Hiding your profession...
Hey everyone,
I'm new to the business,
and i was wondering... if you have to or you do....
how do you hide your "stripper identity"?
I live with my father and he would kill me if
he new that i was now a stripper!!!
He would kick me out!
I just started dancing last night... and luckily he's out
on business for 2 weeks... so for 2 weeks i'm in the clear... but when he comes back i have no idea how i can hide it... Especially since my club closes at 2am-3am every night and i live 45 minutes away...
What do the girls that have to hide it say to their loved ones? I know i can't be the only one... lol ;)
Any ideas?
Thanks a lot...
xoxo,
heidi
Re: Hiding your profession...
I'm in the same boat. I work pretty much all day time so everyone else is working while im in the club. It's a lot easier to hide it from my family than from my boyfriend but my usual excuses are: shopping, studying, errands (must be a long list like the bank, the library, the dry cleaners, the doctors...) or a friends house. If I want to work a night shift I always say I'm going to a party, a dance club (that one's my favorite) or out to sushi with some friends late (my boyfriend hates sushi). My new plan is to quickly save up 30,000 and buy a house so they're not always around needed to know where I am.
Re: Hiding your profession...
Tell him you are waitressing at a club,regular clubs are open the same hours,or just say you are waitressing at a strip club.
Re: Hiding your profession...
I think that most parents just want to know that their daughter is not into drugs, prostitution or pornography. Basically your dad just wants to know that he has raised an intelligent young lady who cares about herself and others. My dad figured out that I was dancing after a few months. Dads are the hardest to deal with. Not all clubs are sleazy. As long as you are in a nice club that is safe that is the most important thing. Goodluck :)
Re: Hiding your profession...
thanks for the support ladies... ;)
it's so hard... i wish there was no stigma attached to dancing... and everyone would just be ok with it...
i tried telling him i was gonna waitress at a strip club and he FREAKED... so i'm gonna just try and use some of bella's excuses for now... ;)
xoxo,
heidi
Re: Hiding your profession...
That really sucks that he freaked just over being a waitress at a strip club. Since you are living under his roof though, I recommend being honest.
Re: Hiding your profession...
My boyfriend knows, and we live together. My parents live out of state but I tell them I am a cocktail waitress. My boyfriends parents get hard though, when they ask to go out to a dinner at 8 and thats when i have to be to work...it becomes interesting.
Re: Hiding your profession...
I tried to hide it from my family and they found out from the grapevine. I stood up to my Mom over the phone, for the very first time. And she saw things my way after that. It would have been better if I would have told them, first. ::)
Re: Hiding your profession...
My Dad figured it out when I went away to college. I was in school in Philly and I NEVER called home for money. NEVER. They asked me if I was working and I said no. DUH! He was like.. ummm... so how are you surviving? You never call for money. I got busted that way. He said, " I know what cute girls like you do for money when the parents aren't around" And with that he withdrew my college funding and said, "if you are dancing, you can pay for college" I should have thought this out first! Anyway, I paid for it through my masters but I wish I had plan B just in case he found out. Be ready for the repercussions if he finds out!
Re: Hiding your profession...
i have the same exact problem, except my dad keeps bothering to get a job. But i have one, i just cant tell him what it is. He is gonna ask where i am working if i have a job, and he will ask everything about it, comapany name, location. I have not decided what to tell him. If i told him that iwas waitrssing at a club, he'd still kick me out, lol.
Re: Hiding your profession...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravin
That really sucks that he freaked just over being a waitress at a strip club. Since you are living under his roof though, I recommend being honest.
Thanks to my experience of when I came out to my Dad.... I am of the opposite position. Some people just would rather be lied to than know the truth. Seriously. That is how it was with my father.
When I told him I was a waitress at a strip club he was okay with that.... and soon as I told him what I was really doing... I kissed my relationship with him good-bye. We're estranged now. I only speak with him over email every so often and see him once a year at Christmas (which is very awkward I can tell you).
DO NOT TELL HIM.
