-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Marriage is a disaster, especially if you have kids. Men are not biologically wired to be monogamous so there's that already working against you, unless I were to find a man that would allow a mutually open marriage. That's never the case. They always want one-sided open marriage where they can fuck whoever and expect you to be loyal only to them. I'd not bother with it unless there was some kind of financial stability aspect to it for the kids and I.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
305gurl
It's usually more beneficial for women if they married a "marriageable" man, meaning having a career and/or owns a successful business, properties, savings, stocks, assets, etc. Once that man signs that marriage license, he's pretty lock in if the woman plays the long game. Meaning she has to play the part of a good wife for several years until she qualifies for the spousal benefits during the divorce.
Marriage serves as a "retirement" or "insurance plan for a lot of women. But if a woman marries an average Joe, she's just wasting her time.
^ This is sooo true! Both my mom & sister married men for financial gain & IMO it's not worth it for me to follow suit. I have zero interest in being a slave to some boring guy for $$$ in the future which I may or may not even get. People are alot smarter these days & if these women don't cross thier t's & dot their i's they won't get shit.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DeathAndTaxes
They are becoming more common
There was a NYT article on this but it is behind a paywall
https://www.insidehook.com/article/s...y-happier-ones
In short polyamory is more common in relationships and that eventually extends to marriage relationships. Also I think that men afraid of the children not being his is the biggest obstacle to open marriages. Now what men do secretly want is non-egalitarian open marriage for him and monogamy for her. Now that is the unicorn.
well at least you have admitted how men’s egos can lead to hypocrisy
I personally would be cool with open marriage (both sides) but the thing about diseases, impregnating another broad (thus forcing to split my coins), and emotional attachments to other women, possible diminished loyalty, etc make it a challenge for me to roll with it.
i trust myself to follow the rules but a lot of men have weak willpower sometimes
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xxxGothBarbie
^ This is sooo true! Both my mom & sister married men for financial gain & IMO it's not worth it for me to follow suit. I have zero interest in being a slave to some boring guy for $$$ in the future which I may or may not even get. People are alot smarter these days & if these women don't cross thier t's & dot their i's they won't get shit.
Marrying for financial gain is seen in some cultures and more common if the couple plan to have or already have kids.
Kids are no joke —— they aren’t just cute bundles of joy they are EXPENSIVE and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. Get pregnant n marry the underperforming spouse (or successful yet stingy spouse) and see how well you’re able to provide for yourself, your kids, your future, etc.
I agree some wealthy men (and women) use money as a way to manipulate people in a negative way. But not all wealthy people are like that. There are men who are successful and will be kind n generous with you
Your last sentence is very important- gotta always do the best to get where you want to go in life as long as you’re not hurting anyone and regardless of your relationship status
I think you’re right in that just because a person marries someone more financially resourceful than themselves doesn’t always guarantee they’ll be financially free during marriage, upon divorce, or upon death of spouse. People lose jobs, people get greedy especially in divorce, and people cut off beneficiaries without notice.....So always having financial intelligence and some coins you know how to get independently is beneficial
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WendiStarr
Marriage is a disaster, especially if you have kids. Men are not biologically wired to be monogamous so there's that already working against you, unless I were to find a man that would allow a mutually open marriage. That's never the case. They always want one-sided open marriage where they can fuck whoever and expect you to be loyal only to them. I'd not bother with it unless there was some kind of financial stability aspect to it for the kids and I.
I agree. I think men have long subscribed to the idea that it’s ok for them to be players especially if they’re single or if their married/in relationships but their wives/gfs “backed them into a corner” and so they were “driven” to do it.
It’s in men’s nature to cheat.
And they expect the woman to always take them back after they get caught
And they will rarely accept responsibility for their cheating
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
well at least you have admitted how men’s egos can lead to hypocrisy
I personally would be cool with open marriage (both sides) but the thing about diseases, impregnating another broad (thus forcing to split my coins), and emotional attachments to other women, possible diminished loyalty, etc make it a challenge for me to roll with it.
i trust myself to follow the rules but a lot of men have weak willpower sometimes
I always argued that the male ego is the most fragile thing in the world, find a crack and you can wound like crazy. So hypocrisy is a given that is why the newest insults cuck and simp work, they target the ego.
Lets do a thought experiment lets replace "sex" with "conversation" and pretend the subjects are infertile (because children is a legitimate argument)
Do I care that she talks to other men? not really, I think we have evolved as a society where most men and women are in agreement that it is not socially acceptable to be that controlling by default (although people are free to agree on what they want, its still not the default)
Disease? With covid it still did not pop up and I was paying attention, people trust their partner to take precautions.
Worried that a silver tongue will seduce her away? got a golden one haha.
