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Fear and other B.s. emotions
(Please excuse me while I drop the macho mask and show my real self)
I am about to uproot my family and move from Connecticut to Arizona and I'm scared shitless, nervous as hell and stressed out beyond belief. I've talked with Dea about how I feel and since she is suffering thru the same thing we really can't do anything to help each other get thru it (except stand by and support each other)
My questions are simple: Have you ever been in a similar situation?
How the fuck did you do it?(this is harder than I thought, even tho I despise most of my family and hers I'm scared to leave them behind, not to mention leaving everything and everyone we know to face what I call the great blackness of a new beginning)
Any thoughts,opinions,suggestions is appreciated(and if ya live in the Az area prepare the state for the coming infestation of Blade and his fam damily,lol)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Moving is considered one of the top three most stressful events in a person's life. Although I live in Vegas and not Arizona, I do live in another hot southwestern city. Many things will be different in culture than where you are from back east. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. I do have a lot of friends in Arizona though and know the state well. I've spent a lot of time in the Phoenix area and in other towns like Tuscon and Prescott. Arizona is a gorgeous state and there are a lot of things you will love there. Like anything, there will be some adjustment time needed, and I also know you guys are going to be very happy out here. Welcome to the neighborhood. :)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Hey Blade.
I have done the same, moving froming from one state to another, and it is hard. Take comfort in your family and try to stay positive from it. I know it's hard....I had the same problem when I moved too....being scared shitless and then when the time came...actually being pretty upbeat about it.
Once I started work things really started to 'pan out' for themselves....and I really started to enjoy things. Been here in Colorado for three years now and I have a very big circle of friends that I am glad I have and would almost say they were all worth the move :)
Good luck at your move......and keep a positive out look. It will be tough....but in my experience everything seems to workout for the best.
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
I've been there MANY times Blade.. it's the fear of uncertainty and wonderment if you've got what it takes to pull such a thing off that causes that stress.
The best way to overcome it is to truly believe in yourself and daily prepare yourself to lose any complacent tendencies we all have and make things happen. Get in that mode of wiping out any form of procrastination prior, become can-do in spirit and mind, and be assured of yourself. Putting yourself in that mode makes one feel 10-feet tall and bullet-proof, and more of "look out world, here I come."
I've grabbed everything I own, $100 in my pocket and just hit the road to make a fresh start a couple times in my life. There's really no big issue once you get over the melodrama in your head. Hell, scrubbing toilets for minimum wage will pay the rent and bills until something better comes along... and you got someone else by your side to do this with you. Survival really IS cake in the USA if you have a little bit of savvy, enthusiasm and drive.
And if it's any consolation, AZ would be the single most favored place I'd hit in the same situation. The economy there is pretty good comparitively, fairly tolerable cost of living, and the communities out there are super. You two should be able to make a fresh start from basically nothing there. Definately will be the potential for hard shit to deal with, but keep alert and strive and it can be skipped I'm sure.
Lastly, don't be afraid to put others on the back burner for a bit... they'll understand in the long run. Trying to maintain ties to needy family or associates when you're trying to get somewhere yourself is just too much to juggle and will pull you down in obsurd ways.
Go get 'em guys.. and have a GREAT time in AZ! I love Phoenix. :)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Through out my life, I have had the misfortune (or fortune) of being uprooted at least once every three years. There have been times when it was yearly.
Since it was the only thing I knew, I continued to do this as an adult, and indeed, I still find the urge, the wanderlust so they call it. I am fascinated by people who have lived in one place all their life.
Though I have done it so many times, it still is a bit stressful, though I think I have a handle on it a bit better than most.
When you get there, you will want to find a grocery store, a gas station, and a place to purchase house hold goodies from. Once you know where to get a roof, food, and gas - a lot of stress goes away. That, is where I find most of mine - how am I going to feed myself? Be protected against the elements and hoodlums - a safe zone. Once you have that, then the other things are mere exploration.
Be prepared, you will be perpetually lost for a month or two. But at least you will be able to see where the local seven-11 is and the like. When you do get lost, simply remember what you see. Later on, it will come handy when you want to go there because you already were there!
The first thing I do when I have a new contract in a new city, is stop off at the gas station and get a street map of the city. I hope you have a compass in your car, so you can decide which way to point the front of it to get where you want to go on the map. I sit down at night, and study the map for a bit. I tend to mark out where the gas station is, the grocery store, the movie theatre, etc is.
