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What does your significant other think?
I am married and my husband isn't really one way or the other about this whole situation (my dancing). All my male friends say that they wouldn't allow their girls to do such a thing, so based on that it seems like he doesn't really care. He says he doesn't condone it, nor is he rejecting it because it is extra money.
Ladies, what do your men think of your dancing? or Guys what would you think and could you explain why my husband thinks as he does?
The Inimitable Phoenix,
Darci
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I for one, absolutely love it. When I see my wife on stage dancing to something that make's her feel like the most beautiful person in the world and the look on her face, it's priceless. When she play's a song that talk's to me and I look up to see her looking at me and mouthing the word's, telling me, it's me she truely love's, I'm as awe struck as the day we first kissed. When she try's on a new outfit I tell her the truth, it suck's or it's great. I am a huge part of her " career " and very happy to be there. I support her in every possable way, that is my job as a great husband and I have no doubt that I am all that and a bag of chip's ;) .
Am I the norm??.... absolutely not , in fact I'm the exception.
Your husband, if the love's you, accept's you for better or worse, and must accept and support your conviction's. If not he will pay the cost later in life, this isn't just about dancing it's about your relationship. If you want to dance, bungie jump, ect. If you wanted to dance and he refused to let you, chance's are you would regret not having been given the opportunity to live that experience. He, being the reason you didn't get to do it, would bare the blame for your regret.
The average man doesn't want to see his wife dance in club. It kinda like throwing meat to a den of lion's, in the eye's of most men. Yes it take's a very special relationship to take the stress of this industry, more so a special man with real security in himself and the relationship. Your man is obviously doing his best to be that man. Alway's remember to give him the respect he deserve's for that and never let his trust waiver. He is a rare man already, consider yourself lucky.
Oh and the very best of luck to the both of you.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I just think , that if there is true love and trust nothing should be more significant than that. I bet some friends are jealous inside because they have some kind of rule they have to live by, by some opinions. They wish they were as comfortable as your hubby was. He trusts you and thats what important. for a woman there is always one man that she cares about and as long as you care about him he is going to be there for you.
:)
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I must be a lucky, lucky girl then. My boyfriend has been the most supportive person in my life in regards to my dancing. Of course, I had the "Wow, that's kinda neat" or "Wish I had the self esteem to do that!" responses, but it was really Thom I was worried about. He had no problems with the fact that I had modeled nude for artists, but dancing is a whole other world. I was petrified that he'd leave over the issue (knowing most men are totally anti) and eased into the subject over the course of a few months with sly little comments and half-jokes. [mooshy crap] He has been nothing but caring and supportive. We sit down, plan out routines together, work on costumes, the whole nine. We check out clubs, shoes, dance moves and yes, even this board together. :) I'm a former anoretic and a recovering bulimic, and he never fails to grill me every day on how I've been feeling about myself, do I feel like I'm still okay with dancing, do I want to continue, am I taking care of myself. I never fail to be amazed by how incredibly loving he is, especially with a subject that so many men find intimidating.
I've heard a lot of women say that dancing ruined their relationships. For me, dancing only made ours better.
[/mooshy crap]
Oh, and he thinks it's pretty hot to be dating a stripper. ;)
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Re: What does your significant other think?
heheheh that is nice , i only wish many men were like that. I havent started dancing yet , but it is same here for me. No matter what he supports me and thats why i beleive there is true love :)
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Re: What does your significant other think?
Maybe I did take it the wrong way when he wouldn't tell me to do it or not to. I think I'm starting to understand now
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Re: What does your significant other think?
unique Pheonix,
While I probably shouldn't give love advice to anyone, you did ask and my gut reaction is that while he doesn't sound thrilled with the idea, he's trying to be supportive and doesn't want to keep you from doing something you want to do. Some tiny reassurances (a little affection when you get back from work would work for me) on your part would probably go a long way in helping him feel more secure about it and to become a 100% supportive spouse for you.
