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newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
In thinking about getting in to dancing, I visited a couple of clubs downtown, places with reps for being woman-friendly, only saw stage dancing going on there. Most of the girls disappeared when not on stage. One of the clubs did have a sign saying to "ask about table dances."
I think I got a good idea what a lap dance is from watching a video and also the booty contests they used to have in Vegas clubs, the contestents were obviously off-shift strippers and would move off the stage and rub themselves against the judges. The ones that one the contests seemed to be the most agressive girls with the biggest titties.
This club I'm interested in, it's a little too pricey for me to hang out in and scope out right now -- they say they have "table dances" and "couch dances" a VIP and "no contact." I'm just curious: a table dance, that is when the girl dances for the customers at the table? Is it similar to the lap dance, but without body-contact? And then how would a couch dance be different? :P
On a similar note, the psychology of a lap dance is really baffling to me. What I have seen (on video, in clubs) are really agressive dances with dancers rubbing their parts all over a guy who is supposed to sit still?... and honestly, it's hard for me to see what is so appealing about this (from the man's POV). First the agressiveness... of the few examples I've seen, they've been really agressive, pushing body parts into the mans face, not letting him touch, but moving all over him... is this exciting like the way a roller coaster is exciting... like "what's gonna happen next"?
And the tease of it... assuming the dance is successful and the guy is turned on, then what?
I guess I always felt like for a woman to agressively work to turn a guy on, then quit without "completing"... you know, you get put down for that, get called a tease... so in everyday life I tend to try and be really careful not to "tease" -- I feel a bit guilty flirting because I don't want to create false expectations -- yet in a club, you are supposed to do that. So now it's a good thing?
I like the idea of flirting, teasing, without feeling bad for not "going all the way" but -- it's kind of a mind-bender for me. It's like all the "rules" are different than what I'd been told all my life. Does that sound goofy?
Kat
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64683#msg64683 date=1074567273
On a similar note, the psychology of a lap dance is really baffling to me. What I have seen (on video, in clubs) are really agressive dances with dancers rubbing their parts all over a guy who is supposed to sit still?... and honestly, it's hard for me to see what is so appealing about this (from the man's POV). First the agressiveness... of the few examples I've seen, they've been really agressive, pushing body parts into the mans face, not letting him touch, but moving all over him... is this exciting like the way a roller coaster is exciting... like "what's gonna happen next"?
In college, I did a semester paper on touch deprivation. Normal adults receive very little tactile contact. Single men the least of all. Touch deprivation has been shown to cause a lot of problems. Feelings of isolation. Poor digestion. Poor sleep. Lack of concentration. The list is rather long.
Now lap dances help give this for men in a way that most are comfortable with. A much better way for men to get this is by way of a full-body Swedish massage, but to men those fall into two categories: prostitution (a.k.a. massage parlors) or too feminine (a.k.a. massage therapy clinic). Massage parlors scare away men for fear of STDs, being too much of a sin, and/or being arrested. Massage therapy clinics scare away too many men as being too gay and/or new age.
Even when the lap dance is done to climax the man, it's the above ... just taken to an extreme. The more violent lap dances you've seen probably fall into this category.
Now if the goal is to relieve touch deprivation, a better lap dance would be slow and gentle. Unfortunately, the music in strip clubs is usually fast pace and thus works against this. A strip club that were to have slow music in their VIP lounge would probably do better and generate more regular customers.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64683#msg64683 date=1074567273
And the tease of it... assuming the dance is successful and the guy is turned on, then what?
As for as touch deprivation is concerned, it has been relieved by a lap dance and thus the lap dance is an end in and of itself. A mere 15 minutes (a few lap dances in a row) goes a long way to relieve touch deprivation for a good week or two.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64683#msg64683 date=1074567273
I guess I always felt like for a woman to agressively work to turn a guy on, then quit without "completing"...
