threesome relationship insanity - advice?
So my boyfriend asked me awhile ago if I'd be up for a threesome relationship. Not just random fucking, but relationship. I say "sure." Never done it before, but up for anything.
so he meets girl. And adores girl. and adores me. And I like girl in friendly way and she likes me. Yay! All good.
Except for a couple of things.
1. she was already in a relationship, even though she claims she isn't that involved and doesn't want to stay, this is never a good sign.
2. she's already flaked out once and pulled a "I can't be in a relationship!" thing, to only retract those words four days later. Also, not a good sign.
3. She's under 18 - will be 18 in August and I'm only 19, but ya know, weird. boyfriend is 21.
4. a couple of times she's said she really wants to have a family. Which wouldn't be a big deal, but at 17 I find it a little odd and I've known enough young girls who don't really understand the parenthood thing to not want ANYONE I like to go through.
5. She lives half-way across the country. She'd have to give up a lot and move in with us to give it a shot, which could be a huge waste of time and money and everything for everyone.
So, yeah, any advice here guys? BF was really depressed when she was like "I can't be in a relationship now, sorry everyone!" and then perked up when she changed her mind - and I'm just like "hey, I'll see what happens. If it works, yay." Basically, I'm being emotionally detached from the situation - which isn't good either, as I don't want it to devolve to a tug-of-war.
My bestest friend in the world just got out of a relationship with a flaky girl because all that girl did was be okay for a week, then take a week to freak out and have to find herself and need constant attention/assurance... So I'm a little weary.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Unacceptable.
I know many people choose the polyamory lifestyle but it seems counterinuitive to me. Even 3 best friends become competitive for each other. If you don't like this girl in more than a friendly way, then its not truly a three-way relationship. You boy is just getting double girlfriends, all perks for him....
Just let him fuck her a few times......good luck!!
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
It's a primal law of nature: Don't shit in your nest. This sounds like a lot of shit in the nest.
The Mann Act prohibits transportation across state lines for prostitution or unlawful sexual activity. Since this young lady would be considered a legal child in a number of states, I really have to wonder about the legality. In fact, I have to wonder, period, about transporting a 17-year-old halfway across the country for a relationship.
Sorry. I see nothing good here.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Zeno link=board=1;threadid=9262;start=msg110220#msg1102 20 date=1084799569
The Mann Act prohibits transportation across state lines for prostitution or unlawful sexual activity. Since this young lady would be considered a legal child in a number of states, I really have to wonder about the legality. In fact, I have to wonder, period, about transporting a 17-year-old halfway across the country for a relationship.
http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm
Scroll to the bottom for us states. Loks like you guys are cool if you stay in NY. However you could not visit her in Cali for e.g. since the age there is 18 Sounds like you'd be better of in Utah anyway...
This is just the legal side. A threesome relationship, especially a LD one, doesn't really sound like a relationship though. Just swinging.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
fuck that u r greatly admired for being able to put up with it it would emotionally destroy me I mean I could see if it was like just a sex thing but i dont know maybe im not comfortable enough with myself to bring another girl into the relationship i wouldnt be emotionally stable enough to see him get so upset or excited about some other bitch, but if ur comfortable with it is it extremley admirable in my eyes, i just think u need to find another canidate, she seems to unsure to far away and too young if ur serious about trying it im sure there is someone much better for the position..
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
I'm all for the polyamory lifestyle if it's right for the people involved - I personally know of several families with wildly different definitions of "family" that are making it work amazingly well.
however.
your situation - this girl in particular - does not sound like the right one for you. and also, that you are not prolly ready for something like this, you - it sounds like you haven't even had a threesome random fucking thing? is that right or did I read your words wrong?
and I personally think that in a MFF threesome, fucking or relationship regardless, that the F in the original couple should be the one choosing the other F. When the M chooses it, he retains the power to "prefer" one over the other consciously or subconsciously. Jealousy is mighty ugly, my friend, and it is obscenely pervasive in threesomes.
good luck!
kali
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
if it were me, I'd rethink the relationship w/ him!!! :-\ I don't know you guys, but the way it looks is that he wants to sleep w/ her and this is his way of doing it w/ your permission. this is especially true if you're not even that attracted to her!!! I'd be asking my man what the hell is going on w/ him cuz I know myself and I'd be a jealous miserable nightmare if I had to deal w/ my man f****** another girl as well as having her live in the same house, etc, etc. but hats off to ya if you're seriously considering it.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
This is asking for drama.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
whoa :o
Sorry, but this sounds so messed up ! Despite my own feelings about pologomy, I think if that's what consenting adult want .... that's their choice. But- hello..... this girl is UNDER AGE :toldoff:
If it were me , I'd be questioning the intentions of the bf too ???
