A glimps of something "real"
For the first time, in seven years, I'm terrified of stripping. I've had burnout's, over the years, when I'd quit dancing for a month or so because I was being taken care of by whichever boyfriend I had at the time; and then I'd end up leaving 'em and fall back into the scene as if I'd never left. Well, this time (left another "One") I'm terrified. I just know I'm going to wind up living my life in stripper mode all over again and all these new business beginnings and plans will find themselves logged away somewhere deep, sending be brief pangs of remorse occasionally, probably under the same rug where I hide the memories of those lost loves of my life.
Who here can honestly say that, when they walk out the club doors at 2am, that the club stays there and doesn't return until 7pm the follwing night as you walk back through the club doors? I can't, stripping consumed my whole life.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Naomi,
maybe you need to get those "other plans" started before you start dancing again. get that heady rush of excitement about achieving something new, all the plans and possibilities swirling in your head all day. then when you go back to dancing you'll have something else strong in your life to compete with the siren call of partying all the time.
I hesitated getting back into DJing for exactly the same reason - but now my writing is consuming all my passion so I'm not worried about being tempted away from it. At the restaurant i work now I'm infamous for never hanging out and drinking all night like everyone else - it's easy to resist, because my whole shift I have my real career in the back of my mind, and by the end of the shift I'm itching to get home and work
Re:A glimps of something "real"
While it is impossible to completely forget between 2 and 7, it is not impossible to stop it from taking over your life.
It's difficult. But like you, I learned the hard way that it has to be done.
I think that simply knowing the challenge you face is most of the battle. When you are a young, new dancer, you don't know how easy it will be to get wrapped up in the life... and so you don't know to protect yourself from letting it consume you.
But you do now. You can catch yourself, before you fall. You know what it is like, you know the challenges, and you know the steps that lead there. Take a while to look back and identify your own specific temptations... set rules for avoiding them and goals for yourself, and then just try to stick to it.
I honestly found that just being aware was the best preventative medicine.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
If you don't like dancing or the way it influences your life, why do it? ???
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Naomi,
If you don't want to go back, don't go back.
If you do want to go back but your afraid of getting wrapped up in the lifestyle, set goals for yourself, and put reminders up around your house. I have a list of "Things that MATTER right NOW" on my bathroom mirror, and not one of them has anything to do with stripping.
Maybe you need to keep on your break? I've heard lately that selling cars is a good post-stripping job for those with little education. You just keep your clothes on and sell cars instead of dances. :-)
Good luck in whatever you decide,
Lena
Re:A glimps of something "real"
I'm going to strip for a couple of reasons, pay off debt, buy boobs (I know....I know) buy a house (I DON'T want to rent) And pay for school. I'm studying graphic arts right now, and it's expensive. I would never think of stripping for a living. Plus I'm young, and wanna try it. I know some may think I'm naive, but F it, I've seen younger girls stripping
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimidAngel link=board=27;threadid=8399;start=msg99362#msg9936 2 date=1082502293
I'm going to strip for a couple of reasons, pay off debt, buy boobs (I know....I know) buy a house (I DON'T want to rent) And pay for school. I'm studying graphic arts right now, and it's expensive. I would never think of stripping for a living. Plus I'm young, and wanna try it. I know some may think I'm naive, but F it, I've seen younger girls stripping
"Never think of stripping for a living"? That's a rather condescending statement--if you do end up dancing, watch that in the dressing room. The other girls there (and here?) won't like you for it.
It sounds like you're trying to justify stripping. You don't have to convince us.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laughter link=board=27;threadid=8399;start=msg99148#msg9914 8 date=1082464905
If you don't like dancing or the way it influences your life, why do it? ???
I'd say for the money...even many "good" jobs pay a lot less than we make dancing even on a mediocre night. I've met others in high money/high stress jobs like law and finance (not just customers, but people I went to college with too) and you get used to a certain standard of living and, as is often the case with most dancers, free time.
