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The Man's Brain
I'm sort of in a pickle here... :pickle: . I'm with this great new guy. We met in school, have the same goals in life, he's sooo sweet, too!! It's only been a couple weeks but... I don't know how to explain this... we clicked and we've been inseperable since. The biggest difference between us? It's not that he's not "street smart", he's very capable of taking care of shit and seeing through people... he just can't really understand it. It's hard to explain. YOu know the saying "don't judge a person b4 you've walked a mile in their shoes"? Well, from my last bf, I'm a lot tougher and resilient than he is about all the things that... pretty much every stripper picks up while working in a club and being with a drug-dealing boyfriend.
Anyways, he said me picking up dancing again is okay with him and since it's my way of making money, it's not his place to judge. The only problem (tee hee, this is a problem) is that I WANT him to tell me how he really feels about it. You know? He won't tell me! He's thrown me a couple bones... "Well, of course I'd rather have you do something else if I had a choice. But, this is what you do for work..." Stuff like that. I wish I would know how much it really bothered him so I wouldn't have to guess. Anyone been in this situation before? I really need some advice, even if it's just how to wring it out of him! :banghead:
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Re:The Man's Brain
Well Bella.. It's impossible to know the real scoop what's going on between you two from such little information...
If I may gander an uneducated guess from what's given, are you sure it's not simply you have some sort of preconceived notion or desired response you are looking for.. and somehow need?
From what you've given, his response seems perfectly natural and one that mirrored my own many years ago in the same situation. Not all guys have jealousy or insecurity in their nature, and offering an indifference to your decisions, while yielding full support for them is often times a character trait. Is it possible how he "really feels" is precisely as he has told you how he "really feels" ??
Again, it's impossible to tell if he's withholding his feelings or if you are just not satisfied if what he's given IS his true feelings. It may feel odd or bizarre for some people to grasp that you rubbing around on other guys or teasing scantily clad for a living doesn't make him feel challenged... or maybe that's what you think you need in order for him to prove his love for you. I'd step back from the situation and try to determine things from an outside perspective. I see no wrong or incomplete information in what he's given you. The fact it's not "ripping him apart" deep down may be the reality, and you need to decide if that's what you are questing for.
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Re:The Man's Brain
I'm with polecat. I'm thinking you may just be looking too hard for a negative reaction from him. Try to relax, but if you can't shake the feeling, just have a direct talk with him. Tell him you're worried about whether this is going to be a problem, and you really want to just get it all out on the table. But from you said, I'd say you might be just a little over-concerned.
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Re:The Man's Brain
Funny, I have used that same response before.
I didn't really have any bad deep feelings, was just a description of the situation.
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Re:The Man's Brain
He's probably being honest. I doubt he sees stripping as the career you're going to have for the rest of your life, and would probably rather see you pursuing whatever that goal is. That being said, this is what you're doing now, so while its not necessarily the ideal situation in which he'd like to see you, he's okay with it. That's more or less how I look at things with my wife. Hey, its her job, I trust her, and I know that she can do better, more long-lasting things in other fields, and ideally I'd like to see her pursuing that dream. The money just isn't always as good with dreams as it is with a real job, and stripping is a real job. :)
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Re:The Man's Brain
maybe he just doesn't know yet...if he's never had a gf as that danced maybe he doesn't know exactly how he'll feel if you do do that....
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Re:The Man's Brain
Well, you have all discussed how you test men, this is exactly your test. If the guy is actually worth anything, he is giving you the opportunity to make the "right" decision.
If I were you, I would flat out ask him, "What would you advise me to do?" I really need your input.
This will allow you to signify that you respect his opinion and give him the ability to advise without telling.
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Re:The Man's Brain
I think you're lucky to have a sweetie who accepts what you do for a living....sigh. I want this! Anyway, he sounds reasonable. Neither of you know how long you'll be together - how can he tell you to give up dancing and possibly change your life/ability to afford school, etc? The real test was does he like you enough to accept you as a dancer? He didn't meet you in a club, so obviously he likes you for you. And he didn't become afraid just b/c you don't have an average student day-job. Sounds like a keeper.
Whether or not he tells you to quit dancing is such a small percentage of how to see if he loves you -- like 1%. Check out the other 99% first.
And in my opinion, it's too early to ask him for advice. Ask yourself for your own advice -- do what you want to do. You aren't engaged yet.