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Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
I have always been the most independent person ever and thrived being single, but for the first time in my life I feel weirdly lonely, especially at night, and I think I'd like to date someone! The thing is, I have been feeling great about escorting and doing well - I changed up my advertising strategies and have been busier in January than I normally am during the actual busy months of the year. The sex work gods are blessing me hard.
So I feel like I have a trillion questions for those of you in relationships - how serious is it? How did you meet? How does your SO feel about you escorting/doing massage and do you care? How do you deal with how they feel about it? Are you poly, or monogamous? Basically I just want to hear about your relationships as I feel like I'm in a very healthy place to get into one but there's no way in hell I'm leaving my escort money behind!
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Omg I never post. I was going to start my own thread. But if you don't mind I'll post here. Something just happened in my so called "relationship" I am so pissed off and hurt right now. I mean this guy does absolutely nothing for me. Nothing! Not a damn thing. He even complains when and if he buys my $5 food. The sex is not even that great. I refuse to be desperate to be in a relationship in 2017. He has cost me a lot of money. I gave up my sugar daddy for his ass! $1000+ a week. Why oh why. To top it off I "loaned" his broke sorry azz $1000. I can't believe that crap myself. I will probably never see it back. He pushed me tonight, yelled at me, and locked me out his house at 2:30 this morning. Well hotel, I've never been to his house he won't let me. Ugh I feel so stupid. I'm better than this. And I know for myself every time I get in a messed up effed up "relationship", it causes me money, hurt, and pain. And me being broke and having to start over with my confidence, and getting myself back together physically. Because 9 times out ten these types of guys want you to look bad anyway. Aholes. I'm ranting. Hope this makes sense. My first post I hope it's readable. If he even try to apologize I hope I have the strength to tell him to fuck off and and I don't fall for it. I'm better than this. Ugh he just text me that he was sorry and be careful going home. Ahole. Just pay me my money back. It's over! Sorry I high jacked your thread. I have absolutely nobody to talk to ☹️
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
^ Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you get out of that situationship.
OP: Do you want a situationship or a relationship? If you just want someone because you're lonely,
you're probably better off in a situationship. If you want a highly emotional, committed relationship, then yes you'll probably want to hang up the hooker heels because the man you want to attract won't sign up for that. There's a big difference between a relationship, situationship and an arrangement.
What Yvette described is a situatiionship.
From what I've observed over the years, I can tell you that most sex workers are in situationships.
I would look for a situationship if I just wanted some a cuddle buddy with some good dick and good morning texts every now and then.
You just have to figure out what you want. Situationships get a bad rep but that's only because women get in them and then decide months later that they're in love with the guy, yeah don't do that.
Also I can't stress this enough, if you do decide to get involved with someone, check your self esteem at the door.
Do not ever let anyone use/abuse you in anyway. Find someone that treats you like a princess.
If he doesn't treat you like your ass is made of gold, keep looking. At the first sign of fuckery, walk.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
You are so right. You've opened my eyes. Why should I expect anything more. That's exactly all he is a cuddle buddy and some good d. If that. Especially when I have to give up so much more. I had no idea of a situationship. :( ugh yes, I thought I was in a relationship. we meet twice a week in a decent hotel for about a year and half. And I think its a relationship. Dummy. I say decent hotel because that's one of the ways I was fooled along with his words of sweet nothings and BS. Well, fuck that. Not anymore. time to get my priorities in order. And It wont be with him or anyone else if its not business. Ima need my grand back tho. So clueless here :( what do you consider an arrangement. Sorry I just realized the OP asked for help, and I have no advice to give. But I completely agree with the advice of fbsmgirl. Well, going forward its just me and my hooker heels. :)
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Well dang fmsm... even though I have been in situationships in the past (I like that lol I always just called it an arragement...my ...reeeally good friend lol) it never occurred to me as an option.
All the benefits of a bf without all the expectations or the feeling of needing to explain myself or have someone getting in the way of my goals. And they always do, because as a gf, Id take them into consideration in the things I do and how they would feel about it. I really dont need or want that right now.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
^Same here. Didn't know I had been in situationships until I wised up. It really has to do with being honest with yourself.
Sex does things to women. It can make them believe and see things that aren't really there.
I now subscribe to the school of "if you can't take the heat, stay the fuck out of the kitchen".
This is why men think women are crazy. We say one thing and do the opposite.