Nah, you've met one of their needs. That they want more is understandable, but they won't walk away feeling worse by not getting more. They'll likely feel more relaxed, happier, and other positives.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64683#msg64683 date=1074567273
you know, you get put down for that, get called a tease... so in everyday life I tend to try and be really careful not to "tease" -- I feel a bit guilty flirting because I don't want to create false expectations -- yet in a club, you are supposed to do that. So now it's a good thing?
Flirting is different than a lap dance. And there's nothing wrong with flirting. Flirting serves another nice psychological purpose if done right. It is all how you do it.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64683#msg64683 date=1074567273
I like the idea of flirting, teasing, without feeling bad for not "going all the way" but -- it's kind of a mind-bender for me. It's like all the "rules" are different than what I'd been told all my life. Does that sound goofy?
No, it doesn't sound goofy. I'm glad you're figuring this out and re-evaluating the rules which you live by. That's a sign of maturity. Thinking for yourself and not letting others think for you.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Katrin, the contact of a lap dance, the light touches, and the hug afterward may be a tease, but for some guys it's all they have. Bread and water are a feast to a starving, dehydrated person. Also there's the flirtation and positive attention from very beautiful women, which most guys would never experience were it not for strip clubs. A tease is better than nothing.
Regarding the aggressiveness, to each his own. A lot of customers, myself included, prefer the more sensual, softer type of dance. However between the two extremes, most would take aggressive over aloof (we can aloof and distant for free anywhere).
-lestat1
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Pumpkin Pie has a lot of great points.
other ideas to think about-some men in my club are turned on by lap dances only when they think it turns us on(which means I spend a whole song pretending I'm grinding on Vin Diesel). The honestly think it pleases us.
For other guys it IS like going all the way. They "mess themselves" after about 30 seconds and flee to the bathroom. I feel bad for their wives/gf's/whatever. If they can't even handle a girl rubbing on their lap...well nevermind.
You'll have regular customers. Men who don't even get a thrill from a lapdance. They just want you to make money, make your quota, or just spend time with you. My favorite kind =)
Every girl seems to do their dances differently. A customer once told me that getting a lapdance from a girl shows a lot about their sexual style. Some are rough, some are flirty, and some are slow and sensual. Knowing a girl's "style" turned him on.
Oh and then you have the drunken frat boy type who just likes to have a hot girl all over him so he can brag to his friends.
No on can be sure what men's obsession with strip clubs is but at least we can make the best of it.
Think of it as a FANTASY instead of a tease. That's all we're really doing is giving a man a fantasy, an object to lust after, the idea that there are perfect women out there.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by missmolly link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64707#msg64707 date=1074572627
No on can be sure what men's obsession with strip clubs is but at least we can make the best of it.
Men are simply more visually oriented than women. Mating for a man is a visual thing. Strip clubs simply key into this. To the men in the audience, they're visually hunting for their mates. And I'm not talking about looking for a wife or a girlfriend, but more primative as in a woman to impregnate. Their genes ... the same genes that has always insured generation after generations of humans ... has programmed them this way. That's why they're selective even within a strip club on who they want a lap dance from. They want good breeding stock. Now what is "good" breeding stock varies from man to man. This isn't high-level cognitive thinking we're talking about here. We're talking about the Id and biology developed over millions of years and encoded in our DNA. However, it is influenced by what men think are good traits in a woman. Society does marginally influence it, but that influence doesn't happen over night. It's gradual and starts before the boy even hits puberty. It has also changed over the generations. It is still changing as we learn more and more what's healthy and what's not. In other words, what makes good breeding stock and what doesn't.
All said and done, we're all just animals, behaving like animals, and, if you understand that, you'll understand why men are attracted to strip clubs. ;)
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How can a shy guy pick up girls?
