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Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
He initially took me out of the club...I'm I guess his spoiled girlfriend. He takes care of all my financial needs 100% bought me an older BMW, and everything. I think he loves me and really cares about me. However we have a toxic relationship. He's told me to kill myself before (I'm suicidal) and tells me I am nothing without him. It's convention season right now in Vegas and I want to leave him and go work there. But I'm scared. I feel like I'm being greedy if I leave him? But he's hurt me so bad before. He's strangled me to the point I passed out, but I hit him in the face too? I'm scared if I leave him I'll regret it. I'm also scared if I don't leave him I will regret it. I honestly don't know what to do. He's willing to pay for school this semester but at what cost for me if I'm miserable?but will I be miserable in Vegas wishing he was still taking care of me? Or will I FINALLY be independent again? But school is so important. I really need you ladies.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
skylar10
I think he loves me and really cares about me. However we have a toxic relationship. He's told me to kill myself before (I'm suicidal) and tells me I am nothing without him.
HELL NO! Please get away from him if he's ever told you to kill yourself. I don't care how mad he was. There is NO EXCUSE to say something like that.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
I feel stupid for coming on here and asking random strangers for advice but I'm desperate? He makes a million dollars a year. He was married when I met him (told me he wasn't) and divorced his wife and is with me. His kids hate that he's with me and won't hardly talk to him because of it. But he literally takes care of everything. Like rent food school everything. And school is so important to me I only have a few semesters until I get my degree and my friends are telling me to stay with him until I get my degree but it's hard.plus he's 25 years older than me...what if he died in a car accident or something, then I'd be forced to go back to dancing.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
skylar10
I feel stupid for coming on here and asking random strangers for advice but I'm desperate? He makes a million dollars a year. He was married when I met him (told me he wasn't) and divorced his wife and is with me. His kids hate that he's with me and won't hardly talk to him because of it. But he literally takes care of everything. Like rent food school everything. And school is so important to me I only have a few semesters until I get my degree and my friends are telling me to stay with him until I get my degree but it's hard.plus he's 25 years older than me...what if he died in a car accident or something, then I'd be forced to go back to dancing.
You are not stupid at all. But this situation really isn't healthy and it sounds like he has mental issues. As far as school, dancing and loans should take care of that.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
He strangled you to the point you passed out??! Told you to kill yourself?? No BMW worth possibly your life (choking is very dangerous, and for him to do it to that point is terrifying frankly. He shouldn't be putting his hands n you at all) or your self respect and happiness. Money and security is important to all of us but FUCK THAT. I'm honestly worried for you
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
We had a rabbit like you
He strangled you to the point you passed out??! Told you to kill yourself?? No BMW worth possibly your life (choking is very dangerous, and for him to do it to that point is terrifying frankly. He shouldn't be putting his hands n you at all) or your self respect and happiness. Money and security is important to all of us but FUCK THAT. I'm honestly worried for you
^All of this and please leave ASAP.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
No....
He's physically, emotionally, and financially abusive and controlling.
A dude that chokes you is highly likely to escalate the level of violence next time. And do you want there to be a next time? You don't want to end up on 5 o'clock news.
He got you to the point youre scared to make any decisions. Don't let this coward think this is okay. Send him a message you don't accept the shenanigans and leave his ass.
Don't walk out - Run girl.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
It's so frustrating to see threads like this...
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
This sounds very much like battered woman syndrome. It will take an adjustment to feel and become independent again, but it is absolutely possible.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Oh wow ): it was a huge wake up call hearing some of your responses. Like really emotional. Thank you so much. I'm still trying to justify everything I hate it. I feel like since I've been with him I've upgraded? I've also gotten better grades? But I'm smart enough to know I have to leave like right now. I've gotten use to a certain life. I just have to be strong and leave.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
skylar10
I feel stupid for coming on here and asking random strangers for advice but I'm desperate? He makes a million dollars a year. He was married when I met him (told me he wasn't) and divorced his wife and is with me. His kids hate that he's with me and won't hardly talk to him because of it. But he literally takes care of everything. Like rent food school everything. And school is so important to me I only have a few semesters until I get my degree and my friends are telling me to stay with him until I get my degree but it's hard.plus he's 25 years older than me...what if he died in a car accident or something, then I'd be forced to go back to dancing.
Ok..
What if, he decides to choke you again, & you go into a vegetative state, would you want that? It's possible it can happen..there was a case of a lady like yourself, she can no longer speak (she talks thru a computer) & is in a hospital bed & care for the rest of her life.
Or, he can easily kill you.
I've lived thru leaving someone like this, & so can you.
I don't care if he bought you a gold plated Rolls-Royce & a mansion, I'd GTFO, ASAP
Your friends? They don't sound like good friends to me, I'd never tell someone to stay w/an abuser (which's what he is).
He 'takes care of everything' & controls you like a puppet, abuses you verbally & physically
I think you need to look at your priorities here.
Anyway, best of luck to you.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
There are wealthy men who will treat you with respect. That abuse shit is wack and he knows exactly what he is doing. He thinks cause you need him financially that you'll put up with anything.
I was with a narcissist who was prejudice abusive and controlling and yes I looked and felt better (wore makeup, spruced up, and had extra pep in my step) BUT deep down I was not happy with him, knew how he was acting was not normal, and knew I'd never be happy staying with him and KNEW I could attract a better man in my life.
We are in a good time and place an there's plenty wealthy men who will treat you good and never abuse you like that.