Do I get an enormous ego boost if she said she only wanted to talk to me because she found other men boring? lol of course. That said not really the jealous type, I don't become passive aggressive, start shaming, or even poison pilling the relationship otherwise.
Am I actively looking to find a replacement when in a LTR? no, I would consider this cheating, and immoral regardless of what interaction is taking place.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
I agree. I think men have long subscribed to the idea that it’s ok for them to be players especially if they’re single or if their married/in relationships but their wives/gfs “backed them into a corner” and so they were “driven” to do it.
It’s in men’s nature to cheat.
And they expect the woman to always take them back after they get caught
And they will rarely accept responsibility for their cheating
I don't, never have, never will. I never need to accept responsibility because I never do it. I understand that you may have met different types of men, but were not all the same. Please understand me, I get it. But I don't fuck around, and I'm not the only one. I only need ONE Vagina.
BTW: i've been called a player in the past, but I've never been one.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Pros: Happiness
Cons: If you have no prenup...yikes.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
^yeah good luck finding women accepting open marriages. Few n far between.
Right? What's the point of marriage if you're just going to screw around on each other anyway?
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
^yeah good luck finding women accepting open marriages. Few n far between.
Trump found one.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
BF and I were young when I got pregnant. At first, I didn't want to get married because of the cost and being PG, I didn't want everyone to think we were getting married just because. Then, I discovered I really was not the monogamous type. Thankfully, BF isn't either. So, we agreed not to marry, and not to be monogamous, but we do live together and raise our daughter together. Now, it's been 17 years together and its worked out pretty well. We don't get hung up on monogamy and that's good for us. The finances of living together are definitely a plus. The one downside is we cannot own property as tenants by the entirities. Thus any property we co-own is subject to any debts either of us has. Thus, we are pretty careful about borrowing money. We have lots of car and homeowners insurance and an umbrella policy to protect our house. We do spend some money on estate planning and asset protection that we might not have to spend if we were married, but that is more than balanced out by the tax savings coming from not being married.
Now, we are over 40 and have all of our debts, except the house paid off. We are in the hyper-accumulation phase of life where we put over half of our combined incomes into investments. This has required some planning and talking. I don't know if married couples can do this as well or not. We have long had our monthly sit downs where we review the budget from the previous month. Those talks have evolved into more investment planning. We have also started bringing daughter into those conversations. She needs to know how to manage money. One day, she will have a lot to manage. She has a job. We have set the expectation that she pay a lot of her own expenses from her paycheck, but that she also save five percent of her gross pay each pay period. She is already enrolled in her employer offered 401(k) and getting the employer match!
HTH
Z
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
eagle2
Trump found one.
Agreed.
When a dude has long money, he just might open up the Pandora’s box for all sorts of things “average” men can’t get/do n this includes access to women who accept open marriages.....for a price.
They won’t explicitly say “yeah babe see you at 9 after you finish plowing through Becky at 6” they may just turn a blind eye as long as that money coming in to finance an above average lifestyle.
Money can make you look past some things but only a fool will take money in exchange for their health, sanity, n dignity
“Open” marriages turn sour when the “philanderer” gets carried away, brings home stds n outside babies, n let’s the streets tell all ones personal business
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
We don't really know what they agreed on, Trump is a fucking sociopath he could have very easily sold her a monogamous marriage and cheated on her the next day, do people really think he is the type to be honest about anything? much less a relationship?
That said I still argue that real open marriages are more common because of the nature of extending a polyamorous LTR.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Common?
I think men who are making over a certain amount of money are more likely to “cheat” or have open marriages simply because they can buy people, more women will be attracted to them so more options n more temptations, and the ego boost of someone whose already probably egotistical, and simply because it’s more acceptable in society for men to be philanders or non monogamous
And yes Donald and Melanias alleged open marriage is probably understood. He might have lied or twisted the truth but didn’t his previous wives divorce him based on his philandering? Didnt he mess around on his first wife with one of his other baby moms?
Melania knew what she was getting into and turned a blind eye so she could life a certain lifestyle
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
^ I don't have hard numbers so I am dropping the argument on open marriages.
Quote:
think men who are making over a certain amount of money are more likely to “cheat” or have open marriages simply because they can buy people, more women will be attracted to them so more options n more temptations,
Mixing money and relationships is playing with fire. I am not a billionare (or even close), but in sin city it does not matter. I already lost my spirit of free love, if a woman cold approaches me today it is a huge red flag, when before it was automatic yes if there was overall attraction.
It requires a certain level of callousness to constantly want to use people that are trying to use you, which leads me to...
Quote:
And yes Donald and Melanias alleged open marriage is probably understood. He might have lied or twisted the truth but didn’t his previous wives divorce him based on his philandering? Didn't he mess around on his first wife with one of his other baby moms?
Trump famously divorced Marla Maples almost immediately before her prenup triggered to a higher payout, that said we don't know what Melania's prenup says.
