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I don't want to be her regular anymore...
I walked into a club alone one day and sat down. The club was empty. Only five other guys were there. A beautiful dancer on stage winked at me and motioned to have me sit closer. I sat at her stage and she danced for me. I tipped her $10.00. After her stage dance, she asked me if I wanted a VIP dance. I accepted. I must of spent $300.00 on her that night and had a great time. At the end of the night, she offered to walk me to the exit. She gave me a big hug, and asked me to come back and visit. This happened 3 years ago, and I've become her regular ever since!
Why do I continue to visit her after all this time? Well for starters she treats me so well, and makes me feel so awesome. Whenever I walk into the club she'll always acknowledge me. She'll end her conversation with whom she's with or she'll either wave or wink at me to let me know she'll be a while. She is always so happy to see me.
One time there was a big spender at the club who was monopolizing her time. I knew she was there primarily to make money, so I waited until she found some time to step away from him. I told her I'd come back another day and left the club. Later that night she gave me a call on my cell phone to say how sorry she was, and later she e-mailed one of those "I'm so sorry!" e-cards.
On another occasion, there was another big spender at the club. Again, I totally understood that she's there to make money, so I patiently waited. An hour later she walks out of the VIP room. She pulls me aside and tells me that she pretended that her leg was hurting so she could get rid of the guy. I said, "You didn't have to do that. I'm perfectly fine with coming back another night." She replies, "Yeah, I know I was making some money with that guy, but you're my favorite. No one can replace you. Plus, I want to end my night with you!" It made me feel great when she said that.
Then there are her lap dances. When dancers give me lap dances, I'm totally respectful. I'm not overly aggressive, and I'll let dancers take the session only as far as their comfort level. My first dance with her three years ago was very sensual. As the time past and her comfort level with me grew, our lap dance sessions got even hotter. Without going into much detail, all I can say our time in the VIP can burn a hole in the wall! I once asked her if she gives the same kind of lap dances to her other customers. She says, "Are you kidding? I give the other customers very sensual lap dances. With you, I don't call it a lap dance, I call it having fun!" I ask her, "Why do I get the special treatment?" She says, "I trust you."
And trust me she does! On her own accord, she made a proposal to see me outside of the club to give me my own private show. I agreed. What guy would say no to a proposal from an exotic dancer like that! I did pay her for her time; just like we were at the club. I rented a suite; we had a few drinks; got drunk; and had a great time. The night got very hot and sexy, no; we didn't have sex that night. The next time I saw her, it appeared she did have some regrets. I think having me pay for a night of fun at a suite made her feel uneasy and used. So we decided no more private dances outside of the club; but that's another story!
Now, I'm at a point where I'm realizing I'm now on my 4th year of regularly visiting her. I realize the relationship I have with her is some sort of mix between friendship and business, and it can never ever go further than that. I even took the time to budget a portion of my monthly income just for her, which I have discreetly categorized as my entertainment budget. It's a monthly expense I have just to escape from the every day pressures of work and life just to have crazy fun with a hot dancer, and I think she knows that.
I realize that I've learned a lot about her and she has learned out a lot about me. I realize that I'm not in love with her. I don't buy her gifts or send her love letters and flowers, but I do spend a lot of time in the VIP with her. I realize that she relies on me for a portion of her monthly income. I also realize that there will come a time when this is going to end. I'm thinking of ending my "regular" relationship with her at the end of this year; just because 4 years sounds like a good time to just stop.
The problem I have is she treats me so well. And, I'm not the least bit tired or bored of visiting her. Should I end it? If I plan on ending my regular relationship at the end of this year, should I let her know now? I'm not sure if I should bring it up to her. I'm unsure how she'll take it or if she'll ever keep in touch with me after I stop visiting her. Or, I should just end it abruptly and don't return her e-mails or calls when the time comes?
Maybe I should just keep it going until she decides to quit dancing and she decides it's over. Maybe the reason why I want to end it because I want to beat her to ending it! It's an ego thing. Maybe, I'm just thinking about this way too much, and I should just enjoy the fun while it lasts. I'm confused. :-\
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
You're thinking too much. This isn't worth five minutes of thought.
Are you enjoying it and having fun? Then have at it.
Is it getting to be a hassle? Then walk away, she'll find someone else to pay her light bill, trust me.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Wow, I wish I had a regular like you!
