Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
Another trick I am ALWAYS doing it to have small rewards in mind for the end of the day or the NEXT day ( fast rewards ) like a really nice happy hour cocktail or food to go . These small rewards are a cost of doing business because for me , that system really works. If I have larger rewards in mind , I skip the small ones and schedule the reward ( actually pull out the I-Phone and schedule the bigger reward .... such as a massage .... my main bigger reward).
I would do the same system when I danced ( usually going to a really nice coffee shop before shift and just sitting with a good coffee for 30 min ) .
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlkSharpie
Wow...right up my alley!!!! I am QUEEN of hiatus! I live in a constant state of fuck all of this! and damn, Ive got bills to pay...but fuck all this anyway lol *sigh*
I have an anxiety disorder and clinical depression...one of those people youd never guess it cause when Im on IM ON and when Im not I disappear into a dark hole. Its a constant struggle to keep my motivation up to work...doesnt matter what type of work it is... I have found though what is very important is that when I feel it coming on, I need to just stop. For the longest, I felt like I need to dust myself off, keep moving, get myself to keep on keeping on...and in the end I would burn out so completely that I was totally useless. So instead, now I drop it and give myself time to decompress... I find that when I allow myself to take a break, I am able to get right back up and out there a lot faster than if I grind myself hard to the point of no return.
In other words, make peace with it that its going to happen..even for people without any issues at all, once they reach a certain stress level they burn out too. Knowing you have a very low tolerance for it is all the more reason to not make it worse by trying to push through it...its perfectly FINE to give yourself a break. Yes, money is a factor, but way better to deal with a loss of a few days to a week, than a loss of months and still cant pull together the mental energy to get started again...with everything falling apart around you making a bad situation even worse. Been there, done that.
Girl, I swear reading this post I felt like it was something I wrote. I literally relate to 100% of what you said. This is very good, solid advice. Thank you so much! Anxiety and depression are a real bitch and no one understands unless they have it or have been there. It makes getting off the couch seem impossible, let alone going to my incall and seeing clients, or getting on cam. I really need to work on this...
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kb109
Girl, I swear reading this post I felt like it was something I wrote. I literally relate to 100% of what you said. This is very good, solid advice. Thank you so much! Anxiety and depression are a real bitch and no one understands unless they have it or have been there. It makes getting off the couch seem impossible, let alone going to my incall and seeing clients, or getting on cam. I really need to work on this...
Medication helped with my anxiety...but not the depression. Even though I was functioning way better and feeling way better than I had in forever...it was depressing that I needed meds to function so I stopped taking them. I swear, if this wasnt real life, it would be one hell of a dark comedy! lol
But yeah...I only recently "came out" to friends and fam about what Im dealing with and got a lot of well meaning advice, unfortunately none of it has anything to do with what Im living with. All the sunshine, exercises and feel good music in the world isnt going to put a dent into it.
Now, I will say...meditation is pretty awesome. Specifically guided meditation...the ones where someone is basically telling me to imagine a scene, describing how things feel, smell, taste etc around me in the scene. It forces me to focus on just that and it really does keep me pretty calm for awhile. But it only works when I do it regularly and feeling fine..once I'm already feeling off, even meditation doesnt help. So its something I really need to work on making a part of my daily routine.
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlkSharpie
Medication helped with my anxiety...but not the depression. Even though I was functioning way better and feeling way better than I had in forever...it was depressing that I needed meds to function so I stopped taking them. I swear, if this wasnt real life, it would be one hell of a dark comedy! lol
But yeah...I only recently "came out" to friends and fam about what Im dealing with and got a lot of well meaning advice, unfortunately none of it has anything to do with what Im living with. All the sunshine, exercises and feel good music in the world isnt going to put a dent into it.
Now, I will say...meditation is pretty awesome. Specifically guided meditation...the ones where someone is basically telling me to imagine a scene, describing how things feel, smell, taste etc around me in the scene. It forces me to focus on just that and it really does keep me pretty calm for awhile. But it only works when I do it regularly and feeling fine..once I'm already feeling off, even meditation doesnt help. So its something I really need to work on making a part of my daily routine.
I've been trying to get off my medication for quite some time now, and get wicked anxiety from the withdrawal.
I'd like to slowly try to get back into exercising. My Muay Thai has done WONDERS for improving my emotions when I go 5 days a week, but I have a bad back and neck which has prevented me from doing all sorts of exercise unfortunately.
Meditation does help, but more so when I use the mindfulness approach throughout the day. Especially when I'm with clients. Instead of letting my thoughts run a muck, I try to focus on how everything feels, smells, tastes etc - just living moment to moment.
