How do you develop "thick skin"
HI ladies,
Just looking for some insight...
I am a generally happy person, love dancing, am happily engaged, healthy body image and self esteem, but I can't help but let some of the comments and crap I hear at work get to me! How do just let things roll off your back? I know lots of women who can deal SOOO well with it and walk away calmly thinking " wow, he's got issues" whereas I am sort of sensitive to some things and get really upset. I am not an aggressive person at all, so I never get too confrontational, but I cannot just let some dude comment on my "beaver" then happily dance for him because he has money. Other girls at work say these are the guys who always spend,,,but I just can't help but be revolted by trash like that! (The guys)
I just find myself every now and then at home after work having trouble getting someone's rude remarks outta my head... Any suggestions?
???
Kennedy
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
That's exactly why they call it callous. It's becoming used to stupidity through repetition. It's also how you tend to take thing's. I'm sure you can find over the coarse of a night a majority of the men you come in contact with shower you with compliment's both realistic and B/S yet you choose to dwell on one idiot who for some reason dis'd you. Rude asshole's don't deserve your attention regardless of the money, my girl's refuse to dance for these people and they in turn end up lookin like fool's and quickly leave or become more agreeable.
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Consider the value of the comment and consider the source.
Puts it ALL into perspective.
CrazyBob has a valid point - becoming "used to" the stupidity and its repetition.
No worries Kennedy you are beautiful and have a million things going for you including that twenty(or more!) ya got off that guy.
Keep your eye on the prize!
:)
Leigh
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
There is always this balancing act between rudeness and money-- when the bullshit you are receiving exceeds the moeny it's worth, it's time to walk away. Just get used to where the line is for you-- you may decide that most comments are essentially benign (sticks and stones and all that), but that a guy who sticks out his tongue at you receives zero attention. You decide your level of involvement, so realize the amount of control you have over the situation. Don't think about whether a guy deserves your attention-- most of them don't which is why they PAY you to get it. The point is, no matter how awful they may be, it is YOU going home with the full wallet once the night is over. Sometimes, though, it's too much for even a seasoned dancer to handle. You can usually tell the especially bad ones because they will eventually be avoided by every respectable dancer in the place. I will say that the best dancers I know have a hard time getting flustered by customers. This is because one night a customer may negatively comment on you, and the next another might compliment you ON THE SAME FEATURE. So, you see, taking ANYTHING to heart, good or bad, is ultimately unconstructive. Simply think of it as playing a character-- anything they say is only directed at an image you are inventing for them. You probably wouldn't talk to these people in "real life", so don't let their shallow opinions matter. Only money, fun, and sanity matter! Hope this helps, pumpkin!
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
If the remarks are negative toward me (ie, ugly, bad dancer, etc) I take a good look at who's saying it and how unattractive HE is, and I know he's in NO position to judge me because I look 10 times better than him, and that's that. If the remarks are more about what I'm not doing for him (extras that I'm not about to take the risk on to please a schmuck like him) I just look around the room at all the other guys who AREN'T trying to get me to fuck them, look back at the schmuck and know that I don't have to put up with it, and move on. Next!
You just have to remember to consider WHO is saying rude things to you, and why he's there in the first place - because if he could get something like you at home, he wouldn't be there looking at you! It does take a little time to get immune to most of the crappy comments, but believe me, once you've heard the same crap from the same type of shithead a million times, you'll be so good at taking his money while ignoring his stupidity it won't even phase you!
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
I don't know, maybe i have my head stuck up in the clouds or something, because when ever i heard a nasty comment directed towards me, i can't help but laugh!!! Really. It's all in who you are too, some girls keep on trucking, even tho people bash them, and it bothers them. I think it's funny when someone says something rude to me, and i just start laughing. Damn i wonder why ? But hey i guess i have a thick skin, because i people watch, and laugh at behaviour all the time. Words actually mean very little to me in life, it's the act that may get to me. Call me a bitch, i just laugh. Put your hands on me, and thats a different issue, now we have a problem.
Pamela
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Thanks for the insight ladies. I don't really get offended if someone verbally cuts me up for the same reasons you ladies mentioned...more the just plain ol' rude behavior. If dude "A" doesn't like my hair...whatever, dude "B" will. I meant more the disrespect that some guys try to shove at us...dancers in general. I am very pleasant and friendly to everyone, so it just really gets to me when a guy that I have spoken to with nothing but respect turns around and doesn't speak to me in the same manner. To me, it's just simple common courtesy! Hopefully I WILL get used to that, just a shame we even have to!
I generaally am well recieved and have good nights, but somehow those few dicks ruin it every now and then!
...One bad apple... :-/
Thanks again!
Kennedy [kisses]
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
It always helps to remember a few things to deal with the negative aspects of the job:
1) You're doing a job and selling a product. Not everyone's going to buy - this is a reality. You wouldn't take it personally if you were a waitress and the guy didn't want to buy a drink, would you? Try to think of it that way. The rude person's comments don't have anything to do with you personally.
2) Your worth as a person is not connected in any way to the amount of money you go home with at the end of the night. Bad nights happen to everyone everywhere and you just have to take them with the good. Don't let a bad or slow night get you down, just let it end and look forward to the future.