Unfortunately, he looks to be the type that will be perfectly okay with the lie. Tell him you work at a nightclub or bar not really a strip club as a waitress / bartender and sometimes the promotions chick. This really helps if there actually is a bar or nightclub located next door or across the road or even just within walking distance of the club you actually work within.
You'll just have to keep your dancer gear somewhere under lock and key. If he sees any of the clothing, says they're a friends clothes as she is a pole dancer or you can even say that you've taken up pole dancing classes. You can then show him a leaflet from a local pole dancing studio to try to legitmise it... it isn't like he will join in on a class (male participants are in the minority).
Re: Hiding your profession...
Wow this is a familiar story for me... I lived with my dad for the first three months that I started dancing, and basically I would just alternate between day and night shifts to kind of throw him off. I would make up all kinds of things that I would be doing... going out, staying the night at friends... I'd even plan weeks where I'd say that good friends were visiting from out of town and we were all having a "girl's week" at my friend's house... then just work 4-6 nights that week. I think he kind of wondered what I was up to, but without any physical evidence, he couldn't prove anything.
Unfortunately, my mom ended up finding out after I had already moved out of the house and she told him. He threatened to disown me but we're not exactly close anyway (my parents are divorced and those 3 months were the first I had ever lived with him), so I just convinced him that I went about it in a safe way and I wasn't being stupid about it, and that I wouldn't do it again and it was a "foolish mistake". My mom was furious for awhile, but I was a lot more up front and open with her when she finally asked me about it, and that paid off because now she supports me as long as she feels I'm safe. My dad just kind of ignored the situation and never brought it up again, so I just don't bother letting him know that it's still going on.
I'm lucky because not telling my mom about it to begin with was a bad idea, but now she's pretty okay with it. Unfortunately, I was in a similar situation in which I could NOT have told my dad. So basically my advice is that if you think your parents/boyfriend/whoever would be okay with it, tell them straight up and don't lie about it- because it's worse when they find out later- and believe me, it's hard to sneak around like that, especially if they're still supporting you financially. Also, speaking personally, the only reason my mom was truly upset about it was because of my safety- she just had no idea about the entire culture/experience, but once I sat down and explained it to her, she felt a lot better. If your parents would not be supportive (like my dad), then it's probably smart to figure out something else while theyre still supporting you (or at least while you're living under their roof... it's MUCH easier if you're away at school), or try bachelor parties or something that's a little less consistent than a club, and therefore not as obvious. The worst part for my dad was knowing that he was paying for my food, rent, etc while I was living with him, and then finding out that I was making $800-$1200 a night and could have easily taken that load off of him. Now, he is graciously paying part of my college tuition, but I'm careful to never ask my parents for money unless I absolutely need it, and I just tell him that I've got another part time job that's related to my major.
It's a tricky situation to deal with... and I feel for all of the other girls who are in the same boat! Good luck!
Re: Hiding your profession...
I lived at my mom's for a few months when I was dancing. thank goodness I had already worked at bars/nightclubs for a few years so theh hours weren't suspicious. I had to clean my clothes when she wasn't around and kept everything in my trunk!
Re: Hiding your profession...
I never hid my dancing from anyone in my family so it's hard for me to relate I guess. I dont know how I would have handled it if I couldnt have been honest with them about it. That is a tough one!
*Edited for a typo
Re: Hiding your profession...
You know your parents and deep down you know exactly how they will react! Base your decision on that...... If it's best to keep it to yourself then make a job up or find a friend who can cover for you, for example maybe they do night shift and you say you work with them. When I first started I said i was a bar girl at a pub in the city. Dont ever say strip club say Gentlemans Club if you have to, it sounds better.
I am my fathers daughter, I am exactly like him so he cant really say anything. He just tells me to keep ahead of the game and never loose my inner warmth, he taught me to be a fiercely independant woman and thats what I am. In the end its just a job............
Re: Hiding your profession...
i dont tell my family....my fiances family knows though....but i have quit now so this doesnt matter anymore lol
Re: Hiding your profession...
Same thing happened to Me when I frist started dancing. I lived with My dad and I use to always come home late and he would ask where I was. I would just say I was out with My girlfriends =p. My dad never really played a big part in My life tho so I could lie to him so easy. I think the best thing for You to do is safe You'r money and get You'r own place. Thats what I did.
