Originally Posted by
Adrienne7
Hello!
Ok so I have been dancing for a couple years off and on, and I have yet to master this. I am a recovering "too nice" people pleaser. Just the other day some dude came up to tell me my smile lights up the room but was standing waaay close and put his hand on my shoulder, back, moving down to my waist... made me really really uncomfortable so I backed away and made some excuse I had to go pick songs for my next set. He came over to where I was texting and did the same thing.
This may seem minor but I don't want anyone to fucking TOUCH me on the floor and certainly not for fucking free. So what's a clear way to say "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME" in a very assertive way but not "kill the mood" or ruin a potential sale?
More than anything lately I need to work on my boundaries more than I need the money, so I am less concerned about losing a customer than I am about keeping my mental health in good shape.
Should I just say "please don't touch me"? "No touching, you will get us both in trouble"? Again this is on the main floor like at the bar. My club is definitely a "no touching" club in the lapdance area.
I just freeze up and my usual coping mechanism is to get away but this guy kept approaching me. Gonna have to use my words :D I don't know why it's so hard for me. I guess it was sooo deeply engrained in me to not "hurt people's feelings" or make waves. Ugh. So fucked up, I know. Been trying to unlearn that shit for YEARS.
It's easier to enforce when it's a clear violation like grabbing something not allowed in a lap dance, but these gray areas that can become slippery slopes are where I have the most trouble.