Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
I can relate. I’m in PT school, danced for 8 years before hanging up the heels for school. At the time I was burnt the F out but of course dancing is sooo addicting I knew I would miss it in time. I told myself I was going to wait at least a year before seriously deciding if I wanted to dance again or not. During that time I got into a relationship with a guy who couldn’t handle my past and never wanted me to talk about it. That relationship eventually ended and I did moonlight at a club for a little bit last fall while I was doing a clinical. There is a club in the same town as my school that I do want to try out later this year. It is risky like you said but I think it would be good for my mental health.
I feel you on the demands of medical school pretty much making it impossible to sneak off to the club. It’s so hard and all consuming! I have a part time job related to my field (where I make $12/hr, haha oy vey) and I wish I could just be up front with them about making tweaks to my schedule so I could work at the club once a week. I know it’s best not to say anything though.
Do you think you’ll try to dance again once you graduate? I’m considering it, I used to have a coworker who was a PT for her day job so I know it can be done. Dunno how it is for physicians as far as how much you guys are expected to work and if it would even be possible to have a second job. Doctor wages are probably better than dancing anyway but I know that isn’t the only thing you miss about it.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Sorry. Grief is grief. id rather die alone with a hundred cats than feel like I couldn’t tell my life partner about...my life and why I am who I am.
Most likely when I retire I will volunteer and do advocacy for sex workers or just women’s rights in general. I can see myself doing something stupid like outing myself all in the name of women’s rights...lol.
What about being a women’s health physician and working at planned parenthood or a clinic for at risk populations.
Id rather be dead than live a lie, and I’ve paid a HUGE price for being true to myself.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
lurkingtitties
I can relate. I’m in PT school, danced for 8 years before hanging up the heels for school. At the time I was burnt the F out but of course dancing is sooo addicting I knew I would miss it in time. I told myself I was going to wait at least a year before seriously deciding if I wanted to dance again or not. During that time I got into a relationship with a guy who couldn’t handle my past and never wanted me to talk about it. That relationship eventually ended and I did moonlight at a club for a little bit last fall while I was doing a clinical. There is a club in the same town as my school that I do want to try out later this year. It is risky like you said but I think it would be good for my mental health.
I feel you on the demands of medical school pretty much making it impossible to sneak off to the club. It’s so hard and all consuming! I have a part time job related to my field (where I make $12/hr, haha oy vey) and I wish I could just be up front with them about making tweaks to my schedule so I could work at the club once a week. I know it’s best not to say anything though.
Do you think you’ll try to dance again once you graduate? I’m considering it, I used to have a coworker who was a PT for her day job so I know it can be done. Dunno how it is for physicians as far as how much you guys are expected to work and if it would even be possible to have a second job. Doctor wages are probably better than dancing anyway but I know that isn’t the only thing you miss about it.
Addicting is a word I thought about using so you totally get what I'm saying. If you're able make the time for dancing and you enjoy it, you should go for it, plus the extra money doesn't hurt. I would if I was in the same town, but I moved away for school, and I really don't think I could get away with it. It's sad that we get judged for what we've done (or what we do) and honestly I don't feel like I've done anything wrong, yet I'm not brave enough to share it.
I probably won't ever dance again, so I think this is part of why I feel this way because I'm trying to close that chapter of my life and I can't come to terms with it, but I can totally see myself visiting my club in the future, tell the fam that I'm finally a doc (hell yeah!), I especially bonded with house mom I miss her dearly, so who knows maybe I'll get on stage for one more night.. although I'm getting older and things are starting to look different, not to mention I'd probably be sore for a week after this much time away from the pole lol
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ifyouseekamy
Sorry. Grief is grief. id rather die alone with a hundred cats than feel like I couldn’t tell my life partner about...my life and why I am who I am.
Most likely when I retire I will volunteer and do advocacy for sex workers or just women’s rights in general. I can see myself doing something stupid like outing myself all in the name of women’s rights...lol.
What about being a women’s health physician and working at planned parenthood or a clinic for at risk populations.
Id rather be dead than live a lie, and I’ve paid a HUGE price for being true to myself.
Wow, I should've opened up to this forum a lot earlier, like when I was actually a dancer lol, you guys get me. You're right on the dot, I wanna be an ob/gyn so I'll be taking care of women's health, and I most definitely want to advocate for women in the industry, I think this is my way of giving back without forgetting my past as a dancer, and I think it's always more powerful when it comes from someone who's been through it.
