Psychology of a white knight
Can anybody explain to me the psychology of a “white knight” or “Captain Save a Hoe” as my coworker says, lol. What is the thought process of these assholes? I don’t need to be rescued. I dance voluntarily because I enjoy the freedom. I didn’t come from a great childhood, but I’m ok with that and don’t need you to come sweep me away. Fuck these guys. I come across them regularly. I just want to know why some guys are like this.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
I'll return to this discussion, as I have a bit of experience with the topic lol...….
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Pretty sure it's about ego and power in most cases. These guys want to be needed, if we're seen as desperate strippers then that will increase their chances of being appreciated when they dish out what we *so desperately* need ..which is just a projection of what's lacking in their personal lives. Ive had a few captain save a hoe's say they dont feel like their wives appreciate them. If they're convinced that we NEED them, then it gives them a sense of power "maybe I can get away with XYZ because they can't stand to lose my business" or gives them a sense of purpose. Who the heck knows...
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Simply put- some men want to feel needed. Others intend to trap a young woman into a lopsided relationship. (These types view hetero women as a whole as weak and stupid, they feel entitled to sex, they tend to be selfish and suffering from personality disorder issues.)
There ARE kind loving people out there- some people will offer help and support to others who need that, without expecting anything in return.
Honestly in youth I attracted a few of these kinds of guys but being breezy and wild I often forgot all about them. The malignant type of "white knight" hates to be alone and will treat most people around him like servants. Doesn't matter if you are a "Perfect 10" or a homely looking human. It's all about THEM, not you.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
beverly_worldshaker
Pretty sure it's about ego and power in most cases. These guys want to be needed, if we're seen as desperate strippers then that will increase their chances of being appreciated when they dish out what we *so desperately* need ..which is just a projection of what's lacking in their personal lives. Ive had a few captain save a hoe's say they dont feel like their wives appreciate them. If they're convinced that we NEED them, then it gives them a sense of power "maybe I can get away with XYZ because they can't stand to lose my business" or gives them a sense of purpose. Who the heck knows...
This makes sense. A lot of guys are power hungry freaks.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
I've given this a lot of thought, as I'm apt to happen across "knights in shining armor" in my day-to-day life not in any related to the club. Oh, the 'joys' of being single. I don't like to use "white knight" as a descriptor because of the use of that phrase by the Ku Klux Klan and also it sounds a little too much like the "white nights" of the Peoples' Temple. And I've come up with a few ideas.
I think the power dynamic is a huge one, especially when you mix it in with a bit of Messiah complex. Speaking of Peoples' Temple, what do you think really motivated Jim Jones to do it? I don't believe he really believed his so-called "revolutionary suicide" was going to magically transform the landscape of Guyana, the US, or any other part of the world into the Communist utopia he professed. I'm pretty sure the power dynamic had a lot to do with it. And I get it... when you can compel over 900 people to commit suicide and murder those who don't comply in your name, that's quite a feeling of power. I think James Earl Jones described it best in Conan the Barbarian: (yes, I'm a movie nerd... get over it)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2EQ0FlVks4
I think it's pretty easy to feed a Messiah complex because there's a lot of people who think they need one. Like the recent case of one of the ISIS brides trying to return to the US... like me, she had a Mennonite upbringing. And that didn't surprise me at all. Institutions of religion have to tendency to try to create a dependency on them - the Anabaptist faiths and Mormons in particular, but others, as well. And I get where she's coming from. When I decided to strike out on my own, it really did leave me with a huge void to fill. So that she would leave one such institution for another shouldn't be anything startling to anyone. Even if you're an atheist in the West, you're still subject to all sorts of cult-like atmospheres... look at your typical vegan and tell me they're not a bunch of cultists, bicycle enthusiasts, various fandoms, etc. Everybody drinks some flavor of Kool Aid.
I think it largely plays into why guys I've been on dates with have often become upset when I insisted on paying my own way... I effectively denied them the leverage to have any sort of reason to feel like I was beholden to them, and I've blocked them from establishing the power dynamic they seek. So yeah, that's a huge one.
Another one is that people like to believe they're special and enlightened in a particularly fascinating way. As exotic dancers, cammers, and any other type of sex worker, I think we've all encountered this. Guy meets girl, girl is some kind of sex worker, guy is the one true enlightened spirit who can see past it all to the 'real her' while everyone else just looks at her with disdain and contempt. If it sounds familiar, that's the plot to Pretty Woman in a nutshell. And perhaps that movie had a hand in promulgating the notion that any woman on a pole is looking for her own knight on a white horse.
