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Lexi,
Inform your friend that "promises to change" just dont occur in such a setting. What you see is what you get.
Seems like your friend really needs a real friend at this moment. The first thing your friend needs is a friend that would get her in touch with a women's shelter. She could use some psychological counselling. In many cases such professional help is free.
After that then you and she can work on developing her career. Best of luck to you both.
She seeks out support from you when things are down. Why not just be your friend when things are good? I don't understand.
Sounds like a "toxic" friend. You don't need the hassle. IT's your turn to tell her your busy now, maybe she will think twice about what she is doing, and they usually are aware of their behaviour.
Good luck,
Pamela
I would guess she doesn't call when she's with him because he probably won't 'let' her or makes her miserable about it. If he's abusive, he doesn't want her to have her friends. Of course she is ultimately the one who makes the decision to treat you that way. I think she definitely needs a friend, but you can't just take crap from her indefinitely. I'd be trying to get her away from that asshole, because we all know an abuser doesn't just 'change'. It just doesn't happen. She needs counseling too. She has an inner reason for staying with a guy like that, and it's not because she loves him or he loves her.
seems to me that your friend is stuck on stupid....i wouldn't want to be bothered with someone like that
What Bridgette said.
Lena
You have no obligation to counsel her on her interpersonal problems especially if it is beyond your capabilities. She needs professional counseling. Inform her that you are still her friend but to refer her problems with her bo to a marriage counselor.
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Heh, I understand this all too well. To be honest, I know what she means when she says she likes the fights. My dad was incredibly abusive to my mother and myself. Physically and emotionally. I got in an abusive and controlling relationship for two years and couldn't live without the fighting. I came to realize I thrived on it and would instigate fights. Sick as fuck, but it made me feel loved. I also brought arguments and fights on because that was the only way to get attention.
I dunno, it's a hard call because I now have friends like that, and the dancing thing was almost an identical story. She does need help, and outside of trying to get her that, I'd let her be. You can't let her drag ya down, and you can't make her get help. If she wants it, she'll get it. If you can talk to her family, I'd strongly reccomend you do so. They need to seriously get involved, not just be "sick of it." Sometimes family has more "pull." Anyway, I will keep you and her in my thoughts, this is never an easy thing to do.
love and cookies
-smurf
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Wait - she is smacking people around, starting fights, acting like she is on Jerry Springer, and your wondering if you should ditch her?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi link=board=1;threadid=5570;start=msg60257#msg60257 date=1073082644
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My once best friend and I have this same type of relationship. What nipped it in the bud was the fact that one day, I just had to tell her about herself. I got tired of hearing about his verbal abuse, and how he doens't take care of my god daughter. I told her ( this was 3 yrs ago mind you) that I dont want to hear anything else relating to Gerald (baby daddy) She doesn't include him.
On top of that, I also sit and try to counsel her. It works, but I mean, if she doesn't even realize the hole that she is digging herself into, it'll just continue to get worse. Sit and talk with her about her problems. Like I said, alot of people use their relationships as a crutch for why they continue to stay.
One thing that has always worked for me is asking someone one simple question. YOU MUST LIKE GETTING DOGGED?? As harsh as that sounds, it's the truth! Women always fall for the guys who treat them like Shit! They could care less about the guy whose doing things for himself. But they love the dirty drawers of their no good boyfriend! I would suggest you and her go to a support group. If you dont think she'd go for this type of thing, make her think you want her to support you...
She probably has the same issues as my friend. She can't stand to be ALONE. She uses the fact that they have a child, and have been going together as a CRUTCH. Let her realize that she doesn't need him, or anyone else. Before she can love anybody, she needs to LOVE HERSELF!!!
:ojust be a friend to her ,try to stay neutral...good luck
Damn i had a friend like that and they never change and always say one thing and do another yeah girl i know its tough but dont make her your best bud i would just maybe keep in touch now and then if that..
alltho its always good to be a great friend.. you have to think about yourself in this situation.. if a friend hurts you and uses you.. they they arent really your friend now are they... i have know people whoe done this to me... honeslty in my expierence.. theyd dump you like a rock if it profitted them im sure...
when it comes to friends that use and abuse.. think of YOU first...
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yeah...neutral is good. My boyfriend's ex-fiance is like that. She only calls when she needs something. That's not a friend. Stick with the "let's go have a bite to eat" friends ;)
You should try and insist on your friend to break up with that jerk pronto before it gets worse, even if she doesn't get a job as a stripper. Her life is her priority. Nice avatar, by the way ;)
I have a friend like this too. I've known her since I was 2 yrs. old. It's hard, and I'm not really mean to her when she calls, but I do tell her it's her own fault for putting herself in this position and to call someone else if she's looking for someone to tell her it's ok to stay with him. Damn! How do such smart girls turn into such idiots over a guy with a big dick and no brain?
By the way Carlos, that has got to be the nastiest pic I've ever seen. Hairy man ass, VOMITT.
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I would say just walk away. She's stuck in the Drama mode and thinks that other people are there only when she needs them.
I had a friend like that, and I just got tired of getting "used". It's annoying that they call and want to hang out with you for whatever reason, but when you call and need something or other...well, they just never seem to have time. Push her out on her own and make the space for a real friend to enter.