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Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
I’ll try to sum this up as quickly as possible.
I’m a quiet stripper. I’ve been at my club for 8 months and have never had a problem with anybody. If I’m not with a customer, I’m usually sitting alone.
So, I’m standing in front of the DJ booth half door, talking to the DJ. Another dancer walks up behind me and says “EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME” while patting my back so she could enter she DJ booth. It felt very disrespectful so I decided to set boundaries. On her way out, I told her “do not touch me again.” And this triggered her very badly. She immediately started raising her voice and yelling at me. Saying things along the lines of “you don’t know who the fuck I am. I don’t give a fuck about you. You big ass hoe (I’m on the thicker side, and she’s very petite).” Etc. My only responses were “all I said was for you not to touch me again.” I eventually walked away from her, with her continuing to scream at me as I walked away. Yes, this situation was annoying but I got over it pretty quickly. What happens next is what really frustrates me.
At the end of my shift, my manager pulls me to the side to talk to me. He said “I’m busy at the bar so I have to make this quick. Tell me what happened with *****” so I’m trying to explain what I just told y’all, but he keeps cutting me off. He said “listen, if you go up to her again you will not work at this club anymore. Why would you bully someone half your size?” Also “are you sure she meant to be rude?”, and “I’ve been working with this girl for years.”
The amount of anger and frustration I was feeling is astronomical, it was obvious by the way I was reacting to him. He even said “now you’re getting aggressive with me.” He wouldn’t even let me explain my side of the story before calling me a bully. He’s been managing strip clubs for 20+ years. I expected better conflict resolution coming from him. It was disappointing to see him take sides so obviously.
So, my question is, should I have another talk with him and ask for an apology? Because I genuinely do not believe I was the problem in that situation.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
It might be a misunderstanding, but waaaay suspicious it’s manager favoritism bs. Strong possibility that dancer felt confident enough to have the attitude….because she could.
Personally, I would not have a talk with anybody. Focus on the bag and in the future figure out how to navigate around the drama or be done with that club.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
I definitely think she knew she could get away with it which is why she acted so tactless and told management immediately afterward. I’m the type of person people will walk all over if I don’t set clear boundaries so that’s what I was trying to do. Thanks for the advice.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Hard to tell.
Were you giving songs to DJ or something ?
I feel like a boundary to not touch or to wait just one minute while you finished your DJ business is just fine.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
It probably *wasnt* but sometimes the DJ is a go to person for someone who spots a phone out or spots a Harassing customer .
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
No, me and the DJ were just chatting. I watched why she went in the booth, she just wanted to grab her water bottle or something. Nothing urgent. Idk. It was a very short interaction. It felt very possessive like “I have more right to be here than you so move out of the way.” because she has been working there longer and is cool with DJ/managers.
I feel like it’s a common sense rule not to touch other dancers you aren’t friends with. I don’t think she would’ve done that to someone she felt inferior to.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Your best bet is to not engage. Let the drama llamas set their sights on someone new. But that does mean you'l probably have to deal with some dorty looks or the opposite of favoritism. If the manager approaches you again have something concise ready like, "You didn't allow me to give my side of the story and I was disappointed by how youcame across as biased even though I doubt that was your intention."
otherwise, can it. You're there to make money. Oftentimes that means being under the radar with other dancers and management
So try to fade into the background.
As far as feeling disrespected or whatever-- I get it. Boundaries are important. But the words "don't ever touch me again" does come off as aggressive. Obviously her reaction was off the rails and innaporpriate. I don't know if you were in the way of a high traffic area (in which case don't do that) or if she's just a handsy person. I get it. I don't like other dancers to touch me either. But unless you thought she was going ti continue touching you in the future rather than having this be a one-off, then that was not very wise. Refer back to my under the radar thing. However, keep in mind, my bias is that a lot of women work in strip clubs to feed off and create drama. I would not have said anything to her unless she did it a second time and if she did then I would have approached her in the locker room or else asked to speak to her privately. However, no way to go back no and un crazy that chick so just ride it out, keep a low profile, and hope she and the manager are such magnets for trouble that they get wrapped up in drama with someone else soon. Maybe if you're lucky one or both will be fired :)
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Definitely don’t approach the manager about it again! You did nothing wrong but they both sound cray cray. Best to keep your head down and focus on the bag and they will find someone else to have drama with.
