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i am sending confusing signals about something else
i think, because i am litlle confused ,since i am not a male i am a fimale ,about that guys mind set is diferently than ouers-girls .
so i olweys flirt whith my custys ,even i try to find something attractive about tham,but it just me ,my way to do business...so next step they assume i am attracted to tham! and they start talking about OTC ..hmmm..and i am having realy hard time bring tham to reality .i still dont know wich way is most nicely to say - hey dude ,i got my personal life ,i am different when i am not at work ,i just take care of you because you are paying money to me ,cause i got bounderes and never want to cross tham .is it what i have to say tham ?!
why guys-custys dont want to be professional too?!
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
OK, when we can read this post, we will respond.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
If you can't find a way to get your custys to seperate YOU from your JOB you should stop talking to them OTC. You are setting yourself up for a dangerous situation that you obviously do not have the ability to get out of. Until you have the ability to tell them clearly...with NO misunderstandings...that "this is my JOB, not who I really am!" you need to stay away from custys OTC.
Kitty
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
o______o My eyes are bleeding. ;-;
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
i want add something , i am trying to do everything to be "worth" these 20 ,40,100 $ what guy spends on me ,so i am trying to give the best of me as far as dancing and communicating with him , because i want him come again to see me in a club and buy dance from me . but why he assumes that its time to push me meet him OTC ?!/?! its soo wrong..
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
If you aren't taking it otc, or hinting about it, or such, you aren't doing anything wrong.
It might hurt your money in the short term, but maybe you should talk more business when you are talking to him next.... today wasn't as good as yesterday, this guy who bought a dance from you was a jerk, that kind of stuff... maybe that'll brin him back to reality...
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
The key is to keep leading them on.
"Oh tonight? I can't tonight I'm going clubbing with friends."
"Oh tonight? Nah I'm really tired and need to catch up on sleep"
"I'd love to see you OTC when I get to know you better and I'm comfortable with you. Spend more time with me in the club and we will see where it goes (which of course is b/s) string them along and keep them coming back, work it for all it's worth. Eventually they will realize they aren't getting anywhere and will go away. If they display stalkerish or agressive behaviour at all them cut them off cold turkey and report them to the manager. Fantasy is our job, keep it alive.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by monicabi
I think, because I am little confused, since I am not a male, I am a female, about that guys mind set is differently than ours as girls.
Dead right. To you it's a job - all you're there to do is provide some entertainment for a few minutes.
For most guys it's a fantasy come to life. They arrive at a strip club believing that you're getting turned on being naked in front of them, that you're attracted to them personally, and that you might just meet them OTC.
These beliefs are one of the reasons that guys come to strip clubs. If they realised the truth, that you are just earning a living and that you have no intention of meeting them OTC, you would have a lot less customers.
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Originally Posted by monicabi
So I always flirt with my custys, I even try to find something attractive about them, but it's just me - my way to do business...so next step they assume I am attracted to them and they start talking about OTC...hmmm...and I am having a really hard time to bring them to reality.
Your flirting with your customers is confirming their fantasy. Because they "know" that you are attracted to them, your flirting encourages them to think they can get a date with you OTC.
However, your flirting is one of the reasons why customers buy private dances from you, so don't stop it. What you have to do is gently discourage guys from wanting to meet you OTC.
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Originally Posted by monicabi
I still don't know which way is nicest to say - hey dude, I got my personal life, I am different when I am not at work, I just take care of you because you are paying money to me, beause I got boundaries and never want to cross them. Is that what I have to say to them?
NO!!! If you say to them you are different when you are at work, and your only interest in them is their money, (both of which are perfectly true), you will ruin their fantasy. If you ruin their fantasy, they will never buy a dance from you again.
Your customer went into the club, (convinced in his own mind), that he'll find a dancer that is attracted to him and that he could invite out on a date. One of the reasons that he brought a dance from you was he thought that you were that dancer. Tell him he's wrong, and he'll just buy dances from another girl in the hopes that he will get a date from that girl.
Foxey is right:
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Originally Posted by Foxey
The key is to keep leading them on.
"Oh tonight? I can't tonight I'm going clubbing with friends."
"Oh tonight? Nah I'm really tired and need to catch up on sleep"
Fantasy is our job, keep it alive.
Don't feel guilty about leading men on. They should realise that their $20 only buys a private dance and the chance to see you naked. If they make the mistake of thinking that their $20 buys them the chance to ask you for a date, that's their problem, not yours.
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Originally Posted by monicabi
I want add something, I am trying to do everything to be "worth" these $20, $40, $100 what guys spend on me, so I am trying to give the best of me as far as dancing and communicating with him, because I want him come again to see me in a club and buy dance from me, but why does he assume that it's time to push me meet him OTC? It's so wrong..