I know it's hard to leave but if you stay, which I don't think you should, then he needs to agree to counseling/no physical, emotional, financial abuse. Protect yourself.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
based on other posts....you seemed to have gotten away from him before. you mentioned you lived in ohio a couple months ago, and responded to my post about sarasota fl that you travel there frequently. so the stories dont add up.
not to be a bitch, and i also dont know IF this is true or not, but if its not (from what it seems) then you should be ashamed of writing a post like this for attention.
i hear too many dancers use the "abusive boyfriend" story to get more money out of guys or attention. really? thats the type of fucked up story you use for money? SMH.
but if it is true, obviously take every girls' advice on here and leave.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
I traveled to lido beach with him multiple times. Him and I have gotten in fights for weeks at a time and I've traveled and worked, mainly Vegas.. I'd love to live in Sarasota, it's one of the top 5 cities for over all well being and I think that'd be great for someone like me as it is always grey in Ohio. I don't think I need to explain anymore and I'm truly sorry you think I did this for attention. I don't have many people I can talk to about this issue so it was a genuine ask for other peoples input, especially in the sex worker community, and its clearly fair to post your opinion. I actually never thought I would be the dancer with the "abusive boyfriend" but here I am.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Hey boo, I have some experience with survivors of abuse and trauma and I can tell you right now that the human survival instinct is very powerful. You feel like you can't survive without him, and so your brain makes up excuses as to why you stay with him (he loves me, he bought me a car, I hit him so it was ok for him to strangle me and abuse me, etc.). THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU FOR BEING LIKE THIS. It is just a survival mechanism. But realizing that the only reason you stay with him is because it is a survival mechanism is an important step in the direction of freeing yourself.
I highly suggest you get out of there ASAP and find an abuse counselor and enter trauma therapy as soon as you can get on your feet.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Also, what the actual fuck Dot? It costs zero dollars to not be a cunt.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
No monthly salary of someone else is worth your sanity etc ... because guess what, it's his, not yours ... so essentially he is buying you, so why not let other guys buy your time and attention in the club and have your own money you're in control of.
Buying someone a car etc doesn't give him the right to abuse you .. and clearly he has deep rooted issues if he is so cold he tells a suicidal person to kill themselves.
Let's be realistic ... your real quality of life, outside of the material things sucks ... and I am positive you'll feel a lot better regaining some independence and having freedom.
xo
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Do you have family or friends you can go stay with?, you need to get out asap. go and dance again and pay for school yourself. you don't need him. goodluck.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Seriously, everything everyone else said. Get out ASAP, and try to do it quietly. There are moving companies that specialize in doing this for abused women, Google it in your area (it's big huge young guys, in case he comes home and flips out on you, they can protect you).
If you're good enough at dancing to have done traveling, you can get back on your feet within a month, don't worry. You got this.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
If you don't leave this guy now, you will pay with your life. Sounds dramatic, but I know this to be true. continue to dance & financially support yourself as well as your schooling, you will thank yourself later when you look back. I would also recommend therapy, there's a reason why you're still with this no good man & figuring that out is a process that won't resolve itself.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
We had a rabbit like you
He strangled you to the point you passed out??! Told you to kill yourself?? No BMW worth possibly your life (choking is very dangerous, and for him to do it to that point is terrifying frankly. He shouldn't be putting his hands n you at all) or your self respect and happiness. Money and security is important to all of us but FUCK THAT. I'm honestly worried for you
Get out. No amount of money is worth this. Find a man who loves you and respects you but first, get out and recover, and seek therapy if necessary. You don't want to jump into another one like this,
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Well; here is some tough love, girl. Men who care about you will not assault you and tell you to kill yourself. He is using that car and money to control you. He is gaslighting you to the point you will drive yourself mad. Get out now, keep dancing, look for cheap yet nice extended stay motels/rooms for rent, look for affordable schools, take that car, and leave. Do not go back to a man who will choke you until you can not breath. Do not be a man's punching bag! Also, always look out for yourself before jumping into another relationship. Good luck and be no doormat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
skylar10
He initially took me out of the club...I'm I guess his spoiled girlfriend. He takes care of all my financial needs 100% bought me an older BMW, and everything. I think he loves me and really cares about me. However we have a toxic relationship. He's told me to kill myself before (I'm suicidal) and tells me I am nothing without him. It's convention season right now in Vegas and I want to leave him and go work there. But I'm scared. I feel like I'm being greedy if I leave him? But he's hurt me so bad before. He's strangled me to the point I passed out, but I hit him in the face too? I'm scared if I leave him I'll regret it. I'm also scared if I don't leave him I will regret it. I honestly don't know what to do. He's willing to pay for school this semester but at what cost for me if I'm miserable?but will I be miserable in Vegas wishing he was still taking care of me? Or will I FINALLY be independent again? But school is so important. I really need you ladies.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
You know in your heart that you NEED to leave. Relationships like this end in one of two ways....the woman leaves or the woman dies. It may take weeks or it may take years, but he WILL kill you if you stay.
It's comfortable not to stress about finances, but it's better to be alive. And what good is a degree if you're too scared, bruised and dead to use it?
Please, please leave him. Take any pets you have to your local SPCA and ask about foster-care for them. Shoot, surrender them if there's no care available because your monster-man WILL likely kill them if you leave them with him.
Women have been where you are, left with nothing and built themselves up from the ground like a Phoenix. You can,too.
You are worth more than you are getting right now.
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Re: Leaving my man for dancing? Please help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DonaDiabla
Well; here is some tough love, girl. Men who care about you will not assault you and tell you to kill yourself. He is using that car and money to control you. He is gaslighting you to the point you will drive yourself mad. Get out now, keep dancing, look for cheap yet nice extended stay motels/rooms for rent, look for affordable schools, take that car, and leave. Do not go back to a man who will choke you until you can not breath. Do not be a man's punching bag! Also, always look out for yourself before jumping into another relationship. Good luck and be no doormat.
Speaking of gaslighting, there's a thread on this topic in Life Support section here, check it out.