Re: bachelor party gone bad
Even IF he didn't hear the friends disrespecting you (LOUDLY calling you a BITCH even), no decent boyfriend would ask his gf to strip for his friends. NOPE. NEVER. He's a piece of shit. I don't care if he gave you another chance on something last year or if you've been with him 20 years, that is a clear indication he has no respect for you.
Furthermore, I find it highly suspicious that of all the loud and blatant disrespecting his friends did to you, he didn't hear any of it. BULLFUCKINGSHIT!!!
I agree with cassidykarma, I bet anything if you look back at the 2yrs there are plenty of other times he's acted less than respectful. This very well may be the worst offense but IMO a definite sign of things to come.
I know you think 2yrs is a long time (you're 20-something right?) and alot of investment in this guy to just dump him. But seriously, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. To quote a friend of mine
DUMP THE MUTHERFUCKER
Re: bachelor party gone bad
This is precisely why I never wanted bfs to come to the club or see me dance, ever. Men can either know me in the club or as a friend, not both.
I think that your BF has shown his true colors. It's funny how most guys claim, "I'm not like other guys. I could never disrespect women like that," but get a few beers in him and see the results.
I had the same problem with my male friends seeing me. I danced in a college town, so word got around. The first thing that most of them would ask was, "Hey, you're gonna have to give me a free lapdance/free doorpasses to see you\show up as a feature for my birthday party." I lost a lot of friends who failed that little test. Unless he was an iron will and a heart of gold, guys are gonna lose respect for you when they discover that you are spread a little bit thinner than most girls for whom they have to put up a facade for.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
OMG!!!!!!!
Your so lucky!!!!!!
A moment of Truth!!!!
Clarity!!!!!!
bottom line!!!!!!
No more time wasted.
Its just my opinion,but this wont be the man you grow old with.
But you knew that driving over,you just needed to see the proof when ya got there.
I sure hope you saw it.
Congrats.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
I wouldn't nessessarily dump him because of this situation. My husband has been really drunk and humilating to be around, and instead of just "dumping him" I insist that he control his drinking in public. I'm okay if he wants to go an a bender every now and again (like at a bachelor party), but I'm not going to hang out with him while he is pounding beers.
Of course we are married and that is a much more serious commitment then simply bf/gf relationship. But these things would happen before we were engaged. I have also made some judgement mistakes.
I think all of us who indulge in alcohol, even if only ocassionally, have the day after reality check.
(making out with that stranger seemed like just harmless fun, hubby was PISSED!!)
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Quote:
Originally Posted by hannah83
yeah i know, i've done TONS of bachelor parties, but i've never felt like that before. I've never had guys be so rude. especially since they are our friends! You'd think they would be nice...
IMO they were not "our"friends,they were his.
You will see exactly how many,if not all,wont remain in your life(except as high paying customers)after you give this "boyfriend"his walking papers.
Quote:
my boyfriend has been apologizing ever since we got in the car to come home. (which took longer than expected b/c someone threw my keys into the grass ::mutters:: immature assholes.)
On his knees,in front of everyone there,and its still not good enough imo.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridgette
no decent boyfriend would ask his gf to strip for his friends. NOPE. NEVER. He's a piece of shit. I don't care if he gave you another chance on something last year or if you've been with him 20 years, that is a clear indication he has no respect for you
Ta Da!
The magic words.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Did he say anything while they were saying those awful things to you??
If he didn't then, he never will....
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Quote:
Originally Posted by hannah83
Not going to make excuses for him b/c i'm still upset at him but keep in mind that he was drunk.
Please please please DONT make that excuse for him EVER again...or youll be using it like it was a natural thing. Drunk or sober I dont care he should have never have asked you to dance for his friends. If he has ANY kind of respect for you he would not have asked you. He may be nice and you have been together for 2 years but that is also no excuse for the way he let you get treated that night. No f*ing way is that ever cool.
Like an animal (needs to be taught) he needs to no he should never ask anything like that of you again. I mean c'mon in front of his friends? No bf would want his friends to see his gf naked.
Just want you to happy, safe and sane.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigersMilk
Please please please DONT make that excuse for him EVER again...or youll be using it like it was a natural thing. Drunk or sober I dont care he should have never have asked you to dance for his friends. If he has ANY kind of respect for you he would not have asked you. He may be nice and you have been together for 2 years but that is also no excuse for the way he let you get treated that night. No f*ing way is that ever cool.
that....
with this.....
Quote:
He gave me a 2nd chance when i messed up a year ago...i think it's only fair i do the same.
and the amount of times he said......
"me so sowweey"
I see at least another year,with a possible two.
Quote:
Just want you to happy, safe and sane.
take it for what its worth from someone who either starred as the leading role,or has seen that movie many times and knows the ending by heart,or broken heart,you choose.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
First let me say I'm sorry you had to go through such a yucky situation.
And the guy who was so rude to you, well he's no friend to either you or your boyfriend.
Also drunk is not an excuse for behavior. Drunk may bring it to the surface but it's in a person to begin with so- now you know what these guys are made of ....
Re: bachelor party gone bad
A relelvent story, A neighbor was married to this dancer girl, she worked at this piece of shit club that is the worst type of club period. Dancers only get 5 dollars per dance, house keeps 15 so they forced into extras. Anyways, this kids friends would all go see her and try to coax her into giving extras to them...
barf.
My opinion, is that you should look at your profession like a doctor or a lawyer, never practice for people you are close too. You NEVER come out 100% there are always draw backs. These are the people that should love you because you're x's gf, not because you're a dancer.
