Guys ladies i have a problem
I have been debating as should i put this thread up or not. But i need advice from the insiders. Family does not help.
I have a regular who loves watching me dance for him, i take requests as to what music he wants and what outfit to do for him (he pays good) Lately...he has been pushing other guys away from the railing, i saw it 2 nights ago. Told one guy i was his GF. And just HOGS everything when i am on stage. OK...i don't want to lose his company, or money. I don't want to turn him in to the point he goes away...really. How do you tame a guy who is getting out of hand?
When he shouted to the other guy with MONEY for me...that i was his GF, the other guy walked away and got a lap dance. I am upset. But don't know how to not lose him inside the club. He is costing me money. And lying about me. I was going to kick him in the damn face when i heard him shout to the other guy i was his GF....I got pissed, that is not my nature. And he shows up alot. Gets laps from one girl, and stages from me. This is wrong. Pamela PS he is drunk alot and does have an attitude btw.
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Wow, Pamela got pissed off, I am amazed! With your ever-bright, cheerful attitude in the face of some of the geekier posts I've seen here, that is serious...
But ya, that is a problem not easy to solve. Some of these guys just have a way of getting a little too carried away with their fantasy, and ruin things in reality. One of my all-time favorites, The Erotic Angel (name removed), was devastated one night when her best regular guy walked out in the middle of her set, never to return--she's kind of new and I got the impression she finally had to say NO to the guy, which can be hard to do just right without losing the income.
You could try having the DJ make some gentle but firm and possibly humorous statement, like "She's still looking for a boyfriend, but hasn't found one yet-- you're all invited to fill out an application...take a number...wait in line" something like that, or better yet "She's feeling especially naughty tonight, and each and every one of you is welcome to reward her for that" with emphasis on "each and EVERY"--I don't know, there's got to be a funny way to say it, shut the asshole up, take the heat off you, and keep the other guys interested. Like if you are sitting at the table with him and you are onstage next, "_______ I know you are enjoying Pamela's company, but you're going to have to share her now, because she's coming on the stage for all of us...Gentlemen, I'd like to remind you that Pamela is dancing for tips and tips alone, I'd love to see ALL of you guys show a little appreciation."
Only a total Asshole will allow himself to get bent out of shape at a little ribbing from the DJ, and if he gets pissed at the DJ he's asking for trouble, noone in the club has more power to humiliate some schmuck than the guy on the mike, and the bouncers will back him up. Even someone with "attitude" (I generally hate those kind of customers and co-workers, "attitude" is usually a cover-up for insecurity) is going to think twice about going against DJs, bouncers, managers, etc.
I will keep thinking about this one...
Djoser
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Is there any way that you can discreetly ask a bouncer to deal with this guy in such a way that he won't know it came from you? Maybe you could tip a bouncer or floorguy and ask them to maybe pull him aside, say, hey, why don't we get you a drink (ok, maybe not that if he is drunk), or let's let these other guys have a chance, or let's chill out a little bit. Or you could tell him, "Honey, you know you're my favorite, but I really need to take care of the other guys or management is going to be pissed. Can you please help me out here?"
I'm sorry you have to deal with it; I know you want to keep a good customer, and yet, you can't have him driving off potential future customers.
Team up with another lady.
Get a fellow dancer you trust to help out by joining you at the table right before your set. When you get up to do your set and it comes time for him to tip you the other lady can go up there with you and then drag him back to his seat .
Or simply discuss it with him. Explain that you like his company but need to make money and think of him as a friend so you don't want to have to ask him for more. Ask him to sit back and let you work a little and that you'll be back soon.
He'll either put-up enough to keep you there and then who cares or most likely he'll learn when to shut-up.
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Yea Djoser i got a little upset. He is a pain. And i love the thought of having someone else help me out, and he wont know i had anything to do with it! I will try every opinion here, because i have a feeling one or two may fail. He may have to go on his way. When i got home tonite, (i stayed for 4 hours,) I could not believe it. He touched my hair, and i HATE that, unless i want it while performing. People really think i may be seeing him. I have to make it stop. I guess being a good dancer, and having great skills with a wierdo are not the same. Pamela
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Pamela, I am so sorry about this creep! It sounds like he is getting far too comfortable with you. In my opinion you have been nice enough, and if his behavior is still bothering you when you get home, you need to make it stop. I wish I could have been at that club tonight, I would have smacked his hand for you! I hope you find a solution.
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
I think colettecall gave you the best advice. This is where you have to let a floor man be your best ally and have a even tempered talk with the guy. It may be too late to have the discussion with him yourself -- it's already gone on too long. If he thinks the club is enforcing a rule, he may be more apt to behave and you won't lose him as a customer.
However, losing him may not be all that bad for you. No doubt you'll find others to replace him. It's just the uncertainty and the temporary financial hit you'll have to deal with. If he has a drinking problem AND is unreasonable, it will only get worse.
Good luck,
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
I used to do vulunteer work with abused women and people like this male or female have the potenial to be over controlling to the point of violence(worst case senerio) I must admit I get really over protective when it comes to these issues. so many of the girls that I used to work with were so incredibly sweet and to keep the dollar rocking well i saw them take alot of crap. When things got scary though it was like everyone sensed it and of course the evil was usually found accosting the sweetest one in the room. All the girls seemed to pop into action and work as a team to rescue the damsel in distress I found it rather fascinating actually and if anyone here has ever experienced this is it not amazing also how even the most valient bouncer can not spot this type of situation in action like the ladies can. In other words nip it in the bud immeadiately you have enough stress being a woman do not take crap!LOL!
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Thanks i almost forgot i posted this thread. (wanted to forget about him.) The guy who 'was' bothering me, i was told went to jail for a DUI, That was a week ago i heard this. I think he may show back up, or not. Depends on how stupid he is. I had a customer one night tell him i was married to him.(customers choice.) The guy did get red in the face, but left the club. I have not seen him since, and now i hear he's in jail. So i have time, for another way to get him off my back if he comes back. Thanks all!!!!! The advice from you guys helped greatly!! Pamela :)
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Thanks sweety, (M_L) he has not come back yet, and i just came home from the club a while ago. Hope he is gone for good. And i will not put up with him. He's always drunk and on drugs. (so i hear about the drug part.) His behaviour said it all though. Hope he is still in jail, or moved on. I think the point got across very well for the jerk! Thanks..Pamela~
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
Well personally, I would talk to him about it. But on the other hand, I'd shy away from the idea of talking to him. Cause from how i'm picturing the situation, he doesn't have em' all. But I mean, you have to do somehting. I mean which is more beneficial: to lose the obsessor, or keep/add new clients? I see how this can be a hard pill to swallow. Well whatever you do, try to have someone (bouncer) closeby so that if and when you talk to him, he doesn't "lose it".
Re: Guys ladies i have a problem
I agree with both Colettecall and whispers. You should bring this to the attention of bouncers AND management, since this guy is obviously monopolizing your time. You should be firm and tell him you appreciate his company (not to say his $) but you have other clients to tend to. It is hard for most guys (including myself) to have your fave dancer do business with other clients but like that song "... that's just the way it is".