Like women that are like ooh i just want a fuck buddy but then next thing you know she's cooking for him.
What??? Don't cook for that mothafucker! We don't cook for dick!
It all starts with being honest with oneself.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Yes, I really need to be honest with myself. I don't do the relationships, never wanted too. I don't even know why I keep trying. I mean yes, to be "normal" etc etc blah blAh. Well, I'm not normal. I need to accept that and I'll be much happier.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
LOL fbsm, indeed!!!! I had an arrangement with a guy who we literally sat down and talked about what we wanted out of being together and set clear boundaries over lunch before he came back to my place for the first time.. We met on AFF (waaaay back in the day when it was actually a decent site). Basically, we both agreed we werent in it to be in a relationship...but if any feelings developed or we became involved with anyone else sexually or romantically, we would immediately let the other know. It was all about being honest with each other and having respect for each other. We agreed it was the only way this would work.
It was so perfect, a literal dream come true!!!!! What we didnt bank on was becoming incredibly good friends, we'd go out and met each others friends and fam and love each other deeply, without a doubt. Once I made some comment about him being my fwb, and he became very upset and was like, seriously? No...what we have..we're friends. the sex is the benefit. Even if we never have sex again, you'll always be a friend to me. *tears!* And he meant it, we are still very close even though we havnt slept together in over 10 years now. When he got married, only family and a handful of friends they both considered as close as family were invited, and I was among them, because yes, his wife and I adore each other too. And yes,she knows everything..he is and always will be a completely honest person.
Since him, I have tried this with other guys...but they always end up feeling like this is too good to be true and getting weird of me, or lying about things like if they end up in a sexual or romantic situation with someone else and not tell me because theyre afraid I'll get upset, or get really...really upset if I let them know I have something else going on too. Guys are waaaaaay more emotional and possessive than they accuse women of being. *ugh*
But....yeah, I think thats exactly what I need right now. If I can find it.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
FBSM, you are so wise - it's totally a situationship that I want/need right now. Something chill where I'm not required to disclose every detail of my sex life or like you said hang up my hooker heels! I guess I'm wary because I see some of my civvie friends in situationships and they become these super unhealthy things (like Yvette's - I'm sorry for what you're going through!!) where people don't talk about their feelings at all or the guy treats the girl like shit, etc etc etc. Something like BlkSharpie described with that guy would be idea - just a really great friendship with sex tacked on!! I do feel like I want to be in a relationship someday but now is not the time....money first.
The thing for me now will be finding that - I'm so introverted, and such a hermit!! I hate using dating apps/sites but I guess that's probably the easiest way to go about this type of thing. One thing I don't like about them is that when I meet someone who's a friend of a friend or something, at least I know they're probably a good person, but when I meet someone from an app I just have no idea.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Relationships, situationships AND arrangements can all go either way. They can be either healthy or unhealthy.
You have to choose your partner wisely. The reason why there are so many women in
unhealthy unions is due to poor decision making skills and low self esteem. Low self esteem isn't a permanent issue and
self awareness helps with decision making. It's all a matter of learning to recognize poor behavior patterns in ourselves so we
don't repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
As for being introverted, this is going to sound lame as hell but you gotta get out there.
Mr. right isn't going to come to your house and find you. No seriously, he doesn't even know you exist.
Get out there anyway you can even if it's something as simple as going to a happy hour with a friend.
The more you get out there the easier it'll be to talk to people. Trust me once you start getting out there you'll have an harem of Netflix and chill
boos to choose from LOL.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Woah woah woah fbsm...slow your roll. Im pretty sure my UPS guy and I have a special something that could bloom into something wonderful one day :D It really is funny, he always comes to my building, and is flirty and funny whenever he delivers a package to me, or makes sure to say hi if hes delivering to one of my neighbors and I'll teasingly be mad at him for not having a special delivery for me. Sometimes I wonder...what if thats my future husband? Even for hermits...dreams do come true!!! :D
Okay, but yeah very true that things can go either way. Of the last two guys I dated..one I met on a dating site but it turned out that we had a ton of friends in common (for living in a huge city, its a small world) Now, Im a jokester...like how you see me on the forums is exactly how I am around people.. So, Id make a funny light-hearted comment about something, and his idea of a comeback would be...I should punch you in the face for that. HAR HAR HAR! um... First time I was like uhh..okaay.. After a few times of him saying that though, and him telling me a few stories of how bad his temper could get, I started to become afraid. Final straw was when I told him I have PTSD and he, in all seriousness, asked me if that means Im going to try to stab him in his sleep...because be once dated a girl who was "crazy" and tried to do that to him. Two things I know, most guys who say thier exs were crazy, usually did something that made her react to him. and...I kinda had a vision of him punching her in the face one too many times and her getting her revenge. That "relationship" lasted one month.
