Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Without going into too much detail here I have found myself taking care of family.
I was not expecting to financially have to do this, and it has been really difficult mentally and financially for me to handle this alone.
Can anyone else relate? Can I have some encouragement? How have you coped?
My situation is older members of my family. Not children. But I would think it's the same idea, just different emotions involved.
I feel so drained from it. But they need me
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
^^^U mean parents? Grandparents? Cause only for them is worth doing this tho i understand how difficult can be.
While a child means responsibility taking care of elders is kinda different, is a matter of helping the ones who helped you become an adult, different emotions involved indeed, it often feels like a burden. Now my son is helping me and he'll always do he said even when he moves out, i dont make enough on cam anymore to live w.o his help but i do enough to have a decent contribution to all house expenses plus to buy ne what i need and some.
When he was still in school not earning it was horror as cam business started to decline already.
You mean the elders u take care of have no income at all or just not enough?! Could u live happily knowing they can't be without your help? Again, it's important who these persons are and how important they are to u, also if they have or not have income and if they can manage life without ur help. Sometimes people take advantage of their siblings, i hope is not the case with urs?
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
girl, yes.
it is draining mentally and physically.
its hard for me to pretend everything is peachy when its a fucking nightmare
I cut everything down to basics to see what they could live without. I gave back internet
putting them on foodstamps helped big time
I turned the spare bedroom not used for temporary rentals 300-700 mo depending on the situation. cash only.
Im lucky it is in a transit area it will sit empty
I have a second person that I cover a average of 100/mo .. maybe more if things are needed he cant cover. just uhhgg
IMO children are different
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KatM
^^^U mean parents? Grandparents? Cause only for them is worth doing this tho i understand how difficult can be.
While a child means responsibility taking care of elders is kinda different, is a matter of helping the ones who helped you become an adult, different emotions involved indeed, it often feels like a burden. Now my son is helping me and he'll always do he said even when he moves out, i dont make enough on cam anymore to live w.o his help but i do enough to have a decent contribution to all house expenses plus to buy ne what i need and some.
When he was still in school not earning it was horror as cam business started to decline already.
You mean the elders u take care of have no income at all or just not enough?! Could u live happily knowing they can't be without your help? Again, it's important who these persons are and how important they are to u, also if they have or not have income and if they can manage life without ur help. Sometimes people take advantage of their siblings, i hope is not the case with urs?
It's my grandparents. the rest of my family are huge pieces of shit and I am supplementing what they need right now. It will probably be for a very long time.
I am only 27. I cannot believe everyone abandoned them like this.
I am renting too so it's a financial nightmare for me. I can't move in to their house and cam. Nor would I want to!
I feel good helping them but at the same time I am so drained :(
They raised me because my mom is a broken individual and my dad is a narcissistic psychopath.
I could never see them go hungry or lose the house.
But god damn this is stressful :(
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Erika_Xstacy
girl, yes.
it is draining mentally and physically.
its hard for me to pretend everything is peachy when its a fucking nightmare
I cut everything down to basics to see what they could live without. I gave back internet
putting them on foodstamps helped big time
I turned the spare bedroom not used for temporary rentals 300-700 mo depending on the situation. cash only.
Im lucky it is in a transit area it will sit empty
I have a second person that I cover a average of 100/mo .. maybe more if things are needed he cant cover. just uhhgg
IMO children are different
I was thinking of getting them on food stamps, I will def be looking into that right away thank you!
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Erika_Xstacy
girl, yes.
it is draining mentally and physically.
its hard for me to pretend everything is peachy when its a fucking nightmare
I cut everything down to basics to see what they could live without. I gave back internet
putting them on foodstamps helped big time
I turned the spare bedroom not used for temporary rentals 300-700 mo depending on the situation. cash only.
Im lucky it is in a transit area it will sit empty
I have a second person that I cover a average of 100/mo .. maybe more if things are needed he cant cover. just uhhgg
IMO children are different
If you don't mind me asking who are you caring for?
also how do you manage your stress?
are your people living with you?
xoxo
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Yes, unfortunately ( and I say this because of all the stress that's on you/us ) and luckily too, because are can be there for the ones in need and they are not left alone.
I was in the same situation until a month ago, helping my mom with everything..food, house bills, medicine, etc. My dad died last year and left her helpless, she was dependent 100% on him. So for a year and a half I had to provide for 2 houses, sort of. There were times when things were not so good, as in traffic was not great and I was struggling with making the minimum, times when I was just overwhelmed by the situation like my mind would shut down and I would get depressed without being able to get out of bed. But then, few hours later the thought of not being able to help my mom, especially she was sad and depressed on top of the money issue, it was killing me. So I was shaking the bad mood off, listening to some motivation clips, meditating, and back to work to make the $.
