Dating... what is TOO soon?
Alright so me and my boyfriend... we were together almost 2 years... We have broken up a few times... and have been pretty much on and off since November. For the past month and a half, it has been crazy... one day were together, one day we're not! We are now totally over... we have been since Easter Sunday. I was definitely in love with him, but when I look back at it, we should have broken up a while ago... I was holding onto the friendship, I always knew the relationship sucked! So, anyway... this guy asked me out... and I gave him my # and we have plans on thursday...
But I definitely want to go... but then in the back of my mind, something is telling me... it is way too soon! Is it too soon???
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
if you want to move on, dating soneone new is the best thing you can do. Even if it's jsut a rebound thing, it'll help you get over your ex sooner.
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
I think that when I waited to go out with someone "seriously" for a few months, I learned more about who I was and what I wanted. It's kind of a time of decompression, so to speak. I did that after a two long-term relationships. Sometimes its nice to just be by yourself and learn who you are in terms of yourself while you are not in a relationship. If you want to date, then by all means, do so. Just make sure that you do not get into a serious relationship out of "needing to be with someone" so soon after breaking up.
Congrats on your new life!
Take care of yourself!
--Venus
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
I think that if you like this new guy than go out with him. Your heart usually tells you what is best for you. It doesn't seem to me that you are a needy person who will settle just to be with someone. If nothing else meeting new people is a learning experience that you can take with you!
Good luck and have fun!
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Whenever you feel you are ready, sweetheart. I agree new flames can overshadow hurt, however, if you are filling a void with "random guy" it may not be a good idea. I am about a year out of a significant relationship and am dating like there is no tomorrow. It took me a while to get over and get right with myself. Getting in touch with what "I" wanted was the important part.
just one guys opinion
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Take whatever time you need to heal so that any baggage from the past relationship is small enough to fit in a carryon bag instead of a steamer trunk...BUT THEN...have fun with new people and new experiences. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other and spending time together to the fullest.
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
I think only YOU can know for sure.
I havent dated anyone else, and broke up with my bf a few months ago. I am not ready and learning who I am before I an do that.
But its all up to you. If you feel ready, go ahead. A few dates here and there cant hurt anyway. Just dont let your feelings get the best of you. :)
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
I definitely say go out. If it's not the right time or the right person, you'll know. How are you going to know if you're ready to move on if you don't try it. Don't deny yourself any opportunites because you're scared or worried about it being "too soon".....trust me, you'll know. Go with your gut honey.
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Some say it takes as long as your last relationship lasted to get over it ... but your mileage may vary. That's about what it was for my last relationship. It lasted six years and that was six years ago. I'm now ready to move on.
I do agree that going out dating helps. It did with me. Not casual dating though. Those leave no real impact on you. But when one does touch your heart, it's like a pair of scissors that cuts the remaining strings keeping you to the old. My heart-touch relationship was unexpected and very refreshing. It didn't last long and maybe that was for the best. Rebound relationships tend to fail. It was nevertheless great. Now I'm ready for another meaningful relationship. However, I'm in no rush. And after getting burnt on the old one, I'm going to be a "bit" more selective in who I go after next.
This time around I'm going to try for beauty, brains, style, and, new on the roster, mentally stable and not a gold digger. ;)
If you don't learn from history, you repeat it. So curl up in your most comfortable chair with a cup of hot chocolate (don't forget the marshmellows) and think what you learned and what you want next. Good luck!
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Wow, I heard it took one month for every year you were together. I would say that's about correct for me. It's been 10 months since me and my ex separated for good. I don't want him back in any way, nor do I want to see him. I am ready to move on and start a new life. And if I meet someone I really like, I sure won't be thinking about his sorry ass. I'm not already.
As for your orginal question, if you want to go out on a date, go for it. He's gone. Don't let him hold you back. But make sure and keep things in perspective. You don't want to fall back in the same trap again that caused your last relationship to fail. Keep it light until you have time to analyze what went wrong, and find yourself.
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Thanks guys!!! I think I will be going out with that guy... he called me last night actually! I'm nervously excited! (i haven't had butterflies in a while!)... but the conversation ended with me calling him sometime before thursday... so i have time to think about it and see if i wanna call him.
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily link=board=1;threadid=8641;start=msg101698#msg1016 98 date=1083018386
if you want to move on, dating soneone new is the best thing you can do. Even if it's jsut a rebound thing, it'll help you get over your ex sooner.
I used to agree with this. Till the new guy dumped me (for a 15 yr old and yes i'm still bitter) . That point was the hardest because I felt that I had rushed into the new guy so fast I never gave myself time to get over the first one, so getting over 2 guys at once was more difficult/painful. I met the second guy 4 days after getting out of a 9 month "relationship" (i don't like to put titles on things - they make me run for some reason)
In the past the new guy thing has never hurt like this - but just becareful.
Just becareful hun, and follow what your heart is telling you!
Re:Dating... what is TOO soon?
Hey... just an update... i went out with him (the new guy)... I had an awesome time! He was a TOTAL gentleman... super nice! He never tried to kiss me or anything (which was a little weird... I'm not used to that!)... but he asked me to hang out again!
It really made me feel like, wow there are nice guys out there, and breaking up isn't so hard, b/c it made me realize there are other fish in the sea.
I doubt any kind of relationship or anything will come out of it..... but it was definitely worth hanging out with him!