Again, you're doing nothing wrong with trying to be "worth" the money that your customers are spending on you. If you give them pleasing dances, if you try to be a pleasant with them as possible, then you're only doing the best job that you can - trying to give value for money.
Unfortunately, as you said at the start of your post, the male mindset is different from yours. You want to entertain your customers - they are more interested in getting a date. Finding tactful reasons not to meet customerers OTC is unfortunately part of a dancer's job.
They're wrong to ask you, but you can't tell them that without ruining their fantasy and the possibility they'll come back next week to buy more dances.
Phil.
PS: I'm guessing English is not your native language, so please excuse me for editing your post - I hope it made it easier for other people to understand it.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
I would advise you to NOT lead them on as above poster says. That is how alot of girls get in trouble.
I usually tell them that "I only work here" when they first ask. Then they either:
1) drop it. -- End of story.
2) ask if I'm "sure". I reply "yes I'm sure". They usually drop it after that.
3) say that he "wasn't talking about work". Then I usually make a joking remark, like "oh well don't you know I live here?", OR "hey I'm just part of the furniture here, you don't take the furniture with you when you leave", OR "don't ya know I'm just a figment of your imagination, and when the lights go on I disappear?" LOL That usually diffuses the situation and lets them know it's not gonna happen without screwing up the fun mood because I'm giggling and they're laughing at my jokes ;D
Sometimes they keep buying dances, sometimes not. I don't care either way, because when I'm done with them I'll be on to the next. If they stop buying dances because you say NO to them asking you out, they're just looking for some OTC activity and you won't get far with them anyway. If they keep buying, great. They're there to have a good time and you're part of it. NEXT!
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
It's a fine line between providing a fantasy for a customer and "leading them on"... I side with Bridgette on this one, as I think "strining someone along" potentially causes to much trouble for the dancers and customers. Yeah, customers should know that their just being "played" most of the time, but there are exceptions to this rule, finding out 'whose playin who" is the tough part.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
1-800-ABCDEFG
Hooked on Phonics Hotline
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
"I'm just a figment of your imagination, and when the lights go on I disappear?"
Quote of the day, right there! I love it!
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by Foxey
The key is to keep leading them on.
"Oh tonight? I can't tonight I'm going clubbing with friends."
"Oh tonight? Nah I'm really tired and need to catch up on sleep"
"I'd love to see you OTC when I get to know you better and I'm comfortable with you. Spend more time with me in the club and we will see where it goes (which of course is b/s) string them along and keep them coming back, work it for all it's worth. Eventually they will realize they aren't getting anywhere and will go away. If they display stalkerish or agressive behaviour at all them cut them off cold turkey and report them to the manager. Fantasy is our job, keep it alive.
Congratulations, you're describing Fraudulent criminal behavior. Not Fantasy. 'Leading a guy on' does not require lying to them to get their money... or have you no qualms when a car-salesmen describes a 4 cylinder Honda Civic as a ‘powerful V8”? charges 10k over sticker and it breaks down on your way home? Hey, should of known better I guess…
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
I don't like Hondas. I'm a Mopar girl myself.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by Foxey
I don't like Hondas. I'm a Mopar girl myself.
That’s great, I am quite obviously concerned more about my stutengarten. Now why don't you try justifying fraud. Its really too bad its not possible to press charges against strippers for this kind of shit.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
Now, just because a girl says she might go out with a guy and then does not, doesn't make her a fraud - it makes her a tease. Not saying it's right or wrong, but it doesn't really compare with selling cars. The customer is buying dances, and as long as he's getting what he paid for, there are no fraudulent actions there. If he chooses to pay a girl extra money for her to stay by his side longer, that is just another service he chooses to purchase. Nothing fraudulent about that.
Pressing charges against strippers - that's just bitter.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by Eques
That’s great, I am quite obviously concerned more about my stutengarten. Now why don't you try justifying fraud. Its really too bad its not possible to press charges against strippers for this kind of shit.
Oh, and going into a SC, knowing entertainment is what the girls are there to provide, but with the deliberate intention of getting a date, is not fraudulent behviour either?
It's a fantasy - end of story. (And that cuts both ways.)
Phil.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
Thank you all for replies . I guess ,i just have to except what Phil sayed: - Finding tactful reasons not to meet customerers OTC is unfortunately part of a dancer's job .And to stop constantly get upset:flamed: if my "good$" custys start talk about OTC.I am just soo afraid to lose customers and stay without income (smal club ,many girls..you know haw it now in SC's) . I even didnt work whole last week because of that problem -i promissed every my customer ( regulars at a club) to go out with tham (thinking in my mind ,oops, i did it again:worried: )
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
Originally Posted by Phil-W
Oh, and going into a SC, knowing entertainment is what the girls are there to provide, but with the deliberate intention of getting a date, is not fraudulent behviour either?
It's a fantasy - end of story. (And that cuts both ways.)
Phil.