What would also help is, when you make some more than the minimum, put them aside for a bad time for when you may not have enough ( praying that won't be the case but you never know ). Mentally it feels better and safer to know that you have something aside.
Wish you strength and good times, so you can make it without a struggle! Also, hat off to you for doing this! It may be a struggle sometimes, overwhelming also, like you can not do it anymore but the feeling you have when you see them happy, grateful and alive thanks to you...that is the best feeling ever! Hold on to that!
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Yes, I am caring for a parent who didn’t take care of me. She will eventually going to a nursing home. So will I. Fact of life. I do my best to help her out, but I won’t let my family bankrupt me more than they already have.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ASandra
Yes, unfortunately ( and I say this because of all the stress that's on you/us ) and luckily too, because are can be there for the ones in need and they are not left alone.
I was in the same situation until a month ago, helping my mom with everything..food, house bills, medicine, etc. My dad died last year and left her helpless, she was dependent 100% on him. So for a year and a half I had to provide for 2 houses, sort of. There were times when things were not so good, as in traffic was not great and I was struggling with making the minimum, times when I was just overwhelmed by the situation like my mind would shut down and I would get depressed without being able to get out of bed. But then, few hours later the thought of not being able to help my mom, especially she was sad and depressed on top of the money issue, it was killing me. So I was shaking the bad mood off, listening to some motivation clips, meditating, and back to work to make the $.
What would also help is, when you make some more than the minimum, put them aside for a bad time for when you may not have enough ( praying that won't be the case but you never know ). Mentally it feels better and safer to know that you have something aside.
Wish you strength and good times, so you can make it without a struggle! Also, hat off to you for doing this! It may be a struggle sometimes, overwhelming also, like you can not do it anymore but the feeling you have when you see them happy, grateful and alive thanks to you...that is the best feeling ever! Hold on to that!
Thank you hun it makes me feel less alone knowing there are other girls here doing the same thing :)
Also that's what keeps me motivated, I can't imagine leaving them to fend for themselves...
It makes me really scared about my future though. I can't have children so who will take care of me when I grow old? Will anyone care? Its frightening and sad.
When I think of that it makes me want to help them even more... my grandparents must feel horrible. They always thank me and I check up on them daily but it must really hurt for your own kids to abandon you
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
moneybags
Yes, I am caring for a parent who didn’t take care of me. She will eventually going to a nursing home. So will I. Fact of life. I do my best to help her out, but I won’t let my family bankrupt me more than they already have.
You're a great person love and I'm giving you a huge hug :)
If you ever need to vent I'm down to listen
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
I’m the sandwich generation. I have children that depend on me and I take care of my mother. Literally she went from perfectly healthy to a brain bleed that changed her life forever. It’s so fucking hard watching the strong woman who raised me decline. Mom developed vascular dementia after the bleed and has had multiple strokes since. As a matter of fact, she just got out of the hospital again the day before Thanksgiving. She doesn’t receive enough in social security and her co payments are ridiculous. Sometimes I struggle significantly, especially when I have to take days off when she is in the hospital or has multiple appointments. I had moved an hour away but moved back last year. It’s hard to cam here but I make it work. I literally feel like I have no hours left in my day. I do the bulk of cooking, cleaning, etc. I would love to tell you it gets better but I’ve been doing this for a few years now and I am tired. I can say at the end of the day tho, I have no regrets because I know her time with me is limited. I’ve no help either and wish I could be of more assistance as far as recommending solutions for you but I cannot. Good luck to you and hugs.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
illuminaughty
If you don't mind me asking who are you caring for?
also how do you manage your stress?
are your people living with you?
xoxo
Quote:
Originally Posted by
illuminaughty
If you don't mind me asking who are you caring for?
also how do you manage your stress?
are your people living with you?
xoxo
my 21 yro lives with me, she is a full time student and does not work.
I could have her live in a apt atmosphere w a roommate but I cant find rent cheap enough .. Right now I pay 1200 for rent..
We live in a basic cottage style home
I take care of people from a distance. 2 hour distance
who do I take care of?
my mom is now 70. she has mental issues, very creative, destructive mind. memory loss.
she lives alone.
she receives 800 mo/ she owns her home but took out a reverse mortgage, the home is safe bc she had enough equity. no one knows where the money went
HOA fees are fuckn ridiculous.
I can sell the home but have to give back the money from the sale cutting it in half. I found a way to keep the home by playing the system a bit
She has Dr bills out the wazoo
My X: He has rods in both legs that shouldve been removed over 10 yrs ago.