Pretty soon, I know that town pretty darn good. It will take a month or two to get use to it though.
The culture will be slightly different. Not horribly different, but the accents may be different, the names of sandwiches might be different (Hoagie? Hero? Sub?), and some of the streets will be different. (Like Texas has "frontage" roads on it's highways, this seems to be pretty specific to Texas from what I have seen.)
Your life is going to be different, there is no question about that. Like in Arizona, you are going to want to be more careful about water and drinking the right amount of it. Sometimes I slip up and down a bunch of Dr Peppers when two glasses of ice water would satisfy my thirst. (I live in Texas.)
It is going to be an adventure. Let yourself be open to the change, and things will be all right.
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
You guys are awesome! thanks for the advice!
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
When I moved cross-country, I was just as scared! What helped me was to really research the area where I was moving to. The better you "know" the area, the less you'll be afraid of going there. Plus, since you have kids...it would help to know where to take them to start meeting new kids right away. That'll help your kids adjust better. :)
Congrats on your "new life"!! I know that you'll all love it down in Sunny Arizona!!!
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
DancerWealth is correct. A major move, which this is comes 2nd to a death in the family, or 3rd not sure. Anyway, this is a big step! You are changing, moving and growing, any change is tough for most of us, imagine a major move. You have every right to be nervous, you are letting go of what you know, and going to enter the unknown so to speak.
Good luck hun,
Pamela
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
We've moved a lot. We always considered it a new adventure, a time to see new places, meet new people, gain new experiences. We finally settled down, but we have never regretted the amount of moving that we did. It gave us new insights, new education. It seemed to stretch out our life longer by taking us out of our routine and exposing us to more to see in life.
Good luck, Blade. Whether or not the move ultimately feels right, it's something to take with you. Life is all about experiencing it. Do some experiencing.
*****
I've lost both parents to bad health, my best friend growing up, and my best friend in high school. Moving is nothing.
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
When I moved from Philadelphia to Las Vegas...It was deffinatley the biggest move of my life and I was scared to Death. I didnt want to leave my family plus I had had the month from hell the month I was supposed to move. (friend died, car stolen, and the flu) but still I left. Now , almost a year to the day...I realize it was a smart decision.
The first couple of months might suck, mine did. You getting used to a new place and you dont know anyone and everything just seems uncomfotably different (not trying to scare you but just being honest)..but with time, it feels better.
The best thing about your move is your not doing it alone...you have Dea to lean on and visa versa....plus you have all of us on SW!!! But ..I moved with my boyfriend...and without him...I would have gone completely MAD!!
So good luck dont worry to much and keep us posted..:)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
My screen name is partially due to the amount of moving around I have done in my life. I am one of those people who mostly finds it exhilirating, but I have definitely seen its scary side too.
My best advice is to spend most of your time and energy focusing on one single problem or short term goal at a time. For the most part no individual challenge associated with a big move (or other disruption of one's life) is all that hard to handle and resolve. It is just that there are so many of them all at once that it can be overwhelming and paralyzing. You can't deal with issue A because you are so distracted by issues B, C, D, E, F, G, ...
But if you recognize the nature of this dilemma and exercise some mental self-discipline, it is not so hard to overcome it. Just tell yourself that for today or the next hour or whatever, you are going to ignore everything else and just concentrate on achieving whatever one thing is in front of you.
Of course, it is important to occassionally step back and evaluate the overall situation, set priorities and long term goals and so forth, but that is not the same as trying to deal with everything at the same time. It is just paying enoough attention to the "big picture" to make sure that you are tackling the right or most important individual problems.
In a metaphorical sense, keep your eyes almost entirely down looking at where you are about to take your next step while only glancing up at the horizon to make sure you are headed in the right direction occasionally.
Pretty soon, things will settle down, and you will start to feel at home again.
Good luck!
-Ww
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
One more suggestion: Although in quite a lot of ways, Arizona is incredibly different from Connecticut, these days one place in the US is essentially indistinguishable from another in lots of respects. It is easy to make a list of the things that will be the same: TV, movies, national chain retail stores and restaurants (which, for good or ill, are now the large majority of all stores and restaurants), malls, the net...including SW (!), brands of food and so forth. My suggestion is to take advantage of this if/when you or your family members have the sort of odd feelings of being "out of your element" and "uncomfortably different" that ToriB mentions. It will probably happen; when it does, go hang out in a mall or go bowling or have a meal at some favorite chain restaurant or whatever. It doesn't much matter what; just pick something that you enjoyed doing back in Connecticut and that will feel familiar. It sounds silly and trivial, I guess, but it will be oddly comforting...at least I think it is for many people.
