LOL - these are GREAT!!! I'm going to start using some of them when they ask the same stuff about my fiance.
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I'm an interior design major and everytime I tell a customer that they offer to get my number so I suggest a new paint color for their house. Nice try guys....
Problem 1: You are not getting my number for anything
Problem 2: Where are you going to tell your wife I met you
Problem 3: I am not done with school or practicing
Problem 4: Interior Design Majors have more important things than change paint colors go hire yourself a interior decorator
"You don't sound like you're from NJ!"
Actually. Yes, I do. This is what a girl born and raised in the middle of Turnpike-land sounds like. Yes, I understand that you once worked with someone from Bayonne and that they said cute things like "Joisey" and "fuhgeddaboudit," but that's because people from Bayonne sound like they're from Staten Island. Which is part of New York. Most of us sound like me.
since I work in a tourist city I get this a lot:
At home the girls do -------!
Anything goes!
this is new Orleans.....
They say it I'm going to laugh and say I know, I was just kidding we are a completely nude club and I dont have to use a pedastal on the floor and yes we do extras and yes I was joking the dances are not 20 they are cheaper
If they like it so much at the club in their town why did they come here, and when they tell me how it is at the club down the street I say that's great thais what I do when I work at that club and if you like if better over there why are you here
"Hey baby my name is Victory, No im not brazilian, im italian and greek, no im not lying...... yes i am italian and greek!! No i dont give handjobs sorry.
"If I was your boyfriend I would NEVER let you work at a place like this!"
Well, if I wanted a man to take care of me I wouldn't be here now would I!
If I wanted a man to tell me what I can and can't do I wouldn't be here now would I!
"Yes, my name is Kay. No you can't see my license to prove it. I've been doing this long enough to know that you don't pull down six figures a month, couldn't pay all my bills and prolly have a peen the size of my index finger. Yes I have a boyfriend. Yes he takes care of me. No he won't beat you up for buying a dance from me. Obviously he loves me because he lets me do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. I do this because I want to. I like victimising middle aged men and exploiting them out of their money just because I am "too pretty" to be doing this. Yes, the tits are real. Real expensive. No, you may not touch them, but you can watch while I do. That'll be $20. No, I won't grind on you. No, you can't touch my pussy, or anything else for that matter. I'd love it if you took me shopping, better yet just give me your Credit Card and the pin number, I'll take the other girls with me. You can stay home with your wife. "
blargh.
~K
haha I am totally using that one!
mine are not very unique, but it makes me wanna vom every time:
"will you come home with me for *insert stupidly low amount of money here*?
bitch, I wouldn't even let you lick the bottom of my feet for that much.
OH! OH! this one was a classic. it was from a man with a very heavy accent, he had to repeat what he was saying like 5 times because of the accent but also because I couldn't believe what I was hearing:
him: "you do sex?"
me: "ummm, sir, this is a strip club, not a brothel."
him: "you do sex here?"
me: "No!"
him: "what about the parking lot?"
me: :banghead:
I have no problem with prostitution, but please do not come to a butcher shop for produce. you won't find it, and you'll piss of the man with the big knife.
Yes , but do any of you actually reply audibly thia way? B/c i think if i did, it would blow any chance of getting their money.
I wAs born a smart ass, so many times i have to chomp my tongue to shut my mouth!
So, really, how do they respond when you say those things?
Yes, my real name is Lilith. Last name? Avalon. Yes, I have a middle name too, it's Pandora.
Yes, I have a boyfriend. Yes he knows I work here, and he loves it, because you fuckers want me, lust over me, and can't have me while he gets to go home with me. No, he's not the reason I don't want you disgusting, jacking off, nose picking, non-hand-washing fucks touching me (though he actually prefers custy hand 'residue' to the insane amount of hand sanitizer I bathe myself in when you douches DO touch). Oh, btw, he's that scary biker guy over by the dj who they let hang out as free security. And yes, we are looking for a third party, and no, you can't join us.
YES THEY'RE REAL! Why would I only get a b cup if I were to get implants?!
(To the creepy guys who do try tasting before I can get a chance to smack them away) I'll tell you why my hands taste so good; there's no toilet paper in the ladies room.
Yes I'm in college. Yes, I know I can do "better," meaning more acceptable. No, I don't want to.
No, I don't get off from grinding your 4" hard on through your pants.
I can walk in my 8" stilettos because I got practice stepping on custies' balls with them. Flat floor is EASY next to that.
My hobbies include weight lifting, rock climbing, martial arts, making poisons and combustible fluids, collecting and using weapons, and sewing.
I like raves. I don't do hard drugs.
No, I don't smoke and can't stomach being around people who are. But yes, I do smoke weed on occasion, but only with people I'm close with.
I do. All the time! (well I did,I dont dance much anymore) Sometimes it cost me money,but a lot of the time..esp if the guy I was ripping on was part of a group...it MADE me money. A lot of guys love a smartass(I'm a Jersey girl originally,so yeah...born and raised smartass here too!)and as long as you can take it as well as you give it(as in banter back and forth and bust on each other playfully...not actual verbal abuse) they LOVE it. Sometimes I bit my tongue if the guy seemed like the type to not have a sense of humor enough to appreciate it,but most of the time I dont.
Its one of the things I get the most fan mail about actually! I'm a total bitch/smartass in my cam shows,fan chats and on any sites I have(like myspace, and soon my own site)and they eat it up!
No I will not "work for it" for $1. Yes, I like girls. No I am NOT a lesbian for the last time! It doesnt matter anyway I will not go out with you. Actually I am not "too good for this" I like it and make more than you in less amount of time. Get that unsanitary dollary away from my cooch! Yes my hair is real, no you can not pull it. No you can not lick, touch, or just stare at my asshole! What is it with guys fascination with this, wtf? No you can not "lick me all over" ewwww. No I do not want fake boobs, I am happy with my A cups so if you dont like it fuck off.
Does anyone ever get this one...
"How long have you worked here?"
"X years"
"Really? Because I was here last Wednesday and I didn't see you."
(Well gee dude I guess I wasn't here *on that day*)
ohh a resurrection.
for years i've been doing this: when guys ask for my real name, i always reply, "for 100 bucks you can see my ID ;)"
i learned that either here or from some girls at an old club, i can't remember anymore. works like a charm to either shut them up, make some extra money, or at least find out if they're going to spend (not care, continue chatting) or if they're time wasters (freak out, make a big deal out of it). i've actually had a couple guys take me up on it, and of course they didn't actually want to see my id, so i just told them my real (first) name. :)
LOL Yeah thats so true
No, I wont go back to your place for 100, 500, 1000, OR 10,000. We all know you dont have that type of money anyway otherwise you'd actually make our time worthwhile instead of being a text book time waster.