His hips are currently shattered from surgery, trauma surgeons cant get the rods out bone grew around the rods, he had one knee replaced last week
currently he lives in a rehab center estimated for 2 more years
I have to be there for every surgery in case something goes wrong- that is time off
I pay all his bills that actually come out to 400 extra monthly - i added it up last night
He couldnt do all this if I didnt sign on to help
How I cope:
I can suffer all goddamn day and not give a fuck, I turn it into a hustle, Im bred that way - I dont want her to see her father down when I can help - i hate to see anyone suffer
I do cry - it gets lonely
Ive fallen and friends helped me back up - this community is like no other.
im not social. its hard to find ppl that understand my life
I dont date but that is more a issue of "captain save a hoe" never showed up lol
I put a lot of time into my dogs we goof off a lot We walk daily enjoy life
i roller skate, it puts me in a zone
i spend a lot of time w my hair and nails. i do things that I love
I laugh about the irony, they wanted to take my life from me but I am giving them life when I use to wish death on them -there was a lot of blood shed through the years
knowing at the end of the day, i have never lost compassion for others no matter our history, i can say everything in life is water under the bridge and that makes me feel good
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
My father has Alzheimers and mixed dementia and lives in a care home, I am paying the top-up fees that his private pension doesn't cover so he can have the best care I can afford.
(I have more than that, but that's as much as I can share right now)
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
I’ll be praying for you all. Take care of yourself and put your own air mask on before helping anyone else. We can’t run ourselves in the ground or bleed ourselves dry.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Hugs to you. Personally depending on the situation I don't think its fair or right for people to expect another person to completely take care of them. When you're a kid its completely different because you can't take care of yourself yet. However I feel when kids get a certain age they should be able to take care of themselves unless they are physically and mentally unable to. An even if kids are 18 and older but still staying at home they should be contributing financially and doing their part with house upkeep.
Parents and grandparents are tough one. If they're physically and mentally unable to work and they were good people there's kind of no choice but to take care of them. I know I would do whatever I can to help my mom and my grandma because they're amazing people. They would give their loved ones the world if they could and I would do the same for them.
However in the same breath taking care of other people can cripple you. Its harsh to say but taking care of another person regardless if it's a kid, parent, etc is a burden. So its very important to find a balance. If I knew the situation was indefinite I'd brainstorm what I could do to make the situation as easy, tolerable, seamless and systematic as possible. So first thing I'd do is get them on as much assistance as possible. If I was renting and shelling out financially and they owned a home I'd seriously think about changing or downgrading my living situation.
I don't think you should have to give up your life, happiness and freedom to help other people by any means. However again if it was me I'd make as many changes as I could so that the situation wouldn't financially, physically, mentally and emotionally destroy me. I wouldn't want to move in with them either. What I'm about to say isn't ideal for most people for a variety of reasons...but because I like the idea of tiny homes, love nature and can do construction... depending on where your grandparents live and the size of their backyard I'd discuss using their backyard to house a tiny home, rv or bus conversion (with internet, water and electric hookup from their house).
I wouldn't be happy taking care of someone as well as living with them nor would I be happy taking care of them from a distance (due to being worried all the time and the financial strain) but I could find happiness and balance in taking care of them while I have my own little place super close by. I wouldn't have to commute and spend tons on gas/transportation just to see or check on them, I wouldn't have to worry about them as much since I'm no longer far away, I wouldn't have to fork over a ton in rent, I would be able to help them more easily, I would still have my own space and freedom, I'd still be able to work, if their location isn't too crappy I'd still be able to have somewhat of a life and most of all I'd be saving alot of money...money that can help me as well as them.
Again if it was me I'd move in with them temporarily until I made 2 dwellings in their backyard....my home and an office, that way I'd have enough space to live plus a separate place to work. I'd have them right next to each other too, that way all I had to do walk next door to my office or house. I'd get them on assistance, go food shopping for myself and them once every 2 weeks, do food prep for all of us on Sunday, serve myself as well as them meals the same time, clean my as well as their house on the same day or maybe even hire a cleaning person, etc. I like cohesiveness, structure and a family dynamic so I'd have a system down pack that would allow me to get things down as well as spend time with those that I care about. I don't mind helping people who aren't problematic and aren't too difficult. I can make things and situations work as long as the other party is appreciative of my time and effort.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
illuminaughty
It's my grandparents. the rest of my family are huge pieces of shit and I am supplementing what they need right now. It will probably be for a very long time.
