Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancing?
Just wondering if there are any single moms on here that have been given a hard time by their baby's daddy (ex) for being in this profession. If so, how did you handle it? I read a legal report somewhere that the child's father could not take away custody of the child just b/c he disapproves of the mother's career choice. For so many people, dancing is such a taboo area that many guys might think this makes a woman an unfit mother. But I have heard that a judge would not even make a case out of something so petty - since it's not prostitution or doing anything illegal or anything anyway in front of the child!!! Is this true? Any thoughts on this matter or does anyone have experience with this?
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
I am a single mother of a 11-month old boy. I get no help, and I work during the day as an executive assistant (essentially a secretary) and dance one or two nights a week to be able to pay the bills.
Needless to say, I am full of guilt for not having more time with my son. I miss him so much.
But to answer your question, I have not had any trouble with the ex's family re: my second job, cuz they dont know for sure thats what Im doing; I dont want them to tell my son eventually so I dont let them know. But they speculate, since his ex-girls were dancers...and rumors fly... but that hasnt caused any problems so far.
And in a custody battle, honey, they will do anything and everything they can do to smear your character and you better believe dancing will be their biggest target. They may try to tie you to drug abuse, heavy partying, prostitution, and whatever else a clever atty can think up.
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Yea, what LC said. Its a lawyers job to discredit and smear BUT he has to have real evidence to make it stick. Such as a history of police records on you, or reliable witnesses testifing about irresponsible or neglectfull behaviour towards your child, if you are bringing home a different guy from the club every night, if most of your friends are confirmed druggies hanging around your house, etc... Dancing alone has never been a reason as far as anything i have read or heard from my dancer freinds. The judge typically is only concerned about the quaility of life provided for the child.
Sorry, the ladies here will have to advise how to handle it.
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Thanks all for the replies Wiseguy and Leanne! An atty. told me once that as long as I'm not doing anything in front of my child that I will be ok. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I never have parties at my house. I have a b/f but he only visits when my child is with his dad (not at my house). I don't really party either. I really don't think my dancing would hold up in court as a bad rep for me - all I am trying to do is pay the bills basically. I work 2 jobs too so I can relate to what you said Leanne. Also, I am not in a custody battle does that make a difference - my custody has already been settled by the court. So I think this makes me ok - in fact I only dance on the nights my son is with his dad - so I don't even have to get a babysitter to do that! My concern would be if any of my exes friends come into the club and then tell my ex. I know I could try to deny that it was me - but I don't want to jeopardize anything where my son is concerned. Any more thoughts from anybody would be great - thanks so much! You guys are awesome!
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Family courts aren't thrilled by the idea that a single mom is working as a stripper. However, in order to come anywhere near a serious danger of losing custody of your child, there has to be some concrete evidence of you're being an "unfit mother". Unless you have a record of drug or prostitution busts, and if there are no incidents on record where you have failed to feed/clothe/protect/care for your child, the court is not going to seriously consider taking a child away from its mother. There is a strict set of legal criteria for being considered an "unfit mother", and the mere fact that a woman is working as a dancer falls way short of that criteria.
In fact, I have known a couple of dancing single moms who have turned the situation to their advantage. Both girls raised the issue before the judge that if the deadbeat ex-husband were to start paying a reasonable amount of child support they wouldn't have to resort to stripping to earn enough to properly support their child !
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
So you are a single mom too and you work 2 jobs? Theres not a lot like us, well, not many that have the second job that WE do.
Hey, if I was working at a dept store or something, it would take a lot more time from my son to make as much extra money as I do.
Cant help but feel guilty though.
Anyhow, its awesome to meet someone who can relate. Best of luck babe!
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
This is a great posting. Good topic.
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Yes, I am a single mother and as long as you do your job and stay out of the trouble scene, you will be fine... ;)
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Thanks Melonie, Leanne, Vaden, and Aleah! I feel SO much better now that you all have said what you did. Rock on ladies!!! It's great to have friends who can relate.;->Leanne - best of luck right back at ya as you said to me! Write me anytime hun!;->
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancing
Just to be safe, I would go to great lengths to keep the fact that you dance from your ex. Aside from the legal part, if you ever do decide to tell your son that you were/are a dancer, at least it will be on your terms, and not from your ex as a way to bad mouth you.
I have 2 kids, and like everyone else said, as long as your being a good mom, I wouldn't worry about it. Alot of times dads will threaten you just to hurt you, but never really fall through with their threats. If you haven't already, I would be trying to get child support, so you don't have to be away from your baby so much. Good luck!!!
Re:Any single moms on here? Ex think you're an unfit mother b/c of your dancin
Thanks Bambi! I already do get child support, but it's a measly amount! That is one reason why I decided to do this as a 2nd job, just to make ends meet! (But it has been my dream job for a long time though too - not like I was forced to do it or anything.) Also, I don't dance on the nights I have my child, but only on the nights he is with his dad. So that way I can be with him and don't have to hire a babysitter on the days he stays with me. I plan to make this a short term job and maybe stop once I get caught up financially, but who knows - I might just love it and stay longer than I thought - who knows?
PS - I love the quote you have in your signature line - I am trying to pursue my dreams right now before I pursue love! Rock on Bambi!