I've had pangs of that a lot lately too, and I agree with people that advise you to focus on your current dreams. No one's saying you still shouldn't strip, but try living below your means for a while and work less. A few less trips to the mall means working less which means more time to pursue the things that will really make you happy in the long run.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimidAngel link=board=27;threadid=8399;start=msg99362#msg9936 2 date=1082502293
I'm going to strip for a couple of reasons, pay off debt, buy boobs (I know....I know) buy a house (I DON'T want to rent) And pay for school. I'm studying graphic arts right now, and it's expensive. I would never think of stripping for a living. Plus I'm young, and wanna try it. I know some may think I'm naive, but F it, I've seen younger girls stripping
I tried spouting all this crap when I started too. It didn't endear me to my co-workers, plus here I am, dancing for a living, even after earning my bachelor's from a top school. I'm curious to see what you'll be writing a few months from now...
By the way, since many dancers don't declare all of what they make, you better talk to a good accountant about your desire to buy a house and try to manage that somehow.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
>:( Pixie beat me to it.
Naomi, nice to see you! Be up, stay down. Take a deep breath and start over. Even though we all know how to walk, sometimes we get wobbly and gotta crawl all over again.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
naomi, you look like julia roberts in your avatar.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Quote:
try living below your means for a while and work less. A few less trips to the mall means working less which means more time to pursue the things that will really make you happy in the long run.
This advice is so right. Another way not to fall into what you dislike is to have female friends who don't dance; those who can listen and sympathize with what it is we put up with but also remind us that there's a lot more in life than our jobs. And there is!
Maybe the best advice is just not to go back. But if you do, like NinaDaisy said -- spend less.
Hope you get to feeling better.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Naomi, I feel the same way. It is near impossible for me to leave the club at the club. Dancing became something I would do "until my debt was paid off" or "until I was done with college," or "just for a year or so," and turned into something that was a major factor in my personal life. Sometimes I dont mind this, because I do like my job and I can deal with it in my own mind. It's when family and boyfriends are affected by my dancing in a negative way, that the guilt consumes me.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
The opening of a book I recently read that hit the same notes in my life..
I am disappointed with myself. I am disappointed not so much with particular things I have done as with aspects of who I have become. I have a nagging sense that all is not as it should be.
Some of this disappointment is trivial. I wouldn’t have minded getting a more muscular physique. I can’t do basic home repairs. So far I haven’t shown much financial wizardry.
Some of this disappointment is neurotic. Sometimes I am too concerned about what other think of me, even people I don’t know.
Some of this disappointment is more than trivial; it is simply the sour fruit of self-absorption. I attend a high school reunion and can’t choke back the desire to stand out by looking more attractive or having achieved more impressive accomplishments than my classmates. I speak to someone with whom I want to be charming and my words come out awkward and pedestrian. I am disappointed in my ordinariness. I want to be … Idol of Millions …
But some of this disappointment in myself runs deeper. When I look in on my children at night, I think of the kind of parent I want to be I want to create moments of magic. I want them to remember laughing … I want to read to them and make books come alive. I want to hold them in a way that makes them feel cherished.
And then I remember how the day really went. I remember how they got in a fight and I walked out of the room because I didn’t want to spend the energy needed to teach them how to resolve conflict. I remember how my daughter spilled cherry punch at dinner and I yelled at her as if she’d revealed some deep character flaw.
Where does this disappoint come from ….
The LIFE You’ve Always Wanted - John Ortberg.
If it is any comfort, you're in good company and a lot of it.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Thanks for responding, it's comforting. I haven't been able to go back yet, even if I could muster up the courage, I fell down and bruised up my ribs and face, anyway I'm fine it's really just an excuse. :blush:
Julia Roberts!?!? She's pretty; thanks but I've never heard that one before. Cheap-ass webcam! Here, let me try adding another.
