a reason some of us cant hussle...
i have alwyas had issues with going up to custys and asking for dances,or even stage tips. i know im not the only dancer here like that....
if you find yourself in the smae train of thought
" im scared of what he will think of me asking for a dance"
"what if he knows im only talking to him for the money"
"what if he thinks im being greedy"
"im nervous of his reaction"
etc
if any of your reasons for not hussling hardhout, ahs to do with HOW you will be perseved by the custy, or how they might think of you,or being rejected etc, you might want to make sure you dont have these feelings in other areas of your life.
if you avoid doing anything, in the worry/fear/anxiety that you will do somehitng wrong/fuck up/look bad/do/say anything silly in the eyes of the other person, you may want to eliminate the possibility of social anxiety.
the bit ive copy and pasted is just the basics, but worht getting detailed info if any of that sounds like you...
DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA FOR SOCIAL PHOBIA
A. A marked and persistent fear of one or more social and performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms) that will be humiliating or embarrassing. Note: In children, there must be evidence of the capacity for age-appropriate social relationships with familiar people and the anxiety must occur in peer settings, not just in interactions with adults.
B. Exposure to the feared social situation almost invariably provokes anxiety, which may take the form of a situationally bound or predisoposed Panic Attack. Note: In children, the anxiety may be expressed by crying, tantrums, freezing, or shrinking from social situations with unfamiliar people.
C. The person recognizes that the fear is excessive or unreasonable. Note: In children, this feature may be absent
D. The feared social or performance situation are avoided or else are endured with intense anxiety or distress
E. The avoidance, anxious anticipation, or distress in the feared social or performance situation(S) interferes significantly with the person's normal routine, occupational (academic) functioning, or social activities or relationships, or there is marked distress about having the phobia.
F. In individuals under age 18 years, the duration is at least 6 months
G. The fear or avoidance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition and is not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g., Panic Disorder With or Without Agoraphobia, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or Schizoid Personality Disorder).
H. If a general medical condition or another mental disorder is present, the fear in Criterion A is unrelated to it, e.g., the fear is not of Stuttering, trembling in Parkinson's disease, or exhibiting abnormal eating behavior in Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa
_________________
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
That's an interesting theory, though I think it would be a rather mild social phobia if you were able to handle all of the other aspects of the job, like getting undressed in front of a crowd and talking to strangers all night.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
It took me a long time to learn to close a sale, dancing or otherwise, and even longer once I learned the technique to really get comfortabel doing it. I think in my case it had more to do with my "nice girls don't" upbringing and constant criticism for being "too aggressive."
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
I'm with Colleen, I used to be terrified of actually asking for a dance - I could talk to the customer a bit, but wasn't too good at holding the entire conversation. I was scared that I'd ask at the wrong time and boom, the sale would be lost. Finally, I kept telling myself "you aren't making money by not asking, either." [This also applied to when to talk to the customer after he has sat down]
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
^^ good point CL. I felt the same way until the end of my 1st dancing experience. I was so burnout from not really looking at my sales skills and making on avg of 150-200/shift...the once lucky 600 was from traveling and didnt come often enough.
I believe it sometimes is a emotional phobia...on stage you are the star but on the floor w/ a custy you are another set of pretty eyes w/ boobs and have to do your best to stand out.
It also might be a fear of competition. Some people really cant stand to compete w/ other people in any setting. But, there are many ways to overcome this type of phobia...you just have to commit yourself to do it.
I dont really have this anymore..Ive been reading "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or less" and Im only to about page 21 and its been helpful so far. Its a general book where you can apply these techniques to any situation.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
that book sounds interesting...ima gonna keep an eye out for it.
its possible to have social anxiety when talking to someone,yet have no real probs with getting naked. its possible to shut out certain things,and only be affected at some points.
the competition thing- i have never been one to compete, if im on stage with a "hot chick" ill just put in no effort, not bother etc, i mean, Why? they wont wanna tip me anyways, not when they got someone hot to look at at. same goes for talkign to custys. why would they wanna take me for a dance when theres all these other hot chicks, meh its not worth bothering, ill sit in the dressing room instead. ha and thats what happens.my manager knows, so shes pretty cool with who i get rosetered on stage with each night....usually the uhh lesser looking girls. thats not an insult to them, but if i went on with anyone pretty i crumble.
if i go on with those who are ugly, then we just have a great time,joking around etc, and usually, i get them booked aswell.
meh.
enough sharing... hehe
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
mermaidnz!