If it were me, I'd want to know ahead of time that you were planning on ending the relationship eventually, maybe she does depend on you for a certain amount of her income, and she might want to plan ahead to come into work more. And maybe you can tell her that you'd like to keep in contact with her so she knows not to take it too personally.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I agree with Az. If we have regulars, we know when they come in they will spend so and so amount of $ on us, and we count on that. Just let her know that your budget is starting to strain or something. But you dont have to completely stop seeing her you know, just cut back on it. You could plan to go either once or twice every couple of months. Something like that.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I agree, Amber. I would want to know ahead of time. It sounds like you are still very much enjoying your time with this dancer, so why end it? If you are afraid of her "dumping" you, why not just talk to her about it? Communication goes a long way.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
You never know, she may be tired of hanging with you. I've had good regulars that I enjoyed seeing and had a friend type relationship with them, but I got bored of dancing for them. I felt like they knew all my moves already and wondered if it was really exciting to them. Let her know beforehand, you may be surprised that it may not bother her that much. You may find that a month after you stop, you may get an itch for her again. It may just be burnout.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
If you're not bored I don't see why you should end it. You could cut down if you are afraid of it getting old by only seeing her at the club or not going that often.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
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Originally Posted by WrenStar
Or, I should just end it abruptly and don’t return her e-mails or calls when the time comes?
Don't do that! That would be disrespectful after the way she's treated you.
If she quit dancing without telling you and then neglected to return any e-mails or calls, you'd feel disrespected. Show her the respect that you'd like to be shown.
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Originally Posted by WrenStar
Maybe I should just keep it going until she decides to quit dancing and she decides it’s over. Maybe the reason why I want to end it because I want to beat her to ending it! It’s an ego thing.
Dancing careers inevitably end. I can't for the life of me figure out how a dancer simply ending her career would be a blow to your ego.
If you continue getting your money's worth, I don't see any reason not to take it right to the very end of her career. I have done this more than once.
On the other hand, if the experience starts getting less gratifying, I'd say cut back.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Quote:
Originally Posted by WrenStar
...Now, I’m at a point where I’m realizing I’m now on my 4th year of regularly visiting her. I realize the relationship I have with her is some sort of mix between friendship and business, and it can never ever go further than that. I even took the time to budget a portion of my monthly income just for her, which I have discreetly categorized as my entertainment budget. It’s a monthly expense I have just to escape from the every day pressures of work and life just to have crazy fun with a hot dancer, and I think she knows that.
I realize that I’ve learned a lot about her and she has learned out a lot about me. I realize that I’m not in love with her. I don’t buy her gifts or send her love letters and flowers, but I do spend a lot of time in the VIP with her. I realize that she relies on me for a portion of her monthly income. I also realize that there will come a time when this is going to end. I’m thinking of ending my “regular” relationship with her at the end of this year— just because 4 years sounds like a good time to just stop.
The male perspective - so what's the problem? You enjoy it; she enjoys it. You've both found a "sort of mix between friendship and business" that suits the pair of you. She obviously treats you well because she's become fond of you.
Any relationship with a dancer starts out as purely business like. She's earning a living, you are enjoying the entertainment that she provides for you. With time, the relationship will change. As you start to exchange personal information she becomes an individual you understand, not just a body to be stared at, and you become a customer she looks forward to seeing, not just $300 walking in through the door. If you develop a friendship with a dancer, naturally you both start to behave a little differently.
You say she trusts you and puts on a "hot" lap dance for you. Some dancers do get a degree of personal fulfilment out of what they do. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that that's what's happening in this case. The dances got stronger as she realised you would not stray outside of her personal comfort limits.
The uneasiness about the private show in the hotel may have come about because it was new ground rules. (See the thread about Special Ethical Arenas on this site - it argued that both dancers and customers voluntarily suspend some of their normal standards of behaviour while within the very special environment of a strip club). The fact that both you and she got embarrassed about it suggests a degree of consideration for each other beyond the normal customer/dancer relationship - if she was just interested in making money from you she would have suggested repeating the exercise.
You sound like a man who's very realistic about the sort of relationship you can have with this dancer - why don't you talk to her about it?
Specifically, she was happy to meet you outside the club, for a private show, but embarrassed about it the following day. She obviously also doesn't want any form of serious relationship with you outside the club, or she would at least have hinted at it by now. (Also, after three years, it would be very difficult to have that sort of relationship - you're very settled into a different form of one.)
Why don't you just ask her if you can meet her outside of the club perhaps once a month for dinner, and that you intend this meeting to be on a purely friendly basis - no intent for anything other than two people who like each other having a relaxing couple of hours together. You say you have a friendship - she trusted you enough to go into a hotel suite with you, so there's no reason why she won't trust you enough to be wined and dined.
If she knows you will abide by the "purely friendly" ground rules, I suspect you will both have a relaxing and enjoyable time. You'll also be showing each other that the relationship between you is a little more than just business, and that you have consideration for each other's feelings.
I suspect you'd both regret it if things changed substantially from what you do, and that both you and she would be saddened if you did totally break things off.