And, of course, there will also be the times to enjoy the new, hiking in the desert, eating authentic Mexican food, looking at all that truly incredible new scenery and so forth. Just mix the new with enough of the familiar to keep you and yours comfortable.
-Ww
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Hey Blade!!!
Whew.. Moving.. Ugh.. LOL
Well, I moved a lot with my first marriage (Navy). That was extremely tough. Once you set down roots, you were leaving again. Throughout those 7 years, we lived in Illinois, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (The US Base), Norfolk & Newport News, Virginia, and finally Peoria, Arizona. We did our longest stretch in Virginia.
Even if you are moving down the street, it's bound to be tough. Moves out of state are the toughest though.
I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you. We just kind of closed our eyes, and jumped right into it. We made it a "home" wherever we went.
I am confident that you, Dea, and the kids will LOVE Arizona. It's heaven to me. We won't be far behind you guys.. We're planning to move there sooner or later (Hubby's never been out of the state, so he is yearning for something new). There is TONS of things for kids to do there. Schools are EXCELLENT! If you have the pleasure of living in Peoria, I strongly suggest Sun Valley Elementary. They're at 95th & Olive. Incidentally, we lived a street down from that school. It was a prime location, very peaceful neighborhood. There is so much to do there, and no matter where you go, there's tons of stores. Beware of Bell Road. It's the main Arizona road, and the home of 6-way intersections. LOL. LOTS of accidents caused by the "Snowbirds" there. Also, beware of the old people. They usually venture out of their "cities" (Sun City, Sun City West, etc) occasionally, and they drive GOLF CARTS. Ugh. I hope you never get stuck driving behind one of them. (They go a whopping 25 mph, tops).
I have tons to tell you about AZ, you can PM anytime. I don't want to take up too much space here. But rest assured, you all will love Arizona. It was paradise to me.
Stay calm and happy!
~Hugs~
Rhi
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Blade,
I moved to FL in 97, and I was a young kid, but I felt the effects as well. My parents were flipping out, nervous, etc.
We, too left out family here in NJ when we moved to FL. But when everything gets settled in, you will make everything work. Believe me...its hard at first but people adapt really well unless its a place they hate (which I doubt you will)
Dont stress it too much, you guys seem very tight together, and with each others support, you will get through it fine!!!
Good luck!!
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
I for one LOVE moving. Tend to do it once every 18 months or so (major moves, not across town).
Just moved to IA from Phx AZ this last July. I looovvvvvveeeeedddd Arizona. Buy those half-gallon jugs of water and just glug from them while in the car.
Kali
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Hello again Blade!! I moved from Ohio to Tennessee in Sept. of 2002 with my family (2 children and one on the way). While it was stressful for us, scared of getting a house, not knowing where and what everything was. My husband had never lived anywhere, but Ohio. So this was really scary for him.
I moved alot while in my childhood. My dad was in the Army for years, so sometimes we would be there for a while and sometimes only a month or so. Because of this I think that I might be able to offer some tips for both of you and your children. Try to make this move exciting for the kids (ex. let them see pictures of places in Arizona, let them believe that they are included in the decision, ask them what things they would like to do in Arizona like the parks). Also once there, take them to places to meet other children, especially in the neighborhood where you will live. Then when school starts they won't be so scared. They will see familiar faces. Also while at the places, be sure to check out the style's of clothes the children are wearing. This way on the first day of school, the kids will not stick out so much. I know this isn't important to you, but it will be for your kids.
Getting a map of the city that you live in and the one you work in will help you so much. If you still need to know directions be sure to let the person know that you just moved here. This will also open up a conversation. Walk around your neighborhood, speak to the neighbors, and also talk to the people you work with. This way you won't feel so lost. Another possitive thing for you is getting "away" from the people that you say you both don't like. Remember you can always go back to see family and friends. This works well for us, because then it is a vacation for us and not a chore anymore.
