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Do you have any friends or family you can stay with?
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What happened to living at your grandma's house? I could have sworn that's where you lived before?
Is there any possibility you can get a place for yourself? Is he getting treated for bipolar disorder?
Contact your local Women's shelter (in the United States it could be the local YWCA, a Domestic Violence shelter, or a church affiliated shelter)....they will most likely be able to find you a month to month sublet close to your workplace so you can get away from your spouse ASAP and keep working to enable you to pay for your divorce/future needs.
If he's grabbing at you and invading your personal space in abusive ways even though you're honoring the terms of your separation, you probably shouldn't stay around him longer. It will just escalate and in some states a confrontation can result in charges being lodged against you, which will have a negative impact on your future.
That’s pretty terrifying.
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If you are paying some rent then you have renters rights. By law you are absolutely allowed to have a lock on your door. And if he kicks you out, remember to evict you then he needs to have a legal reason to evict you. If he kicks you out then you can sue him. Now, I know saying any of this can cause him to be violent, but you should look into your State's laws on it. And keep quiet about any plans you make because he will look for ways to undermine you like he is now.
So if he becomes a total asshole you can sue him & make him just as miserable in the future. And since you are getting a divorce, absolutely document & talk to your lawyer about these terrorist harmful tactics & threats.
Him not letting you work is economic terrorism so you can't leave which makes him abusive. And closer you get to leaving him, more dangerous he will become. So yes, do seek out help & getting other housing like one of the people suggested above.
Meanwhile look for rooms to rent or studio apartment, never know what you will find that you can afford.
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Bambiecutie, girl I really do worry about you. From waaay over here from where I'm sitting it seems as if you're still waiting for him to come around and be the man you want him to be. The reason I worry is because I fear that you may not be thinking clearly. Or that you may not be taking in the full gravity of this situation. This doesn't sound like a safe place and I think you need to pack it up and head back to grandma's. I know it's embarrassing to have to live with family especially when there may have been conflict in the past. I've been through it myself. Just get out of there.
+ 1 on the womens shelter maybe being able to help !
It's a weird thing sometimes with them though ...... you have to often get established with them first to THEN get help ..... waiting list ect.
So start now just in case.
How soon would you goal be to get away from him ?
Definitely lie and work as best you can ! Say you are visiting a friend helping ( who is also VERY careful about covid ) or that you are stepping in to help babysit a friends children while she works.
What you need to do to raise that $$ .
You already know I’m petty
What I would do I set up some baby oil on the floor near my door and some tar n feathers to the top of the door so when he tried to walk through. He’d bust his ass and be looking like a human goose trying to invade my space.
Im kidding but really yeah he’s messing with you to get you off center because that’s probably how he feels and he doesn’t seem to be all the way mentally mature/stable. He also feels entitled and has no boundaries is what it sounds like.
I’d discreetly record him if it’s legal and keep records of payments so I’d have proof to sue him later or if I needed leverage if I were in that situation.
Then, I’d just leave (good suggestions mentioned above) because the sooner you get away from him the sooner your life will be better (you’ll get him out of your hair so to speak).
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Damn girl. Wish you the best & good luck. Be careful!
Anything of any particular value - monetary, sentimental, etc. - get them to a safe place away from the house.
Speaking on the experiences of others here, but they’ve had issues where the ex- or ex-to-be would take those things Nd either try ransom with them or just hide them way out of spite.
^ Great advice .
I'm not saying this to scare you either but domestic violence experts say that that time when you are thinking of leaving is a particularly critical time . It seems like you guys have been in a couple small scraps and he mostly " puffs and pesters " but isn't violent yet ?
^ Is this right ?
Just be very aware and careful. It would even be best ( 90% of the time in these cases ) to tell him you are leaving in like 6-8 weeks even if you intend to be out in 2-3 .
I have experience with domestic violence myself ( recent and I've talked about it here on the site about 6 - 7 months ago ) . It is so key to get away ( smoothly ) even if there is the slightest risk of violence. In my case there was just a verbal threat of violence ( as well as screaming / verbal belittling which I consider violent enough ). Once that threat came out I called the cops for a safety escort out ( you can ask for that specifically ). We are smaller than men so there is no reason to risk any sort of physical injury because that itself would also cause a loss of income / waste of time ect.
p.s. I wouldn't take him at his word on that job either ( not all the details ) . He could just be saying that to slow down your progress.
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If it were me Id honestly take my ass back to familys. Earn enough from camming or whatever your other job is & go to a cheap weekly motel or airbnb. I just left a situation like yours that was similar but not with the physical abuse. Mine wouldnt let me work either really so id go hang out in my car & work texting sites anyway & made enough to leave. He would have crazy mood swings too, like literally wake up & start yelling about how shitty his life was & how he wanted me to leave bc he wanted his room back. I gave it to him on wed lol. Im in a crappy motel but i can say im not nearly as depressed as i was sitting under a ticking time bomb everyday. It will get better girl , just get to safety & take time for YOU . good luck.
Get a lawyer, get a restraining order. Kick his a** out.
XOXO
Z
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