Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Hello everyone, I am a shaken newbie (8 shifts 3rd week) just looking for advice. Last night prior to me going on the floor the owner said that she was putting me with a customer- to get to the point the customer was a psycho here are some things that were discussed:
- She started talking about how she had “shot a bitch in the face” all the while making gun hands at my forehead
- She went into detail about how she was going to kill me
- She talked about the things that she did to her sisters’ boyfriends (basically more crazy shit)
Every time I tried to leave my arm was grabbed & met with some words like “you know better than to leave, I can beat the fuck out you” etc etc
I tried making eye contact with the bartenders, the owner, and manager and they just kept looking away. This conversation lasted for about 45 minutes when I finally convinced the customer to go in the dj booth. Afterwards I talked to the owner about it (trying to get them kicked out). The owner pretended that she didn’t understand & acted as if I was talking about the doormen instead [i was paraded around the club (& humiliated at this point because I started crying, ugly crying at that). In the locker room (I’m not really liked, I think everyone is still trying to feel me out) everyone but 2 people just said I was overreacting etc.
How do I toughen up? What am I supposed to do? I believe the customer is a friend of the owner. This is like my 2nd time crying at work (the first was because someone kept trying to finger me in the vip) so if you have any advice on not crying it would be helpful too.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
I think you need to find a new place to work. Why would they force you to sit with a female customer??
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
It sounds like the owner doesn't like you for some reason & is intentionally fucking with you. I'm sure that was very unsettling but I wouldn't be surprised if this "customer" was making shit up. Personally, I wouldn't get too freaked out - this "customer" can't do shit to you in the club and it's not like she knows you personally - but I know that's hard if you're new to this business and the bizarre shit people say sometimes.
If there's another club around, try it instead. This is an annoying enough situation for an established dancer, a newbie just learning doesn't need to deal with the extra headache. That would be my first suggestion to you.
If there aren't other clubs around or if this club has great money in it, you can grow a thicker skin and ignore this sort of thing. It sounds like everyone has decided to bully you and that you're a pansy. I can't speak for the other dancers as far as if they are bullying you as well - it's common for them to ignore/be somewhat patronizing to new girls until you've been around a while - but crying in front of them isn't helpful.
I would stop going to the bouncers for anything, it's probably exacerbating them viewing you as a crybaby. If you absolutely can't hold back your tears, go in the bathroom until you get yourself under control. You don't wanna let these vultures see you cry.
Just hold your own & keep your head down. If a customer is bothering you, get up and leave. If they try to grab you, "Don't touch me, get your hands off me" in a firm voice and yank your arm away. If the owner gives you shit for doing so, again in a firm voice say "I don't have to be disrespected/talked to like that/etc. by customers." You HAVE to demonstrate you won't be bullied.
Sometimes the 'hazing' will stop after the staff sees you're not cracking or they get bored. Sometimes they decide to use you "being rude" to a customer as an excuse to fire you. In that case... well, no loss really, you wouldn't want to deal with this bullshit long term.
Edit: Oh, as far as not crying in general, like when customers try to push boundaries... You will either get better at handling it with time, or you will quit.
I think once the shock and automatic reaction to be disgusted & horrified at such behavior wears off (which is what probably resulted in you crying), you will start getting angry instead. I know the first time it happened to me, I was just uncomfortable, danced defensively so he couldn't do too much, and took off after the dance was over... Now years and years later, I get genuinely pissed off & will take charge of the situation via ending the dance, pinning their hands down, cussing them out, etc.
You're in a shit club for learning to deal with that stuff, since you have no backup apparently. But just remember YOU are in charge, this is YOUR place of work, you do not have to tolerate that behavior. Don't be afraid to say "Get your fucking hands out of my thong" or get up and walk off. Again, if you got fired for doing so, that's not a club you want to work in anyway.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
omg! That sounds horrible. Almost sounds like it's a set up to get you to quit! So sorry!
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Oh hell no im usually not into fighting in the club but I wouldn't have been able to help myself. Owner and creepy customer would both be getting stomped out lol. I would for sure quit if I didn't just get myself fired first. It sounds really weird. I strongly suggest you don't continue working there.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Agree strongly with others that suggest this was a setup to run you out. Selina's response was especially on-spot IMO.
