In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Hello women,
I know this topic I am about to post does not have much to do with stripping, but I need some quick advice. A few weeks ago I came to Chicago to visit friends. They are married. The husband is not american and they got married legally so that he could come to the states. We decided to move in together. I have not yet moved in with them, however I have given them $1000 deposit. I am home now, and am suppossed to return to Chicago in three days, with all of my belongings. At first I was really excited about this move. Ive been needing a change for a while & it is nice to have roomates to share the bills with and to have company. Then I met a guy friend of one of my friends. He is illegally in this country. We started sleeping together. I am attracted to him, but lately I have begun to have a bad feeling about the situation. He often talks about what he needs to do to get the papers to stay in the country. He hints that if he does not find someone to pay to marry him he will just have to go back to where he is from. I get the feeling that he is waiting for me to offer to marry him, and may only be using me for this purpose. There should not be a threat as long as I don't marry him, but the problem is that my heart is already involved in the situation. He had been treating me well, (we havent talked in a few days) but then out of nowhere he will tell me that he is so depressed that he doesnt have papers and will have to go back home. I do not speak Spanish and all of his friends are always talking to each other in Spanish which makes me feel out of place.....plus they could all be in on it because all of them are illegal except for my one friend who married an american girl. We were all at a party on Saturday night and one of his friends referred to my American friend and i as "the brides" Am i just being over paranoid or is it possible that someone would really have evil intentions and want to marry someone for the wrong reasons?? I m now debating moving there because it will be hard for me to avoid this group of people. They are the only people that I know in the area. but i already have a flight back to chicago for Saturday and i gave them 1000. Keep in mind that they haven't actually done anything bad to me yet or anything, (the future roomates are really nice) but its just this gut instinct that have. What would you do?
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
"its just this gut instinct that have. What would you do?"
Go with your gut instinct. If he's interested in you, for your sake, that will become clear soon enough. If he's interested in you for his green card, that too will become obvious.
Cancel your flight. If it's non-refundable, so be it. Ask for your deposit back. If they won't give it, what kind of friends are they?
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
I'll be blunt and tell you I would dump him and move on. You've already been referred to as one of the brides? He's being nice and extra sweet to you so you'll marry him and he can stay in the country. He's probably already got a wife and kids wherever he's from.
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
God gave us "gut instincts" for a reason, sometimes we are wrong with that feeling, most of the time we are right.
He can go back, and come back again. You don't have to marry him. And think about it, who was the first to make moves on who? Does he seem to be playing on your feelings now?
He may have good intentions, and at the same time not want to go back!! But he may only want to marry to stay. You will have to feel him out.
Best way, see what direction his conversations go, with you keeping them neutral. If you start to feel pressured, and uncomfortable with "him". Be aware.
Pamela :)
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Im not planning on marrying him. (only danger is if down the road i do fall in love with him) He cant go and come back so easily because he is already illegal. His visa already expired. If I cancel this trip, it is at the last minute - my friends will be mad , let down and who knows if i will get the money back. At the same time I dont want to let myself enter in a living situation that will fuck with my head (girls u know how it is when you want someone but you know they are not so good for you) and it is not like I can keep him out of the apartment if he comes over to visit my roomates. He acts like he misses his country. but if he wants to go back so bad - why hasnt he already (hes been illegal for a long time) and now he meets me and there is this sudden urgency to get married? What do you think of the legitimacy of my future roomates marriage to each other? they may see me as an easy target because i am friends with her. Nothing is permanent and i could always move again if things got really bad.(worst case scenerio) Im just trying to avoid the worst case scenerio. this situation is obviously already fucking with me. he cant call me till i get back by the way cause i never gave him the number to my place here. so
A- move and avoid him
B-move and see what happens
C-move and tell him its over
D-he really may go back home(i think this was just a threat
E-i can not move and put this behind me(but is that a good enough reason not to move)
F- marry him (just kidding)
hey when he realizes i dont wanna get married he may just not wanna see me anyway.
