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The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Ladies,
I've been reading the boards for a couple of months and definitely realize that there everyone here is definitely an individual. There are a variety of opinions. However, given the common focus there are a couple of questions I would like to pose to members of this community.
As background, I have been in the clubs and I guess you could classify me as the tipper talker. I enjoy the dance, but I enjoy the company much more. There are definitely some of the most bright and engaging women dancing. If you are traveling and want some conversation, you aren't going to find it in the hotel lobby.
Anyway, occasionally some of the comments I have heard from dancers are, "I would never date a guy that came into the club." And, some other comments which lead me to believe that the perfect customer may be a wad of bills that comes into the club, jumps into the nearest garter while leaving the guy in the parking lot. However,the general impression is that in no case is a customer worthy of any potential long-term intimate relationship.
Contrasting this (assuming they met the guy outside of the club), much more frequently I hear about the boyfriend/lover/husband that spent/stole/ all of the dancer's money and/or the bad relationships she has had or is leaving. Therefore, outside of the club may not be much better.
I also read a lot of posts about ladies who conceal that they are a dancer from loved ones/ boyfriends, etc. This implys a lot of secrecy is going on to keep information away from those in our lives.
Lastly, given the pressure of the business and the nature, it seems to lead to a situation of seclusion away from work where it is harder and harder to meet people outside of work and interact with them. The basic tendency to "cocoon' as it was called in the 90's continues. So we may be left with some of the brightest and most beautiful women lonely for real intimacy, cynical, and closed to pursuing a real relationship.
Now that that is said, the thing that I do believe in is unconditional love. Defined as the total acceptance of another person for what he/she is. Now I am not saying anyone puts up with behavior that is harmful. I am just saying that as people we have a tendency to predict or anticipate that what we do will not be approved by others and they will judge us. However, there are hopefully those that will accept us as who we are and unconditionally love us in spite of the things we do. The love I am speaking of is not eros but agape the self-sacrificing love we should all have for each other.
So here is what I am trying to reconcile given the various threads and comments that lead to sweeping generalizations. I am trying to find the exceptions to the generalizations.
First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving relationship. Just even one person?
Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you may have in front of you a person that is the person that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they automatically put on the customer ladder.
Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that you want out of life.
Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate relationship.
Thanks I am just looking for someone -- even just one person to undo the generalizations. I also accept that each of us has our opinions and reasons for what we do and are. A lot of the situations we are in are not our choosing.
sitri
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Okay, first, you are making large leaps in logic to generate your own conclusions that are not factual. Secondly, your data points are biased because you are on a board for dancers looking for support. Women don't look for support on a relationship that is going smoothly. Also, you obviously do not understand what makes a dancer successful. it isn't about our feelings. It's about work. We don't come there to dillydally around and amuse you when we could be making money.
Lastly, and this is a biggie, this is ladies only. Please respect our space.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
sorry, it was posted in the wrong one. Please remove.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
First...I always looked for the guy who dressed like a lawyer... Yep, even would look in the parking lot to see what type of cars are sitting there.
Second...i did not want to ever date a customer, why? Because i was there to work. period. It was only a job.
Why waste time on a Pinto when you can have the Porsche?
Pamela
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Everybody is looking for someone but not at work. Do you have a job just to find a girlfriend or do you there to make money?? Also just like everyone else we dont mix business with pleasure. We are there to work and we are focused on the money when we are there. I am rarely focused on the indivudual -I am not interested in 'getting to know you' I am interested in knowing how much money you are going to give me.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
With what Chrissy said, it boggles my mind that guys would expect something else. They need to get it through their heads that NO we are NOT bitches for wanting their money. THIS is our job. WTF????
My favorite (sarcasm) line, is when a guy says, "She acts like she likes me, but shes only doing that for the money" well no shit sherlock! Obviously theres only a few men who like to be treated like shit in a stripclub, and while I havent had the opportunity to meet those, I am nice to all of my customers. I am nice to most because for the most part, most really ARE nice, and I do want them to come back... But I am not nice to someone who treats me like crap just because I am a dancer.