I'll let you guys know when I've recovered, then there'll be no more excuses. BTW, I started dancing at 18, to pay my rent one month, I'm now 24. Dealing with the responsibilities that come with a "real" job are not as easy as you'd imagine, Laughter.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
It IS a trap!
I thought I'd be doing it a little while, but now I see myself doing it as long as my body will physically allow it. But I've come to realize that I really do like dancing and it's okay to be a career dancer.
I'm curious what you mean by not being able to leave dancing at the door. A lot of people are consumed by their work. The only difference with dancing is the stigma attached to it, so people want to make more out of it than what it is and the those that care about you tend to think you're better than it and want you out of it.
One thing I've noticed, particularly in girls that start at or around 18 and didn't go to college, is that it consumes them more. You learn very early that your contribution to society is what you can do for men, and if you aren't well-grounded, this can fuck you up. Older women who have a stable sense of who they are and what they can be are less likely to let that subjectification affect them. I feel that I can be reduced to a sex object at night and come home and blow it off. I find solace in my other talents and my healthy relationships (particularly those with men.)
This is just my theory. I think having an outlet that utilizes your non-sexual talents, even if you don't use it, keeps you sane.
also, it's nice to se eyou back, Naomi. :wave: I guess I understand why you left the site
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaDaisy link=board=27;threadid=8399;start=msg99481#msg9948 1 date=1082526539
I'd say for the money...even many "good" jobs pay a lot less than we make dancing even on a mediocre night. I've met others in high money/high stress jobs like law and finance (not just customers, but people I went to college with too) and you get used to a certain standard of living and, as is often the case with most dancers, free time.
I've had pangs of that a lot lately too, and I agree with people that advise you to focus on your current dreams. No one's saying you still shouldn't strip, but try living below your means for a while and work less. A few less trips to the mall means working less which means more time to pursue the things that will really make you happy in the long run.
I think it's more than money (although that's the primary reason for me.)
I think it's very liberating and empowering...which is ironic because that's exactly the oposite of the impression the general public has of it. Stripping has given me a lot of freedom from things I had to put up with in the coroprate world.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
[quoI think it's more than money (although that's the primary reason for me.)
I think it's very liberating and empowering...which is ironic because that's exactly the oposite of the impression the general public has of it. Stripping has given me a lot of freedom from things I had to put up with in the coroprate world.
te] Well said Emily!
Naomi ,
I think that you have more fear of being alone and discover that you are powerfull women who can do it all by yourself! Of course you need support from people but survive in dancing and retire from dancing you can do it yourself!!! Don't let some break up put you down...you are beautiful powerfull women and yeas I think that dancing is empowering job that will help you to find who you really are and help you to build other interests or career!
love and :D
Re:A glimps of something "real"
Just by reading your original post, it sounds like; 1) you don't really want to dance anymore; 2) you believe dancing is taking your life in the wrong direction. Appears the answer is simple, but the execution of that decision is frightening and not clear.
I would just point out that most single girls don't dance. So it can be done. I don't say that to make you feel bad, but if you're in a rut, it takes courage to get out of it.
Some people have given good advice. Spend less. You can get a roommate, set a budget, decide on a line of work or industry that interest you and get a 'normal' job, hopefully with benefits.
Good luck.
Re:A glimps of something "real"
You sound depressed. A few sessions with a counselor can get you on the right path. Maybe you just need to lay out a plan for yourself for the next couple of years. Go to school or find a simple day job. Working 9 to 5 can be great. Everything in life is what you make it.
The fact that you refer to theses boyfriends as "the ones" is very telling. It sounds like you base you existence around your your boyfriends. Other people aren't responsible for your happiness, you are. Why did you quit your job just cause you were dating someone? A break up should not be the end of your world. You need to start living for yourself and doing what makes you happy. You are only going to live once you know.
Would you enjoy dancing one night a week. If you wouldn't even enjoy that then why even consider going back.