how to talk about money gracefully
Hey Ladies! Hope you guys are doing well and making the big bucks! I have a problem talking about money with customers and hope that you guys can offer me some good advice on how to do it as gracefully as possible. I haven't been working at the club for a very awhile but recently I did and met this cute hottie that I think I might consider going out with.....part of me would see myself actually dating this guy but part of me is thinking that he's probably got a family so I shouldn't set myself up to be hurt so I should think of it as half business (money) half personal (his company would be enjoyable). He contacted me by email yesterday saying that he wants to have dinner with me when he comes back to town. I haven't done this before--but have considered--what I am doing right now actually, lol. He is cute, nice, and generous in the club. How can I bring the topic about money up and what's the usual amount and "procedure" for collecting the money? The tone of his email is very unbusiness like..like he really wants a date, you know. He seems to be a very successful businessman and have asked me to go to black tie events which kinda indicate that he is not afraid to let people he know sees me--maybe he is single or maybe it's just the distance from his home in another state,lol ? How can I bring up money topics with this kind of clientele--"gently". I haven't emailed him back yet...because I wanted to wait and see what you guys think. Hope you guys will reply, Thanks :)
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Tell him you can't afford to take any time off work right now, and see what he offers?
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Sounds like he wants a real date (or mistress?) and not an escort... you could milk him for presents, bills, etc over time (if you wanted) but it doesnt sound like he wants to pay you to go to dinner with him... but i dont have a whole lot of information to go off of. This is just from my experience.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
what Audrey said.... it sounds like he likes you, for real, if he wanted to pay someone he'd use the phone book
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
thanks everyone for replying so far....
Audrey, what other information should I post on here to make my question more clear?
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
First thing. You need to decide what you want out of the relationship. You mention that he's cute and stuff. Do you ever see it being all personal? If so, you should just go out with him and see what happens.
If your answer is, "well, he's cute, and nice, but I wouldn't consider seeing him without some compensation" then you're wanting to mix business and personal. Amelia's advice was a good way to raise the issue. But be warned, the more you ask from him moneywise, the more he will expect.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
I mean, really what was in the email. Was it more of a business like email or the type of email you would get from a would-be boyfriend... just analyze the email a bit more but I think hes interested more in a relationship than a business transaction and bringing up him paying you for dinner may scare him off from comming into the club and spending money on you. This is why I dont meet custys OTC... gets too confusing.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Hot professional guys go with the flow. If you have any feelings for him, he'll take you to dinner and as far as you're willing to go. If he wants you, he'll pay to keep the game going. If he finds someone in another club equally attractive and she's free, he'll go with her. Dancers are interchangeable to guys who don't bond. :-\
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
I think you are going to have to "make the choice." That being, letting the customer go to become a personal friend ... or letting the customer go with not being a personal friend. Either way - you are about to loose him as a customer. It is the way of things.
I think he is going to be mad when you bring up the idea of "compensation for a date." If the words "How much for your time" don't appear in his email then I don't think he is expecting to pay for it.
And if he was looking for a date (dinner) vs a "date" (you know what) then he is going to have a whole set of blanks to fit in his mind when you ask for the dollars... cuz in most people's minds - a date turns into a "date" when money is involved. He is going to look at you in a very different way taking it outside the club.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
Hot professional guys go with the flow. If you have any feelings for him, he'll take you to dinner and as far as you're willing to go. If he wants you, he'll pay to keep the game going. If finds someone in another club equally attractive and she's free, he'll go with her. Dancers are interchangeable to guys who don't bond. :-\
http://anarchy.soak.net/smileys/wtf.gif - what gave you the idea he's a 'guy who doesn't bond'?
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Quote:
Originally Posted by dlabtot
Good catch on that assumption.
I second that!
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
I think he'll get pissed if you ask for $$ outright. I agree with Amelia- tell him you can't take time off work, but you can sit with him for a bit AT work and you guys can talk (but of course he'll have to pay because the club will take a cut from you...or whatever).
Really, if you were interested in him 'that way', the idea of money wouldn't have come up. So, accept that he's a customer, albeit a pleasant one (yay!), and work it from that angle.
good luck!
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Quote:
Originally Posted by dlabtot
It's a possibility she has to consider. She may have no leverage here. She should ask around to see if he's done the "regular cycle" with other dancers in the club.
Unless she's working two jobs or seven days at the club, telling him she can't afford to take time off sounds totally lame.
I agree with Deogol: one way or another, the business part of this cycle is about to end.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
Thanks for responding everyone...you know what....I think it might be better if I pass now that I really think about it...YOu guys are the best, I'm glad I posted my question in the forum, it gave me time to think about things instead of just making decisions compulsively. But now how can I cut this "thing" off with him, should I just ignore his email? wouldn't it be weird if he comes to the club looking for me? what should I do?.....dammit this is the reason why I should just do my "job" at work and not think about "stuff" when I am not working. It's just hard sometimes... I also have weird flashback the day after work too, don't know if this happens to anyone else
Thanks everyone =)
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
why not just write him back and say no? He's an adult right? Most people will react better to a polite no than to being blown off.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
If you like him enough then the idea of dinner with him without payment should seem pleasant enough. I would just go on the date and if he pays you he pays you, if he doesnt, then you had a nice meal with a man you like.
Re: how to talk about money gracefully
I got caught up in one of these as a wing girl. My friend went out with her customer for money, I was there because she didn't want to go alone. Fast forward a couple more dates, where she'd give me a cut to go out with them. I'm a very clingy friend, see. If only I wasn't codependent, she'd probably go to his hotel room. Damn me! Fast forward to me meeting 'them,' and her standing 'us' up. I got the money, and got drunk for free. Whatever. Somehow I turned into 'the' girl. Which was fine. He knew I had a boyfriend. I went to dinners, concerts, and football games for free, and got paid. Sweet. Then... His wife starts contacting me. A lot. A lot, a lot. It ended after a couple days like this, 'Lady, I'm a stripper. Dick falls from the sky. He's not that cool. I didn't single out your family to destroy. He told me he was divorced, which has no bearing, since I didn't sleep with him. Believe it, or not. I've tried being nice. Obviously your problem isn't with me. Take it up with your husband, and leave me the hell out of it. Assume I slept with him, or believe I didn't. Makes no difference in my life, only yours.'
Not a fun place to be... When the wife shows up from Chicago.
Mental note: When charging for dinners, or going to them for free, make absolutely sure there's not a wife or a girlfriend.