Re: Hiding your profession...
I have the same situation... :( But I'm going to say I waitress at a steakhouse (cause they're open late) in the next town because it pays better than where I live. Hopefully they don't want to come have dinner or something! Otherwise I'd say they put me on dish washing duty... :D Crazy me!
Re: Hiding your profession...
A nightclub is always a good alternative.
Just a tip though... if you live somewhere hot don't leave your stuff in your car. I live in CA/AZ and plastic stripper shoes left in a 150 degree car will never be the same again. I was in the same position hiding everything from my parents and learned that stripper gear needs to come inside the hard way.
Re: Hiding your profession...
My parents and sisters live in canada and i live in the USA with my husband. Not to far away tho but i just tell them im working from home rite now because were working on my visa.. i tell them im selling ALOT of stuff on ebay LOL when i was liveing in the same town as them tho i had a day job and I told them i worked at a club waitressing at ntie :D LOL they never asked any questions.. they always know tho i think.. there just to darn smart lol
Re: Hiding your profession...
"Promotions" is a great front. My family don't know and i have a detailed and intricate framework for keeping it from them.
Firstly, you have to a least pretend you struggle for money-dont buy anything to out there with it (this will also help you save). mention you need to work heaps, your phone bills overdue, credit card etc. Then come up with a FANTASTIC "hostessing" gig for the next month that's all late nights-but the pay is fantastic-"private function at the casino dad-pays well". get my drift? promo also excuses any random fluro lycra that happens to be lying around. I used to buy fosters and midori t-shirts and leave them around the house too :-*
(maybe this was for my own entertainment)
Promotions is alos great cause there are a million agencies and no-one knows them all. If in doubt make one up (seriously!) and say they are based in another state but 'expanding'-a friend of mine got caught out when she said she was part of an agency to her boyfriends parents who knew the people who ran it :O
It is important that you don't seem like your rolling it, the occasional mention every month of a overdue bill and how ridiculous petrol prices are should do the trick.
But, if you are gonna dance for a while; maybe getting your own place is worth looking into???
Re: Hiding your profession...
I have no idea what to do.:-[ I am the oldest girl of five and I'm an "angel" in my parents eyes (full-time college student, have been working part time since I was 16, and do everything possible to help them and set a good example for my younger sisters). I even put the house we live in under my name n credit for them. It has an efficiency so thats where I'm living with my bf.(which alone was one of the most horrible experiences to have to go through w/ my parents, since I'm not even engaged, the way it "suppose" to be) I worked at a club here in Miami for a couple of months w/ my best friend, just out of curiosity. I had to ease into the subject w/ my bf and said I just wanted to try it out for fun. 3 months later my bestfriend's dad found out and it was all over. Me and her barely talked after,shes practically on lock down that was a year ago. Thankfully he never told my parents....... Now I'm dying to go back just so that I can get out of major debt. I try to mention to my parents that I'm thinking of working at a bar or club and they say no b/c of school and there's better jobs like at an office. MY BIGGEST CONCERN NOW IS MY BF!!!! :-\ I mention it to him and he says NO that its out of the question, (not in a controlling way at all) cuz he would feels that if our financial situtation was soooo bad that he couldnt be there to help me and it had to come to that, our relationship wouldn't work.
I know that the biggest thing is one of our friends finding, especially his friends. I'm 22, he's 27 so we know our friends are in that scene. I'm dying to go back just til I can pay off my debt. I've even thought of doing it w/out him knowing. My only friend that knows i danced said not to do it b/c he would find out especially b/c his friends are always at strip clubs.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to jeapordize our relationship (he's the most understanding, hard-working, unjealous bf). And I'm SUPER SCARED of some1 I know finding out:scared: . Everytime I bring it up he says "why can't u just work hard (i'm in sales) like every1 else at a regular job" miami's a big little city every1 knows eachother somehow. If my parents find out they would absolutely disown me, and I can't even imagine what my sisters would think.:'(
what do i do guys??????????????????
Re: Hiding your profession...
especially since the clubs down here are all completely nude...