Next guy, who we just broke up..weve known each other 10 years...and all of the people we are friends with locally know each other. Everyone who knew us both were so thrilled we started dating. Long story short, he turned out to be the biggest douchebag. Ever. I am who I am..Im not different online, or on my escort dates or with friends or family..like I have one personality, thats it. This guy, hes a performer..depending on who hes around, he will be whoever you want him to be. So yeah, as friends, and when we first started dating, he was a dream. But...the more time we spent together, and the longer things went on, the harder it was for him to keep up the act. He can do it in small doses, but over time, he wears thin.and underneath it all..hes an asshole. I totally understand now why hes 52, no kids, never married and only been in one real relationship with a girl who refused his marriage proposal. He even offhand mentioned hes never dated a girl who took him home to meet her parents. Red flags, everywhere, for miles lol
Even before I met him, but especially now, Im trying to expand my horizons and meet people who are not in my circle of friends. ...the UPS guy maybe?! He is pretty cute :D
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Yvette1
Yes, I really need to be honest with myself. I don't do the relationships, never wanted too. I don't even know why I keep trying. I mean yes, to be "normal" etc etc blah blAh. Well, I'm not normal. I need to accept that and I'll be much happier.
Normal is boring! (and how is it normal to give up so much and get so little. Maybe we're the normal ones).
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
If you want a highly emotional, committed relationship, then yes you'll probably want to hang up the hooker heels because the man you want to attract won't sign up for that.
This is a pretty black an white statement and is not entirely true. Ninety-nine percent of people, yes, will deem you as "undateable". But let me tell you something. I met my current partner as I was preparing to enter escorting. I was had a photoshoot schedule and was creating a website. His timing could not have been worse, I thought. When I finally met someone who I was crazy about, THAT was when I decided to set my escorting essentials up... figures, right? We had been on three dates - hadn't hugged him, kissed him, not even held his hand. I didn't want either of us to get attached. I REALLY liked him a lot. I was actually excited and anticipated seeing him whenever we had a date planned. But at the time, I was in my last year of university and wanted to do grad studies - so I NEEDED the escorting money. So as much as I didn't want to, I texted him (usually I discuss serious matters in person, but I didn't know him well enough for this subject matter). I explained that I REALLY like spending time with him, and that I like him very very much, but I am in the process of getting into escorting because I need to support myself for graduate studies. I accepted that this would be the end of our time together, but unfortunately I need to survive. He took a while to respond, which I respected, but he essentially said that he understood the financial hardships, but then said "I also really like spending time with you, and I wouldn't necessarily say that I'll stop seeing you because of it". I cried my eyes out when I read that message. I was so happy that I least had a chance with this man.
Then I got my first booking. We were both honest. I was worried he wouldn't want me sexually after I came back home from the session, but to both of our relief that was not the case at all.
In the end, body rubs were a better fit for me. I talk to him about the good days, bad days, and all the funny experiences I have at work. He 100% ok with my job. I'm not sayin it is ALWAYS easy: there was one instance where my client was dropping me off, while he, unbeknownst to me, was having a smoke on the balcony and saw. That was painful for both of us, bc he said, "I know it's your job, but normally it's out of sight and out of mind, but seeing that broke my heart". Yes, that occasion was diffult but overall I can discuss all the nitty gritty with him and he has no problem at all. We are crazy in love, and there are many other couples out there like us too. At the end of the day, it makes our relationship stronger bc he trusts that for me, this is "just a job"
So... NO!! You are NOT undateable bc you are a sex-worker. It takes the right person, trust, honesty, and communication.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Shannon.
This is a pretty black an white statement and is not entirely true. Ninety-nine percent of people, yes, will deem you as "undateable".
I just LOL'd so hard at the "ninety-nine percent" comment.
Doesn't it feel a lot like where is waldo around this bitch sometimes? LOL
Seriously though, 1% errr sounds a lot like settling to me. Why not wait and enjoy a more voluptuous dating pool?