Some clubs really are cattier/rougher than others, but this is beyond the pale.
If you continue working in this industry, you will need to toughen up. I don't say that to be rude, and it is a process -- learning to stand up for yourself and not let people walk all over you. But that process can be taxing enough without being stuck trying to earn a living in such a dicey environment. I would strongly encourage you to work elsewhere if you can, even if the money at this place is decent. No amount of money is worth your safety or mental health, regardless of what form those threats take.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
First I’d ask “can you please stop making those comments because it’s making me feel uncomfortable”
Then if she continues
I’d pull out my phone and start recording (either video or audio)
Then report the bitch to the police. If you report to managers/owners and they don’t take death threats seriously then it would be protocol to go above them and report to law enforcement and a lawyer.
Police need evidence though
And does this place have cameras and security? Every person who enters the club should be on surveillance so it’s easier to ID them in case something happens.
Probably better to leave that place for good if you don’t feel safe
*Im not a licensed lawyer. To be certain about the legality of your issue it’s best to consult a lawyer.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
They are also saying they think your overreacting and owner having a hard time comprehending because they don’t have proof this occurred and they don’t trust your word.
Not worth it to work for/with people who don’t take your safety concerns seriously
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Do notttttttt do anything to a crazy customer except WALK THE FUCK AWAY. Do NOT take out your phone and start recording, call the cops, or freak out on crazy people. I am HORRIFIED by that suggestion, that will get you STABBED. I know girls who have been stabbed and shot for pissing the wrong person off. The best thing you can do is find a new club, and next time you run into a freak, smile at them and tell them you'll be right back, tell a bouncer and don't walk over to them again. You don't need to "toughen up", you need boundaries and you need to learn how to assert them. Managers cannot tell you who to talk to or how to work.
Ladies, please don't work for clubs who don't give a fuck about you. Let these clubs go down hill and die off, it is better than working as slaves for people who treat us like shit and steal our moeny at the end pf the night. ALWAYS have other clubs and other sources of income. ALWAYS.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Well obviously you’re going to do what makes you feel safe in that moment based off of the situation
This is why I phrased my posting as what “I” would do and also reminded her to consult with a legal professional who could better help her based on her situation and the laws where she lives.
Let me make sure I’m clear. I do understand what you are saying as far as people becoming irate if they they you are going to “get them in trouble with the laws” and it is for this reason I would be as discreet as possible in my evidence collection/recording if I was one-on-one. If there were other witnesses around or I’m out of arms length of the person then I wouldn’t care as much if they saw me recording them.
I personally like to have proof someone has done something to me that is against the law so that I can file a proper report otherwise it will get blown off as the OP experienced when no one believed her and coworkers diminished customers actions then gaslighted her.
No one saw or heard anything.
And i can guarantee by the owners response that if they did catch this woman’s behavior on club surveillance, she probably would have destroyed that evidence given the customer is allegedly her friend.
Everyone is always on their phones so it would be hard to tell if a person is surfing the web, texting their grandmother, taking selfie, timing the dances, or discreetly recording.
A safe club with good security check people for weapons at the door. Not to say that’s impossible but if a club has good security the likelihood of being assaulted with weapons is lower.
Anyways you always have to be vigilant of what is going on around you and take precautions around unstable, intoxicated people.
As the OP noticed, security was not around in the dance area when you needed and when you brought this to the owners attention they blew it off. One thing is for sure - this is not a place to return to
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Here's my honest theory- there's something about you that the owner doesn't like (might be unfair reasons) OR he has a pattern of fucking women he/she/they meet(s) through the club and this is some sort of demented "test".
I have worked with several people in strip club management who were either heavily on drugs or selling drugs & this atmosphere causes a lot of weird behavior. These sorts of people troll the fuck out of younger people b/c they're not worldly and will not see what's going on.
Pro-tip- next time this happens (if you return to work here) tell a bouncer you're going to "handle it yourself" AND then see what happens. It should reveal who is really behind what's going...