Yes you can like a customer because he is sweet, and helps you out, but thinking that we dance and money is NOT an issue is a pretty stupid thing to think. Guys always say, "Its ALWAYS about the money" Well, what ELSE can it be if we are dancing naked??? Im definetely not dancing naked because I "just want to". I dance because I want to and the MONEY is great.
edited to fix typos and run on sentences LOL ::)
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Goddammit!!!!!!! I just spent a good half hour typing a long and detailed response to this, and the damn thing won't post because the topic was moved!!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
Is there not any way to let the thing post even if topic was moved during the typing? >:( >:( >:(
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
Ladies,
I've been reading the boards for a couple of months and definitely realize that there everyone here is definitely an individual. There are a variety of opinions. However, given the common focus there are a couple of questions I would like to pose to members of this community.
As background, I have been in the clubs and I guess you could classify me as the tipper talker. I enjoy the dance, but I enjoy the company much more. There are definitely some of the most bright and engaging women dancing. If you are traveling and want some conversation, you aren't going to find it in the hotel lobby.
Anyway, occasionally some of the comments I have heard from dancers are, "I would never date a guy that came into the club." And, some other comments which lead me to believe that the perfect customer may be a wad of bills that comes into the club, jumps into the nearest garter while leaving the guy in the parking lot. However,the general impression is that in no case is a customer worthy of any potential long-term intimate relationship.
Ok let me just 1st say that I always say that i wouldn't date a customer especialy to a new customer, u never know whose vice
2nd are u going to clubs 4 the convo and dances or looking for dates or a gf? Some of the things wrote make me wonder? And u also sound like u want to save a stripper, so I again question what u r looking for at the stripclub?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
So here is what I am trying to reconcile given the various threads and comments that lead to sweeping generalizations. I am trying to find the exceptions to the generalizations.
First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving relationship. Just even one person?
Yes it has happened, yes i have met and dated a man I met at work. But do u know how many men I met before I met 1 i wanted ? ALOT ! so its not smart to believe u'll fall in love at a club.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you may have in front of you a person that is the person that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they automatically put on the customer ladder.
Again anything is possible, it does happen, but its no more likely to meet ur soul mate in a club as anywhere else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that you want out of life.
I like to consider myself an optimist AND a realist- I'll just leave it at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate relationship.
See my answer to above question
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
I've never dated a customer, but I haven't been doing this very long...I've worked with at least 3 girls who met their husband (as a customer) at work...one is not so happily married, the other 2 seem very happy in their relationship. There have been any number of customers i would have considered dating but my clubs get 99% of business from tourists...what is the point of going out with a guy who is leaving in 2 days anyway- obviously just to fuck.
I think one thing that makes it really hard is the way we are regarded by many guys--most guys asking for your number, or "asking you out," are really just asking you to fuck them. I danced for one guy who had told me earlier that he had a girlfriend...when he asked me out i said "what about your girlfriend?" and he said "she told me to fuck other people." :(
>:( ::) I don't think many (any?) men are interested in having a stripper as a girlfriend...i think it is all about fucking one, being able to say...look who i scored with, in some ways trying to fuck a dancer is a kind of game with these guys. Its also hard because we do have a much different perspective on men than most "average women" do.
Personally, i believe that you can find love anywhere, at any time. If i met a guy in the club and we really clicked or there was something about him, i would never ever rule him out just on the basis of him being a customer. You can't set limits on love, or else it might pass right over you--at least that is my thinking...i am open to it, but as a general rule i am there to work, and focus on making money, not thinking about potential relationships. But that doesn't mean it can't happen.