Believe me I don't want to keep such a huge part of my life in the dark and have to lie about it, especially when my own friends or classmates start mouth talking about strippers and I can't even defend ourselves properly, only if they knew. I do hope to find someone that I will be able to share this with and will understand, and I think that would be enough for me to make peace with it.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Biker gangs, motorcycle clubs, whichever you wish to call them got their start mostly from aviators who returned from the Second World War, because motorcycles were the closest thing they could find which in any way duplicated the thrill they had become accustomed to. And I think it holds true for a lot of people. I know I'd miss it if I quit. It's not the same as dogfighting in the skies over Europe or the Pacific in WWII, I know, but it is something of a thrill in its own rite. I think for me and surely others, it's a chance to break out of our shell, be a little adventurous, manifest a side of us which stays contained. Even the risk of being caught is sort of a thrill, though hindsight in the aftermath of it may not look favorably upon it.
As for the reactions of potential SOs, if they can't cope with it, I feel like there'll be other problems down the road which haven't made themselves known yet. So, better to weed out the thorns now. I mean, I feel a healthy relationship would require you to be able to be open and honest about your past, and this is just an indication that you're lacking from the get-go. So, let them part ways. From what I've seen, it's typically the "50s were SO wonderful" crowd which is apt to having such reactions, and, let's be real.... I don't think any of us are trying to date a "Wally Beaver" sort.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Feeling alone with my memories makes my nostalgia for dancing even worse. When i feel like i can't talk about it with anyone... that's when it starts to feel like the stripper part of my life will die unless i return to it.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
I've heard this from few friends of mine who were strippers. One of them became a nurse. Quit over 2 years ago, only to come back for one night due to her whale contacted. She made $6000 that night and said to me that she just misses the easy fast money and dislikes regular work hours for "small pay." Though she said it was best decision she made and she remarks how things have changed.
In the end, you're not missing out much. Good luck with the medical career. Though, things will change drastically in the U.S. medical field in the next decade.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
And dancing is something you can always do on the side. For me, personally, dancing is ideal as a fun, flexible, high-paying side hustle and brutal as a sole source of income.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
+ 1 !! I've talked about this in other threads.
I am a dancer who went back after a 5 - 6 year retirement . I have had fun overall ( done about 6 days in last 4-5 weeks ) but to be honest .... there were a couple time blocks in there where it was like PULLING TEETH to get anything out of the customers at the club. I think when you miss it, you miss the good times obviously and you kind of forget about those times where it isn't as fun.
That said ..... I think dancing is fun and enjoyable ( AND for me that biggest thing I love is that I can visit new cities and completely offset travel costs on the road ). Sometimes I even pop in a do a shift if my day job sends me to a new city. If you can pull off some shifts here or there , why not ? It's a weird hobby I guess but I LOVE trying new clubs in places.
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
Oh .... and I'm like you by the way ( heavily secretive and closeted dancer ). I don't tell anyone except the ladies here on this board and anyone I'm seriously dating . My last long term partner didn't deal well with sex work so I am possibly thinking of not saying anything at all about it to my next partner ( I'll obviously have to quit again if I go that route ).
I told one friend before ( 8-10 years ago ) who also reacted badly so at that point I just got comfy not disclosing .
Obviously .... I hope for a comfort level where I can just tell my next partner ( I don't plan on dating anyone overly conservative anyway ).
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
To OP, you are not alone in feeling like a part of you has gone missing. I have completed medical school and am now in my last year of residency (wow, time flies). I used to dance part-time while in medical school. Looking back, not sure it was a great decision as the risk of being found out far outweighed the benefits but the money (and perhaps thrill) definitely helped. I have had my fair share of love-hate relationship with dancing but have quit dancing for almost three years now and now still miss it once in a while. You mentioned all the good things about dancing that make me miss it: the money, attention, and even sexual empowerment. It is very difficult for others to understand, I have confided in a few of my close girlfriends and they kinda look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I miss it! I can't go back to it now since it would be too risky for me to jeopardize my career and my romantic relationship with my partner.
The crazy thing is I have been together with my partner for almost three years and I still have not told him for fear of being judged! I have hinted at it (telling him I used to be "much wilder") but never come completely clean because I have always regretted telling my other exes since after you break up with them they have free rein to tell whomever they want, especially if the breakup was not "clean". I guess if we get engaged I will probably have to tell him lol. Anyway be careful who you tell, even if you feel like they might be "the one", especially if you have a career that can be tainted!
Re: Ex-dancer and I miss it
I miss it. I have it up to get married not worth it. Now I am thinking to go back , all the stuff I read on here puts me off. Maybe if I can find a club like what I'm used to I Will. I don't tell any guys about it not worth it.