3) You can always get up and leave - it's the greatest privilege we have as dancers, the ability to just up and abandon a customer if they offend us. Don't feel that you have to stick around and listen to anything negative for the sake of money.
Hope that you deal with nicer folks in the future!
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Last night our club was full of assholes like this! In a private show, one guy got pissed that I wasn't going to perform extras and said "you're small and insecure. Go to Hell" I was like.. huh? Well this petite chick just got 200 bucks from you.. guess it pays to be 'small and insecure'<smirk> THEN he got his ass thrown out :)
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Yeah, you can always get up and leave. Even in a club where you're supposed to be polite, just cut them off and say "Will you excuse me?" and leave.
I think it helps to have clear boundaries. I don't care if people don't like my hair, outfit, weight, ass, whatever. I don't care if people are mildly disrespectful. I do care if people are profoundly disrespectful or want to degrade me. I leave.
It made a big difference when I defined that to myself. And yes, sometimes the guys that want to degrade or disrespect you will pay a lot for it. I tend to go with the guys who KNOW what they're doing and that it's not congruent with reality. It's the ones who think they're sane that I refuse to deal with.
I hope this makes some kind of sense...
Lena
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
I've learned a lot from these chat groups that once you establish your philosophical position on a subject immediately you get attacked by someone with a prejudiced view. They call that demonizing. Yet when I meet up with these people incognito they actually like me! The thing about these people is that they have formulated distorted images of you that is no way connected to reality. So naturally when they meet me in the flesh they don't recognize me and treat me respectfully. It's really a sad comment on reality but most of us view the world through our pejudices.
Now when someone speaks disrespectfully of me when i know contrary, secretly I am laughing my head off.
Also , if you feel bad when someone gives a mean comment to you that is no way warranted, that means you are agreeing with them. Things like that roll off my back like water on a duck. Just maintain your prestige and keep smiling.
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Wich reminds me...
A fellow dancer was crying in the ladies room at work the friday before last. I asked her what was wrong.
A customer told her "beauty fades stupid is forever" :o anyhow he was drunk she said and she just walked away not saying a thing, with his buddies laughing in the backgound mind you. Wtf, the sh*t we sometimes deal with.
She's sensitive about such matters because she hasn't started college yet, she's 22.
Re: How do you develop "thick skin"
Hey there,
Thick skin comes in varing degrees for different people. As Pamela said she just laughs it off. I personally am an agressive and sometimes confrontational person, and will call the customers on either a rude comment or an outright insult. It is pretty fun to watch a rude guy stumble over his own tounge when he is called on his rude behavior. This is not always the case of course, sometimes they just turn up the insults because they are too drunk to realize just how badly they are behaving. I had a guy once act so bad that I not only had him thrown out, I managed to give him a good peice of my mind before he was ejected. He came back the next day appoligized profusely and gave me a $100 tip to boot to "make up" for his rude behavior.
Re:How do you develop "thick skin"
I actually have a very simple method now: I vent on my live journal...or, if it's the type of stuff I really can't mention online, I write in a journal. Writing things down always helps me out.
Re:How do you develop "thick skin"
Quote:
Originally Posted by kennedy link=board=1;threadid=1062;start=msg14912#msg14912 date=1053182247
HI ladies,
Just looking for some insight...
I am a generally happy person, love dancing, am happily engaged, healthy body image and self esteem, but I can't help but let some of the comments and crap I hear at work get to me! How do just let things roll off your back? I know lots of women who can deal SOOO well with it and walk away calmly thinking " wow, he's got issues" whereas I am sort of sensitive to some things and get really upset. I am not an aggressive person at all, so I never get too confrontational, but I cannot just let some dude comment on my "beaver" then happily dance for him because he has money. Other girls at work say these are the guys who always spend,,,but I just can't help but be revolted by trash like that! (The guys)
I just find myself every now and then at home after work having trouble getting someone's rude remarks outta my head... Any suggestions?
???
Kennedy
Lots of tanning? Pa-da-pa! :dance:
Seriously folks, make a joke out of it. I definitely see a dam joke in the beaver comments.
>>>Sad<<<
Re:How do you develop "thick skin"
kennedy- i have the exact same problem. i'd love it if i could just press a button in myself (so to speak) to be able to let comments and negative behavior roll off my back. i'm still really fighting this issue.... i walked into this bizz knowing that i was going to be treated like a peice of meat and judged solely on my body, but it's still hard to put on the "act" at work and not let it get to me. i do get lots of positive comments at work but for every bad comment it just erases all the good ones. i've gotta take some of the above posts' advice..
Re:How do you develop "thick skin"
time................time willl allow your skin to become so thick that if a rock were thrown at you, it would be likely to shatter rather than cause a bruise
Re:How do you develop "thick skin"
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToriBaltimore link=board=1;threadid=1062;start=msg90956#msg90956 date=1080881827
time................time willl allow your skin to become so thick that if a rock were thrown at you, it would be likely to shatter rather than cause a bruise
I agree. Comments that would've made me cry 10 years ago, I laugh at today. I don't even remember what guys have said when I get home from work. When you realize this behavior stems from a problem they have, it lessons the blows, and finally becomes comedy. What you know and believe conquers all. Just look in the mirror to remind yourself.... you're a hottie! 8)