I had a few similar instances of strippers ive never spoken to randomly grabbing my ass and such. I’d always respond similarly by assertively telling them not to do it again, and every single time the other stripper would get butthurt and screechy. I guess it’s not just most men who have poor boundaries and throw tantrums when someone tells them no…
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
This when it comes to other dancers / staff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheAntithesis
So try to fade into the background.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
I wouldn’t approach the manager again on this situation but I would keep a mental note and bring it back out if need be in case he tries to have a biased conversation with you again.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
I wouldn't say anything. I doubt they are still thinking about it. Not worth losing your job over.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Lol this so reminds me of a club where management had their favorites and if the favorite complained about another girl and asked to fire them management would do so to keep them happy.
Best to be quiet and pretend nothing happened and give the silent treatment to the dancer who did that to you from now on. Not worth her going crazy and trying to get you kicked out of the club. Some people are closer to those in charge than others.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
yeah, i agree with everyone... don't say anything. nothing good could possibly come from doing that. i have never complained to management about anything but serious assault or abuse or stalking. and even then, they rarely give a shit. he is not going to care about "drama" with two strippers and he obviously favors her for whatever reason. not saying you are in the wrong at ALL that's just how the industry works sadly
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Can I just say that this is SO stupid? Like, really, why did this need to be made into a big deal?
All the decent managers I've worked with would have just come over, been like "Hey what's the problem?" just to break it up, and if Screaming Harpy had continued, brought her into the office to calm her down. End of story.
OP, your manager is a power-tripping moron that plays favorites. Ignore him.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
I agree with you. I didn’t tell management about the situation because it felt insignificant. I feel like talking to management is necessary for stealing, physical abuse, etc…
I won’t be bringing it up again.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
You've made the right decision by letting it go. Many strip club managers are idiots and favoritism is very prominent in this industry. Girls who want to start drama should be like water off your back. Just keep to yourself as much as possible and focus on your money. Keeping your zen in the strip club is like the ultimate meditation. Just take a deep breath and carry on. I'd go psychotic if I let the various staff, girls, and customers get to me.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Are they fucking? You’re not gonna get the manager to change his disposition if they are.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AChildOfBoredom
Are they fucking? You’re not gonna get the manager to change his disposition if they are.
That was my first thought too BAHAHA. Some all hang out together in their spare time as well.
Remember this one girl gushed over how much she loved her boyfriend and I went to go touch my makeup next to her and she was texting about going to a hotel with the manager with a kiss emoji to him LOLLL.
I knew the rules I had enforced on me at one club did not apply to her whatsoever.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Maybe he really touched it accidentally. You need to distinguish it well. Follow a path accordingly.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Quote:
Originally Posted by
indiegirl
That was my first thought too BAHAHA. Some all hang out together in their spare time as well.
Remember this one girl gushed over how much she loved her boyfriend and I went to go touch my makeup next to her and she was texting about going to a hotel with the manager with a kiss emoji to him LOLLL.
I knew the rules I had enforced on me at one club did not apply to her whatsoever.
Yeah, they have their “pets” for a reason.
I remember how I responded the last time another dancer put her hands on me maliciously. Probably not something I should recommend.
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Miley cryrus
So, I’m standing in front of the DJ booth half door, talking to the DJ. Another dancer walks up behind me and says “EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME” while patting my back so she could enter she DJ booth. It felt very disrespectful
it wasn't disrespectful, you just took it the wrong way, this is on you IMO
so she patted you on the back, that isn't disrespectful, shoving you out of the way would be disrespectful,
don't take things so personal, i would have freaked out on you too
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Re: Should I Approach My Manager After He Called Me A Bully???
Unfortunately if she's got more seniority than you you're not going to get far. Leave it alone or find a new club.