I have known dancers that have married and dated "customers" they met at the club; I have also know dancers that intentionally deceive "customers" on the false pretenses that they really have PERSONAL "feelings" for them other than BUSINESS OTC, with the sole intention of keeping them as a "regular" ITC and as a platonic "sugardaddy" OTC. I do agree with Phil here somewhat that customers should assume and expect very little of what dancers tell customers to be TRUE. My favorite motto to keep in mind while going to clubs and deciphering fantasy b.s. from reality is "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS", and there is usually very LITTLE PERSONAL IN BUSINESS for the dancers no matter how up close and "personal" your lappers are.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by monicabi
I even didn't work whole last week because of that problem - I promised every my customer ( regulars at a club) to go out with tham (thinking in my mind ,oops, I did it again:worried: )
Ah, Monicab, there's your problem. You promised to see your regulars OTC.
What you have to do is to hold out the prospect that you might in the future, (when you've got to know them better), meet them OTC.
There's a big difference between a definite commitment to meet a regular OTC, and a vague promise to do so some time in the future.
What you've got to get away from doing is making definite promises. If I had a definite commitement from you to meet me OTC, and you didn't, I'd be annoyed with you.
If I had a vague promise from you that you might, at some time in the future, agree to meet me OTC, then, if I was interested, I might come into the club again with the intent of getting a definite commitment for you to meet me OTC.
If I left the club, and I still didn't have that definite commitment, then I might feel a little disappointed that I hadn't got a date from you - but that's a long way from being actively annoyed with you for promising to meet me OTC, then breaking that promise.
Don't give a definite commitment to meet any regular OTC - hold out the prospect that if they come into the club again, you'll think about it. (That's true enough - you'll think about it and you'll decide against it). That way you're not breaking any promises and hence annoying customers.
Phil.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
"Its really too bad its not possible to press charges against strippers for this kind of shit."
It's really too bad it's not possible to press charges against you for being naive. *insert eye roll here*
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by Viva Eva
Now, just because a girl says she might go out with a guy and then does not, doesn't make her a fraud - it makes her a tease.
In a bar, yes. In a stripclub, no. A stripper who lies in order to sell more lap dances is no different than a salesmen who lies in order to sell a car.
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Not saying it's right or wrong, but it doesn't really compare with selling cars. The customer is buying dances, and as long as he's getting what he paid for, there are no fraudulent actions there. If he chooses to pay a girl extra money for her to stay by his side longer, that is just another service he chooses to purchase. Nothing fraudulent about that.
Uh huh. Purchasing something under false pretenses is.... I'm sure you can fill in the blank.
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Pressing charges against strippers - that's just bitter.
Because being a stripper automatically makes it impossible to behave morally and lawfully?
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Originally Posted by Phil-W
Oh, and going into a SC, knowing entertainment is what the girls are there to provide, but with the deliberate intention of getting a date, is not fraudulent behviour either?
So what? I'm a poor deluded sap with a 150k in my pocket and I walk into a Porsche dealership. I start talking to the salesmen about how I want that awesome V-12 Tri-Turbo 928. Salesmen says 'right this way sir, that will be 150k..." sits me down in a 911 Twin Turbo and sends me on my way, my pocket now empty. Something wrong with that picture? Just because the guy is a poor deluded sap expecting a relationship doesn't give the stripper cause to commit fruad by falsely offering it. She's the professional and should behave professionally.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
I tell customers that I don't date and usually that is the answer they are expecting anyways.
As far as comparing a car salesman who sells a different car than the one agreed upon well, that seems different than selling lapdances--unless you are saying the date and the lapdances come as a package deal? I think she would need to start charging a lot more for those lap dances then.
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Re: i am sending confusing signals about something else
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Originally Posted by Foxey
"Its really too bad its not possible to press charges against strippers for this kind of shit."
It's really too bad it's not possible to press charges against you for being naive. *insert eye roll here*
Expecting professional behavior from a professional is naive? I suppose it is actually. Its really to bad that that is the case.
Since people don't seem to think the car salesmen example fits...
Caller 1: "Hi, I like the basics of your service and I've been subscribed for months but I'd really like to cancel since its not meeting all of present my demands"
Ruthless Telemarketer: "Well we're planning an upgrade to our service that should address all of your needs, it will be implemented in a month, if you're just willing to stay subscribed you get all of those new benefits."
Caller 1: "Oh well in that case..."
Two months later it repeats. Two more months later it repeats... and repeats until the caller finally decides 'soon' is not soon enough. Been paying that lovely subscription that whole time. And as far as pressing charges… well the company I used to work for got nailed for exactly what I just described. Funny thing is the owner of that telemarketing firm just set up another thats 'clean.' Delany, I think this example will more nicely fit the lap-dance to dating transition.
Foxey, I suppose its asking a bit too much of you to behave in a moral, lawful and dare I say ethical manner…