Let's face it, people go to great lengths In order to feel like they're special, or not-so-great lengths if they don't have the means to go to great lengths. Listen to guys brag about how wonderful they are because they can drive a stick shift. Or some veterans and how quick they are to throw out that status whenever something doesn't go their way. Or people of particular socio-political dispositions. People of certain subcultures... metal fans especially. And the list goes on and on.
I've got more to say on this matter, but the words are coming to me a bit jumbled (I have a decent enough vocabulary, but English still presents somewhat of a challenge to me, especially since my sister came to live with me and insisted on speaking to me only in Plautdietsch again). I'll follow up on it later.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Ew, my ex was like this..
He stalked me about 3 X's, TG he backed off when I called the cops
Edit: Seriously, read this book: Dangerous Personalities, by Joe Navarro
It discusses, this, & many other pertinent things, easy to read & understand.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AChildOfBoredom
I've given this a lot of thought, as I'm apt to happen across "knights in shining armor" in my day-to-day life not in any related to the club. Oh, the 'joys' of being single. I don't like to use "white knight" as a descriptor because of the use of that phrase by the Ku Klux Klan and also it sounds a little too much like the "white nights" of the Peoples' Temple. And I've come up with a few ideas.
I think the power dynamic is a huge one, especially when you mix it in with a bit of Messiah complex....
Thank you for all the input. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Seems like power dynamics is a main point here. I wonder if women do this also. I see Some other dancers with a slacker of a significant other. Maybe not as often. Maybe I could harness this knowledge in my hustle.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
whirlerz
Ew, my ex was like this..
He stalked me about 3 X's, TG he backed off when I called the cops
Edit: Seriously, read this book: Dangerous Personalities, by Joe Navarro
It discusses, this, & many other pertinent things, easy to read & understand.
Thanks for the recommendation. That looks like a great book. I’m going to order it on amazon today.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
StarryDancer
Thank you for all the input. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Seems like power dynamics is a main point here. I wonder if women do this also. I see Some other dancers with a slacker of a significant other. Maybe not as often. Maybe I could harness this knowledge in my hustle.
Oh yeah women do it too. I've met enough dysfunctional lesbian couples to prove this. I know someone is going to get upset that I'm pointing out abuse in LGBT relationships...it happens too.
The most dangerous "white knight" psycho is someone who is really good at spotting people when a person is struggling and zeroing in on that person's needs and weakness. They catch you at a weak point.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
I've encountered many Captain Save a Hoes in my day. Most of them are married and are looking for a way to justify the dirty shit that they are doing. More than likely their wives don't know that they are frequenting strip clubs. Strippers for many guys, including Captain Save a Ho types, represent some high level of status if they can get to us. It's like they achieved the ultimate man status if they've hooked themselves a stripper. Captain Save a Hoes like to get you to let your guard down so that you can open up to them(in more ways than one). They will pretend to be genuinely interested in bettering your life and "rescuing" you but really, it's all about them and is always sexually motivated. If they can trick you into thinking that they're helping or "saving" you in some way, while achieving the ultimate goal of getting into your panties, and increasing their own egos that they were able to bag a young hottie, they won. They will justify their behavior by telling themselves that they earned access to your pussy and the right to cheat on their wife because they did a good deed by "rescuing" you. I fell for this Captain Save a Ho game when I was a baby stripper. He offered me a well paid job as a secretary with a company that he owned. I stupidly reduced the amount of nights I stripped so that I could work for him until I was only working a shift a week. I soon realized that he was full of shit and that he was the only one really benefiting from his Captain Save a Ho act, when the actual pay that he gave me for the work that I did started to become far less than he had originally offered and the pay kept being reduced. He'd add in sexual favors. If I refused it he'd refuse to pay me for the week. Captain Save a Hoes are all about control and power play too. They get a kick out of it. They are the bane of the stripper world.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WendiStarr
I've encountered many Captain Save a Hoes in my day. Most of them are married and are looking for a way to justify the dirty shit that they are doing. More than likely their wives don't know that they are frequenting strip clubs. Strippers for many guys, including Captain Save a Ho types, represent some high level of status if they can get to us. It's like they achieved the ultimate man status if they've hooked themselves a stripper. Captain Save a Hoes like to get you to let your guard down so that you can open up to them(in more ways than one). They will pretend to be genuinely interested in bettering your life and "rescuing" you but really, it's all about them and is always sexually motivated. If they can trick you into thinking that they're helping or "saving" you in some way, while achieving the ultimate goal of getting into your panties, and increasing their own egos that they were able to bag a young hottie, they won. They will justify their behavior by telling themselves that they earned access to your pussy and the right to cheat on their wife because they did a good deed by "rescuing" you. I fell for this Captain Save a Ho game when I was a baby stripper. He offered me a well paid job as a secretary with a company that he owned. I stupidly reduced the amount of nights I stripped so that I could work for him until I was only working a shift a week. I soon realized that he was full of shit and that he was the only one really benefiting from his Captain Save a Ho act, when the actual pay that he gave me for the work that I did started to become far less than he had originally offered and the pay kept being reduced. He'd add in sexual favors. If I refused it he'd refuse to pay me for the week. Captain Save a Hoes are all about control and power play too. They get a kick out of it. They are the bane of the stripper world.