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Ah, the fabled promised land. :angel: ;) :rotfl:
Seriously, it is best if you're all three romantically and sexually attracted to each other. Not that this needs to be the case, but it tends to provide a more solid foundation. Makes it easier to weather the normal storms that normal relationships go through.
If she has a child by your bf, that will change the dynamics unless you have a child as well. You'll be shifted into a spinster role you may or may not like. :crowded: Also, she'll very likely want to marry your bf for insurance reasons, naming of the child, and so forth. This removes you one step further.
The best threesome relationship I've personally known was where the guy married and divorced both women as fast as the local laws would allowed. Both of the women changed to his name when they married and kept it after the divorce. They were upfront with everyone what they were doing and why they were doing it. Fortunately for them, they all had jobs with great benefits so when the children were born, there wasn't any problems. Over the years, whenever one of the them became unemployed, they'd legally marry again to cover them with the other's insurance. Once they got another job and their benefits finally kicked in, they'd legally divorce. They also shared the same bed and said this was a must to make it work.
However, in your situation, she seems quite young and I'd advise caution on this score alone. That's she's also flaky and has been for and against the idea at times are simply two more red flags.
On the bright side, this speaks well of you. You sound very mature and secure in your relationship and yourself. :cheers:
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
I think this sounds like you may not know what you're getting into with this. BF, IMO, is being an ass - all upset because some flaky minor halfway across the country may not want to get into a relationship with you two? I question his motivation for wanting this. At the very LEAST, if you two are going to bring in a third party, BOTH must be equally attracted to her in all ways, not just in a friendly way. If you're only attracted to her in a friendly way, and he is doing the choosing, that's just you sharing your bf with whoever he wants. Not a good thing IMO, and leaves too many unstable variables.
If you're seriously cool with the idea, you should at least try some random sex only threesome hookups and seriously consider your own reaction to it before you go all out and bring some other woman into the picture full time. Jealousy is the least of the problems (but can be the ugliest) that can arise in threesome situations.
And finally, this underage flaky girl is definitely NOT the right one. Have either of you even met her in person? She obviously isn't really into it anyway, so you and your bf need to drop her and move on. Preferably to someone of legal age in ALL states, and definitely to someone you're BOTH really into!
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Yea, your boyfriend is using you! And you are sooo naive!
shes 17 for god's sake.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerlilly link=board=1;threadid=9262;start=msg110307#msg1103 07 date=1084822146
whoa :o
Sorry, but this sounds so messed up ! Despite my own feelings about pologomy, I think if that's what consenting adult want .... that's their choice. But- hello..... this girl is UNDER AGE :toldoff:
If it were me , I'd be questioning the intentions of the bf too ???
Not in NY she isn't. 17 is consenting age. Now whether she is mature enough to handle this tha answer is prolly no. 17 is still barely knowing your head from your ass. But as far as the legality goes youd be cool in NYC. Howver not in NJ where the age is 16. Crazy thing is that in a few states it goes down to 14/15. And some it is as high as 18. So if you are planning on doing this I'd consult the chart before you make any vacation plans...
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tampafldancer link=board=1;threadid=9262;start=msg110336#msg1103 36 date=1084826903
Yea, your boyfriend is using you! And you are sooo naive!
shes 17 for god's sake.
I agree...this will cause major problems
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Been there, done that. Not a good idea.
Not that it can't work, with the right people, but the situation you're describing is not going to work.
Lena
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
This situation screams chaotic. Don't walk...RUN in the other direction
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
Im pretty liberal (sexually) but this is too whacky even for me. Be careful.
FBR
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
I have no problems with threesomes.. but in this particular case, it sounds more like this guy is trying to build himself a nice teen-aged jailbait harem.
Before you know, watch this guy start asking to get into tantra while applying for a job at the local high-school.
Re:threesome relationship insanity - advice?
ha, I knew I wasn't the only one who thought this was wacky. I think I'm gonna end up seeing where this thing goes - more'n likely nowheres - already hashed it out with the BF a couple of times.
And yeah, no random threesome fucks for me, as of yet. Or for him, had a chance but didn't want the random sex. Which is why he's pushing for the relationship angle. And, to clarify, does want me to love this girl, he's already said he doesn't want it to just be a competition deal - with the last BF, I got vibes when he was just saying 'enough' and not everything. I don't feel the same way here, sure I might think he isn't thinking too clearly, but I don't think he's playing me either.
Heheh, it would probably help, if you've seen my other posts, if I actually got along with more girls.
Oh, yeah, if she does end up moving it'll be when she's 18 - lawfully I'm not too concerned with that, it's the whole emotional upheaval I'm worried about for her.