I love my mother but.....
Oh god the worst has happened....My mom had read my journal and saw that I was wanting to return to dancing. She flipped out and called me 6 times and before I could even ask she yells at me telling me she'd disown me if I danced. She told me I was degrading myself telling me that it was dangerous. Some of the downfalls just come with the industry such as stalkers, mean guys, men trying to grope you. She said that if I want money that bad I could sell drugs. She doesnt know much about the industry just the bad things she has heard. God, I wanted this to come out in a better way and not over the freaking phone!!
I love her very much and dont want to hurt her. But, Im trying to support myself and finish school here. I live with her and sleep on the couch for now which has been about 4 months and my back hurts. She works double shifts as a nurse at 60 hours a week!!! I love her and want to give her a break and a chance to enjoy her life and not have to take care of me. Theres things I want in life (i.e. another car b/c mine is going to die, place of my own, pay alot of things off) that I dont want to ask her to work for.
Am I being too demanding on life; should I just suffer through school being poor working a minimun wage job? Am I being selfish? You can tell me I can take it. Of course I am going to choose her (she gave me an ultimatum) over dancing but I dont want to be poor throughout the rest of my college career.:-\ Thanks for in advance for any adivice.
Re: I love my mother but.....
You're grown.I don't see why it's an issue at all with her.
Do what makes you happy.
Re: I love my mother but.....
Yes, true I was thinking about moving out and doing it behind her back. Yes, I hate to do that but when my car breaks one day and if I wasnt dancing how am I going to get to school with school being 12 miles away. I cant ask her to buy me another car she might even have the money.
Thanks OnlyTheBest you always keep it real.
Re: I love my mother but.....
I'd say if your living with her as her daughter you should respect her wishes.
But I also don't think you should not dance and suffer through the next few years just because she saw some movie where a coked up dancer got stalked.
I guess I would just tell her that you love her and respect her but your not willing to make the sacrafices she's asking. Then move out and start dancing.
JMO,
Lena
Re: I love my mother but.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigersMilk
Yes, true I was thinking about moving out and doing it behind her back. Yes, I hate to do that but when my car breaks one day and if I wasnt dancing how am I going to get to school with school being 12 miles away. I cant ask her to buy me another car she might even have the money.
Thanks OnlyTheBest you always keep it real.
No problem babe ;)
Re: I love my mother but.....
Quote:
I was thinking about moving out and doing it behind her back.
Considering that your mother reads your journal, I would have to say that it's a wise move. Clearly, you two have reached a point in your relationship where a split may be needed.
It's different when you're child is 16...but you are presumeably of age to make adult decisions...you should be able to have a journal without having your "mommy" read it. Given that she feels a need and a right to read your journal, you may need to resolve the issue by taking the next grown-up step.
And since you're a grown up...guess what? You get to have the job you want.
None of this is meant with disrespect to your mother. Her concerns are valid, and her reaction was typical. She's worried about her child...and the way she found out was not the best. But that would be her fault ;)
Re: I love my mother but.....
First, I would bust my mom's chops if she ever read my journal (verbally bust her chops). She's accusing you of degrading yourself and here she is totally disrespecting your privacy! Sounds like her own issues.
Sometimes, though, we need to do things that others don't agree with. This may be one of those things. Of course, I do not wear your shoes...so I cannot tell you which is the best path to walk.
I will say this, though, I have never regretted doing something for myself even if it meant pissing off someone else. As long as no one was hurt, I have always put myself and my livelihood first and foremost. It's no one else's business and no one has to live my life...so why make them a part of the decisions that you need to make?
YOU have to do what is best for YOU.
Re: I love my mother but.....
Oh TM girl, I can totally relate. :(
Keep us updated. :hug:
Re: I love my mother but.....
Do what YOU have to do....
Cant always worry about making other people happy. If you do...you'll never be happy.
Re: I love my mother but.....
IMO, fwiiw, this is not so much an issue of dancing vs not dancing as it is an issue of being an adult and establishing an adult relationship with your mother. This is nearly always a tough transition for children and their parents both, but it will be far far better for both of you if it happens asap. In the end you can have an adult relationship that can be a real treasure and a great source of strength and support for you both, but it won't happen as long as she is doing things like reading your private journal and telling you (as opposed to advising you) what to do. Nor will it happen as long as you are completely, or nearly completely, financially dependent on her.
Also, you cannot expect such a big change in your relationship to happen quickly and completely; it will likely take a few years and will be painful for both of you at times.
As for dancing vs being a poor college student until you've finished your education, that's a choice for you to make in an adult way. There are pros and cons to be weighed and consequences to be accepted whichever way you go. As long as you are the one doing the "weighing" and "accepting" (even if things don't turn out as you hoped), it might even be a good thing to talk the pros/cons and consequences over with your mother, if you can get her to calm down enough to have a rational discussion.
-Ww
Re: I love my mother but.....
She read your journal? Lordy, Why?
My parents are very religious, and they claimed they'd disown me as well if I ever danced. I figured if they are going to disown me for something like dancing then that was stupid on their part anyways. I took the chance of dancing for two years, They found out. I was fussed at/yelled at, etc. I got every single lecture known to man. I am 24 years old, I moved out of their house at 17. Whatever I do in my life has little or nothing to do with them.
My father didn't talk to me for a full year, His choice. Eventually he came around, and we're on great ground now. He realized that he can't pick my life for me as much as he would want to. He's moved on, and grasped that.
Your mom disrespected you by reading your journal. IF you were 16, 17, I'd say I could understand why she did. But you're an adult. Your mom does need to understand that. This goes beyond "Dancing".....She disrespected your space and your property. Fix that, and then deal with dancing. If you're going to dance, You might have to move out. Your relationship also will be strained for sometime. As hard as it will be for her to accept you as a 'stripper, She loves you.....She'll get through it.
Re: I love my mother but.....
I can relate totally ! I started back now and I wont tell her ! I think it's a form of controll to tell me that it's bad and to claim I'll be disown ! It is not her life ! U do what you want not what she wants ! The problem is that now I feel my mom doesn't love me unconditionally ! She thinks she's doing that for my best but it's not her decision !
Re: I love my mother but.....
Thank you for the replies....it helps to know that even after I tell her that there may be exceptance later on.
Gosh, RD...sounds very scary to not know of they were going to talk to you again? I'm happy for that everything worked out in the end. He should be proud of how smart you are.
I was thinking how that how my life, my privacy and so on. She has never respected my space. I think we are both better off with me out on my own and to not have any financial ties. I would like her to think of me as an ADULT. But, like someone noted earlier that this is going to take time to establish. Im not even going to try her to get her to see it in a different light. It would be a huge waste of breath. Besides, no one else is going to help me save money for my dream house or pay all of my rent etc.
Re: I love my mother but.....
*Hugs*.....It's hard for her to let go, but she eventually will. In this case, Put yourself first and do what you think is best. Good luck sweetie!