Re:My bf's ex-need advice
Get out. Now.
If I sound too abrupt and harsh...re=reead your post.
You do sound like the best thing since sliced bread. He doesn't deserve you. He deserves moldy bread.
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
I went through this...it's not fun. And, there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can't change him and you can't make her stop calling. Only he can do that. If he is unwilling to do anything to "fix" the situation, then you need to move on. They're staying married so she can keep using his insurance? I thought that she wasn't going to the doctor!!
You are just being given excuses. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, then he will do what HE needs to do to keep you. Whatever that means. Write down what is acceptable and what is not. If he is not willing to do EVERYTHING on that list, then you need to move on. You deserve to be the ONLY one in your man's life...you deserve to be treated with love and respect...and you deserve to be able to trust your man without hesitation.
If he cannot give you the things that you require in a relationship with both arms wide open, then it's time for you to love yourself that much and leave.
It's hard...I know...but, you need to take care of yourself first.
Much hugs and love,
Venus
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
wow hun, I agree with the other girls. Get out now.
If she didnt go to the doc when they were together, then she is using him now to keep him somehow. Screw that shit.
Thats a lame excuse anyway. Why should he even give a shit what she does now? She was so bad in the married situation before, why the sudden care? If she was a piece of shit before, then why does he "put up" with it now?
He needs to get rid of her, or you need to get rid of him.
:( Good luck
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
You can go to Radio Shack and buy a voice activated cassette recorder. They will tell you how to hook this up to your phone, and you will be able to hear BOTH sides of the conversation. Just tell the clerk that you need to be able to record conversations on your telephone, and he will tell you what you need to buy and how to hook everything up so that it will work. You can then hide the recorder so he won't be able to see it. Alternatively, if he's only using a cell phone to talk to her, you can just put a couple of voice activated recorders in different rooms of the house, and you will be able to hear what he is telling her on his cell. You could also put one is his car.
I had a guy friend of mine that I used to work with use this technique to catch his cheating wife in the act. He set up the recorder on their telephone, and caught her having phone sex with her bf. He then put the cassette in the car radio the next time they got in the car together and played it for her....complete with her moans and groans...heh heh...he said she was so shocked she couldn't even say or do anything. And I mean what could someone do in this situation? When it's all on tape there's no denying it.
I wouldn't recommend playing the tape back for him unless you are in a state where recording someone is legal. If it turns out your not, you will still have all the proof you need...if you don't think you have enough already.
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
I have to agree with all the ladies here... well, all except Brittany. I give her advice an E for effort but: a) no man is worth all that Spy vs. Spy bullshit, and b) the woman in question doesn't need any proof- the situation is clear as day she just isnt seeing it. Somehow I think a recorded tape of evidence would simply be dismissed, discounted or rationalized just like the overwhelming stack of "cons" against this guy already.
Mare- I'll have to break it to you from a guy's perspective, so pardon the more rash or bold expression, but I think it will do you good.
This guy has the "hot setup" from the male mind. His wife is on the hook and out of the house, has himself a hot, sexy young filly that cooks and cleans for him, and all he has to do to maintain things is throw a few challenges your way to keep you competing with his ex. Stop and think for a moment why he brought up his wife's contact and sex commentary. Once you realize the manipulation involved, you'll want to get out.
Take a look at what this guy has created and manipulated you into. He's got you in competition with his wife, plain and simple... and the only return you're ever going to get is progressive acceleration of taking care of HIS needs... while he just needs to swing the ex in front of you like a carrot to make you jump for it. Leave this kind of bullshit for the young, naive women, which you're no longer going to be, mkay?
Lastly, seek some help yourself.. or find some friends that will give you support and earnest advice. To even participate in this kind of happy horseshit says much for your self-esteem.. or lack thereof. Once you can START to understand and appreciate your self-worth, how special and precious you truly are... only then can you start being resilient to these kinds of nasty arrangements. Do whatever it takes to start walking down that path.
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
polecat is 100% right (as always) :).....no but seriously i was in your exact, identical, no differences whatsoever situation.....and ya know what? he almost gave me an std because he wasnt the only one she was still fu*****....i got sooooooo lucky and it was the closest call of my life,and ya know what else? it finally scared me straight into realizing that i needed to put me and my health first (literally) and u should do the same. they obviously both like to manipulate people and he obviously still likes to have multiple women in his life at the same time (and if u dont already know that of course they are still sleeping together then i will help you...hun, they're still doing it) sorry to be so harsh but i got lucky and i dont want u to end up as any kind of statistic like i almost did. you are so much better than this asshole u are dating and u need to take care of yourself in every sense of the word.
P.S. keep us updated please. if u need to vent or need any advice feel free to pm me. :)
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
I agree too, leave the no-good sob, you are way to good for him and have earned so much better!!
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
Why go to all the effort of spying.. just get out... doesn't sound like he's planning on cutting her loose anytime soon, and why would you want to continue with someone who obviously has issues like this?
You deserve better.. he's deserves worse than moldy bread, he deserves the spores on the mold.
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
LOL...what this guy really deserves is someone like his ex...which is probably why he's having such a hard time letting go.
Soooo...let him go. It's hard, but you'll thank yourself for it!!
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexi link=board=1;threadid=9603;start=msg114837#msg1148 37 date=1085726057
wow hun, I agree with the other girls. Get out now.
If she didnt go to the doc when they were together, then she is using him now to keep him somehow. Screw that shit.
Thats a lame excuse anyway. Why should he even give a shit what she does now? She was so bad in the married situation before, why the sudden care? If she was a piece of shit before, then why does he "put up" with it now?
He needs to get rid of her, or you need to get rid of him.
:( Good luck
Yeah.WTF???She wasn't going to the dr. so why the hell should he care if she wants to now?Definitely sounds like manipulation on her part.
I think he is afraid of the impact of the divorce on his $.But he paid the bills while she went to lawschool.Maybe it is just an excuse.
I can't do the phone recording thing because there are the 2 tenants that would catch on.
I feel really stymied. I think that's a word?OK stumped.Nobody thinks I should call her or e-mail her for her side? Of course she could just lie and then it would give her the upper hand if I go to her.AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
Why does everyone always tell every girl on her with relationship problems just to GET OUT!! Its not that siimple.
If you love this guy and think he is worth it, you need to sit his ass down at tell him that his actions are going to end the relationship quickly. Stop kissing his ass and competing with his wife. It sounds like she would make divorce hard on him, but he needs to begin moving in that direction, otherwise the relationship is doomed.
If he agrees to respect your feelings, start setting some goals for yourself and him. For instance, he can set goals to get the ex off of his insurance, buying her private insurance if he has to, goals of going to see a lawyer, etc...
You can set goals for yourself to find something else to do when you are angry that he has to talk with his wife, something productive, etc.
Are there kids involved? That always complicates things. If he's worth it, you two need to work at this together....
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
*agreeing with other ladies* ....get out....
you deserve more.....and he diserves a swift kick in the ass :toldoff:
Re:My bf's ex-need advice
I am sure you love him, and care about him......But what really is going on between those two? He's not getting a divorced? It makes you start to think does he have some ulterior motives....How do you know that when you're gone this woman isn't creeping all in your bed, or in the house you share together? Could you really live your life worrying about this 'ex'....
It seems like he has the best of two worlds, He has his 'ex around'...He has you doing everything for him. Why shouldn't he be happy? Why would he want a divorce if this will be the case?
If your love can withstand his little ex, and him possibly cheating on the side. I say go for it!
We dig our own graves.