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Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I wasn't the popular kid in Middle school or High school. I think I had less than a handful of friends throughout Middle school and High school. I wasn't a social person. I was cute but nothing to write home about and no I wasn't obese or deformed. I was always skinny and handle myself well. No guys paid attention to me because I was too shy to make conversations with them. In high school, the girls got asked out to proms and I stayed home because no one asked me. I had about 2 boyfriends in my life and I'm 28. I haven't had sex for 12 years now. I'm on Tinder but I'm not looking for hookups. I don't out and meet anyone. I'm always by myself. People probably "know me or see me around" but I don't know them. Every time I find someone interesting on Tinder I always do FBI research on them like finding their flaws before we even get to meet. I go to a gym which has more men than women but no one is paying attention to me which doesn't help.
Here's what I'm looking for: Middle class men who drives nice cars, lives in nice houses, can afford to buy me lavish gifts once in a while or whenever I ask him to, going to nice restaurants each time we go out to eat but I'll settle for holes in the walls sometimes, no kids, no ex wives, don't mind if he's ugly. MAYBE I am living in a "fantasy world".
Then on Tinder, the guys who had zero interest in me years ago swiped right on me and start to have a "conversation" with me. I only swiped right to see if they swiped right on me. I don't know...maybe I grew up and looked better in pictures??? I get annoyed so I unmatched them. My friends told me I won't find anyone with that attitude. Am I the only one who feels some type of way? I won't be happy if I hold a grudge on anybody but I can't get over it. I should've used them for revenge but I get annoyed fast.
I think Tinder is a waste of time because rarely anyone gets dates on there except hookups.
I also refuse to date guys who dated ugly girls before me because it makes me feel ugly. I don't mind him having ugly female friends but not dated.
Would it be okay if I pretend to like them and "collect" more guys at the same time to be my bf so that I could use them? That way I would have somebody and better than nobody.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I think Tinder is a waste of time because rarely anyone gets dates on there except hookups.
I don't think Tinder is the place for LTR either. Guys can be dumb sometimes, maybe they're judging you by your look, and maybe your look doesn't suit your new style?
Also, help me with the math you haven't had sex in 12 years and you're 28 meaning ... the last time you has sex was when you were 16?? And the two BFs, were they after 16?
I'd say you've grown up a lot and maybe you need to focus on some things that make you happy. Also, and this may sound a little "out there" but hear me out: sometimes people with a lot of charisma can affect the way people treat them if they're down on themselves. You need to be positive and put yourself in circumstances where you receive positive feedback.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
What exactly would be the point of wasting your time mucking about on a waste-of-time app in search of time-wasting guys? If you're looking for someone decent, try a reputable(ish?) site whose purpose is creating quality matches.
Maybe work on yourself first, though. If you really feel ugly because you don't like the looks of a guy's exes, and think 'collecting' behaviour looks any better from a woman than it does from a man, I think you've got bigger problems than just being lonely.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I’m not really understanding your question but
No you should not use guys unless they are cool with being used. I mean use the experience as a learning experience but often dudes can tell when you’re just using them and they start acting insecure or bitter.
Date whomever and keep a small rotation if you can handle it. Then narrow down to “the one” from there.
No I would not date men from the past who overlooked me back then (unless he got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness) because if they didn’t have the common sense to see my amazing qualities that could have blessed their lives then that’s their loss. I don’t back peddle cause what if you dated some dude who overlooked you in high school, waits years later to come to their senses (or so you think), then turn right around and ditch you again - then you’ll really feel bad like you lowered your standards or something just cause you were lonely
I don’t do Tinder either (more power if you do though) cause I find that most men on dating apps are time wasters, string alongs, text pen pals, who constantly swipe right, think grass is greener on other side and addicted to keeping massive rotations of digital “relationships”, and aren’t that good at communicating outside of texts n apps.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
Bahuba
I don't think Tinder is the place for LTR either. Guys can be dumb sometimes, maybe they're judging you by your look, and maybe your look doesn't suit your new style?
Also, help me with the math you haven't had sex in 12 years and you're 28 meaning ... the last time you has sex was when you were 16?? And the two BFs, were they after 16?
I'd say you've grown up a lot and maybe you need to focus on some things that make you happy. Also, and this may sound a little "out there" but hear me out: sometimes people with a lot of charisma can affect the way people treat them if they're down on themselves. You need to be positive and put yourself in circumstances where you receive positive feedback.
I only had sex twice when I was 16. I then realized that I'm only giving pussy to someone who I love. So all these years I haven't had sex. I'm a positive person. I think it's because I'm anti-social and think guys are supposed to make the "first" move.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I think you can go up to guys to make it easier for them to step in and take the lead.
For example, I usually pretend like I don’t know the answer to something then ask them questions they know the answer to, “accidentally” drop something in front of them and see if they help me pick it up, etc.