Phil W.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Why end it just based on what seems like an arbitrary length of time? It sounds like you're both having a great time.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
This post sounds like a joke from one of the Junkies! Ok blueboys, which one of ya is it?????? ;)
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I thought it was Sporty or MW having a go at parody. The writing is professional.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
OK, assuming this is for real.... What’s the problem? There are at least a half dozen dancers that I have been seeing for over 4 years now. If you are enjoying it and she still gives you the attention you want why change? What you are involved in here is a friendly business relationship. If you ARE getting tired of it, you need to be honest with yourself about it. I wouldn't just disappear after this amount of time. Business or not this lady has some time invested in you and it sounds like she's gone out of her way to keep you happy. I think you owe her more than a disappearing act.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Here's something to think about:
We live in a society where will pay for Cable TV, Satellite TV, TEVO, internet, all that stuff just to entertain ourselves and make us feel good. But we are reluctant to forking over $$ for live entertainment like the theatre, concerts, dance and let's not forget SC's and their loyal performers....
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
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Originally Posted by The Other Owner
I thought it was Sporty or MW having a go at parody. The writing is professional.
I think I can take that as a compliment— thanks! Katrine and Owner, my post wasn’t intended as joke or a parody. Reading back now, I apologize if it came off that way.
I’ve been a lurker of this board for a few weeks now. During that time I’ve enjoyed reading the posts placed by its members. There’s a wonderful sense of community here. I thought it was time to share the experience I was having with my ATF and so I posted it in my own style. The story is very true.
Thank you all for responding and for the advice. Phil-W said it, “… so what's the problem?” You’re right; I don’t think I have a problem. As many of you said, I’m still enjoying my time with my dancer, so why end it? I think I was just rambling off thoughts that came to my head when I realized that my regular/dancer relationship wasn't forever.
Lots of things come to an end. Take our lives, for example. We’re all mortal. That doesn’t mean we should stop living? My regular/dancer relationship will eventually come to an end. Does that mean I should stop having one hell of an awesome time? I don’t think so! No worries, if I do decide to end my relations, I’ll be sure to let her know. She’s been wonderful, and deserves the respect.
I did take the advice that some of you posted. We did cut back the time spent. We talked about it and she said it was a good idea. It’s been 2 weeks since I saw or heard from her. This evening I received an email from her. She wrote, “Do you miss me?” I think you all know how I replied.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
i thought you were talking anout me!until you got to the private show. you know, it won't be that easy to leave, you can try it, but i know you'll be back to see her.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
If u can afford it and enjoy it then I dont see what the problem is ?
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Are you out of your freaking mind?.... Sounds like a great entertainer.I wouldn't mind that kind of attention,but anyways... I would find another girl and slowly buy less from her.If i were you i would keep her though... Good luck finding another like her if you decide to end it....
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
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Originally Posted by tootsie
i thought you were talking anout me! until you got to the private show. you know, it won't be that easy to leave, you can try it, but i know you'll be back to see her.
Once a junkie always a junkie...
You're right! I don't think it will be easy to leave. She's just too awesome. Is there a support group I can join to help kick the habit?
Hello, my name is WrenStar. I'm a Strip Club Junkie, and I'm addicted to my ATF. ;)
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I'm with those who don't get the problem. You've got the money, everything seems fine, there are no problems. So, what's the problem? Let it ride...:)
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Amazing ML,
You're drifting into the arena of offerring useful insight and advice./:O
Do you have a thermometer handy?:)
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I am sure you have heard of "f*ck buddies"--well you are a "fun buddy, who pays". From the tone of what you have written you sound like a pretty reasonable "nice guy". What dancer would not want to hang out with a nice guy who pays money and is not all grabby and demanding. So you do not do the present/GF thing. You are a Reliable source of income. Any dancer would do very reasonable politeness things and maybe a few added touches and flourishes for a nice guy.
You are both in great shape as long as you both keep it in perspective and do not get emtionally involved unless you both want to, and know you both want to (no wishes /guesses--say it). She is a good time and you appear to be too.
PS you really ought to talk to her about it, not us.
Just be pokite and considerate.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
Amen,
All you are to her is money. These girls really don't care about you, all they want is ur money.
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Originally Posted by Madcap
You're thinking too much. This isn't worth five minutes of thought.
Are you enjoying it and having fun? Then have at it.
Is it getting to be a hassle? Then walk away, she'll find someone else to pay her light bill, trust me.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
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Originally Posted by merely_lurking
I think there is a problem. WrenStar says that he doesn't want to be her regular anymore in the title, and later says he is addicted to her. I don't think he could stop seeing her if he tried. I would mix it up with some other dancers and try to ween yourself off of your ATF. It sounds like you are really hung up on her and that you are not entirely comfortable with feeling that way.
Interesting point ML. I did say my relationship with her is some sort of mix between friendship and business, and I realize it can never ever go further than that. I may be getting way into her and I’m not comfortable with it. So, I react by saying, “I don’t want to be her regular anymore.”
I really should talk to her about it.
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Re: I don’t want to be her regular anymore...
I doubt she is going to tell you what you need to hear. She seems like an excellent businesswoman and will tell you what you want to hear. She isn't going to give up a source of income so easily.
Alas, I remain quite content to avoid regulars because I never deal with drama like this.....