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Worse than "Wanna dance"?
After reading the thread on customer conversation, I thought that I would ask a question.
What do people say when asked "Do you mind if I sit?"
It seems that there are two different paths:
a) You are attracted to her
and
b) You aren't (or she isn't your type)
A is easy. "By all mean, have a seat."
My problem comes with B. If she doesn't do it for me, I'm not going to get a dance from her, and I certainly don't want to pay for her 'time' just because I didn't want a dance from her (and knew that from the start).
I usually go the clubs with other people (wife, friends, etc.) because of this very question. I can then respond "I'm sorry we're right in the middle of a business/life/what-have-you conversation.
What I *want* to say is "You can, but you would just be wasting your time. Don't worry I won't be at all offended if you go in search of a customer." That just seems a little mean.
With "Wanna Dance?" I feel comfortable saying no thank you. With "Do you mind if I sit?" I feel bad because they aren't *technically* asking for money, but....
What would you like to hear?
Am I alone in wanting my dances to be from girls who "do it for me?"
-A's husband
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I often ask customers "Can I sit with you" or "Can I join you" because of the fact it is harder to say no to. Most of the time after a few minutes of talking to me the guy is willing to buy a dance. It helps me get a dance or two off guys who have been turning all the other girls away.
However, if you are a customer and you absolutely do not want to spend money ::) and don't even want to give me the chance to use my charms to change your mind ::) PLEASE by all means, do reply "Sure, but I won't be buying any dances right now." It's far better than letting me waste my time. And no I won't bite your head off or run away crying.
That way your bases are covered, as a customer you have not been rude, and if the dancer actually sits down after this(most likely she won't) then she does so at her own risk.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I must admit that I'm not sure how to deal with this, because in all clubs I've been to in PR (except one) dancers generally do not hustle. Oh, sure, some dancers will greet guys they know but they don't necessarily hang around. Besides, in these clubs DJ constantly remind guys that they can buy their dances at the bar so it's really very much like buying your next drink ;D
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I've often said to dancers "You can sit, however I'm broke and I know you're hear working, so you're probably better off with someone else" or words to that effect. Or, sometimes just a polite "That's okay. I'm just vegging for a while." And, as Mariah points out, sometimes I'll say "sure, sit a while" even if I don't initially intend to get a dance and find the dancer's company enjoyable and end up spending money on her.
As pointed out in many threads, dancing is a sales job. Rejection, polite or otherwise, comes with the territory.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
Dancer: "Do you mind if I sit?"
Patron: "I'm sorry, but I'm saving that seat for someone."
-- this usually ends the dialogue.. but if not.
Dancer: "Oh? Who might that be?"
Patron: "I'll let ya know when they get here."
It's polite enough.. It doesnt have any verbal negativity towards the hustler. It's concise and to the point.
Of course, if the pressure continues past this point, rudeness starts to become fair game. :)
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by polecat link=board=8;threadid=6010;start=msg65603#msg65603 date=1074824084
Dancer: "Do you mind if I sit?"
Patron: "I'm sorry, but I'm saving that seat for someone."
-- this usually ends the dialogue.. but if not.
Dancer: "Oh? Who might that be?"
Patron: "I'll let ya know when they get here."
It's polite enough.. It doesnt have any verbal negativity towards the hustler. It's concise and to the point.
Of course, if the pressure continues past this point, rudeness starts to become fair game. :)
"Saving that seat for someone" sounds like you might have a buddy joining you, in which case I'll offer to sit in your lap instead!
"I'll let you know when they get here," --Now your making up imaginary friends just to avoid me, RUde! I mean really, some guys go through such lengths to avoid dancers, as if our mere presence will vaporize your wallet. We are used to taking rejection, it's part of the job and we can handle it--but when someone makes up stories just to keep us away it's hard not to take that personally.
"Wannadance?" ---"No thank you."
"May I join you?" ---"I'm not buying any dances right now, you will be better off with someone else, but thanks for stopping by."
It's very simple and polite, and dissmisses the unwanted dancer without hard feelings.
"I don't have any money left." That works, but if I see you buying dances later I'll notice. Again, I won't cry over it, obviously I can't be everyone's type. But most guys don't want to look like dicks and being caught lying is a sure way to do that.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I usually say i'm waiting on a specific Dancer (It's usually even true).
I really haven't met very many Dancers that i didn't like at least a little(Even one chick that damn near bit my head off when i asked her where the bathroom was in a large club that i hadn't ever been in before, and, no, i wasn't sitting with her. I just figured she'd at least know and she was just standing at the bar not talking to anyone for some reason. That was the last time i did that, now, I find a guy who works there and ask HIM even if i have to chase him down like a stag! I just figured she was having a lousy night, though, and thought no more of it after that). My "type" is pretty broad as far as women go, hell, i'll walk in and eye every woman in the place. If i could i'd get dances from everyone working that shift.
