Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
I'm officially a week into my career as a stripper - but I have only sold a handful of dances. Last night was actually my first night not making any money at all which has me really discouraged. I realize everyone has bad nights but I can't help feeling like I am doing something wrong. I genuinely enjoy chatting with people, so I have no trouble striking up a conversation for a few songs, then I try to turn the conversation into selling a dance, only to hear "maybe later" "I'm actually about to leave" or "I don't do lapdances." The last one I can respect so long as they are still tipping since I guess lapdances are not everyone's thing. The "I'm leaving soon" excuse bugs me because everytime I hear it an hour will go by and the guy who said it will still be rooted in the exact same spot he was. I think "maybe later" is what's becoming my downfall - last night I had about 5 patrons promise me a dance "later", not even a maybe, only for one guy to actually take me up on it when I returned to make good on his promise. The rest were all "ohhh, I'm still not ready yet!" upon my return. When I come across the "maybe" guys, should I even bother trying to follow up? It seems like they usually turn out to be time-wasters.
Could my lack of dancing skills be a problem? I am a rookie at dancing completely, I don't know any pole work yet, but I have watched a few youtube tutorials, and I do try my best to put on a decent stage show, be sensual, look like I'm having fun, shake my booty, etc. I am also quite thin, not as toned as I would like to be, but I'm told I have a nice body and butt. I'm also black so I am well aware I'm not everyone's type, but my club has several black girls who seem to do just fine with patrons of all ethnicities.
I have been scouring multiple threads here and other sources on how to sell dances, I've even taken notes on my phone to look at for reference, but nothing seems to be working. I struggle with being aggressive/assertive so maybe that's the issue. Am I approaching the wrong potential customers? What should I be looking for? Any insight would be appreciated.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Congrats on your first week! When you say you enjoy chatting with people, I think you might be acting too normal, having a normal conversation and turning guys off. Whenever I act too 'real' or relate to them the way I would relate to someone outside the club I lose the sale. You want to build your conversation around the fact that you guys will be going for dances later. So you want to be sexy and kinda dumb right off the bat. That's what works for me anyway you'll find your own groove with time. It takes awhile to get these kind of skills down so you shouldn't give up! There are lots of good threads in the Best of Hustle Hut and even reading some sales books will help. It also just sounds like you ran into a bunch of time wasters and cheap ass guys that had no intention of spending money. Tons of guys will say no every night or jerk you around that's why it's important to not invest too much time in them before popping the question. Most guys use these excuses because they're too chicken shit to say no. Also one thing that helped me was don't go with the first no. I make a guy say no 3 times before I will actually leave his table. After the first I'll be like what? Are you serious?! I thought you were here to have fun? Let's go to the back and get wild. Or whatever variation of this. Also create a sense of urgency. Say come on we better go now bc I'll be too busy later to find you. I give really hot dances so I'll be in VIP all night etc etc. You need to move with confidence and truly believe you'll give the best dances. I act like they're foolish if they're not buying dances. Because they are! It's a strip club! Get a dance. At least. Don't think your lack of stage craft will affect your income too much depending on how stage heavy your club is. Just act sexy up there. How much time do you spend with each customer? You might want to shorten that amount of time. Just approach and talk to all the customers and be assertive. I know it can be hard but you can create a dominant and assertive persona for yourself and embody that when you're in the club. Assuming the sale also can be very helpful. Do you work in a big club or a smaller club?
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Agreed with Elizabe ^^ in that you might be coming off too normal. This is not the checkout line at the grocery store; they do not want a 'chat'.
Based on you saying that you're chatting for a few songs, here's what I suggest:
- ABC, Always Be Closing. It's ok to steer off topic for a minute but quickly find a way to route that back to strip clubs/dances. "Oh you went to China? Do they even have strip clubs there?" You should always be setting up for a reasonably smooth segue into asking for a dance.
- Don't talk about you and if you do, it should be very very light. Honestly I try to never talk about myself except with regulars or if I'm already in the VIP room. You can steamroll right over them asking "How are you tonight?" and ask about them. Keep the focus on THEM and make sure they're feeling like you're genuinely interested.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Be VERY flirty and sexy w them right off the bat. When you approach them, be like "hi daddy (or whatever), I'm so glad you are here I've been waiting for you all night" get him hot, make him wanna dance with you. Guys come in to feel wanted by a hot woman, they know you're there to make money, but they wanna believe for a few minutes/ hours that this beautiful woman is hot for THEM, that's what they are paying u for!
If you come across as too nice/ normal/ sweet, they're not gonna wanna dance with you, they're gonna wanna talk for hours and take you out to dinner for free.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Thanks to you ladies I ended having my most profitable night yet!! I took everyone's advice and cut down on the amount of time I spent with the patrons who were not intending to spend. Part of it was my improving saleswoman skills, and I also think part of it was luck hahaha. Some of my sales came from from enthusiastic patrons who propositioned me for a dance before I could make my pitch. I sold two rooms and two dances, but the first dance was for a couple so that was fun and it was a two for one for me!