-lestatdl1
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Re: What does your significant other think?
my husband has never had a problem with it and we have been togather for 5 years. when we met i had been dancing for quite sometime. it sure helped when he was in school. the bottom line is trust and he knows i would never do anything to disrespect myself or him. he knows all about the game of the business and understands that, that is all it is a business and a damn lucritve one at that! it does take a very secure person to handle it but he has never had any doubts at all. in fact when we first met a guy bought my boobs and he saw first hand how it was just a matter of persuasian not sex or what not. the guy never asked for anything more than my friendship. i have had one regular for 2 years now who calls my house and actually cosigned on a student loan for him last year. he knows i dont do anything shady or sexual.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
My boyfriend has been married, she was horrible to him, she didn't like sex, and would never even consider being naked in front of anyone, She felt it was her "duty" as a wife to do it, so she would let him, but only in complete darkness. (The more I hear about her, the more severely f*-ed up she seems)
She was absolutely gorgeous.
She worked for a television show, and he found out she'd been cheating on him...for gain. To get better jobs on better shows, or to help her career. You would think after that he'd be a little insecure about being cheated on, or jeolous....in fact, the opposite. He knows I love him, he trusts me because I show him I love him...his friend brought up dancing, and I asked him what he thought....he acted like completely indifferent, so I agonized about it for a while before actually doing anything. All he said was "whatever you want"
After I started I made sure he was still ok with it almost every day until finally he got upset and said "why, are you thinking of cheating? Because unless your planning on it, why are you so worried that I think your going to"
So, He doesn't dislike it, he's not incredibly turned on by it...it's a job, like any other job, and he really is indifferent about it. He thinks if I'm going to cheat, I will, and where I work doesn't make a difference. As long as I keep loving him and keep paying my bills, he's absolutely happy. He helps me pick out my clothes, and music, but doesn't come to see me at work because he thinks he'd keep me from working, not because he's be bothered by it.
It's nice to be able to come home and tell him all about work just like if I worked at a grocerie store or something...and he love me no matter where I work.
xoxo,
ANGEL
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I Have the most supportive boyfriend. He fully supports me. He goes shopping for new stuff with me. Rubs my sore feet. Listens to me about all the good and bad at the club. He is the most open minded guy that I have ever met. Not to mention that he doesn't mind me fooling around or bringing the odd girl home. See it works for both of us! :P
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I keep meeting guys that want me to quit. This latest that I've been seeing for two weeks. It's funny enough he asked me to quit (I wouldn't), but of course this guy has no problem with me spending the money on him or having stripper "friends" so I can hook him up with a threesome. What a loser!
I'm envious of the dancers with supportive boyfriends. You are very lucky.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
Unfortunately, my boyfriend (might be my ex by now) HATES it. He doesn't support the fact I am a dancer. I would never dream of doing "extras on the side" for more money, so I don't see why he or any other guy for that matter, has this problem! I really need help dealing with this--it's killing my self-esteem!
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Re: What does your significant other think?
Tori, the reason why most of the guys that I know who hate dancing do just that is because they're usually 1) concerned for your safety and 2) slightly miffed that someone else gets to see "their" woman. Granted, this may not be the case with your boy. Unfortunately, there's a sometimes not so great idea of what a stripper is floating around. If you went by some common perceptions, we're all sluts, hoes, and willing to just about anything for a buck. As I'm sure you know, that's not true, but in the back of their heads some guys still carry this image of the sleazy stripper around. This is not by any means your fault! Please, honey, don't let this make you feel badly about yourself. He's not confident in your care and trust for him, and that's unfortunate, but it's not something that's your fault. He needs to learn to trust you and know where your motivations are in dancing. Some guys get afraid that you began dancing to somehow get away from them or to meet someone else. And, as always, some people will just never be okay with the idea and have to part ways as a result.