Alternative theory- could this female customer be a bull dyke with mental issues? What you describe sounds like something out of a John Waters movie...but in a mentally ill person's mind they might not have realized how fucked up they sounded....
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
StarryDancer
I think you need to find a new place to work. Why would they force you to sit with a female customer??
She’s a masculine lesbian type of person- so while she is a women it’s a little different
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
Well obviously you’re going to do what makes you feel safe in that moment based off of the situation
This is why I phrased my posting as what “I” would do and also reminded her to consult with a legal professional who could better help her based on her situation and the laws where she lives.
Let me make sure I’m clear. I do understand what you are saying as far as people becoming irate if they they you are going to “get them in trouble with the laws” and it is for this reason I would be as discreet as possible in my evidence collection/recording if I was one-on-one. If there were other witnesses around or I’m out of arms length of the person then I wouldn’t care as much if they saw me recording them.
I personally like to have proof someone has done something to me that is against the law so that I can file a proper report otherwise it will get blown off as the OP experienced when no one believed her and coworkers diminished customers actions then gaslighted her.
No one saw or heard anything.
And i can guarantee by the owners response that if they did catch this woman’s behavior on club surveillance, she probably would have destroyed that evidence given the customer is allegedly her friend.
Everyone is always on their phones so it would be hard to tell if a person is surfing the web, texting their grandmother, taking selfie, timing the dances, or discreetly recording.
A safe club with good security check people for weapons at the door. Not to say that’s impossible but if a club has good security the likelihood of being assaulted with weapons is lower.
Anyways you always have to be vigilant of what is going on around you and take precautions around unstable, intoxicated people.
As the OP noticed, security was not around in the dance area when you needed and when you brought this to the owners attention they blew it off. One thing is for sure - this is not a place to return to
Thank you! I’ve already started looking at different clubs hours away. I finished out the weekend yesterday & the surprisingly the same customer returned and ended up getting into an argument with 2 vets. The owner was pissed and made one of them leave for the night. The customer hovered around me the entire night so I had to nicely ask each gentleman I was with just to ignore her. It was embarrassing but I’ve never sold so many VIP dances.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
babb
Do notttttttt do anything to a crazy customer except WALK THE FUCK AWAY. Do NOT take out your phone and start recording, call the cops, or freak out on crazy people. I am HORRIFIED by that suggestion, that will get you STABBED. I know girls who have been stabbed and shot for pissing the wrong person off. The best thing you can do is find a new club, and next time you run into a freak, smile at them and tell them you'll be right back, tell a bouncer and don't walk over to them again. You don't need to "toughen up", you need boundaries and you need to learn how to assert them. Managers cannot tell you who to talk to or how to work.
Ladies, please don't work for clubs who don't give a fuck about you. Let these clubs go down hill and die off, it is better than working as slaves for people who treat us like shit and steal our moeny at the end pf the night. ALWAYS have other clubs and other sources of income. ALWAYS.
I knew the owner was money hungry [last night she made one of the girls leave for yelling in the bar at the same customer] but I didn’t know to what extent... what’s the purpose of me paying a security fee if I don’t feel secure? Thank you for your response <33
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
callmelemon
She’s a masculine lesbian type of person- so while she is a women it’s a little different
I've dealt with this type of woman before (she was also a crackhead lol.) The ONLY reason she stopped working as a stripper was 1) she switched to streetwalking to pay for her drugs and 2) most of the staff ran her off b/c they got tired of her violent outbursts. I mean eventually "the right people" had enough and barred her.
Also IMO women are just as capable of being threatening, menacing and dangerous as a man can be.
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SnuffleUffleGrass
I've dealt with this type of woman before (she was also a crackhead lol.) The ONLY reason she stopped working as a stripper was 1) she switched to streetwalking to pay for her drugs and 2) most of the staff ran her off b/c they got tired of her violent outbursts. I mean eventually "the right people" had enough and barred her.
Also IMO women are just as capable of being threatening, menacing and dangerous as a man can be.
Whoops I meant **woman; & yes they definitely can, she is by far the most aggressive person that has been in the bar (besides some of the dancers lol). Thanks for all of the advice it's been greatly appreciated
Re: Demented Customer- Management Uncaring ADVICE/Help