Kick em in da nutz and go home. I agree with Bridg. He's a piece of shit.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Well, who can argue with all these people? I hope you are now convinced.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
don't dump him. He made a stupid mistake.
His friend's bachelors party was gonna be ruined and he got desperate.
If he's tiptoeing around you, it means he's sorry. If he blew it off and doesn't care...then dump him.
Shit goes wrong in relationships. That's a given. Whether or not people are remorseful shows whether they care.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
dump him. take him out like last weeks garbage. cant trust him.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
well, look at the bright side of things. Can you imagine how bad things would be for you if you HAD stripped down for all of those wankers?
Re: bachelor party gone bad
lol lovesexmoney, i'm so happy that i didn't strip for them. b/c i know they'd have been bigger asses than they already were. Mast you're right, i should never dance for those i know, and i've definately learned that lesson. And while you all point out VERY good reasons as to why i should dump his sorry ass, i honestly don't think i will. We've gone through alot these past 2 years, and I'm just not willing to throw it all away because of a stupid incident. I just wanted to know that i wasn't wrong for changing my mind @ the last minute.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Hey, I can respect that.
People stay with their SO after abuse or cheating. It could be far worse. In this realm, its still about what you want.
Granted I don't agree with him, it doesn't make him a bad SO. We all make bad decisions.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Are you still going to be friends with them??!!
Re: bachelor party gone bad
One of those situations that everyone in retrospect knows shouldn't have happened.
(1) You live in a small town, and you just outed youself as a dancer. I think your "normal" life went out of the window and you just became the "stripper". Sorry, but most men beome ar*eholes if they think they can meet/know a "stripper". Expect a load of stupid questions.
Also expect a load of bitchy questions/comments from any women. Half will be jealous because they've not got the body you have, and the other half will look down on you because you take off your clothes for a living.
(2) Your boyfriend is a ar*ehole for telling his friends what you do. I've got several friends who are dancers - the longest relationship going back 4 years. I have never, but never, told my more conventional friends what they do for a living because of the problems in (1) above. I care too much for them to put them in a position where they might suffer disrespect from judgemental people who don't understand the realities of a dancers life.
(3) Your boyfriend is an even bigger ar*ehole for asking you to dance. Most guys are curious about what a girls got under her clothes. If you had've danced, you'd have been on the end of umpteen whispered comments and smutty remarks.
Be under no illusions, you were asked to dance cos your boyfriend's mates were getting really turned on about seeing you naked. There's an erotic charge from seeing any girl naked, but it's far greater if it's someone you know.
My thoughts.
You were not wrong in backing out. I'd fault you for going there in the first place, but at least your motives were good: help out your boyfriend by giving his mate a good bachelor party. OK bad idea, but you were trying to be helpful.
I'd also say your bf is an ar*ehole, (that word again), for not getting you out of there when things started to get ugly. Sure, he's got loyalties to his mates, but he can solve those by getting you out of there ASAP and rejoining the bachelor do later.
I'd give your boyfriend two options.
(a) You dump him;
or
(b) He moves with you to another town where you can get another fresh start as a normal girl, and not the "stripper".
Phil.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Hanah
Far be it from be to tell anyone what to do with their bf situation. I've made enough dumb decisions myself.
But you definitely made the right decision in backing out of the party. I think your instincts were right initially, but you decided to try and help some people out. Stick with your insticts. And don't take your clothes off (for money) in front of guys you know. It usually only leads to bad things.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
no i'm not friends with those ppl anymore and if my boyfriend decides to remain friends with them, that's his business but i won't be around when they hang out. And I can't wait to move, but we bought a house a year ago so we're stuck here for another 3 years.
Re: bachelor party gone bad
I hope for your sake your man drops that bunch of friends.
Not only did they disrespect you, but at least that one fellow disrespected both you and your beau.
Good luck to you, hon :)
Re: bachelor party gone bad
I still say dump him but if you really feel you cant, stay with him but spread the cross dressing rumers behind his back. This might give him a taste of how it feels to have everyone whisper about you and judge you behind your back. ;)
Re: bachelor party gone bad
Another angle on this is you might not have gotten into this sitch if you were not so damned nice! Don't worry so much about fitting in or getting along or pleasing someone, especially at your own expense.
It seems to me you kept going back on your better judgement. Your Woman's intuition seemed right on the money on all accounts. All your first assumptions were right and you went against them. Like a curious girl in the horror movie who goes to investigate the blood dripping from her ceiling after a deathly scream; you knew it was gonna turn out bad. Right? hehe.
If somebody disses you stand up for yourself! If a situation seems bad get the fuck out. (which you did, which is cool...) I think your boyfriend would have had a better idea of what was going on if you had spoke your mind as it happened. Me, I would have went off on his friend like a rabid rapper with turets syndrome! It would have been the highlight excitement of the show believe me and I am normally a very quiet, shy girl...
It's fabulous to be kind and helpful, but I could see your willingness to help people be more useful to yourself, if you grew a bit more spine. You can't be in the business and let people walk over you. period. People will almost always take advantage of you given the chance. While you are performing or not. Know what you will do BEFORE you find yourself doing it or you will find yourself in more hurtful and dangerous perdicaments.
I was thinking dump the boyfriend at first too, but since you were so quiet about it and he's partially deaf, I thought this might be the better advice. It does sound as if he didn't know what was transpiring. Although, I think he should stay in the doghouse a little longer for a stupid idea like asking you to do it in the first place! lol.
You can't change the past, you can only change the future. So my advice would be to alter your mindset so that you don't get stuck in any situation like that again.
Take care,