There is no ego boost when money is literally the only thing that matters. I mean you girls of all people know how guarded men become when it comes to their wallets. You have to give us an illusion that we can lose ourselves in, because I don't know any of us that have an ignore AND wallet spigot fetish.
Quote:
and simply because it’s more acceptable in society for men to be philanders or non monogamous
I mean in certain toxic circles sure, but if if there was lying (aka real cheating) it is gender blind, in my social circles at least.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
What are y’all’s thoughts on having sex with the same person for months, years, decades...?
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
What are y’all’s thoughts on having sex with the same person for months, years, decades...?
I am okay with having sex with the same person for years, but it will require keeping that fire burning in the bedroom to maintain the relationship. I have found after a number of years, if someone does not change, care for themselves or grow as an individual then things can become very dull, as there is nothing new to look forward, explore or challenge in the relationship. Do I think fucking the same person for the rest of your life without drifting into other desires is healthy? Hell no, neither is getting incredibly jealous over someone exploring their bodies, watching porn or having some outlet to express those urges. For instance my Grandfather can't watch porn or anything without my Grandmother freaking the fuck out and I can honestly see how horribly depressed it has made him along with bottled up emotions that he has never been able to fully express. He has came to me so many times over (porn viruses lol) that have randomly taken over his phone and the look he has on his face is priceless. Whenever I have encountered him taking care of any business by complete accident (during my time of living with Family, which shit happens when living under the same roof) I always keep it secret to avoid his Wife losing her shit. So having sex with the same person for months? Sure.. Years? Depends on how urges are controlled.. Decades? Pushing it..
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
I feel like we're conflating LTRs and marriage in this thread. To me, they're dramatically different animals, but maybe it's because many of you won't do LTRs without marriage? Sorry if i misunderstood the OP.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
If I had to honestly choose? I would take a LTR over a marriage.. The only time I see marriage as part of the deal is if that person is wanting a Family/children, in which case that is when I would require marriage.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
What are y’all’s thoughts on having sex with the same person for months, years, decades...?
BF and I have been having sex with each other for 18 years now. It's fun. He and I do work at keeping it that way. For us, that means we seek out other partners, sometimes as a couple, other times not. I'm a unicorn, in that I will have sex with women and men, and like both. BF is very straight. In the swinger community, that works well because there are far more women who like gang bangs than women who like girl/girl sex. But, there are couples who do seek out a unicorn. We also work at doing different things even when it's just us. We do watch a lot of porn together too. One of the benefits of having a big screen in the bedroom. That's good for ideas.
XOXO
Z
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BambiCutie
If I had to honestly choose? I would take a LTR over a marriage.. The only time I see marriage as part of the deal is if that person is wanting a Family/children, in which case that is when I would require marriage.
Very Interesting
I had the same thought pop up the other day
Like marriage is such a major commitment (if you’re a no divorce kind of person) and like what’s the benefit (hence the creation of the thread). It seems it would definitely be beneficial for couples who want/have children together.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
charlie61
I feel like we're conflating LTRs and marriage in this thread. To me, they're dramatically different animals, but maybe it's because many of you won't do LTRs without marriage? Sorry if i misunderstood the OP.
Perhaps.
How do you see LTR being different?
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
What are y’all’s thoughts on having sex with the same person for months, years, decades...?
Losing interest can happen at any time, for any reason, the natural state of human beings is doing what takes least amount of effort but derives the most excitement.
Last month I lost complete interest in someone before even having sex, quite literally plopped her into the friendzone (well really more like acquaintancezone).
That said in a monogamous relationship this becomes more complicated when either party starts to gain interest in somebody else and trust is broken as a result.
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
What are y’all’s thoughts on having sex with the same person for months, years, decades...?
I'd say it depends. This is a guy speaking, but if I loved her I would have no problem fucking her for decades. You just change it up, get a little adventurous. Dip into stuff, y'know. That's not what happened to me, my Wife died, but i'd have happily fucked her and only her till friggin' DOOMSDAY.
MissP, I may be many things, but I am NOT a cheater. There's no way I can prove that to you, because we don't know each other in person. All I can do is tell you and just hope against hope... I would feel lower than Whale Shit if I cheated on my Wife. Just the worst person in the World. I remember her, I am remembering her now as I type, and the idea of cheating on her repels me. I wish I could make you truly understand, but I can't
-
Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
Perhaps.
How do you see LTR being different?
Marriage involves legal processes and obligations, plus potential risk of financial impact without a prenup. LTR involves no legal processes (with the exception of common-law marriage states), no legal obligations (unless you share a child), and no risk of financial impact (assuming you keep finances separate / don't share accounts). They're completely different...
Marriage means you've invited the legal system and institution of marriage into your long-term relationship.