http://www.nomarriage.com/
http://www.whapmag.com/html/preview/preview.html
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Conflicting viewpoints? I'm not so sure.
Anyhoo, I've noticed a difference between the marriages of my parent's generation and the marriages of today. The previous generation seemed to have generally happy marriages born out of mutual need. I don't need to explain how the traditional gender roles worked and what each brought ot he marriage. Today, women don't need the financial support men have always offered in a marriage, so the whole system fell apart if you ask me. My parents and friends' parents have happy marriages. I know too many married guys in their 20s who look defeated and without soul (seriously). They talk of sex as something non-existent, and their wives as being manipulative and coldly distant. It terrifies me more than spiders. :-\ Of course, in the happy marriages of my parent's generation that I know of the wives do work (jobs, not just around the house), so there's something more to the equation I can't figure out. Something happened, something changed. I would have gladly gotten married in the 1950s, today I wouldn't give it a second's consideration without a pre-nup. We live in a time where there is now an actual term called "marriage fraud." It's when (usually) a woman marries a man she doesn't love only to divorce him immediately after for the money. I couldn't believe it when I read that article. The only remaining incentive for too many man to get married is for the tax benefit. That's it. What happened? How did things change so much, so quickly? I always thought of marriage as offering support and companionship, yet both seem so lacking today. Of course, I've never been married and this is all occasional observation, and anecdotal stories. What do the married men and women think? Does marriage offer you what you thought it would?
looking for hope,
-lestat1
p.s. looking through the nomarriage.com website some more, there is a lot of fairly misogynist content. There is however, some good content as well, you just need an active filter.
I had meant the conflicting views between the two websites. In the nomarriage site the domination of women is the ideal and in the whap site domination of men is the theme.
I like the idea of marriage where no one needs to be dominant over the other. :couple:
I read your note about marriage, Stat, and feel bad for you because you're so apprehensive about it, but I can understand why if you know lots of people who are unhappy in it.
What I've found is that the real basis for a good marriage is friendship. A friendship that has a deep, underlying respect for the other person, and one in which trust of the other is a pivotal ingredient. I'm delighted that after knowing my wife for 5 years we can still sit for hours talking with each other, completely losing track of time and everything else that's going on.
I think another aspect of a good marriage is mutual support-an empathy that each has for the other that fosters full understanding and good communication, and turns that into constant support for the other. These aspects are all overlaid with love, and that is impossible to define. Together (and with some other ingredients) these combine to create a relationship that makes each partner fuller and richer than they would be without the other. It establishes a bond that fosters mutual dependency, like being plants nourished by water. We're fuller, happier, livlier and more comfortable together than we are apart. We make each other more than what we would be without the other.
Each person needs a special type of person with whom they fit harmonically. I hope you eventually find that person. When you do, all your concerns will disappear.
ok since you guys are talking about marriage ...just wanted to post an article i found over a year ago ...let me know what you think ....is this person bitter or is this person bitter :biting: :biting:
http://www.perkel.com/pbl/married/
Damn he's bitter! But then I would be too if I went through all that.Quote:
Originally Posted by cash link=board=1;threadid=6037;start=msg66093#msg66093 date=1074969222
i dont say he cant be bitter but if somthing like that happens don't blame it on marriage blame it on who you were with ....not all relationships end up like that not every one wants material things from a marriage .....
That's a very good point. Maybe my question should be when did people change so much?Quote:
Originally Posted by cash link=board=1;threadid=6037;start=msg66238#msg66238 date=1074984386
Damn you Madonna and your material girl ways! LOL
my opinions on contemporary marriage actually revolve around two different issues - lawyers/courts and the IRS "marriage penalty". Unless you plan on pulling an Anna Nicole Smith style marriage, getting married is only going to complicate your life and cost you extra money in higher tax rates (assuming that you and your new husband will both have an income). About the only advantage that marriage might offer would be health and life insurance coverage under your new husband's employer package (probably at extra cost to him), which you could probably easily purchase for yourself for much less money than the "marriage penalty" would cost you both in extra income taxes.