Have you seen my avatar? Granted, that is not the most flattering pic of me up there, but look, I am 36 years old and a little on the curvy side. But guess what? I am one of the top earners in my club, consistently. Every custy has his own idea of what's hot, and I sell a lot of guys who will not give the younger, skinnier, prettier girls the time of day!
Sales and confidence are skills you can learn. Get that book TM mentioned, or Psychology of Selling by Brian Tracy, or HOW to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegy. Take it one skill at a time and practice until you feel like you have it down, and then learn another one.
At any rate, I acknowledge that social anxiety is a genuine disorder that sometimes requieres professional help, but I also know that learning some skills can give you the confidence to get out there and at least ACT like you are not anxious.
As far as what the customers think, who cares? Your only concern is that they think enough of YOU to part with some of their money. If they can't see what a treasure you are, shame on THEM!
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
I took acting classes when I was about 9. The best thing I learned that I've applied to dancing has been what my acting coach taught me about overcoming stage fright. She said,"When you're nervous about performing on stage, think of your audience. They consist of your friends and strangers. If you mess up your friends won't think any less of you - they won't care less about you. The strangers - who cares what they think - you'll probably never see them again." I thought of this the 1st time I went on stage, anytime I've been nervous to approach a new customer & I tell it to every newbie I meet who has stage fright.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
Quote:
Originally Posted by colleen
mermaidnz!
As far as what the customers think, who cares? Your only concern is that they think enough of YOU to part with some of their money. If they can't see what a treasure you are, shame on THEM!
So true. The guys who go to the club are there to buy dances from the girls who work in the club. That's the whole point.
Yes, you will have some freeloading cheapskate losers who are just there for a free peep show if you work in a club that does not have a cover charge and offers really cheap drinks. Most guys who want to buy dances will not go to cheesy cheap clubs because they know that the girls will also be cheap and cheesy. Also most guys know that dancers who work on the slow shifts that offer the free cover and cheap drinks are usually not very good looking (with the rare exception of those who actually choose to work those slow shifts for whatever reason).
Most clubs weed out the losers by charging a cover and having steep drink prices. What guy would want to pay a cover charge and $10 per beer to be ignored by the dancers. It's your job to ask the customers if they want a dance. They know that. That is why they go there. ;)
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
Quote:
Originally Posted by mermaidnz
i have alwyas had issues with going up to custys and asking for dances,or even stage tips. i know im not the only dancer here like that....
if you find yourself in the same train of thought
" im scared of what he will think of me asking for a dance"
"what if he knows im only talking to him for the money"
"what if he thinks im being greedy"
"im nervous of his reaction"
etc
if any of your reasons for not hussling hardhout, ahs to do with HOW you will be perseved by the custy, or how they might think of you,or being rejected etc, you might want to make sure you dont have these feelings in other areas of your life.
if you avoid doing anything, in the worry/fear/anxiety that you will do somehitng wrong/fuck up/look bad/do/say anything silly in the eyes of the other person, you may want to eliminate the possibility of social anxiety.
OK, a customers point of view.
Firstly, remember no one can read your mind. They can only make a judgement based on your words, body language and general attitude. If you can keep your doubts well hidden, (and from my experience of talkng to dancers, every dancer has doubts at one time or another), then you'll be the only one who'll know.
What will I think of you asking me for a dance? Depends entirely on how you project yourself. There are some girls who are are very obviously money hungry, and there are some girls who are genuinely pleasant. Help's if you come across as one of the latter.
Do I know you are only talking to me for the money? Sure I do - what you have to do is convey the idea that you have a little bit of a liking for me as well, and that your motive is not purely financial. (You don't have to actually like me, just give the impression that you do.)
Do I think you're being greedy? Not if you are charging the "house rate", and you invest 5 - 10 minutes in conversation before you ask me if I want a dance. The only time I'll think you are greedy is if you do the "wanna dance" routine right on walking up to me.