Yes this is a common scenario. It happens in a lot of LTRs as well, if you are dealing with a demanding and unreasonable person.
I have sooo many funny stories about this topic but I don't wanna threadjack. My advice, always have a Plan B. People are not always reliable, even if they mean well.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
StarryDancer
Thank you for all the input. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Seems like power dynamics is a main point here. I wonder if women do this also. I see Some other dancers with a slacker of a significant other. Maybe not as often. Maybe I could harness this knowledge in my hustle.
Absolutely women do. I think we do a better job of controlling it, but we're not immune from the same primal senses as men are. I remember my first firefight I got into in Afghanistan... or rather, the aftermath of it. What I felt after that... I can only describe as bloodlust. I was outside of the FOB almost daily, with a .50 machine gun at my fingertips. I wanted to rain death upon something. And after the blast which put me out of action, there was nothing I wanted more than to go back to my unit. They took something from me, and I wanted retaliation. I wanted that power. And I felt in a way dethroned when I found out I wasn't going back. And one of my roommates at the time had been in the infantry, and had been in Afghanistan and Iraq, and when I'd talk about it and I'd get animated, he'd give me this look - not of judgment or repulsion.... understanding. He's certainly been there himself.
So when I see that scene from the movie clip I posted earlier, I understand exactly where Thulsa Doom is coming from. Or an even better example was the end of the battle in the last episode of Galavant..."... but I have tasted ultimate power, and I want more". Not that I'm passing off movies and TV shows as reality, but it reflects the mindset really well. Surely the girls in your high school had their cliques, and being the head of one of those was a position of some degree of power.
And the example of Thulsa Doom compelling a woman to jump to her death at his command is a bit far flung (or maybe not... I mean, Peoples' Temple, Heaven's Gate, Branch Davidians, etc., after all....), but it's still done. Ever been threatened by someone who tells you how easily they could put you out of a job? Or there was a recent example posted here when someone had reapplied at a club she used to work at, and a bartender who remembered her started hounding her and telling her that she (the bartender) would 'make sure' the club didn't rehire her (the dancer).
Oh, yeah. Women do this.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
It's quite simple. He "wants" you to "turn" your "life" around but being with him. Usually to me, it's the code word for "OTC" but a passive approach than the usual straight-forward "Let's go on a date" tactic.
Don't mind dealing with them but the worse ones are the ones who don't spend. Those are usually the ones who seems to have a professional career or businessmen-types.
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
305gurl
It's quite simple. He "wants" you to "turn" your "life" around but being with him. Usually to me, it's the code word for "OTC" but a passive approach than the usual straight-forward "Let's go on a date" tactic.
Don't mind dealing with them but the worse ones are the ones who don't spend. Those are usually the ones who seems to have a professional career or businessmen-types.
The non-spenders are working the "law of averages" game- if they throw the "I'll save you" line out to 20 dancers, one or two will go for it. It's a tiny amount of effort to get some "hit it and quit it" sex. + Bragging rights.
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Re: Psychology of a white knight
The drama triangle. Attachment 51058t
Re: Psychology of a white knight
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SnuffleUffleGrass
The non-spenders are working the "law of averages" game- if they throw the "I'll save you" line out to 20 dancers, one or two will go for it. It's a tiny amount of effort to get some "hit it and quit it" sex. + Bragging rights.
"Come on, baby. I have the money and a great career. You don't have this anymore if you come with me and don't have to worry anything else. You can trust me."