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Triggers
Girls, do you ever have a rape trigger that might occur at work? Meaning, you've been raped or molested in the past and a certain thing can 'trigger' the memories and turn you into a mess?
When I was a young girl I was raped by a Mexican and while I try my hardest not to be prejudice, I find myself disgusted by the idea of being sexual with a Mexican male.
I'm afraid this will effect how I work in the future. Do any of you other girls have this problem? How do you deal with it? I know stripping is a lot like acting and you pretend to like a customer even if they smell of fish or look like one.
How does a stripper deal with a potentially triggering customer?
:-[ :-[
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Re: Triggers
I dont like people going down the shirt touching my boob (thats what he did to me when I was 9) and that makes me think that its him and it kinda makes me think back as well.
Thank god no one touches my boobs at the clubs here.
Well, you may not get alot of mexican customers at your club; however, if you do I suggest blocking it out if you MUST dance for them. Maybe, try to think about other things. For the long run I think everyone who has been molested/raped male or female should confront themselves on what really bothers them. Sometimes we have to re-learn how to take control of things like this..to stop reoccuring triggers. You have probably been to counseling but a little peace of mind it never a bad thing to talk to someone or read about overcoming it again.
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Re: Triggers
Whatever you do,
DO NOT use the word B*TCH and refer it to me.
DO NOT grab my arms from both sides and try to restrain me.
DO NOT act like you're going to raise your hand to hit me.
DO NOT proceed any further when I have told already you,"No!".
DO NOT try to pry my legs apart.
DO NOT push me.
These are just some of the things that are my triggers.When I was 16,I was brutily attacked.Those are some of the things he did to me.
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Re: Triggers
I hate it when people get in my face aggressively or get near my face or try and grab my arms, etc, etc. It hasn't happened since I was young but just the thought wigs me out.
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Re: Triggers
I can't handle it when they take my head and push it down to their crotch. I don't know if it was a rape situation since I block stuff out a lot, but it makes me sooo mad. If I am doing a dance and getting down between their legs, I pin their arms down to the side. If they resist me, then they don't get that great part of the dance. I have a similar response when they grab my hips and try to grind me really hard against their crotch. I hate feeling forced to comply, I need to stay in control.........
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Re: Triggers
i had terrible triggers for awhile after it happened.. .like being locked in ANYWHERE.. cars, rooms, even bathrooms.i finally went to therapy and it helped sooo much. have you been? i went specifically for gettin a hold on my triggers and flash backs. .. like what to do.. how to handle it etc. it helped alot. i still can't be locked in cars or i freak the fuck out.. but its alot better now. good luck hon!
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Re: Triggers
One thing to remember..... You DO NOT ever have to give a dance to someone you aren't comfortable with, EVER. I have met men that give me a certain feeling and I WILL NOT give them a dance, no matter how much they offer.
That's the good thing about this job, it's your choice.
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Re: Triggers
well, I start tonight actually. And I'm afraid that an OLDER man will trigger me. I was raped by my boss when I was 16 (and a virgin ugh..) He was old enough to have a daughter OLDER than me. Also, he had a limp so that would probably do it too. I think that sucks because it's the older guys that have the cash too. I want to be positive and all that but I'm afraid something will trip in me and I'll run screaming out of the room! Ha! It was a long time ago, so I think I'll be ok.
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Re: Triggers
It's nice to hear other dancers have triggers and that I can simply refuse a dance. I'm sure there will be Mexican's at my club and I can probably stage dance for them but will probably get scared lap dancing for them. Good luck Heaven, I hope you don't feel scared or triggered. :3
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Re: Triggers
thanks lilith- I'll PM you with an update on how my night goes tonight. I hope that all us girls will always support eachother. Life is no place to be without friends. One of the other things that helps me in my daily life to deal with my scary feelings is that "I am in charge of my life and my body, no one can make me less of a person. EVER." That is a mantra I use often. If I get scared, I say that OUT LOUD! It helps a lot. ;)
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Re: Triggers
I'll remember that! Just gotta motivate myself and realize I'm my own person I suppose! ^-^ Eeee! I feel better.