I also worked hard at being more flirtatious and less casual, which luckily was easy for me since two of my biggest sales were to guys who were just my type. I have noticed I have a lot of luck selling to spanish-speaking patrons, likely because my vocabulary is limited so I can't blather on and come across as too casual, moreso silly and flirty which helps.
Last night was just what I needed after a bad night. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Congrats on your best night! When you sit down with them, you should talk for 1-2 songs max and ask if they're ready for a dance. If they say no or maybe later, GET OUT OF THERE! Just say "Ok babe, well I'm going to make a few rounds, I'll stop by later!" And then get to hustling the other guys. I notice that new girls tend to sit and chat for far too long and are shy about asking for money. The guys know you're there to make money, so don't feel bad for not giving them your time for free!
Also watch out for guys that want to buy you drinks. These guys want to buy you a $10 cocktail and then expect you to sit with them for ages while you finish it. They don't usually buy dances. Accepting a drink can subconsciously pressure you to sit with him longer because you feel you "owe" him something.
These are just my little tips that have worked for me over the years. You'll get the hang of it and will develop your own hustle style that works for you :)
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Don't you work in Memphis? PM me. I'd love to help if I can!
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
You are new, takes time to learn a trade.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
When you first start your main focus should be just approaching literally everyone. You'll fuck up a lot but you'll get better as you go along. Don't psych yourself out by trying to pick the "best" customer or the one who "looks like he'll buy dances". You don't know that yet. Just focus on closing a sale within 1-2 songs, and if they say no move along. Rinse and repeat.
If I have no better prospects I will literally come back to "maybe later" guys until they either give a hard no, decide they want dances, or do a "pity" dance to make you go away. Just a couple nights ago I had a maybe later guy finally say yes to a dance ("okay fine I feel I owe it to you cause you keep coming back") and it turned into $150 of dances plus a $70 tip. If I had done what the other girls did and assumed he meant "absolutely no dances ever" and went and sat in the dressing room and never approached him again (there were no other good prospects in the club) I would have left with that much less.
When it comes to those guys remember that if they don't go for dances they are missing out on YOU! So if they get frustrated or annoyed when you keep "bugging them" you're just trying to make sure they have the best night possible. Which is of course them spending lots of money on dances with you.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Work on your stage game, make eye contact with men in the audience. Those who you catch looking, smile real big at them. I used to stare them down until they came up & tipped me. Those are the first guys you hit up for a dance.
Since you are new, ask the customers what they like from table dances. Will the buy one so you can practice on them. Then bat your eyelashes.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Hey Elizabe! This is really helpful to me. I'm curious if you have any suggestions on which sales books can help? And any tips on how to act "dumb right off the bat" because I get this problem to, I get carried away talking to guys and having normal conversations that I tend to spend a lot of time just talking. I will try it tonight for sure tho. :D
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
^you gotta pop a few dance related questions pretty quickly before you just sit with any customer for a long period of time. Within 1-2 songs, always count how much time has gone by, WEAR A CUTE WATCH EVEN. That way you don't have the option to let anyone get "carried away in conversation" , you also free that guy up for a girl that maybe it has better chemistry with that guy and free YOURSELF up for a guy that will spend on you. Sitting for long periods of time with s guy that isn't spending is usually a bad idea for yourself and others. Now if he's paying you to sit, sit all nite lol, but if these guys are getting your charm and personality for free your doing something wrong you gotta charge for that
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Isabo
Hey Elizabe! This is really helpful to me. I'm curious if you have any suggestions on which sales books can help? And any tips on how to act "dumb right off the bat" because I get this problem to, I get carried away talking to guys and having normal conversations that I tend to spend a lot of time just talking. I will try it tonight for sure tho. :D
Also Isa this is quick sales 101 girl :
1. believe in what you are selling
2. project confidence verbally and with body language
I think sometimes new girls don't show confidence or waiver in their belief on their product , so you don't have to act dumb per say (unless your hustle/personality is dumb candy girl slut which can be cute lol) . Because of that it actually communicates to the customers who are time wasters "come take advantage of me". You see these customers know YOUR TYPE better than you know theirs at this point when you're green in the game, they can spot you from afar with how you are projecting so then you get caught in their trap.