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Originally Posted by lestat1 link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64706#msg64706 date=1074572540
At 25 years old, my dating history has been minimal, due to a lack of self-confidence and the resulting shyness it causes. I'm otherwise normal enough, just too shy to do the approaching that succesful dating requires. I've had one girlfriend (5 month relationship), it was 6 years ago. She was a conservative Muslim so there was a natural barrier with how far things could go. So, a virgin at 25, and making no progress for 6 years now towards overcoming any of these issues, I want to know what to do. The lack of companionship and intimacy are the worst by far. I use the occasional strip club visit for some much needed affection when I'm feeling particularly down, but it's hardly any kind of solution. I don't really have the money for therapy right now, nor do I know if that's the right answer. I have a solid understanding of the problem, it's causes, and what needs to be done; I just don't know how. I'm not worried about the sexual aspect of the relationship, since I think that takes care of itself with time once you have a relationship. That part always seemed easy to me, the challenging part has always been starting the relationship. So Pumpkin Pie, any thoughts on coping with and overcoming involuntary celibacy?
This was a horrible problem for me also. Didn't do much dating in high school - sat next to a girl I wanted to ask out so bad, but the words would not come out of my mouth.
Problem went on for years. In fact, I am told by some friends - AFTER THE FACT DAMN THEM - that this or that girl was sniffing around - AND I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT.
See - here is the problem as I discovered it. I didn't know the verbal portion of the mating dance. Oh yeah, there definately is a protocol there of not saying to much but not saying to little and determining what you want to accomplish with the conversation (initially not to get laid.)
Speak with the dancers, after all they are women, and they are good practice with low risk. If you offend one - ah, there is always another one in line to try a different tactic on. You need to practice.
First, hang out at the mall and follow some women of different age brackets around a bit with an open ear listening to what they talk about. Just don't look like a pervert. Crowded restaurants are good too. See, your looking for the protocol they use for speaking. Before you practice throwing the ball, you need to know where you are gonna throw the ball.
Sit back and (gulp) watch lifetime for a bit. It will make you want to puke so keep a bucket nearby. Be sure to put your nuts in a cup cuz that network is anti-man more than any femi-nazi could be. BUT you will learn "female speak."
You need to educate yourself on some ice breakers - women's topics and how important they are to them.
Think - The Art Of War - Know Your Enemy. Gotta do some research brother.
Pick up lines are funny, but conversation baits the hook and pulls em in. Women love to talk, if you do it right, they will talk themselves out of their clothes instead of you needing too.
For example, your riding an elevator, and there is a babe in there. Ahhhh... time to practice the verbal moves.
Women LOVE to talk about their clothes. So say something like "that is a nice outfit you have on there - the cut/color/cloth (aka the three C's) is remarkable."
If she is wearing something like a home sewn table cloth, not the best thing to talk about. Go for the hair, or the color of her nails.
Then she will get all shy and say something like "thank you" cuz, hey - you did catch her off guard and she is cornered in an elevator with some guy she doesn't know.
I am lucky, I have a sister. She won't go to parties cuz she is all like "I can't go there, I don't know anyone!" I am like "How are you going to get to know anyone if you don't go to parties?" (She is good looking, smart, and has D-cups.) I have no idea why this girl thinks the world won't like her. I also have no idea why this girl won't set me up with some of her friends, but hey - friends breaking up with brothers puts a whole weird spin on things.
The lesson I am trying to say is that girls are a little jumpy.
But I get off point... back to the elevator. You say something like "my girlfriend has been thinking about a new look, can I ask where you found those wonderful items?" Three parts there: 1) Girlfriend... she immediately is disarmed from "this guy is picking me up." You can get to some honest conversation. 2) Permission... if you ask for permission, how can she not grant it for chit chat? 3) Shopping. Girls love shopping. They love to talk about shopping.
Once you get them talking... it is easy. Cuz they will do all the talking. You just have to listen and now and then give them cues it is OK to talk. Cues? What are the cues?
Oh wow... good to keep talking.
Oh my gosh... good for when she starts talking about busy parking lots, etc.
Oh my God... heavy duty bomb for evil sales girl who ignores her. Good with a shake of the head and a "mmmm mmmm" for second evil sales girl who didn't give her any attention.
You can add in maybe a dash of experience, but you don't want to much cuz you want her to do the talking. Girls get bored of men who talk about themselves. No mystery there.