As far as the me finding "the right person," who knows? If it does happen, wonderful, but i'm not holding my breath. If you never expect anything, you can never be disappointed.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Bridgette, you can use Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C to keep a backup of your text on the clipboard. Then you can take it anywhere and you won't get the ARGH feeling.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Quote:
Originally Posted by sitri link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg84849#msg84849 date=1079447423
given the pressure of the business and the nature, it seems to lead to a situation of seclusion away from work where it is harder and harder to meet people outside of work and interact with them. The basic tendency to "cocoon' as it was called in the 90's continues. So we may be left with some of the brightest and most beautiful women lonely for real intimacy, cynical, and closed to pursuing a real relationship.
I can relate to this. But I'm rather snooty anyhow and I think most men are jackasses. And I was like this before stripping.
First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving relationship. Just even one person?Yeah, I know I'm not in the majority here but my b/f was first a regular of mine. It just so happened that one spring/summer he and his boys were whoopin' it up and going to the club on a weekly basis. I was his fave, in my mind he was another jackass in a sea of jackasses, I looked at him solely as a good looking guy who I knew would spend some money on me. Lucky for him (and for me) I decided to call him one day. The timing was right. Of course he had no idea but what with the stuff going on in my life, one day was the right time...
Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you may have in front of you a person that is the person that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they automatically put on the customer ladder.He was automatically put on the customer ladder until I started seeing him outside the club.
Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that you want out of life.I assume you mean in general. I'd say the probability is excellent.
Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate relationship.Well, we keep buiding on the relationship and it keeps growing and becoming more solid. Of course he no longer likes the idea of me stripping, but I have educational goals I'm working towards so it's not really an issue. Lucky guy, he gets the most mind blowing lap dances and hey! there really IS sex in my secret champagne room.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
You asked...
>First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated
>them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving
>relationship. Just even one person?
No, but I know of a couple people who have.
>Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a
>club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you
>may have in front of you a person that is the person
>that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they
>automatically put on the customer ladder.
Um, I don't date customers.
>Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting >someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that >you want out of life.
Very good. I'm in a wonderful relationship now with someone I think I want to spend the rest of my life with.
>Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate
>relationship.
Hmmm... ask me again in a couple months. :-)
Lena
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Oh, so I copied and pasted the questions and then forgot to say what I meant to say. Sometimes I drive myself crazy LOL
You shouldn't get the impression that strippers hate customers. I like 90 percent of my customers, hell, I even fall in love at least once a night and always have a soulmate-of-the-week. I leave it at work tho.
Lena
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Essentially, you want to screw/date a stripper and hope that our anecdotal evidence will support your already-specious arguments.
I don't know if she likes you that way, buddy, and unless one of us is the unwitting gal in question, the other girls don't know either. Rather than beat around the bush (no pun intended) simply quit buying laps from her and ask her out to dinner and a movie. Then you'll have your answer.
I feel compelled to tell you that if you do happen to score (either for the night or for a more long-term relationshp) that you should also immediately buy a lotto ticket.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Quote:
Originally Posted by SW2 link=board=8;threadid=7436;start=msg85104#msg85104 date=1079493781
Bridgette, you can use Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C to keep a backup of your text on the clipboard. Then you can take it anywhere and you won't get the ARGH feeling.
I know, I just never thought of having to CTRL+C my text before hitting POST in case a topic gets moved in the middle of my typing. I'm thinking there's GOT to be a way to let the post go through whether the thread gets moved or not.....
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Happy St. Patricks Day.
Thanks for the feedback. First, let me clarify that as far as my motivation goes, when I go to a club I am not looking for a gf, or date. I go there to have a good time and good conversation and I do pay well for it. I will concede that you are there to make money if you will concede that it is done by having conversation and "dilly dallying" around. The better at both, the more money made.
If we can all agree that this is an artificial environment, it puts people into artificial situations and it is probably no more fair for any customer to make assumptions about any dancer than it is for a dancer to make any assumptions about a customer. That when the lights go out and everyone goes home we are all people.
It is just that a dancer is in this environment all of the time. I think a majority of customers may be in the club a few times a year. The view of the world is different for each.
I think Emily made a great point that a lot of the dancers here were here to look for ideas, support, or company and this isn't the topic you would see posted. I was just curious to get a response to this thread.