I hope everything clears up for you, hon....just remember, if you made the choice to dance by yourself, then you shouldn't let anyone else discourage you from it.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
Ok let's look at this from another angle. A lot of men,like women, have self esteem issue's. If we don't grow up with them, commercialism will surely fill in the blank's. I receive email's every day giving me statistical proof that my wife want's me to have a bigger penis. Email's telling me I should us HGH because I look old and have one foot in the grave. My hair's too gray, I'm not physically fit enough and my breath stink's.
Given an overall outlook like the aforementioned, your S/O sit's at home watchin TV, kickin the cat around, pullin his pud or what ever he does, while you go off to work. While he's home alone, the mind start's to work over time. You are in the direct presence of a plethera of men from all walk's of life, with one thing in common ...... they all want you ( again this is his mind set ). Although your job is to be a temptress, you, in his eye's swim in a pool of temptation. There are wealthy men and gorgeous men and suave men and aluring men. Good boy's and bad boy's and shy boy's worst of all virgin's.
Some guy's feel like every time there women goes off to work, there relationship is put to the test. They are afraid they won't keep up with the compitition. It's not necessarily that they don't have faith in there women. It's there self esteem that is the issue usually manifesting itself into jelously and/or control issue's.
You, of coarse loving him like you do, will go to great length's to dispell his fear's and anxiety. He will either get over it or one of two thing's must happen. You will have to choose which is to be your future. You will have to give him up for your career choice or keep him and pursue another avenue of employment.
I run into this all the time at the club, I hire a new girl and her S/O start's out being reluctant, yet because of the money, ok with it. Then as time goes on he start's to feel like he's loosing his status in the relationship. So he become's demanding in an effort to maintain control. I see a lot of relationship's fail this way, I also loose a lot of new dancer's for the same reason.
PS, predominantly using the male gender for this example isn't exactly fair, I have at least as much or more problem's in this area from girl's in lesbian relationship's.
Good luck girl, you may have some tuff choice's ahead
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Re: What does your significant other think?
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I keep meeting guys that want me to quit. This latest that I've been seeing for two weeks. It's funny enough he asked me to quit (I wouldn't), but of course this guy has no problem with me spending the money on him or having stripper "friends" so I can hook him up with a threesome. What a loser!
I'm envious of the dancers with supportive boyfriends. You are very lucky.
This is EXACTLY how my EX-boyfriend was. He always had snide comments to make whenever I went to work, HOWEVER he had no qualms whatsoever about me using my "stripper money" to buy his Playstation 2 or to pay for us to go out to dinner. He was another one who felt that one of the perks of dating a stripper was doing a threesome. Sometimes I wish I had a good man waiting for me when I got out of work, but right now I am SO sick of dealing with guys' shit that I am glad to be single. It is hard enough to find a decent man as it is, much less a decent man who doesn't hassle you about your job. [argh] It is no wonder that so many dancers are lesbians [frustrated]
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Re: What does your significant other think?
My fiance' is cool and totally involved with my dancing. he helps me find new clubs and goes in the clubs and critiques the operation and how the money is flowing. We have a game plan to follow my dancing and he totally understands the business and what is involved.
What you have to look at though besides the fact that society largely doesn't respect us as dancers is that no matter what type of work you do, dating is a trial and error process. There are astrological considerations that determine compatibility and it takes time to find the right person who will be a good fit.
Don't close off to men, just make yourself as stable and financially secure as possible so when the right guy does come along you will look your best.
Have you noticed that in life people of similar careers seem to bond with each other the most? The grocery store manager marries the checker, the teacher marries the school principal, the attorney marries the court reporter and so on.
My point is that a guy needs to understand your work TOTALLY before a relationship can work. He needs to realize that a customer is just income to you and if you sit on a guys lap or give a lap dance that that is all in a days work and be comfortable watching you work in even the highest contact of club and know you are coming home to you. he needs to be excited for every dance you sell and be able to watch each one and not blink an eye, plus be faithful to you and have ambition and an entrepreneurial mind.