I've met a lot of sex workers in my time. 95% of the married sex workers I met were either swingers or in a polyamorous relationship. I also met a sex worker that was the sole bread winner of her household. Her husband was a stay at home dad and took care of the kids. If that is your idea of a good healthy relationship, then I see how it can work for you but it couldn't work for someone like me. I'm super conservative and traditional in my real life. If i wanted an open relationship, I would enter a situationship, skip the wedding and keep my excellent credit score. I just don't see how I could date without altering my way of life drastically - cause I wouldn't dare sign up for any of that shit.
I've also seen relationships that started out great and then the guy's cheating because he feels like he should be able to "play" too because she's an escort. Back in 2012, I decided I was just meeting the wrong guys and needed to date a hobbyist if I wanted a shot at finding any real love while working. Dated him for a few months and then he started dating another escort. I found out because he wrote a glowing review of her/their time together and it popped up on my newsfeed. His excuse was he just wanted to keep his reviews updated.... *blank stare*. Before that I was in a situationship that I thought was a relationship and he was totally fine with me escorting.. for the first six months.... (or so i thought) next thing you know he starts calling me names, doing things to sabotage me/my day and then goes off on some business trip and comes back with a fiancé.
So maybe I am bitter.
Maybe you will find real love in that 1% but for me, i'd rather wait to be done with this world altogether. I'm older now. My tolerance is low. I don't have time for guessing games.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlkSharpie
Woah woah woah fbsm...slow your roll. Im pretty sure my UPS guy and I have a special something that could bloom into something wonderful one day :D It really is funny, he always comes to my building, and is flirty and funny whenever he delivers a package to me, or makes sure to say hi if hes delivering to one of my neighbors and I'll teasingly be mad at him for not having a special delivery for me. Sometimes I wonder...what if thats my future husband? Even for hermits...dreams do come true!!! :D
Okay, but yeah very true that things can go either way. Of the last two guys I dated..one I met on a dating site but it turned out that we had a ton of friends in common (for living in a huge city, its a small world) Now, Im a jokester...like how you see me on the forums is exactly how I am around people.. So, Id make a funny light-hearted comment about something, and his idea of a comeback would be...I should punch you in the face for that. HAR HAR HAR! um... First time I was like uhh..okaay.. After a few times of him saying that though, and him telling me a few stories of how bad his temper could get, I started to become afraid. Final straw was when I told him I have PTSD and he, in all seriousness, asked me if that means Im going to try to stab him in his sleep...because be once dated a girl who was "crazy" and tried to do that to him. Two things I know, most guys who say thier exs were crazy, usually did something that made her react to him. and...I kinda had a vision of him punching her in the face one too many times and her getting her revenge. That "relationship" lasted one month.
Next guy, who we just broke up..weve known each other 10 years...and all of the people we are friends with locally know each other. Everyone who knew us both were so thrilled we started dating. Long story short, he turned out to be the biggest douchebag. Ever. I am who I am..Im not different online, or on my escort dates or with friends or family..like I have one personality, thats it. This guy, hes a performer..depending on who hes around, he will be whoever you want him to be. So yeah, as friends, and when we first started dating, he was a dream. But...the more time we spent together, and the longer things went on, the harder it was for him to keep up the act. He can do it in small doses, but over time, he wears thin.and underneath it all..hes an asshole. I totally understand now why hes 52, no kids, never married and only been in one real relationship with a girl who refused his marriage proposal. He even offhand mentioned hes never dated a girl who took him home to meet her parents. Red flags, everywhere, for miles lol
Even before I met him, but especially now, Im trying to expand my horizons and meet people who are not in my circle of friends. ...the UPS guy maybe?! He is pretty cute :D
LMAO! Girl there was one time I was so desperate to find a boyfriend but scared to actually go out to find one so I started hitting on the cable guy. We exchange numbers and you know where it fell flat??? When he invited me to a bonfire. Um... my black ass at a bonfire???....??? Oh hellll nahhhh. I was turned off right then and there and ignored his text messages moving forward.
Yeah you know what though people reveal themselves easily. I've gotten so good at moving on at the first sign of fuckery. Before i would linger and pray that it worked out. now? Yeah I'm getting old fuckkk all that.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Fbsmgirl, power to ya for wanting to see what's out there.
Most definitely, the majority of men and women cannot handle a relationship with an escort/bodyrubber and will turn out to be douches about it. I don't see that happening with this person ever, but should he for whatever reason exhibit that behaviour I'd split. Nothing's ever guaranteed in this lifetime but it is possible to have a happy, healthy relationship as a sex worker. No matter what that looks like to someone, whether it be mono, poly, swingers, etc.