You need to finish the conversation, so when your floor comes or hers comes, you just say "Oops, I guess that is your/my floor. Have a nice day!" Wait for her "nice day" back to you and walk out.
See, once the conversation has had closure, it is perfectly OK for you to turn your back on her. If she thinks she has more to say to you, DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK TO HER. You will learn about this once you have the coveted girlfriend.
Ah young grasshopper, there is so much to learn, so much to teach.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Thanks for the advice Deogol. I especially liked the bit about Lifetime...I already read Cosmo for the same reason; but damn that magazine goes into gynoscopic detail about sex that Penthouse wouldn't touch! (Maxim gets pulled from WalMart but Cosmo filled with naked guy-butt-crack and vivid descriptions of every sexual position under the sun is ok at the grocery store, r-ight) It does serve it's "Art of War" purpose though. I eat out a lot, so I'll try listening in on other people's conversations.
thanks again,
-lestat1
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by lestat1 link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64706#msg64706 date=1074572540
So Pumpkin Pie, any thoughts on coping with and overcoming involuntary celibacy?
First, I'm not a trained psychotherapist. I've never worked for a dating service either. All I have a BA in psychology with a minor in marketing, was raised by a psychologist, and have been for many years a marketing consultant. I will not be able to give you any magic answer and likely no quick solution.
Second, this discussion shouldn't be in this thread. Start another and I'll give you my two cents worth there. And when you start that new one, I'd appreciate if you would also tell in it:
+ your personality type. See the thread "Who you are" for more on that.
+ what you do for a living. If it's a college student, that's fine and then tell me your major(s).
+ your hobbies and interests.
+ your socio-economic background you were raised in. Blue collar? Middle class? Upper class? Military? Academic?
+ religion or lack there of.
Then I'll see if I can think of something worth saying. And the more honest you are, the better advice I might be able to give. No guarantees though. Just a willingness to help. However, right now, I need to crash and get some sleep. I'll read what you post tomorrow.
I'd also appreciate it if you could write it up in such a way that would be not totally focused on you so others can join in on the discussion. Perhaps the thread could be on dating in general. Perhaps asking the strippers here how they go about dating thus it being more appropriate for this forum.
Night.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64764#msg64764 date=1074584514
Second, this discussion shouldn't be in this thread. Start another and I'll give you my two cents worth there. And when you start that new one, I'd appreciate if you would also tell in it:
I put it on the stripclubjunkie.com site here: http://www.stripclubjunkie.com/forum...art=0#lastPost
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Thank you! I felt so silly asking this, but I needed to know!
Pumpkin Pie, you and I could have some conversations. My dad is an evolutionary biologist who also was into sociobiology. And everything you said makes perfect sense. It's like "aha"! As a single mom, I get to cuddle up with my 8-year old every day. Sometimes I feel sorry for her dad who lives far away and doesn't have that opportunity.
But it really helps me in terms of having some understanding and therefore sympathy and therefore I think that yes, I could probably do a lap dance, cause, you know, I like to help people. :) It's also comforting to know one doesn't have to be super-aggressive, because that's not how I am. So it's comforting to know I can be more like myself and don't have to try to pull off the "Amazon woman from hell" thing.
The offtopic conversation helps in sort of a sideways kind of way. It helps me appreciate how many people are dealing with lonliness, frustration. Because for me, I am okay with being single at this time, but I have run into several 20-something guys who have been single too long, who I can see are really frustrated but unsure about how to approach a woman. It is is palpable. I also have a friendship with an older married man who would like me to be his mistress, says there is no more sex in his marriage. I sense the same longing from him. It all begins to make a bit of sense.
On shopping? How on earth does anyone talk about shopping? ;-) What's to talk about? (IOW careful of stereotyping. IMO don't fake interest in something you don't really give a crap about. Women can be very intuitive and sense if you are bs'ing.)
My two bits: If you can handle it, cultivating real friendships with actual women is a really good way to get insight. We often really can do the "just friends" thing with no intent at a sexual relationship. Though it seems most men have *a lot* of trouble with this. But you can get good insights from a woman who feels safe with you: intimate but not sexually.