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
Ohhh goodness, when I stopped taking my meds it was so painful...it was like going through nicotine withdrawal and caffeine withdrawal...times a million....for about 3 months I felt worse both physically and emotionally than I ever had. And that in itself sort of made me feel like it was something I didnt want to be on, even though it helped me feel better, seeing how horrible I felt without it freaked me out because the reality of how much I depended on it scared me. And I was only on it for about 2 months...would have been insanely worse if Id been on it for years.
Same same for the meditation...and actually, Im glad we're talking about it, that this whole thing came up because its something I havnt done in awhile and I really should.
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
I experience burnout every couple of months. I also have a plethora of mental health issues that make it hard for me to deal with things.
I'm going to sound totally new agey here, but practice mindfulness. There are great free apps that you can download on your phone for this. Try to just notice your negative feelings and ride them, not feed them more. This sounds weird but mindfulness is often the first thing taught to patients in clinical psychotherapy practices (like dialectical behavioral therapy) and it has scientifically shown to be very helpful when you're experiencing so much negativity and have recurrent negative thoughts about yourself.
I used to have emotional breakdowns every week. So imagine how fast I'd burn out from sex work, on top of going to school full-time. The thing is, if you keep feeding into these negative thoughts, of course you're gonna feel demotivated! I'm working on this with my therapist and it has been very helpful. I have developed much healthier ways to cope with negative feelings and thoughts. So try that, and maybe enroll in therapy if you feel like it might be helpful!
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
^THIS!
Therapy is amazing if you have the right person. There are government funded agencies as well that offer counselling (which I personally prefer to the clinical practitioners). It's usually short term, but in my area for example, short term is 20 sessions!! And the duration is subjective, so don't be afraid or shy to push for more if you need it.
Honestly even going once improves my mental and emotional well being tremendously.
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
I really relate to what a couple of people have said on here - I have a lot of mental health issues too which have lead me to have some craaaaaazy periods of burnout, and also periods of burnout where I couldn't afford to take time off. I'm in a really really good place with escorting right now, totally enjoying it and business is going well, so I'll list what I've learned over the years (people have said a lot of it already but I just wanna reiterate how important it is!):
-Give yourself days to rest. For me, I pick two days of the week (not in a row) where I don't schedule absolutely anything - no clients, no socializing (although I'm pretty introverted so what you do on these days could vary), I can stay in bed all day if I want to! Usually I use these days to run an errand or two, clean my house, watch Netflix, just generally get my shit together for the next few days and relax. These days are soooo important to me, which brings me to my next point.....
-Don't take every single booking! Obviously there are times when you are fucked financially and you have to. But if you can afford it, turn down bookings of people who don't seem like excellent (or at least mostly excellent) clients - for me, I know which kinds of client I find draining now, so I tend to avoid them. I also used to take every booking I could get my hands on at the client's requested time, I never carved out time for myself, like those days off I was talking about
-Speaking of which, try to schedule clients around YOUR schedule, not the other way around. If a client wants to book on a day that I've scheduled as a day off for myself, I try to find another day where I planned to work that I can see them. I very rarely lose bookings from this. Tweeting my weekly schedule has helped a lot with people requesting bookings within my chosen time frames!
-Figure out what kind of scheduling works for you. For example, for me, I will see 3 or 4 clients max in a day, but they have to be back to back - otherwise, I find it takes up too much of my energy. It's much easier for me to get ready once, head to my incall, do quick touch ups between clients, and head home, rather than have say two in the morning and one hours later. Even though it's technically the same amount of work, and ends up being the same amount of money, I find it much more draining. I also know that early morning and late night bookings don't work for me, so I only take afternoon/evening bookings now.
-Take care of your general health! When I feel bad health wise, doing literally everything feels worse for me. Figuring out what kind of food you should eat (I stopped processed sugar, dairy, and alcohol and I feel amazing), what kind of exercise works for you, if you need to be taking medication for anything - these have been huge in terms of making me feel good about work and life in general.
-Have goals outside of sex work and outside of just money, if that makes sense. People always say this and I used to be like "yeah whatever bitch" but honestly this helps me a LOT. It can be so many things - decorating your house a certain way that you really like, starting a small vanilla business of something you're passionate about, going on holiday somewhere, doing some kind of art project, taking lessons for something you've always wanted to learn. Just something that feels totally separate, even if it's something tiny.
Obviously these are not all things that are always optional, but if they are I would definitely recommend figuring out what works for you and implementing those changes! I'm doing all these things now and I'm making more money than I ever have and getting more regulars, because when I show up to appointments I feel clear headed and good - before I felt like I was always drained, and I'm sure it showed both in my looks and in my performance.
Re: When you need the cash but are burnt the eff out
I recommend getting a job that you enjoy. "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life." :)