From the responses, I can see that there is. WOW.
Bridgette, I look forward to your response. Sorry to hear you lost a half hour of work. I just hit the wrong button when I started a new post an it ended up in the wrong place. Sorry ladies.
P.S Lillith, people buy Lotto tickets every day. If you don't buy one you will never win. But with just one dollar , you are in the game.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving relationship. Just even one person?
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They would have to a punter not a customer. As soon as someone is a customer (buys a lap dance from me) they are put in my 'no chance' book.
Also, if they were a punter they would have to be there purely for business reasons to entertain their clients so that they can increase their own business.
Then they would have to be the type that doesn't regard this business as sleazy or anything negative hence allowing to me strip (support me 100%).
Then the guy has to realise that I'm there to make money ultimately not to pick up. I'm not totally opposed to finding someone in the club however I'm not looking for a relationship.... other than one where you are my customers and I'm your dancer (business relationship).
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Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you may have in front of you a person that is the person that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they automatically put on the customer ladder.
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Automatically put on the punter ladder. They are put on the customer ladder and given no chance to date me when they purchase a lap dance. I'm not comfortable with starting off an intimiate relationship with someone who I lap danced.
It is work - I am there to 'earn a living' (as such). Like most dancers, whilst I do not hate or dislike most of the punters... I am there for one main big reason: MONEY.
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Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that you want out of life.
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Low at the moment due to the 'cocoon' effect you described. The only new people I meet is via my work. Whilst this isn't totally healthy... I do short courses at my local community/tech. college to help me expand my circle of people I know. I'm also quite happy to be single right now... an intimate relationship with someone who is suited for me would be great however it isn't 'in the plans' at this point in time.
I would be more open when I am near the end of dancing than whilst I am dancing.
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Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate relationship.
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Prior to dancing, I did. I probably will after dancing as well.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Technically, we are not allowed to date customers. It is really frowned upon for obvious reasons. Realistically, we are human beings and we have feelings too just like anyone else. I will admit that I have met some nice guys at work that I have dated. Usually it does not work out because the guys don't meet the real me at work they meet my character.
Most of the customers who think that they can meet a stripper in a club and take her out on a date are not really intersested in a relationship. They are generally looking for a hooker. That is why dancers get so annoyed when customers ask us out on a date. They generally seem to think that we don't have a life outside of work. Most of the "wanna date" customers are flakey guys who just want to party with a wild stripper. What these customers don't realize is that many dancers are already married and have kids. Obviously we are not going to tell a customer about our boring normal life. We are there to entertain. That is our job.
The few customers that I have dated have been very successful and intelligent. They are guys who know how to treat a lady like a lady. Any guy who would have the nerve to go to a strip club and ask one of the ladies who works as a stripper for a date, after spending $20 or no money at all, is a totally rude dirtbag. When a guy treats me with that kind of disrespect he has no chance.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Wow,
All I can say after reading the back and forth plus other topics is I can see why the rules are the way they are. Yes, there is a possiblity of getting "the one' but like someone else said, if you can hit this, then buy the lottery ticket.
It looks like the odds of finding the right guy and the right girl while "at work" look to be pretty low.
Thanks for your response.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
you know what cracks me up? When a guy wants to see me outside of work and he slips me his phone number written on a $1 bill! hahahahahahaha
I wish I had a dollar for each time that happened. Wait, I do. :laughing:
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
Sapphire,,,
I LIKE your attitude......
How about a fiver.....
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
I met a guy at my first club that I ended up staying with for 3 1/2 years. He was not a typical SCJ. I saw him a few times on day shift eating lunch with his buddies (his office was right around the corner). He wasn't really paying much attention to the action (tipping naked girls kind of embarrassed him), but engaged me in conversation. He came in several more times asking for my number. I conceded only after one of my coworkers who knew him outside the club said he was an awesome person. She was right. In fact, I never saw him show even the slightest hint of wanting other women when we were together. He was completely smitten and dedicated. Things didn't work out in the end for reasons completely unrelated to dancing.