But if you don’t want to do that then make eye contact and smile .... that usually works
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I only had sex twice when I was 16. I then realized that I'm only giving pussy to someone who I love. So all these years I haven't had sex. I'm a positive person. I think it's because I'm anti-social and think guys are supposed to make the "first" move.
That makes sense :-) , but it might be difficult to find men who respect that on Tinder. Hobby?
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I think it's because I'm anti-social and think guys are supposed to make the "first" move.
Women actually make the first move most of the time, but, they are extremely subtle so it appears like the men make the first move. Women send out a signals that say "leave me alone" or "come and talk to me". You should read books on body language and do a self assessment of your own body language around men. If you project body language that is closed and shuts people out, you will not get approached.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
Jalena
What exactly would be the point of wasting your time mucking about on a waste-of-time app in search of time-wasting guys? If you're looking for someone decent, try a reputable(ish?) site whose purpose is creating quality matches.
Maybe work on yourself first, though. If you really feel ugly because you don't like the looks of a guy's exes, and think 'collecting' behaviour looks any better from a woman than it does from a man, I think you've got bigger problems than just being lonely.
I was paying monthly subscription on Match and had 0 matches. I think they're all the same. Same faces, same attitude. They're on ALL of the sites. So... what problems do you think I may have? Do I need to talk to a psychiatrist about it? I think "collecting" looks better on a woman than a man because many girls I know jumps from relationship to relationship. They always HAVE someone right after they break up. Have multiple baby dads and such. And me, I've been single for so long and not meeting anybody. I'm not wrong for thinking "collecting" men is okay because many people do it. They always have someone spend money on them, buy them food, gives them rides ect.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
Bahuba
That makes sense :-) , but it might be difficult to find men who respect that on Tinder. Hobby?
I just started going back to the gym after holding a membership for the last 2 years without going once. I am very out of shape now so I just started going about 2 weeks ago. I go 7 days a week because I have no choice. I have no hobbies, no friends. I don't want to do things alone.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
I think you can go up to guys to make it easier for them to step in and take the lead.
For example, I usually pretend like I don’t know the answer to something then ask them questions they know the answer to, “accidentally” drop something in front of them and see if they help me pick it up, etc.
But if you don’t want to do that then make eye contact and smile .... that usually works
I make eye contact and smile but they all looked away or pretend I'm doing it to someone else. I do not want to do that. I feel embarrassed and a waste of time.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
Well if you catch them looking at you then look back and smile.
No need to be embarrassed. Some dudes might be married and looking away fast helps them resist temptation, and probably THEY embarrassed they got caught looking at you lol.
It’s also a good filter of knowing who is not your type if they look away fast
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
Sweet, have you considered volunteering for local charities? Also, do you have a religious affiliation that you could return to, especially since most of them also have social groups and activities? The gym is certainly a great idea as yourself confidence will improve with your body, but truth be told your biggest problem seems to be social isolation. The more you interact with others, the more socially open you will become and the more chances you'll have to meet a decent guy in the right type of setting.
Anyway, just my :twocents: fwiw and good luck.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
Can you get involved in civic theater, a charity, museum, art gallery, animal shelter, book club, trap & skeet club (think guys who spend $20,000 on one shotgun) politics?
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I was paying monthly subscription on Match and had 0 matches. I think they're all the same. Same faces, same attitude. They're on ALL of the sites. So... what problems do you think I may have? Do I need to talk to a psychiatrist about it? I think "collecting" looks better on a woman than a man because many girls I know jumps from relationship to relationship. They always HAVE someone right after they break up. Have multiple baby dads and such. And me, I've been single for so long and not meeting anybody. I'm not wrong for thinking "collecting" men is okay because many people do it. They always have someone spend money on them, buy them food, gives them rides ect.
Your insecurity, for starters. You think a particular guy's exes are ugly so you won't date _him_ because you think his interest means _you're_ ugly? Come on. I have no idea what you look like, but I don't need to know what you look like in order to tell you that that's a load of crap. Ever think maybe a guy looked at you and thought 'Hey, upgrade! :lovestruc ' instead of 'Hey, more sludge! :ill: Just what I was looking for!'
As to 'collecting' ... having multiple baby daddies (or mommas) isn't exactly a positive achievement. Nor is being unable to support oneself and unable to function independently from a relationship. I'm seeing a fair bit in your posts about what you want guys to be doing for you, but nothing about what you're bringing to the table, or even that you seem to think you have anything to bring to the table. You have hardly said one positive thing about yourself in either this thread, nor several of the others that you've started about your relationship difficulties.
So yes, I think you should be examining these patterns and straightening them out, with professional help if necessary. And again ... you stated yourself that you think Tinder is a waste of time. So why bother with it? Match.com isn't the only 'decent' dating (as in, not just hooking-up) site out there.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
Would it be okay if I pretend to like them and "collect" more guys at the same time to be my bf so that I could use them?