I'm just not made of money, so i actually am generally waiting to see who comes in with the night shift, or whatever (I rarely even leave the house to hit the SC earlier than eight or nine, and night shifts here usually start at about ten.
I must say, the only thing i hate more than telling a Dancer "No" is wasting a Dancer's time, cuz then i AM being a dick. She's not there purely for fun, but to get the car payment made.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mariah link=board=8;threadid=6010;start=msg65622#msg65622 date=1074827317
"Saving that seat for someone" sounds like you might have a buddy joining you, in which case I'll offer to sit in your lap instead!
Glad to see you recognize the hidden method to my madness. :)
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I usually use the polite, " I'd just like to sit and watch for a while, but thank you very much for the offer". It shows respect for the dancer without being rude or lying.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I am usually not all that nice! I have been known to just say no in a nasty tone when a dancer I do not want around me asks to sit by me. Usually that is reserved for pain in the ass Russians or flat out ugly dancers. Now if Mariah came up to me, I doubt that I would have that kind of will power! LOL
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I usually say "I'm sorry, I'm waiting for one of the other dancers, but thanks for offering." and that's usually true. Personally I like when dancers come around and ask in a friendly way to join me, I wish it happened more often. And I'll usually say yes unless I have my eye on some other girl. What I don't like is when a girl walks up and just sits down without asking first. I never know how to handle that. Any suggestions?
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I'm noticing that most of the "polite" replies involve a bit of dialog. The club I usually go to is so loud that I'd have to try to say them 3-4 times before she'd hear what I said, and even them, she'd only be pretending to hear, and would sit down anyway! A head shake combined with a hand waggle usually gets the point across, albeit in a crude manner. To tell you the truth, almost always the dancers' question in more in the "wannadance" range anyways, so I don't feel bad about the head shake/hand waggle response.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
My thing with this topic is..... at least they are asking. The club I was at tonite 2 different times a girl I have never talked to or gotten a dance from just came and sat down without invite or a courteous "do you mind if I sit". I have no problem with the wanna dance question however Its hard to get that question when a girl that you dont want to be with you is sitting there as other girls will not come up as they dont want to interupt.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I know what you guys mean about the girls who just plop down! I've even seen those girls sit, talk for a minute, then when the next song comes on and they just start dancing. Three songs later she'll ask for her money, and all the while she never even asked. Of course, if the guy let her dance he's stuck paying. I think it's a horrible way to treat a customer, and a sure way to sour his SC experience ---making him never want to come back.
As to what to say to a girl who just invites herself---I don't know. Those are the loud and pushy girls who will not hesitate to make a big fuss if they think you've been rude. If you just say "No I don't want any dances." She'll say "Well I haven't even asked you yet," and try to make it like you're the asshole. LOL sorry I guess there's just no right way to get rid of her!
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I screwed up the quotes and i don't feel like typing it all out again.
Money~ Your advice is taken. And thanks for the welcome. As for the "Kissing Dancer's asses School" maybe so. I dunno. I had two GF's that were, incidentally, Dancers who really meant something to me and when i see a Dancer in a way i see them. So i try not to be rude in any way. But you could be right.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I don't know if I'm an asshole or what but I never say No to a dancer asking to sit with me! I don't care if I plan to buy a dance or not. She will figure it out soon enough it's all part of the job. I think it's ruder to tell her no then to 'waste her time.' You know, I'm in there to be entertained by the ladies not sit by myself! I will always tip her a few bucks on stage even if I didn't get a dance.
If I'm sitting at the rail it's a whole different story. Then I don't liked to be bothered. I'm busy!
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Madcap link=board=8;threadid=6010;start=msg65991#msg65991 date=1074932653
Quote:
Originally Posted by money link=board=8;threadid=6010;start=msg65762#msg65762 date=1074877851
Wow. I bet Mariah's thrilled to hear about your chivalrous attitude towards woman.
Gotta tell you, but, that's pretty uncool. At least you aren't saying some shit like "Later, maybe" or some shit, getting her hopes of a payoff up, but why the fuck do you need to be mean? She's just trying to get her bread buttered, Russian or Ugly!!
Come on, cut her some slack!
Or...
If you want a more practical reason... All women talk. You really want some woman saying about you "He's a fucker!" trust me, the hot Dancer that you like will take her word over any protestations you have.