So after dating one more guy out of a different club where there were unforseen problems, I have set these rules.
a) never date a "regular"
b) never date a guy who comes into a strip club alone. It is different when he is in a group.
c) never date a guy who has dated a stripper before. For me it indicates a pattern of behavior and I have to wonder if he wants to date ME or just another stripper.
d) never date a guy who appears to be "looking for love"-- he has his head crammed waaaaay up his ass.
d) I won't date a guy who'll "pay for it." Once you've paid me for anything except a drink -- my time or a lapdance, the boundaries of the relationship are defined in terms of money. It also makes me suspect that you'll spend money on stupid things. I am sure there are exceptions to this rule as each case is individual, but usually this holds true.
There are plenty of other sub-rules, but it all boils back down to these five.
That all said, I should also add that I do have half a dozen or so male friends that I met at strip clubs. These are people that I have maintained relationships with even after I moved. I wouldn't take any money from them at this point even if they dropped their gift-wrapped wallets at my front door. And my relationships with them became more meaningful and relaxed when my demographics changed. I always enjoyed their company and respected them, but the businesswoman inside required that I keep them paying. Now we can all just be pals with no strings attached. Would I date any of these individuals if I were attracted to them... probably not. It would be too weird.
I often wonder where the "right place" to meet someone is. Society says it's neither a bar nor stripclub, but I don't meet a lot of available men browsing at the library or volunteering at homeless shelters. There's always the gym, but the guys there are like wolves looking for fresh blood. I meet a higher quality of men at Strip Clubs.
Sammy
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
First, has anyone ever met a "customer" and dated them and ended up with a long-term intimate loving relationship. Just even one person?
Nope, and the answer will be clear in a minute.
Second, granting that not every guy that comes into a club is Joe Millionaire is there any possibility that you may have in front of you a person that is the person that is the one for you. Or, by definition are they automatically put on the customer ladder.
The only person in my 3 years dancing that I ever considered to date outside of the club is a guy from Germany that comes to my club when he's in town for business meetings- but I've never acted on it (although I believe it could happen)
Third, what do you feel your probability is of meeting someone/anyone and achieving the relationship that you want out of life.
Me or anyone in general? My answer will be clear after the answer to the next question.
Fourth, has anyone achieved that intimate relationship.
I have dated my bf since high school (we were high school sweethearts), and I feel we have attained an intimate relationship. I feel relationships can spawn in the weirdest places, you just can't be looking for one, and that's the problem with strip clubs. The contact and attraction is there, so you're really not inadvertantly finding a relationship.
As for my answer about the German man, that was the first time in the past five years that I've ever been attracted to anyone but my bf and it kinda freaked me out for a while. Maybe the only reason, though, why I say I would have considered seeing him outside of work is that I know he couldnt (after all, he lives in Germany).
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
I dated a customer once. It was not a typical customer/dancer thing though. He happened to live just around the corner from a club I was working, and this club had male dancers on Saturday nights for 2 hours before opening back up as the regular topless bar. My guy happened to be on his way out one Saturday night, stopped at Walgreen's (just down the street) and saw a truckload of women in the parking lot of my club. He was fairly new to the area and didn't know there was a 'club' there, so investigated. This happened to be when they were closing up the male dance review and just getting ready to start up the regular night, so there were alot of women still lingering in the parking lot.
He entered to discover it was a strip club. (The sign was tiny and fairly nondescript - city ordinance.) He had paid the cover so sat at the bar for a drink, and I came out to start the night. He was the only guy in at the time, just opened. I saw him, thought he was one of the male dancers hanging out for drinks after work, so made my way over and sat next to him for some pre-work entertainment.
I sized him up and then waited for him to say somthing. He told me he liked my shoes. I looked him up and down, turned and ordered a drink, then thanked him. Guess I was toying with him a bit, still thought he was one of the male dancers LOL! Anyway, we had a little conversation, customers came in, business started and he left to meet his friends.