Another good thing to do is to sit down with Dea and make lists of what you need to do before the move (moving truck, packing ect), make a list of what you will do once in the city you are moving to (find job, phone numbers of utility companies, who will need the new address ect). This way you will both know what needs done, and you can see how far you both have gone. A step that I learned was to go through the house and deciede what was going and what was not, what you need and things that you dont. This way you will have time to have a yard sale, donate it, or give it away.
if you need anymore help, let me know. I can help you both out with support and information. Best of luck and try not to stress!!
xoxo,
Kryssy
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Blade, I have moved several times, though I have always been by myself it is still a pain. The worst part is making new friends. I live in Phoenix right now, this is my second time here. I do enjoy it, lots of outdoor activities here. Phoenix is now the fifth biggest city in the country and is still growing. If you have any questions PM me.
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Hi Blade. I wanted to wish you and Dea much luck on your upcoming move/adventure. I've made three major moves in my life, and they're definitely stressful. I went through a 2-4 month mourning/re-adjustment period the first two times. Both times I moved in w/ "family" but I was still alone; know what i mean.
Take some comfort in that you have each other to lean on for support; this is a very exciting part of your lives you're sharing. And it is an adventure; a scary, wondrous one.
Be well :)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Hi Blade,
Every time I go to AZ I am so impressed with how nice the people are. The weather is great, and it is cheap.........we drove out to Tuscon and passed a developement of the cutest houses,and a big sign saying you could own one for 32,000 dollars! We considered it all the way back to Fla :)
Jut tell yourself you cant wait to move and next thing you know it will be over :)
Hope you love it (the kids will )
Jen
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Here are some resources for you. www.move.com gives apartment and moving info and has forums for people who want to vent about moving www.aroundarizona.net gives entertainment and restaurant directory www.xznett.com is an arizona newspaper directory and www.azhistorytraveler.org/ has the most important recent historical events. Take a picture of your favorite place that reminds you of home and take a food dish you love with you to your new home. Good Luck! :)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
That's one of the best features of Arizona. Very cheap living, if you're going to buy. We rented a condo while we were awaiting the closing on our house in Peoria. We rented in August, and it cost us (yikes) a whopping $2200 a month. This was back in '96, so I'd hate to see what that place would cost now. It was very ritzy, with the pool, workout rooms, sauna, etc. Thankfully, we were only there for a month.. LOL.
We bought a 3 bedroom 2 bath, block-style home with a HUGE fenced in backyard in Peoria. They were asking $98,000 for it. We got it for $89,000. I kick myself daily for moving home to RI, when I could've taken the house. LOL
So, if you're looking to buy, the cost of living is very very cheap. Rents get jacked up during the "Snowbird" season.
What was easiest for me, was to run all my errands in the early morning (between like 6am and 8am), when it was the coolest (about 60 or 70 degrees), because once you hit early afternoon, you'd be roasting outside. I made the mistake of running outside to get my paper barefoot at around 1pm, and burned the soles of my feet severely. LOL. I also did my grocery shopping during those early hours, after learning the hard way. Many times I'd get home, and ice cream would be melted, etc.. Always carry a cooler in your trunk, so that you can put all your meltable stuff there so it'll survive the drive home.
I also second what Kali said about the water. Buy it in bulk if you have to.. You'll need it. LOL. When my son went to school, it was actually required that he bring at least 4 or 5 bottles of water, that they could drink throughout the day.
A little trick that we used to do was to get bottles of water, and throw them in the freezer. When we had to go out in the car, we'd grab a couple bottles, and throw them on the dashboard. After a few minutes, it was completely unfrozen, wonderfully cool, and ready to drink.
You are going to have an absolute blast there. You'll acclimate yourself to the heat very quickly. It kicked my arse for the first week or so, but after that, it was a piece of cake. You can always tell the tourists apart from the residents of Arizona. When the temperature got down to 80 degrees, we were all in sweaters and jackets, while the tourists were in shorts. LOL
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
I wish you, Deanna, and family much luck and happiness, Blade! :)
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Re:Fear and other B.s. emotions
Blade!!!
T and I have done this too.. we've moved, but not as drastic of a move like you and Dea are.. but, we moved out of a small town of 2500 people to the Bay Area with only $2200 to our name. We uprooted and took a chance and did it, and then two years later moved to Boise, again, with just a little bit of money in our pocket, no jobs, no home etc...
I look back at the times we did this and wonder what on earth we were thinking, but at the same time, do not regret doing it whatsoever. Some of the most memorable times were when we were in the process of moving or in transit on the road.
Its stressful, but as long as you two have the other's support, it will be ok. Just be strong for her when she needs you to be, and vice versa. Moving is so scary, especially the unknown. But, life is all about adventure and chances, and the "What ifs"...
If you need anything at all, you know where to find me... Good luck and stay in touch!
:hug:
G