It often amazes me how different men and women can be. And how much time we can spend trying to figure each other out.
Kat
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64724#msg64724 date=1074576868
All said and done, we're all just animals, behaving like animals, and, if you understand that, you'll understand why men are attracted to strip clubs. ;)
Pumpkin, you are a most welcome addition.
Our animal background:
Men are sex-oriented. Women are nest-oriented.
So men offer the nest to get the sex. Women offer the sex to get the nest.
We spend so much time thinking, "Why can't they be like me," rather than just understanding that's what they are.
I did the Myers-Briggs about 10 years ago. Don't remember what the specific scores were, of course, but it was a useful self-evaluation session. A friend of mine is hooked on enneagrams, but I've never explored that.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Pumpkin brings up some interesting points... and describes values that have been alive and well understood here on the left coast.
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Now lap dances help give this for men in a way that most are comfortable with. A much better way for men to get this is by way of a full-body Swedish massage
FBSM (Full Body Sensual Massage) has become the desired and highly profitable outlet here in California. Ex-dancers and ex-escorts make up for over 90% of FBSM artists as getting massage certification then spending time getting input from men on honing their technique is a fairly short process.
It seems to be a natural evolution for dancers in extras-heavy strip clubs and in/outcall escorts in San Francisco to evolve to the point of realizing they are more sensual healers than sex workers. Men who have travelled here usually can't define why they miss the experience, even though they have plenty of local strip clubs back home where certain strippers do have extras available. It's the delivery and emphasis is all wrong.
I've stated it on other threads before, but the best "lapdances" I've ever received nationwide are still right here in SF. The seasoned dancers require the patron to be either laying down flat on his back, or at least in a 70% reclined position, and the dance itself is slow and incredibly touchy. A dancer works your neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, waist, hips, legs and calfs with her hands, arms, legs and body. They often rotate from laying on their tummy, to rolling over and laying on their back- both atop the customer.
You go four blocks down the road to a non-extras, gentleman's club and a dancer either wants you standing against a wall, or sitting straight up in a chair, while they simple gyrate their hips over the front of your pants or press boobies in your face... yawn. Occasionally you'll get a more trained lapdancer who will do some neat tricks- the flip, the scissors, the spider, etc.etc. which is entertaining... but the substance is completely different.
Katrin-
As any lapdancer will tell you, men in clubs vary greatly. Like missmolly put so eloquently, there are some men that would be better suited looking for a prostitute or escort but have wrongfully wound up in a strip club. They aren't looking for healing, touch or flirting- nor are they looking for king treatment or to treat others well.. they want a quick release. They want the most "mileage" in the shortest time for the least amount of $$.
If you approach every customer from a "healer" viewpoint, there will be many (if not most) that will be positive to the experience and likely become regulars. I think you will also get near equal enjoyment from them since it is always nice to do something for others and see how effective an impact you've had on them. The dancers I know that are good healers find their work very rewarding in that regard... BUT.. other customers will be turned-off and unfavorable In reality you don't want those kind anyways heh. They will find the proper "dirty dancer" and are a better match for each other.
Funny you mention the importance of female friends for men. I have substantially more female friends than male, with about 30% of them being dancers (ex-bouncer). I also get a professional massage (Swedish, deep tissue, aloe skin treatment, hot-stone + aromatherapy) about once a month, go dancing twice a week and hit a stripclub for "entertainment" purposes once a week (I'll wander in to visit friends more frequently, but those visits aren't entertaining. More of hour long bitch-and-moan sessions backstage or outside lol). I can't stress how fulfilling life is when you are surrounded by good people with little emphasis on gender. And yes, so many men have a problem or feel tension carrying on a friendship with women, which is a real pity.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
Thank you! I felt so silly asking this, but I needed to know!
Being raised by a professor father and a teacher mother, I was always taught that the only stupid question is the one you don't ask. You don't ask, you don't learn, you remain ignorant. So if you or anyone have other questions, ask away. I don't know all the answers, but I'll tell you what I think is of value and maybe that will help a bit.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
Pumpkin Pie, you and I could have some conversations.