The more guys you screen for compatibility and date, the more your chances for finding the right one. It might take 4-5 years to find the right one whether you dance or work in an office. It sounds like you got involved before you found Mr. Right.
He's out there. You'll find him if you keep your options open. Good luck.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
many of the problems would be solved if the boyfriend/husband would make approx. the same money you can make... he wouldn't be that insecure - he would still feel like a man who can spend a nice dinner with you at an exclusive restaurant and pay for it at the end, or buy you something nice for you - so he can play his role as a MAN ;)
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Re: What does your significant other think?
trust me the lesbian's arent neccesarly any easier. i have had seveal long term girl/girl relationships. same problems. although i will admit they wernt really threatened as much. my husband is still the best most understanding of all of them.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I think Tina's point is interesting about people with similar careers forming a bond. I have known two dancers whose boyfriends were male strippers, and also two other dancers who work at the same club together and have been together for over two years. I guess it makes sense that people with their careers in common would have similar interests and understanding of each other in that realm.
I met my current boyfriend when he started bartending at a club I danced at. My being a dancer was kind of "grandfathered in" by that situation; I am glad that we spent time working together so he could understand and know the score right from the get go.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I get called a slut in an only half-joking way on a daily basis. He hates it. I told him when he starts paying half the bills and we're debt free, I'll be happy to retire.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
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I think Tina's point is interesting about people with similar careers forming a bond. I have known two dancers whose boyfriends were male strippers, and also two other dancers who work at the same club together and have been together for over two years. I guess it makes sense that people with their careers in common would have similar interests and understanding of each other in that realm.
This is especially true in the bar/restaurant industry. We work weird, all night hours and on weekends. Its sometimes virtually impossible to have a normal life outside of it. Few people were ever shocked when it was suddenly discovered that "so and so is now dating so and so". Heck, I worked with my ex-wife for over a year before we started dating. You find that no one understands all the shit that happens except for co-worker. They don't ask you why you work so much, and they don't get pissed when you cancel something because you need to pick up some extra money. They also can relate when that fucking slob who complains every five minutes over honestly inane things leaves YOU a crappy tip because the restaurant ran out of his favorite beer.
It saves a hell of a lot of headaches when the person who you are with understands all the stuff from the inside.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
You see what I mean, then, Prester_John, about not being a "customer".
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Re: What does your significant other think?
My husband was fine with it, however I think he would have had a problem if I wasn't an air dance only girl.
I have quit the biz now, but did so because we were planning on having a baby. I think I would have quit anyway though for a number of reasons -but S.O jealousy or issues was not among them.
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Re: What does your significant other think?
I was dancing when me and my boyfriend were friends and when we started dating. He doesn't like the fact that I'm a stripper but understands why I do it. At first, he had a hard time controling his jealousy which I understood but didn't know how to handle without quitting my job and having no source of income. Overtime he's gotten a lot better with dealing with it and it really helps to reasure your sweetie that you may dance naked for a living but he's the one that you come home to every nite and love with all your heart. :)
syn
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Re: What does your significant other think?
That is so sweet, and your man is a lucky one, Syn.
I must confess that although I was able to laugh with a woman I was casually dating about the time she actually got off from grinding some hot guy in VIP, when Love entered the picture, with an entirely different kind of woman, I had some trouble with jealousy--much to my dismay.
Well, I got over that, because I had to, but it still bothers me occasionally when she is forced to deal with some unusually rude f**k who insists on treating her like a piece of meat for his measly 20$.
Well, I am human, after all, and a man--with a man's shortcomings at times...
Don't take YOUR man's patience and understanding for granted---ordinary men (and many who are extraordinary as well) will generally have a hard time with the high-contact, especially if they have never seen the inside of the industry.
Syn's approach is the best way to deal with this.