I am only 27. I cannot believe everyone abandoned them like this.
I am renting too so it's a financial nightmare for me. I can't move in to their house and cam. Nor would I want to!
I feel good helping them but at the same time I am so drained :(
They raised me because my mom is a broken individual and my dad is a narcissistic psychopath.
I could never see them go hungry or lose the house.
But god damn this is stressful :(
You should talk to a lawyer and read up on how to obtain power of attorney.
A power of attorney (POA) or letter of attorney is a written authorization to represent or act on another's behalf in private affairs, business, or some other legal matter.
There are advocacy groups for the elderly that can advise you on what steps to take. I'm suggesting this based on what you've said about other members in your family.
Shady relatives will always reappear when they see that you're getting things done on your own. They sometimes do it because they're greedy and smell money. Sometimes they're just bored. If you're going to become their caretaker having power of attorney is crucial because it eliminates all the babble and nonsense.
It really sucks having to be so distrustful of your relatives but it's the right thing to do when you can see the full picture. You already know what's best for your grandparents and they seem to trust you. Plus getting that done will put you several steps ahead of the dirtbags turning into saboteurs.
My Dad died a few years ago and luckily he had his affairs in order and the paperwork already drawn up. My Mother had already agreed to make me power of attorney before I even knew my dad was sick. Everything went smoothly until a few relatives started to feel some kinda way. Y'all know what I mean. ;) If I didn't have those signatures when the shit hit the fan...I probably would have had to spend money in lawyer fees, plus criminal charges because I choked someone out. She currently lives alone but needs to be monitored because...ya know vultures etc. Our arrangement works for now.
Basically you need to protect yourself so that whatever decision you make is honored by the law. That's my pragmatic advice for anyone approaching this sort of thing. Your local services can get you started for free.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
I'm in the same situation. It's partly why I've kept my vanilla job because its consistent dependable income but its really not enough to forward my life. Not enough to save for anything or invest in anything. It just assures that we get by but I really want to cam full time because I think I would make more and it would just be easier than having the extra stress, commute, and expenses that come with a job. It could be an option. Automate or schedule everything you can so you don't have to cook anything or get food that they can actually make themselves is super helpful. I only clean twice a month and I spend the whole days doing it. Luckily they can wash their own dishes and themselves and dont need 24/7 care. And its winter now so the lawn isnt an issue but now theres the issue of snow and I dont want them be shut ins or have people not be able to get to their door who need to deliver things. How have I coped? I dont even know. I have a monthly mental breakdown. I would say spending time with them helps whenever I can just be there without a to do list because I know I am appreciated. As for encouragement you can do anything you set your mind to and know not all situations are permanent and this can change for the better in many ways at any time
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
You should talk to a lawyer and read up on how to obtain power of attorney.
I'm starting the process of this right now.
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
I'm not in this situation, but will be helping my daughter with health insurance. I can't even imagine the stress you're under. Camming is stressful enough. I can't offer advice, but I will keep you in mind when I do the Ho'oponopono which is a negative energy clearing meditation that can heal in a major way.
Sending light, love, and calm energy your way. You can do this with a lot of self love. xoxo
Re: Is anyone else caring for family financially?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
You should talk to a lawyer and read up on how to obtain power of attorney.
A power of attorney (POA) or letter of attorney is a written authorization to represent or act on another's behalf in private affairs, business, or some other legal matter.
There are advocacy groups for the elderly that can advise you on what steps to take. I'm suggesting this based on what you've said about other members in your family.
Shady relatives will always reappear when they see that you're getting things done on your own. They sometimes do it because they're greedy and smell money. Sometimes they're just bored. If you're going to become their caretaker having power of attorney is crucial because it eliminates all the babble and nonsense.
It really sucks having to be so distrustful of your relatives but it's the right thing to do when you can see the full picture. You already know what's best for your grandparents and they seem to trust you. Plus getting that done will put you several steps ahead of the dirtbags turning into saboteurs.
My Dad died a few years ago and luckily he had his affairs in order and the paperwork already drawn up. My Mother had already agreed to make me power of attorney before I even knew my dad was sick. Everything went smoothly until a few relatives started to feel some kinda way. Y'all know what I mean. ;) If I didn't have those signatures when the shit hit the fan...I probably would have had to spend money in lawyer fees, plus criminal charges because I choked someone out. She currently lives alone but needs to be monitored because...ya know vultures etc. Our arrangement works for now.
Basically you need to protect yourself so that whatever decision you make is honored by the law. That's my pragmatic advice for anyone approaching this sort of thing. Your local services can get you started for free.
Oh wow thank you for this!!!