Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
what should I tell the customers when they ask if I have a boyfriend? (I dont have a bf but i do have a steady gf almost 3yrs now). But what do you all think I should tell them. I find that If I say yes they might act uninterested but If I say no then later on they keep asking me out and give me their numbers. Plus next time they visit again they wont talk to me because i never called then back.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I'm a big believer in honesty. In addition, when you confront something like this head-on, you eliminate all resistance. I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Clear and Present Danger. When confronted with the fact that some of his close friends were murdered for drug smuggling, the President of the United States was thinking he should cover up the issue somehow to avoid a scandal. Jack Ryan (played by Harrison Ford) told the President that he should take a different approach. If asked if he knew the people, he should say that they were close friends. If someone asked if they were close friends, he should say they were in fact best friends. If someone asked if they were really best friends, he should say there were life-long friends. By taking away all the energy of a comment like "do you have a boyfriend" you elimite to issues by saying yes.
The first is that if someone is just interested in asking you out and not interested in dancing, you've figured out early that he's not a good customer. In addition, some guys just don't care, they're curious. By saying, "yes, I've been dating someone for a while and he's just the greatest guy on earth. I especially love him because he's so comfortable with me doing what I do and having fun with guys such as yourself. Tell me, where are you from?" etc.
One other way out (should you decide to go this way because it's true) is to say, "yeah, I am dating someone and SHE is just awesome" If anything, it will pique the guy's interest quite a bit and also let him know that you are not available for dating.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
Thanks! you make a lot of sense. I'll try that next time.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I firmly believe in a policy of "don't ask, don't tell" regarding the boyfriend issue, but if the customer brings it up, you have to consider their motivation for doing so.
Motivation #1 - They're just curious and are trying to make small talk.
Motivation #2 - They're trying to ask you out
Either way, a "yes I do" isn't really going to hurt you. I'd even suggest dancers without boyfriends say that just to save themselves some drama.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I very rarely lose a customer or cash when I tell them the truth. Yes, I have a boyfriend. And tobe honest? Most of those few guys who lose interest after finding out that I'm not single end up asking out half of the other girls I work with... so it wasnt that their fantasy was shattered, it was that they wanted me to leavw with them.
I always tell the truth when asked about my relationship.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I agree with the truth. Besides you would hate to get caught up in a lie if you cant keep your story straight makes for bad business.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
So, for the majority of my dancing, I've been honest, at least if directly asked about it. I started rather recently not being so honest.
custy: So, you married/dating someone?
me: nope!
custy: why not??
me: the last guy didn't like my dancing [true] so I'll just be a single dancer for now.
Yeah, I sometimes get the guy that pesters me for a date. I pester them for a dance. I've noticed, even if I do say I have a boyfriend, there are some still persistent ones!
"he'll never know" "what's he got that I don't??" morons! I don't know if there is too much of a difference with my money, as I've been at different clubs, but it has helped in not talking about things remotely related to dances/vip/etc.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
The only time when saying that I had a boyfriend really hurt my earnings was when we were working at the same club and I told customers about it. They said "oh, I guess we can't go for a dance because I don't want him to be mad at me"
I think as long as your boyfriend is an abstract thought, a faceless, nameless guy that the customer has never and will never see, it's fine to tell them you're involved.
In the case of having a girlfriend, I think it's a good idea to say something like "I have a girlfriend and I love her blah blah blah, and we love threesomes" it;s not like a threesome is ever going to happen, but at least they feel like they still have a chance, or at least still interested in you.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
For those who are single, like myself, we can use a response anywhere from just plain "yes, i'm single and loving it" to "yes I'm recently single and just enjoying time with my friends right now"
Whenever I get those annoying "come home with me" "let's go out to dinner" people... I say something along the lines of "Please forgive me I cannot do that as I am just recently left a relationship and just want to spend time with my friends right now" or "Please forgive me I cannot do that as I am just too busy/need sleep/it's illegal"
;D
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I always say that I am seeing someone but it isn't that serious. Even if I am or not.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
Hmmmmm...I'm newly single after a long time. I think I'll go with the truth finally ;)
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I wear my wedding rings every night that I work. I find it has little to no bearing on my ability to sell dances and VIP.
The only customers that won't buy a dance from me are the ones who are either looking for a hooker or looking for a girlfriend. Either way, those customers tend to be the ones who want to take you outside the club and pay you less than what you can make inside the club.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I always tell them I do have a boyfriend (which is the case). It doesn't affect my money. I prefer telling them the truth because I don't like to lie anyways, most customers know that a lot of girls in my club do have SOs,the know that there is no outside the club anything with me regardless, and if you do lie they're will always be that one girl that will tell them the truth about you. Honesty is the best policy...cliche,but true
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
i tell them i'm single, if i have someone or not. for me it's almost like a privacy issue. i don't care for them knowing anything too personal about me. some customers even find out if a have a guy. fine. but it is never a spoken topic. i have worked at clubs where guys would compliment another dancer to me, then state that they could never get a dance becuz she had mentioned something about a husband.
that's cool that most girls here don't come across that problem. but i've worked at smallish clubs where regulars provide you a large portion of income. whether they intend on asking the girl out or not, even if their married also, their fantasy is that there is some element of hope that a young beautiful woman would want to spend time with them. "i'm single, cautious of meeting the right guy, have to be careful for i've been burned before in this dating thing, i have to get to know you better", etc.
it may not always be honest, but i see it as role playing.
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
like lil says in coyote ugly "be available without being available"
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
I think I hit on something this week:
Him: Are you married?
Me: I'm not telling
HIm: why not?
Me: Because if I ma married, nobody wants a dance with me. If I'm single, everybody wants a date.
OR
Me: Because I prefer to reamin shrouded in mystery
Then they try to trip you up and make you tell them. I jsut use the Mona Lisa technique!
Re: Boyfriend or no boyfriend?
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Comedic route: "Yeah, my boyfriend is George Washington. Gimme a $1 bill and I'll turn his head into a mushroom."
"Yeah, he's a Pole. He's gotta lotta brass too." (Apologies to polecat!)