I'm sure we could. I do love to talk. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
My dad is an evolutionary biologist who also was into sociobiology.
Hey, if he can recommend a good book on sociobiology, I'd appreciate the title. Post here or email me it. Something written more for the general public as my knowledge of biology is weak.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
And everything you said makes perfect sense. It's like "aha"!
That's good to hear.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
As a single mom, I get to cuddle up with my 8-year old every day.
Which gives you tactile contact and helps relieve your touch deprivation. Not all of it though, but most.
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Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
Sometimes I feel sorry for her dad who lives far away and doesn't have that opportunity.
That is too bad ... especially since the child is a girl. Girls hugging their dads and cuddling up to them is socially acceptable. Boys doing it beyond the age of five will likely be discouraged by the father. It's too bad, but that's social norms. Mothers, on the other hand, can hug and cuddle their sons and daughters FAR more for FAR more many years ... though the boy will start following social norms and put distance from his mother and himself as he gets older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
But it really helps me in terms of having some understanding and therefore sympathy and therefore I think that yes, I could probably do a lap dance, cause, you know, I like to help people. :)
That's nice to know. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
It's also comforting to know one doesn't have to be super-aggressive, because that's not how I am. So it's comforting to know I can be more like myself and don't have to try to pull off the "Amazon woman from hell" thing.
The more comfortable you're in giving a lap dance, the better your lap dance will be. Men are far more observant than women ... due to being more visually oriented ... and maybe able to pick up when you're performing in a style you're not comfortable with. Do realize that some men will like the more aggressive style and some the more slow and gentle. If you don't like doing and don't do the aggresive style, you will not attract those as regular customers. That would probably be best for you anyway.
Oh, and it is more important that you have skin-to-skin contact than clothes-to-clothes contact. Unfortunately, most of the man's body will be covered in clothes. However, his hands, neck and face won't be. Try to always remain in contact with those with at least your hands. From a touch deprivation standpoint, he'll then get more from your lap dance than if you didn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
The offtopic conversation helps in sort of a sideways kind of way. It helps me appreciate how many people are dealing with lonliness, frustration.
If you want to start up a thread about this, that might be a good idea. Having an off-topic discussion in a thread tends to get it less read and thus not as many reading and contributing to that discussion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
Because for me, I am okay with being single at this time, but I have run into several 20-something guys who have been single too long, who I can see are really frustrated but unsure about how to approach a woman. It is is palpable. I also have a friendship with an older married man who would like me to be his mistress, says there is no more sex in his marriage. I sense the same longing from him. It all begins to make a bit of sense.
A lot of nice things to talk in what you've just said. I'd rather discuss that in another thread. If you rather I discuss it in this one, just let me know and I'll do so here. Otherwise, I'll wait for the new thread and contribute there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
On shopping? How on earth does anyone talk about shopping? ;-) What's to talk about? (IOW careful of stereotyping. IMO don't fake interest in something you don't really give a crap about. Women can be very intuitive and sense if you are bs'ing.)
Shopping? ???
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
My two bits: If you can handle it, cultivating real friendships with actual women is a really good way to get insight. We often really can do the "just friends" thing with no intent at a sexual relationship. Though it seems most men have *a lot* of trouble with this. But you can get good insights from a woman who feels safe with you: intimate but not sexually.
There are reasons for this. I'll leave that for the other thread ... or this one if you want it discussed here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katrin link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64796#msg64796 date=1074600111
It often amazes me how different men and women can be. And how much time we can spend trying to figure each other out.