NO, that is not ok.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I think maybe you could work on your self esteem for a bit, then try some of the suggestions to 'organically' meet guys? (Go somewhere you're interested in something, an art gallery, etc.)
I truly believe the online dating is a waste of time, & tends to draw the worst.
I know there's exceptions too, but speaking generally, it's not good
Getting back to the self esteem thing, they (the jerks on the sites) would generally be drawn to someone like this.
Not saying they wouldn't in person, but you can at least get a sense of who you're dealing with, rather than a flat web page.
Just saying. Best to you, in whatever you decide.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I’ve met many guys that dated girls after I have been talking to them for months. Their relationship didn’t worked out so he rebound to me. Those girls aren’t as pretty as me. Years later they pop up. What going on?
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
whirlerz
I think maybe you could work on your self esteem for a bit, then try some of the suggestions to 'organically' meet guys? (Go somewhere you're interested in something, an art gallery, etc.)
I truly believe the online dating is a waste of time, & tends to draw the worst.
I know there's exceptions too, but speaking generally, it's not good
Getting back to the self esteem thing, they (the jerks on the sites) would generally be drawn to someone like this.
Not saying they wouldn't in person, but you can at least get a sense of who you're dealing with, rather than a flat web page.
Just saying. Best to you, in whatever you decide.
Thank you! I used to have super low self esteem during my teen years. Now, all my friends say I’m stuck up and cocky. Because of my experiences with people! I’m not changing either.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I’ve met many guys that dated girls after I have been talking to them for months. Their relationship didn’t worked out so he rebound to me. Those girls aren’t as pretty as me. Years later they pop up. What going on?
Because they liked something about them besides their looks or they found them attractive? The relationship ran it’s course now they are looking to hook up? The fact that you didn’t sleep with them means you are a conquest. Stop putting so much emphasis on guys previous partners. I know I have dated hot guys and plain guys I liked them both because I liked them.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
Jalena
Your insecurity, for starters. You think a particular guy's exes are ugly so you won't date _him_ because you think his interest means _you're_ ugly? Come on. I have no idea what you look like, but I don't need to know what you look like in order to tell you that that's a load of crap. Ever think maybe a guy looked at you and thought 'Hey, upgrade! :lovestruc ' instead of 'Hey, more sludge! :ill: Just what I was looking for!'
As to 'collecting' ... having multiple baby daddies (or mommas) isn't exactly a positive achievement. Nor is being unable to support oneself and unable to function independently from a relationship. I'm seeing a fair bit in your posts about what you want guys to be doing for you, but nothing about what you're bringing to the table, or even that you seem to think you have anything to bring to the table. You have hardly said one positive thing about yourself in either this thread, nor several of the others that you've started about your relationship difficulties.
So yes, I think you should be examining these patterns and straightening them out, with professional help if necessary. And again ... you stated yourself that you think Tinder is a waste of time. So why bother with it? Match.com isn't the only 'decent' dating (as in, not just hooking-up) site out there.
I don’t think it’s my insecurity. It’s just that I have issues with men who has, have, had bad tastes. Men will be men. They pay for ugly hookers, have sex with anyone because pussy is pussy, and downgrade from their hot exes.
I finally deleted Tinder today because it’s useless to me. I kept it because I thought I would find someone since I’m always home. It’s work and home or gym and home. I don’t go out.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
kamiliam
Because they liked something about them besides their looks or they found them attractive? The relationship ran it’s course now they are looking to hook up? The fact that you didn’t sleep with them means you are a conquest. Stop putting so much emphasis on guys previous partners. I know I have dated hot guys and plain guys I liked them both because I liked them.
I don’t understand why they didn’t find me attractive. Also don’t understand why would they back peddle. They should find someone new not someone they used to talk to.
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
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Originally Posted by
sweet_baby
I don’t understand why they didn’t find me attractive. Also don’t understand why would they back peddle. They should find someone new not someone they used to talk to.
because looks fade and they aren't everything. Use your looks for your job not your self worth
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
Well I personally would not date men who dated ugly ratchet women but hey I don’t really care about their exes or what they look like as much as I do about what the man can provide for me and how well he treats me.
If you look better than his exes then he will feel lucky to have pulled a 9 or 10
Then again the older you get the less looks factor into the equation
As far as why men won’t find you attractive = some men will, some men won’t, ....so what (you cant win em all) you also have to BE the type of person you would want to date. Focus on feeling good, doing things that make you happy, giving to others, etc being an attractive person
Men backpedal all the time. Cause they’re dumb and don’t realize what they have till it’s gone, just not ready at that time, cause they’re narcissist who like to string women along by popping in and out, and a plethora of other reason
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Re: Should I date guys that I had a crush on long time ago but paid me no mind?
I thought Tinder was for sex only? Maybe I've got sites confused? I'm too shallow to do online, but wish you luck. I had it rough growing up as well.