You're nervous of my reaction? Perhaps I'm a little bit nervous of you. After all, I'd like you to think I'm an OK guy, and not a bloke who behaves like an ars&*ole around naked women.
Finally, you're working in an artifical environment. Most dancers I know adopt "persona" when working, and that persona might be totally different to their real personality. Go to work with a persona and remember that it is only work.
Picking up on an earlier point, your family or friends will not come to the venue, and they're the only people that you should worry about "do[ing] something wrong/fuck up/look bad/do/say anything silly" in front of.
So what if you fuck up in front of a customer. Are you going to see him again, except perhaps at work? Is how this guy thinks going to affect your relations with family and friends? Don't worry about the occasional mistake at work - it doesn't affect how your family/friends view you, and in the final analysis that's all that counts.
Phil.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
so far i've never been hustled. i've always lurked till i've found the one I wanted and asked her for the dance while she's at the bar. the ones i like rarely can contain their glee when you ask them.
almost everyone of them has lost their composure when i use my my now famous line "can i burrow u?" not a single dance has been able to keep a straight face after that corny of a line.
alot of them will treat you different if you as the custie ask them if they wanna dance.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
wow, thanks for that phil :) its all stuff i KNOW, but with anxiety,even tho you know the thoughts you have are irrational its a lil hard to get over it and think logically in that sense. im gonna print this out tho,and take it to work,as a reminder from someone elses perspective (custy's and dancers) and a reaosn to motivate myself into thinking otherwise about custys attitudes towards me :)
still... i know other dancers have social anxiety issues....and it does screw with our hussling technique sometimes.
the persona definatly works, but it takes some real talent to keep up an entire fake personality for 9 hours a day,with difficult customers....hey everyone has their doubts about themselves at some stage....
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
Quote:
Originally Posted by mermaidnz
its possible to have social anxiety when talking to someone,yet have no real probs with getting naked. its possible to shut out certain things,and only be affected at some points.
I am actually seriously, debilitatingly shy and awkward in real life. And, really, it's not so cute anymore because I am not a 20 year old kid. I have like 4 nerve related impulse control disorders (my nails are always bitten down to the quick, for one). I won't go swimming because I don't like to wear bathing suits. I wear sports bras so that I have no cleavage. And yet, at work, I am a completely different person. I'm not fake, I'm still myself; I'm just a different self, and it feels as entirely natural in that context as not being forward does in other contexts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid
the competition thing- i have never been one to compete, if im on stage with a "hot chick" ill just put in no effort, not bother etc, i mean, Why? they wont wanna tip me anyways, not when they got someone hot to look at at. same goes for talkign to custys. why would they wanna take me for a dance when theres all these other hot chicks, meh its not worth bothering, ill sit in the dressing room instead.
You stop that right now! Right now. First thing - never look at it as a competition. The other girls are not your competitors. They are your coworkers. You are all working together. This is a helpful fiction even when the fiction status is being rubbed in your face - we all let it lapse sometimes, but just try to pick it back up and reapply. Second thing - I'm sure (sure, I say!) that you are every bit as hot as any girl on the stage. Do not, even internally, ask why I am sure of that, just accept it. Third - guys are not generally looking for the hottest girl, in any empirical sense. They are looking for the most entertaining girl; so your "hotness" (even if, by some strange fluke, you are not as hot as I am SURE you are) is constantly neogotiable in conjunction with your other "entertaining" traits - these would be charm, humour, mileage, genuineness, originality, dance ability, flexibility etc. Like I can't wink. I am phsyically unable to close one of my eyes at a time. I'm sure this has cost me at some point. Those customers that have winky fetishes just pass me right by.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
Socialphobia actually runs in my family (whether it be genetic or not, my grandmother had it, her mother had it), and I started having symptoms just a couple yrs ago. Dancing has really helped me overcome it though, so I will never have as severe a problem as my grandmother does. I'm glad to say I have just about fully overcome it, and now I'm a great hustler. :)
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
thats great jessica!!!
yeah my dad is just the same as me,and my mums dad,my grandfarther also seems to have something similar.
Re: a reason some of us cant hussle...
I actually got into dancing to help with my social phobia.
It has helped me alot in the past 3 years. I made myself get over whatever problems I had, and I am a new and better person for it. Damn good therapy.:D