Be nice to Dancers, you'll have more fun that way. <----------Practical reason
Madcap, obviously you are new to the site. Welcome aboard. It is obvious you are from the kissing dancers you know what school. Let me tell you, just saying NO is the best thing to do. If their feelings are hurt, I really do not care. I am not wasting anyones time this way. If I say no, it means I do not want to be bothered. I almost always have fun at strip clubs. But I will not have fun, if someone I do not want around me, just wants to plop her ass down by me. I will never waste a dancers time. Keep it short and sweet, do not lead her on, and just say no! They will respect you more for that. Trust me.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I have no problem simply replying "No, thank you" to the "can I sit" question if I'm not interested in that dancer. It may come across as rude as they are not technically asking for dances but the way I see it we both know that "can I sit" really means "wanna dance", so to me the "No, thank you" reply is reasonable, it's short, it's too the point, and it doesn't waste the dancer's time, besides that no further explanation should even be a requirment on my side.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
Another reason to say no is because the dancer you do want may see you with this girl and pass you up. My ATF knows that no matter who is with me, that she is welcome to stop (this pisses off new girls who dont know me).
I have had dancers that after sitting with me for a while then ask the question 'so are you ready for that dance?' and get mad when i say no. 'but you let me sit with you!'
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I noticed that i had screwed up the markup codes for my post. I have no intention of retyping everything over.
Money~ Your advice is taken with the spirit in which it was offered, good spirit.
Thanks for the welcome.
(that's the long and short of my original reply)
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I thimk telling them you won't be buying a dance from them, and it would just be wasting her time is the best approach. I don't think it's rude at all.
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
A problem I never did figure out how to handle - the first time I went to a particular club I was joined by a dancer, we talked for awhile, I bought her a drink, then I bought a private dance from her because she was friendly and polite, even though she wasn't my type at all. Thereafter whenever I went to that club again she'd immediately join me without asking, even though I was hoping to hook up with someone else. I didn't want to hurt her feelings because she was very nice to me, but there were several other girls there who I wanted to meet. I finally stopped going to that club. How should I have handled this?
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
I beg to differ with Mariah on a few issues. Just like there are unwritten rules for guys conduct in strip clubs, there are unwritten rules for the dancers conduct.
If you ask if I mind if you sit down in the seat next to me and I respond the way I would normally OUTSIDE the strip club ("Sure!") it's your responsibility to ascertain whether or not your time is being wasted.
Also, if a dancer starts dancing for me without even asking if I want a dance and I don't stop her, there is no way I am paying her a red cent for that dance. I dislike overly pushy dancers (who interestingly are usually the less attractive ones) and I don't like getting scammed. In my neck of the woods there is the the term ROB (Rip Off Bitch) for dancers who promise things and then don't deliver.
I am not saying I go to strip clubs to waste dancers time and money but if I am busy chatting with my buddy and I non-chalently say yes to her question if she can sit down, I think that should be her clue that maybe I am a little busy right now and will probably not want a dance in the near future.
Remember, it's the dancers who are supposed to be experst on human psychology not the patrons...
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
On my best friend's stag party at Spearmint Rhino in London,an Australian girl said the wackiest thing the my friend's brother to entice him into a dance.
In an Australian accent,obviously, "Would you like to see me vagina?"
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Re:Worse than "Wanna dance"?
"May I join you?" is a prelude to asking for a dance. We all know that. There are many valid reasons why the answer should be no; she's ugly, not your type, you're waiting for someone else, you saw her on stage and she's as clumsy as an ox, you have just spend your cash and had planned to leave as soon as you finished your beer, etc etc.
I'd prefer it if customers would let me know up front; I've usually got my eye on three guys at any one point in time, and the other two might like me and plan to spend money. Anything that gives her the opportunity to save face is perfectly acceptable, such as the following:
You: "No, I just finished ten dances and was on my way out the door as soon as I finished this drink."
Dancer: "I trust you had a great time! Thanks for stopping in, and maybe we can meet up next time. Drive careful."
You: "I'm waiting for someone, actually."
Dancer: "I'll be happy to fetch her for you; I've got a few moments to spare."
You: "Thanks, but that's all right. She knows where to find me."
Dancer: "Excellent! Have a great time, I'm sure she'll be here shortly."
You: "I didn't plan on buying dances."
Dancer: "No worries, we can't always live it up as we might like to. Enjoy the stage and take care if your waitress!"
If as dancer unceremoniously plops her behind in the seat next to you, the response is, "Excuse me, but that seat is taken."
Fondl, the quickest, most painless way to get rid of her is to buy a tableside immediately, thank her and then move on. Most girls search out new money once a guy has already given all the dances he plans to. If she follows you, then ask her to introduce you to the dancer you've had your eye on, tip her a ten spot with grateful thanks, and then make a good show of focusing all your attention on the dancer you prefer. She'll get the hint.