Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
I didn't quite know what to write as a subject. I am mentally battling the question of money and relationships. Of course I appreciate money as much as the next person, but I dont want all of my interactions to be based on the bottom line. I have been offered a new car ($50,000) value, a free house (lease), allowence ($100,000) year type thing from customers who have become my friends. Not quasi friends but true friends. They have the means and offer to help me out with things. But I am reluctant to take them up on it as my relationship to them is very important to me and I do not want money changing things or creating issues. I dont feel like there are expectations in return for these items. I have allowed myself a few shopping trips of moderate amount and that was fine. I have already discussed with them how I feel, that I could never feel bought, that money is a difficult thing for me to deal with, that sometimes money makes me want to run away b/c I am afraid of it changing me or spoiling me, etc. They know where I am coming from, but their philosophy on life is that life is meant to be lived and if you can do it in comfort, then do it that way. They care about me and want me to be comfortable. Any thoughts on money and relationships?
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
My thoughts? It sounds like you already have it all under control.
You honor and respect your "friends" enough to not want to take these things from them and also dont want the inclusion of receiving large and lavish gifts to become a formulated value within your relationships. This all sounds good.
Friendships are all about give and take, and it's uncomfortable to be on the take, take, take side with such large one sided reception. Of course there may not be any expectations to reciprocate to scale, but it doesnt mean that it feels comfortable.
If they care about you and want you to be comfortable, give them other ways to express their friendship and other things you feel valuable and more comfortable with. Sometimes alternate suggestions are more mutually beneficial- even if they are just simply spending more time together or helping each other with errands/chores.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
.......such as "please .... it would be too much for ME to have the $50K car...just send it to Mojojojo in Columbus Ohio........................"
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
Quote:
I have already discussed with them how I feel, that I could never feel bought, that money is a difficult thing for me to deal with, that sometimes money makes me want to run away b/c I am afraid of it changing me or spoiling me, etc.
(slap)(slap)(slap)(slap)(slap)
sorry,had to do it.
it was for your own good.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
(slap)dat (_!_)!!!!!
ok that one was for me.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
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Of course I appreciate money as much as the next person, but I dont want all of my interactions to be based on the bottom line. I have been offered a new car ($50,000) value, a free house (lease), allowence ($100,000) year type thing from customers who have become my friends. Not quasi friends but true friends. They have the means and offer to help me out with things. But I am reluctant to take them up on it as my relationship to them is very important to me and I do not want money changing things or creating issues. I dont feel like there are expectations in return for these items
IMHO the bottom line on these issues is that your "friends" started out being strip club customers. Even though there may be some genuine elements of friendship, beneath it all these customers came into a strip club expecting to spend money in exchange for something. While the level of sophistication and the amounts of money involved in your case may be an order of magnitude or two above your typical strip club customer paying a dancer for 'extras', there is still the virtual certainty that any 'relationships' which stem from your accepting these offers will be mercenary in nature. This is of course a perfectly acceptable situation if you're down with it, however I fear that you will be deluding yourself if you think that these offers stem from genuine friendship with no strings attached.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
Money always changes things IMO. If you accept these "gifts", understand that there will be expectations of something in return. There were several threads here about gifts ranging from cars to exhorbitant sums of money. Maybe someone can give you a few links back to those posts. Makes for interesting reading.
FBR
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
There are ALWAYS strings. Sooner or later. I've seen this happen 100 times. The "dancer" wants to believe these guys are benefactors .... "the perfect Daddy she maybe never had" (see Paris Hilton) but the payback always comes. Usually it comes BEFORE the purchase/Gift but sometimes dancers get the "gift" first. If this is your case ... be SURE to have the item in YOUR NAME ONLY including insurance and tags. Same with a lease. The LEASE and Insurance/taxes in YOUR name. Let "Daddy" pay YOU the money up front.
I've seen these things get NASTY in court so be prepared and fore-warned. If a guy can afford to "KEEP" a dancer ... He can afford to "Keep" some decent lawyers too. Cover your ass.
Also .... Gifts are taxable as ordinary income. This gets brought up alot in "Dancer Court".
There are risks to every business venture and thats what this is. ANY interaction between 2 or more people that involves money is BUSINESS.... not friendship. Don't kid yorself.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
Even though you consider these guys your friends, they are still customers and you still met them at the strip club. You are right to feel funny accepting expensive gifts from them; I would feel funny too. I wouldn't do it because most customers would expect sex in return for those kind of gifts.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
My opinion. A man buys a woman a house, he will want and expect more than friends with you. A 50,00 car? Same thing. A pretty but cheap gold necklace, less likely he will expect alot more.
I think when a customer/friend buys us presents, yes it does change the relationship to a more serious one in his mind. Again the small gifts...depends on the guy. Very very expensive gifts......Careful.
Pamela
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
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Also .... Gifts are taxable as ordinary income. This gets brought up alot in "Dancer Court".
If a girl does accept an expensive "gift" from a customer, and the deal later goes south and winds up in court, then a key legal question becomes whether or not the value of the "gift" should be considered an actual gift on the part of the customers (on which the customer owes a gift tax), or whether the value of the "gift" should be considered as payment for services rendered (on which the dancer owes income tax). If the customer has a good attorney it usually turns out to be the latter, such the dancer may find herself owing 40% of the value of the car or 'allowance' she received in income tax payments, plus penalties for failure to report that income.
Re:Can I accept large gifts or sums of money from friends?
Unless you plan on seeing the guy exclusively,don't accept any large gifts.It's OK if you're his girlfriend,but not OK as an aquaintence.Like DJ Wulf says,those things never turn out well.