Try to seem more aloof and powerful so they know they can't play their bullshit games with u lol, you can seem silly and dumb slutty too if that's ur style lol but always have that underlying current of power so to stop these guys from their predator bull lol
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
i think op might find this thread and interesting read, it was phrased on how to upswell the champagne room but I think it goes for all sells in general it's very good information and I think lends to this thread
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...19#post2919919
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elizabe
A lot of these guys are just broke and wasting your time. Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of toads to find the guy that wants to spend it all. Regardless, you have to feel confident no matter what. That's going to help the most with your over all success rate. For me, I often experience low self esteem. I think a good way to fight this is to start by noticing when you have negative thoughts. Don't judge yourself for being negative, but shut it down as fast as possible. You have to be your own biggest fan. Something that helps me is watching the drag queens on rupaul's drag race because they all know how to sell a persona and own a room. When someone scoffs at the idea of paying that much for a VIP, scoff right back at at them. Act like they're the weird one for not wanting to pay. Say oh tons of guys buy them and they tip on top of the room price. I like to seem surprised with a hint of embarrassment for them . After all, they are the ones that came into the damn strip club. They're on your turf and you're the queen! You're worth all that money and more baby. People are affected by peer pressure, if they think that everyone else does it, they're going to want to do it too. If I'm trying to sell something, I always lay out the options, then for the one I want to sell the most I'll say that's the one most people buy.
this comment from elizabe take words right out of my mouth!!!!!! sissy dat walk u feel me
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
The best tip I can possibly give you is to act like you really like the guy. Doesn't matter how old/fat/ugly/smelly he is. Smile and make direct and prolonged eye contact. Do not look away, do not look at other patrons, do not look at the clock or your phone or anywhere else for even a second. To avoid making it awkward like a staring contest do this: when he's talking, look him in the eyes the whole time. When you're talking, you can look away for for a couple seconds, but make sure you're focused on the customer. Laugh at his jokes. Pretend you guys are out on a date and he's the hottest most interesting man you've met in your life. Watch your body language and make yourself look like you're comfortable and at ease with him. Do not tense up. Be relaxed and happy. Compliment him, but don't go over the top. Try to be honest. If he says something smart, be like "wow I never thought of it like that! you're really smart!" don't be like "oh my god you are seriously the smartest guy in the universe wow!!!!" If you wanna compliment a guy on his looks, be careful because a lot of the customers can be really self conscious which is why they're paying you to build them up. Approach a guy and be like "hi handsome!" with a warm smile. As far as conversation topics go, I've found you can have a successful exchange talking about literally anything, but remain positive, don't complain, don't strain yourself trying to impress him, just be comfortable and act like you're really enjoying your time with him. Being a newbie is tough because you're nervous and not sure what to do yet, but it gets easier over time and you learn that the customers aren't judging you as harshly as you think they are, they're not being cheap because they don't like you, and they're actually probably more nervous than you are! Good luck!
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nadia_
^you gotta pop a few dance related questions pretty quickly before you just sit with any customer for a long period of time. Within 1-2 songs, always count how much time has gone by, WEAR A CUTE WATCH EVEN. That way you don't have the option to let anyone get "carried away in conversation"
Solid advice. Try, "when was the last time you were in a strip club?" If it's a long time you can say oh it's been ages! If they come regularly, yay, they know how it works. If they're from out of town ask, "what are strip clubs like there?" Whatever they're like it's better where you are- classier, more enjoyable, more intimate... it's better because it's where he is and you're sitting in front of him ready to strip. These questions will allow him to see you as a stripper who deserves his money for sexy dances and not just some nice girl.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
^yes!!! they have too see you as a stripper do not give them the option to see you as a friend!!
Quote:
"Don't friend zone yourself"
and don't be scared to leave his ass mid conversation ...seriously ...when guys don't show me any signals that they will be spending if I see another potential customer I won't even tell the original customer goodbye I will literally leave that second lmao, no goodbyes no "nice to have met you" hehe just radio silence and a gust of wind left where I once was ahahaa
Seriously tho don't let these guys steal ur time and money it's just a game it's not serious their feelings will not get hurt I promise you and if their feelings ARE hurt they have other issues that are definitely not your problem lol
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Sometimes when you leave a guy mid-convo it can inspire them to spend money to make u stay btw, but if you're setting there for free WHY would they spend money? Even if you're the richest man alive if a stripper is sitting there for free there is no reason to pay her lol
You are in control , repeat that to yourself throughout the shift. Remind yourself that you are in control of making them spend and you have to lead them to open their pockets, if you do not usher them to spending they will NOT.
Leave a fuck that you know won't spend . Talk to bouncers, talk to bartenders; talk to literally anyone else (to look busy) but do not conversate with anyone who has not spent $1 on you or who "promises" they will spend later lol....if a guy says he will get a dance later you could say "pay me for it now and come find me when you're ready", that way you kill his bullshit right then and there lol.
Re: Keep Getting Turned Down for Dances - what am I doing wrong?
Welcome to the wonderful world of dancing ;)
Anyway, when I was new I had the same issues. I think every answer here is completely spot on. The best piece of advice is to keep track of the songs / time.
When I first started; I was still in 'dating' mode. I would talk and talk and talk to the customer like it was a date. Talk all about him, talk about myself, listen to stories, etc.
I thought I was doing the right thing despite the fact I'd get turned down. I thought they liked conversation. If there is a decent amount of guys in there, there is no reason to stay with one for more than 2-3 songs max.
That extra time spent trying to sell mr. patience could have been a simple approach to someone who asks for a dance right off the bat without even chatting.