Something really weird happened to me last night....
It was VERY slow yesterday, like no $$$ slow, like we didn't tip out slow.. Obviously I hate those nights because of the money factor but I also hate them because I have WAY too much time to think and when I do that I am not Celeste anymore, I am just me.
So in an effort to make some more $$ I started talking to a potential custy and got a dance from him... We went upstairs, I started to dance and I could tell he REALLY liked it right away. I usually dont mind this so much but it was my second custy like that and I was feeling very uncomfortable, then I felt really anxious so I decided to stop not even a minute into the dance. I could'nt help myself, I HAD to stop. I was thinking to myself "What the fuck are you doing here, getting grabbed by this strange horny man.." I simply could not go on, so I told him and didnt charge him. I told him I was dealing with personnal issues and that it wasn't his fault, I just was feeling really bad. Obviously, this guy thought it was him. (he was fine, really) I felt bad for him but I had to stop.
I went into the dressing room totally freaked out and just stared into space for minutes until the manager walked him and asked me what was up. I told him the story and he told me I had my first reality check, that it happens to everybody at some point. (I've been dancing for a year.) He told me he was happy that I took the time to think about it and try to figure out shit instead of just going to the bar like most girls do.. and I told that now I understood why some girls become druggies or alcoolics... I dont want to be like that!!!
He told me that reality checks are bound to happen again and that's how you start hating your job and all the men that are there. That scares me alot because not only I need this job but I LOVE this job. After that, I refused all the men who wanted a dance from me and I botched my stage show; which is something I NEVER do.
I'm scared. Did this ever happen to you? How do you deal with shit like this? SW, I need you now more than ever.