There are significant differences but there's also things we share in common. Knowing which is which is usually the biggest problem. ;)
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Quote:
Originally Posted by lestat1 link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64773#msg64773 date=1074586480
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64764#msg64764 date=1074584514
Second, this discussion shouldn't be in this thread. Start another and I'll give you my two cents worth there. And when you start that new one, I'd appreciate if you would also tell in it:
I put it on the stripclubjunkie.com site here:
http://www.stripclubjunkie.com/forum...art=0#lastPost
I'd much rather have it be in this forum (Stripper Web) than another one. Also, wait a bit and see if Katrin starts up a thread about this here and then jump in on that thread. If she doesn't post in a day or two, start up one yourself here.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
As far as the teasing aspect goes, it's good to be aware that that's exactly what some men are looking for. They aren't necessarily looking for release but rather a sensual experience that's pleasant.
I really like the comparison to massage - for years I've been comparing lapdances to massage! You sit there and let someone else do something nice for you, and afterwards you feel good. Katrin, just think, a dance is an enjoyable experience in and of itself.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin Pie link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg64829#msg64829 date=1074615190
I'd much rather have it be in this forum (Stripper Web) than another one. Also, wait a bit and see if Katrin starts up a thread about this here and then jump in on that thread. If she doesn't post in a day or two, start up one yourself here.
I don't know if you knew it or not, but SCJ/SW are sort of brother/sister sites, run by the same person. Your login/password here work over there as well. Perhaps you could start a thread when the time is right, ensuring it is placed and phrased appropriately.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
I'll then give you a reply there.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Lestat,
Why don't you cure your involuntary celibacy with a trip to BoysTown in Mexico....you could kill two birds with one stone...hehehehehehe!!!
Meow!!
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrine link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg65171#msg65171 date=1074723268
Lestat,
Why don't you cure your involuntary celibacy with a trip to BoysTown in Mexico....you could kill two birds with one stone...hehehehehehe!!!
Meow!!
I'm not sure what that is, but I have a feeling money can't buy the true affection and intimacy I'm seeking.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
I was making a joke regarding our recent conversation in chat about your fear of going to Mexico due to jails and political corruption. Lighten up or you are never gonna get that sweet intimacy (ie ass) that you seek ;)
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrine link=board=1;threadid=5951;start=msg65255#msg65255 date=1074737574
I was making a joke regarding our recent conversation in chat about your fear of going to Mexico due to jails and political corruption. Lighten up or you are never gonna get that sweet intimacy (ie ass) that you seek ;)
I got it. ;)
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
All said and done, we're all just animals, behaving like animals, and, if you understand that, you'll understand why men are attracted to strip clubs. ;)
You and me baby ain't nothin but Mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel!! :P
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
I have to admit, a couch dance is a new one on me entirely. Never heard of that one. Seems like it's taking it a bit far, though. Hell, i'd run my water bill through the roof on cold showers after something like THAT implies.
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
Quote:
Originally Posted by Madcap link=board=25;threadid=5951;start=msg65353#msg6535 3 date=1074764238
I have to admit, a couch dance is a new one on me entirely. Never heard of that one. Seems like it's taking it a bit far, though. Hell, i'd run my water bill through the roof on cold showers after something like THAT implies.
Nah. After additonal research I learned that Oregon clubs are all-nude no-contact. (so much for touch deprivation!) The idea of a couch offers some interesting possibilities nonetheless... I'll just have to see what that's all about.
K
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Re:newbie question: couch dance, lap dance, psychology
No profound insight here, just one more data point on the massage topic. I go to SCs maybe 4-5 times a year and satisfying a need for touch is a big part of that. Hey, I'm a pig like all guys and I'd never turn down a boob in my face or a crotch rub. I never push for or "go for" more than the dancer is comfortable with, but for me half the fun is being able to give her a standing massage. While she's facing away from me, I'll work on her neck, upper arms, shoulders, back esp the lower lumbar. Always mindful to steer clear of the personal zones. I realize it's all a business transaction selling a fantasy and I'm paying for that time. It's just part of what makes me feel good; some skin to skin contact and to give something back to a beautiful woman who's been on her feet for 6 or 7 hours. I can't be the only guy out there who feels this way, but then I've never seen anyone else doing this. I haven't found a dancer who didn't appreciate it. Is this a movement who's time has come? Men paying to give dancers a non-sexual massage?
zooguy