of friends or family to come to his bedside or he wouldn't be at the club. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to cry (in the DR, car or at home- this is normal human feeling) but if you really want to "HELP" this dying man; help him by letting him die with a smile on his face. This is his dying wish apparently. The fact you said he was "generous" gives me the impression he has no one to leave his money to. It's better you earn it and put some good use than the State or his creditors once he is gone.
I am sorry if some of the things I write are harsh or make me seem cruel, that is not my intent. I am just trying to give you my opinion of the best way to make him feel better. I have had customers and a former manager die (none were sick that we knew of) and it never gets easier- my point is that you would be helping him more than you know by playing normal.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
The DJ at my club also passed away from cancer. Poor guy worked until he couldn't do it anymore. I just tried to be as cooperative as possible and tipped him out the best I could. He was such a great guy.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Yes, I had 2 guys come in, & the one told me his friend had cancer, he did have his head shaved..
Now, Idk maybe he could've been saying that (who knows really) but I just gave him the best dance I could, I know he enjoyed it.
That's all you can do, as Lovely said, we all have our time, some much shorter than others.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
My best friend's mom died of lung cancer. She was 39; she NEVER smoked- she did bartend in a smoking facility. It was really sad
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Sorry to hear about your Uncle & friend's mom to, Gia! :(
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Thank you so much everyone for your kind and encouraging words!!! It means a lot to me and this has all been very helpful to me. I agree, I need to put my feelings aside and just be happy for him and show him a good time. It's not hard, he's a great guy to be around.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
I just found out today that my psychic has uterine cancer. Single mom who helped me out tremendously. And it makes me so angry. Why do all the good people of this world have to suffer from these diseases? Why not the assholes of the world who do nothing but create drama and spread negativity? It's just so not fair.
Anyhow, focus on having fun with him. And please don't feel guilty. The fun that you guys share will be the biggest gift you could ever give to him.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
My best friend's mom died of lung cancer. She was 39; she NEVER smoked- she did bartend in a smoking facility. It was really sad
This makes me absolutely terrified. I danced for three years in a club where everyone was allowed to smoke, and I have breathing problems now. I have to use an inhaler twice a day. It was only three years but I worry all the time if the $$ I made was worth the damage done to my lungs. :(
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Out of bad luck I can really relate- after I started working at a big club in a major city in the US one of the waitresses went missing (she was later confirmed to be a murder victim.) It rattled me when I asked the housemom about what was going on & she told me "it was bad"..she knew better than to discuss the case at work.
It did make me sad but as it was I had to save my feelings for "off the clock." Strip clubs are supposed to be fun environments so my advice is to save talk about death & negativity for after work.
IMO some of us have to face up to mortality sooner than others. Some people don't have strong reactions because they dealt with the issue early in life & have formed their opinions already.
I agree with the girls who say the best way to help is to be kind, fun & thoughtful.
Slightly comic side note- most people tend to act the same as always while they are dying. My late uncle barely changed during his months of illness from cancer. My mom is dying from dementia-related causes & she still the same asshole she always was. "People be what they be."
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DreamsInDigital
This makes me absolutely terrified. I danced for three years in a club where everyone was allowed to smoke, and I have breathing problems now. I have to use an inhaler twice a day. It was only three years but I worry all the time if the $$ I made was worth the damage done to my lungs. :(
First and foremost- I believe that worrying that you have any particular ailment will make it worse. I know this sounds "hokey" to people but think about how many times people give themselves psycho-somatic systems. There is probably some kind of alternative or holistic treatment you can add to your regime to make your lungs function better. Also, they are one of the most self-sufficient and self cleaning parts of the body.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
I lost someone close from cancer and it honestly had to of been one of the most difficult things I've had to witness. Its a motivator to stay in very good health and even then, that doesn't guarantee the chances any less. The most you can do is show them the best time they can experience while, they are still alive and able to enjoy it all. Make them know before leaving that they are greatly appreciated by those around them.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Life is just stupidly random. One of the best people I ever knew died suddenly overnight (aneurysm or heart attack) & he was in his early 30s. Meanwhile my sociopath drug addict relative chugs along into old age, leaving misery & chaos in his wake. Life is unfair. & "Only God know why"
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SnuffleUffleGrass
Life is just stupidly random. One of the best people I ever knew died suddenly overnight (aneurysm or heart attack) & he was in his early 30s. Meanwhile my sociopath drug addict relative chugs along into old age, leaving misery & chaos in his wake. Life is unfair. & "Only God know why"
Indeed.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
I recently met a customer who didn't have cancer but he had just attempted suicide. He was this really sweet guy and his friends told me they were taking him out to 'cheer him up' but didn't go into any details. They bought some dances for him and when I was dancing he told me he had literally just tried to kill himself a month or so ago. My jaw dropped and I just listened to him tell me why he was depressed and how he tried to do it.. and then he said he was just trying to have some fun and my dances were helping. I felt so bad for him but just gave him some fun dances and he left with a smile on his face.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Hey there EastCoastDancer!