Lets have a vote! :)
-Blaze
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
I say fake them out that you need your deposit back for something immediate that came up and will get it back to them in a week (or whatever) then split.
I would set my hair on fire and RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Now in all reality? You are NOT going to get that 1000 back. No way.
If you felt funny if even for a nano second about the whole thing, then ya - you are being scammed. You know it too, dont ya...
Just shitty to think people can be so shitty and shallow.
Cut your losses and the dude, better now than later. Easier to recover.
Chalk it up, and add it to your experiences.
(THE BRIDES? WTF! I would have went OFF!)
Good luck heads up and roar!
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Don't you dare marry him. It sounds as though you kinda want to and your looking to the board for an ok. Hell no. Tell him you do like him and want to get it out in the open that under no circumstances will you marry him. That you do enjoy his company and that if he needs to marry somebody to stay in the country he should look elsewhere and that you understand. Then see how he reacts. His true colors will show then.
If you want to marry him as a favor for a friend then make him pay you and make him sign a prenup. I would not take it seriously though I think he is totally using you. Good Luck. :-*
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
NOT MARRYING HIM.HAHA. Im just trying to decide if I should still move. I was planning to move before we even met. 2 days left... :(
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Ok Blaze,
just do it! Be a friend, let him go. I know this may hurt you some, or alot, but you have got to think about number 1! You. He may come back sometime, may not. You know better tha we do, as you are living it. It's a tough call for us. Move on with your life, get thick skinned.
You probably have to go back or or lose 1000.
Can you live there, be yourself and trll him you want to be a friend, and just pray he leaves soon ?
Good luck, be tough but nice. It will all blow over.
Pamela :)
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Hi. I agree that you should tell him that you like him, but that you are not going to marry him and see what happens. If he was just with you to get married, he wil lose interest and find another target. Also, do you feel uncomfortable about the roommates or him being there? If you put the issue with him aside, do you feel uncomfortable living with these people? That should be the deciding factor. This guy doesn't need to have any bearing (unsure on spelling!) on where you live, as long as it isn't with him!:)
Did you sign anything? If all else, you might be able to get the law involved to get your money back.
At any rate, good luck!
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
DON'T DO IT! Friends I know have brought women over on the trial fiance' visa and as soon as they tied the knot and she gained the citizenship, she filed for divorce.
If you trully are in love then it will come through. Just see what happens after he has to return to his country then see what his attitude is then. Do you know what you are getting into? When you marry a man you marry his family as well. Doesn't sound like you know his family very well. If you don't speak their language you wouldn't want to be excluded from their conversations if it involves you.
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Girlll,,, i think he wants a green card. I am sure he loves you and all but whats up with the urgency, couldbt he come up with something else when you didnt know him...?I say go for a change and he can still fly to another state, I remmeber my visa was expired i was here little illegal for a month but it it did allow me to fly to another states. I think you should think about it and be strong. My personal opionion is only my personal opinion. and plus i hate when people KNOW you dont speak their language and all they do is speak their language and make you feel like a fool. That happened to me sooo many times, i cant tolerate that. Thats just me.
Good luck baby girl
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
I have no basis for my opinion other than what you have stated, but I really think that he is playing you for the green card.
I'd move, even if it's hard. If he misses his country he is going to leave you anyway.
And the fact that he is speaking in another language and it makes you feel left out is not cool of him.
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Well since this is an old thread and the time when Blaze1 would have either moved or not has passed, I'm curious to know what happened. Blaze, did you decide to move or not? What's happened with you and these people? Are you ok? Hope all is well!
Re: In a situation -Can you please offer advice?
Do you really have to move in with your friend? Either way I think you can write off your $1000. You seem to know that he is not good for you. It is not adviseable for you to relocate to a space that will develope into a conflict. Being that you slept with him but do not want a commitment he may have the impression that you are leading him on. Not that his intentions are any better. Couples often form on the intention to exploit the hell out of each other. I'd say it's a bad situation to get yourself into. However if you feel you must move then C- move and tell him it's over ,gets my vote.