Next time I saw him it was his birthday and his coworkers had brought him to the club and picked me to give him dances. He would barely look at me while I danced :laughing: I found him attractive, found out (of course) that he wasn't one of the male strippers, but that was about it. He found out I was a student, age, etc. I guess he decided he wanted to pursue me, and began stopping in on Saturday nights before going out. He would tip me nicely on stage but wouldn't buy dances. To make a long story short, I wouldn't give him my phone number for a while, then would hardly talk to him on the phone for a couple months after that. It wasn't until 4 months after the initial meeting that I decided to go out with him, and even then it was a matter of timing being right. We were together for 3 years, and are still good friends. We probably would still be together if we didn't have such different goals and plans. Heh, perhaps we will get back together later. I do think he is the most perfect match I could possibly find. He is the ONLY 'customer' I have ever dated. I do not go to work for personal reasons. I go to make money. If I start letting myself see the guys as anything other than sales prospects, I start losing money, and then I may as well sling food or type for a living.
Just like some people in any other industry find their match at work, so do some strippers, but the number of times that happens in ANY industry is extremely low. If you go to a SC looking for dates, the odds are extremely high you will quickly find yourself disappointed and bitter. Strippers tend to be on the defensive with customers, as a result of being constantly bombarded with all manner of unwanted advances and unrealistic customer demands / expectations.
My situation started off as pure chance. Neither I nor he was looking for someone at the time. I was not even open to the idea until he had proved he was genuinely interested in me as a person, which took time - 4 months from initial meeting to first date. I have had many customers try the same tack, but the difference is they come off too insincere. Too pushy, ask for dates every time they show up at the club, sometimes badger me thinking this will break me down, etc. My guy did none of that. He did not try to push me, did not try to monopolize my time at work, and NEVER asked stupid questions like "why" when I said I couldn't go out with him (the few times he asked).
You don't meet / get real potential relationship material by trying to force it. Heck, in my experience, you don't get it when you go specifically looking for it. You find it when you least expect it, probably because that is when your guard is down. Strippers are not inclined to see their customers as "people" because it is not conducive to making money. It is business and every guy who walks in the door is a sales prospect. Period. If anything personal and positive grows out of that, it is RARE indeed.
>>Added: If you paid attention to my personal story, you should have caught that upon first sight, I didn't think my guy was a customer (odd circumstance), he wasn't a sales prospect. I thought he worked there and saw him as potential entertainment before starting my shift, as there were no customers yet. I suspect that if I'd met him in any other circumstance at work, the story might be different because I would have seen him differently initially. He would have been a sales prospect.
Perhaps you guys don't like to think of it that way, but that's what it is. If we give off the impression that we would prefer that the wallet walk in on its own, it is because we simply don't want or need the emotional baggage that some customers try to pile on us during the course of the business transaction. Despite the intimate or personal nature of what we're selling, it is still a business transaction which we generally want nothing to do with off the clock. No one likes to take work home.
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Re:The Questions I shouldn't Ask
One of the main reasons that people I work with don't date customers is SAFETY.
Some men can seem perfectly normal... you sit, you have drinks, you talk, you get tipped, everything is kosher. Seems like a nice guy, and completely harmless. And one day you open the newspaper to find the SAME GUY on the cover of the "Metro" section because he was arrested for child molestation. And everyone is sitting in the dressing room, after knowing him for 5 years, going, "But he seemed so nice!"
Most of the men who come in and you get to know seem nice. Because many of them are nice. But how can you know?
It is an artificial environment, but not just for the dancers. It is so hard to learn who a person really is in a club, and if you don't set some ground rules for your own protection, you could make a mistake. I am sure that almost everyone on this board knows someone for whom that mistake turned deadly.
That said, two years ago I met someone at work and we are still together. I may have broken my rule, but it is possible to meet "the one" anywhere... he came along and I was in so deep before I even admitted that I was interested on another level. I had to take the chance. This time, thank God, I was right...