Stay at home daddy works some couples! Not our choice per say, but if that works for someone else's relationship, I don't see how that's "unhealthy" if both parties happy w the arrangement.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Shannon.
Stay at home daddy works some couples! Not our choice per say, but if that works for someone else's relationship, I don't see how that's "unhealthy" if both parties happy w the arrangement.
Just clarifying by posting my original quote....
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
If that is your idea of a good healthy relationship, then I see how it can work for you but it couldn't work for someone like me.
That arrangement, along with the other arrangements I mentioned (polyamory, swinging..etc) isn't something I would ever participate in. I know some people that thrive in those arrangements, I'm not one of those people. I would be miserable as fuck so yeah not my idea of a good healthy relationship. Not how I'm wired.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
^^Im a city dude please tell me what a bonfire is? I'm picturing like a Druid ceremony out in the woods
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
I agree. Normal is when you are living your life to the fullest under your terms and you don't have to answer to anyone. As long as you are not hurting anyone. Except for some of the guys hearts you maybe breaking::)But they knew what they were getting when they signed up for it.
Get married, have babies, work 30 years on a job and then what. Ugh sounds depressing. I know that's the dream for some. But it hasn't been in the cards for me. I tried it 3 or 4 times, got cheated on every time:-\ But that's just my experience. There is always hope IF that's what I want one day. FBsm I love your independence. I consider myself independent as well, the deeper I get into a relationship the weaker I become. And yea I'll admit I choose the bad boy type every time. What can I say? Ha :)
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
Get out there anyway you can even if it's something as simple as going to a happy hour with a friend.
The more you get out there the easier it'll be to talk to people. Trust me once you start getting out there you'll have an harem of Netflix and chill
boos to choose from LOL.
This is true! I was wondering why I don't have any fuck buddies or boo thangs lately but I realized I never do anything anymore lol. Before I moved I was always going out with friends and I always had like multiple dudes to choose from. I'm actually liking the single life but a situationship would be nice too. I'm very independent but it's times like today when I couldn't figure out how the fuck to put air in my tire like the dumb blonde that I am that I wished I had a guy I could call lol.
I also think you usually meet someone when you least expect it or when you aren't 'looking'. That's always been the case for me anyway. I've never met a guy thru a dating app or site I've always met them just out or thru friends. Although one of my best friends is about to marry a guy she met off Tinder lol so you never know.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Not an escort.
I haven't had a relationship in over some years now. A lot of things tear us apart, for starters I didn't even love him, and my life was going nowhere at 20 years old.
I would love to be in a relationship, bake for him, and do the whole housewife ordeal *in moderation; not too crazy to be a Stepford wife*.
I'm monogamous.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bahuba
^^Im a city dude please tell me what a bonfire is? I'm picturing like a Druid ceremony out in the woods
A bunch of drunk white folks around a fire...not my idea of a good time. Lol
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
A bunch of drunk white folks around a fire...not my idea of a good time. Lol
Sounds like the same thing???
https://68.media.tumblr.com/644dccdd...o0ooo1_500.gif
https://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files...fire%20gif.gif
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Okay, okay... don't mean to threadjack. I am a city dweller too but a bonfire/drum circle is traditionally done in the woods or on the shore. There is usually a lot of weed smoking and acoustic music but it is not limited to hippies and they do occur in NYC (Jones Beach) and Miami (SoBE) and LA (Malibu). Try it once in your life, if you hate it don't come back but it is actually kind of fun.
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Re: Feeling lonely lately, questions for those of you with SOs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
Okay, okay... don't mean to threadjack. I am a city dweller too but a bonfire/drum circle is traditionally done in the woods or on the shore. There is usually a lot of weed smoking and acoustic music but it is not limited to hippies and they do occur in NYC (Jones Beach) and Miami (SoBE) and LA (Malibu). Try it once in your life, if you hate it don't come back but it is actually kind of fun.
That kind is probably fun, but a redneck bonfire is totally different. Picture a bunch of drunk idiots seeing who can drink the most in the least time, mix in some fire and maybe some shotguns (Hey bubba, watch this) ugh... no thanks!
and if anyone thinks I'm being unfair, this was my teenage dating life till I moved out of redneck central. I don't miss those days!