My old club had a regular who suddenly had to have his leg amputated, at the knee. Everyone kind of tip-toed around the issue, until my buddy A sat with him one day and looked at his scar and talked to him about what life was like now. It really turned the situation around for him. :)
Your customer too, may like to joke and talk about his condition, to get his feelings out. Striking a good balance between pretending nothing is wrong and treating him "special" is key. Good Luck and be strong!
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
One time I fell in love briefly with a guy at a strip club, and cried to myself knowing I won't see him again. He reminded me of my true love... and he was utterly handsome to me. **move on, pick up, didn't shed a tear after that day**
Just give him the best time in his life, his time is short, he already accepted his fate. I echo the others, its better that someone like you take the money he has than people who never cared about him.... you probably gave him more thought than 90% of the people he met in the past 5 years....
If I knew I had less than a few years to live, I would be a walking drunk, and eating to my heart content, and going to *male* strip clubs too, in moderation, and having wild fun on the side.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DreamsInDigital
This makes me absolutely terrified. I danced for three years in a club where everyone was allowed to smoke, and I have breathing problems now. I have to use an inhaler twice a day. It was only three years but I worry all the time if the $$ I made was worth the damage done to my lungs. :(
The damage is very unlikely to be permanent- all the cells in your body regenerate every seven years- that's why people who quit smoking by age 35 dramatically lower their risk of cancer compared to those who quit at 50. Since this is second hand its not as bad and three years is not really that long... If you're still having breathing problems consider other environmental causes you can minimize, pollution, smog warnings, don't use loose powders the particulates you breathe in literally never break down and stay in your lungs forever, hairspray, when you're cleaning wear a mask, etc...
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
The last thing people who are sick want is to feel like people pity them, so don't treat him like he's made of glass. It's not the same (because I've always known there was a 50% chance of it happening) but I inherited Huntington's Disease from my father. In 10-15 years I will start being showing symptoms, may become violent, will struggle to remember people and events, and later will not being able to speak, walk, drink or eat and will probably die from starvation, dehydration or getting food/ drink in my lungs. Once you are in a position where you have accepted your impending mortality having people say how awful it is and how sorry they are, their words which are supposed to be comforting, are actually annoying. I haven't told many yet because I'm a very proud person who hates pity, plus people will always try and tell you that they will find a cure and you'll be okay (I don't like false hope), and also because I don't want to bring people down. The people around you will never deal with your death as well as you will.
A group of guys brought in their friend and told me he was dying of cancer and to take good care of him. I don't think the guy would have told me about it himself. Your customer is here for a good time not a long time, so make sure that your time together is fun, flirty and funny unless he brings it up because he wants to talk. Even then, don't say a lot (unless you say something that upsets him) and just show that you're listening.
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Hey everyone! Just an update--he is now an awesome regular of mine. He sees me every week and we text each other here and there. He is doing better health wise and every time he comes into the club we always have a blast. I admit, there are times when I have to go in the dressing room to wipe my eyes and blow my nose, but I always keep a happy face for him and he loves it. This has truly been a profound experience for me so far, and it has made me stronger. I just hope he pulls through and heals completely. Thanks again everyone for all your help and support, I really appreciate it!
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
That's so great! I'm glad he's doing better. :)
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
Awesome update!!! Sending good thoughts to both of you! Take a picture of you and him, so when hes gone you know he existed *talking from experience!*
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Re: Sad day at work :( has anyone else dealt with this? wan
That's great! So glad his health is taking a turn for the better! The fun you guys are having helps. Laughter, after all, is the best medicine.