Re: Wanting to dance but...
if he respects you as a human being, then why would aa change in career affect that?
You are not defined by your job, but how you treat yourself and others. it's so insigniciant.
If he's serious about marriage and you really want to marry him, he should step up to the plate. It's your life that you ahve to think about first. And it's your right to choose a relationship over a job, but make sure it fulfills you and gives you what you want.
Do you really need the extra money from dancing?
Re: Wanting to dance but...
I do need the extra money... Im having a hard time catching up on my bills. Waitressing at this club brings in good money on a thurs fri or sat... but any other night and your lucky to walk out with $100 after tip out and they pay below minimum wage per hour and your lucky to get three shifts a week. I've tried day jobs but I just cant seem to do both and a day job doesnt pay enough. Living in Toronto is expencive. Plus dancing is something i've wanted to do for years but just wasnt confident enough in myself to try it. Now that im getting offers to dance I really want to give it a go. And the fact that my bf thinks I would be dirty if I dance is really making me wonder... I dont think dancers are dirty... some are most arnt. Its just how you want to present yourself to the customer.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is clear about his feelings. He knows that he can't handle you stripping for living, and has told you as much. If you do decide to strip then you are basically telling him his feelings aren't as important as your need for cash.
There is no real good way to sell him on the idea. If you want to go forward with stripping, then be prepared to end your relationship. He can't handle it.
Also keep in mind that if you wish to make more money as a stripper then a waitress, you are most likely going to have to provide some contact to your customers. If some girls do it and some don't, I'd be willing to be that the ones that don't also aren't making as much as you are as a waitress.
just a thought.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
Cally...I say go for it! If this is something that you've always wanted to do than you have to do it or it will eat away at you. Your boyfriend should understand that it's something that you WANT to do for yourself not that you HAVE to do! He should support you in whatever it is that you decide to do. Has he ever been to a strip club? If so, why is it that he doesn't think you should work at one? You already work there so I can't imagine that it's much different, you're just naked and having a hell of a time when you're on stage.
Good luck to you girl!
Re: Wanting to dance but...
I don't know about y'all, but I don't think that the boyfriend is the bad guy for not wanting his girlfriend to strip. Yes, if she wants to do it she should be able to go do it, but she also has to realize she might lose her man. And he isn't wrong for not supporting her here. Not all men can live with their girlfriend taking off her clothes and pleasing other men for money. Luckily enough for some dancers, there are great guys who are okay with that, but I am sure most dancers would agree that they are hard to find. It is a choice, and it is your choice, but if you want to go through with it you need to deal with the consequences. In my opinion, if you really love him, don't do it. If you do it, be prepared to deal with some drama, and the fact you might lose him. If you don't do it, and things don't work out with the two of you, you can always give it a try after the relationship has ended.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
And if he is really serious about you, "talks of marriage" and all, and doesn't want you stripping, he should think about helping you out financially so that you don't need to do that.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
My boyfriend didn't want be to become a dancer at all. He is very protective of me and hated the idea of me dancing for other men. We had plenty of fights over it...and the situation seemed hopeless. I thought I was going to have to choose one or the other. However, one night I gave it one last shot and calmly explained to him my true intentions for wanting to try dancing. I told him how much money I owe in bills, school tuition, and sorority dues. I explained to him that my credit, my school, and my sorority are extremely important to me as they are all things I have worked for. I explained that I really was miserable, as I was stuck in that stage where you feel like you owe everyone something. To pull myself out of it and start over would take a lot more than what I would make at an average day job. After this he began to see that I wasn't just looking for an excuse to flirt...I really had good intentions. Once he realized how important it was for me to do this for myself, and that it could actually benefit me, he became my number one supporter. I agree with those that state that this isn't something necessarily worth losing a relationship over, but don't give up trying to get him to understand your point of view.
XOXO,
*Naomi*
Re: Wanting to dance but...
I am in the same boat as you, Cally. I need the money desparately, but I am not dancing due to my boyfriend. In my case, he knew several girls that dance in the clubs in our area, and so he knew more about the lifestyle that goes on. He was not worried about me taking off my clothes for money, but because he was scared of the drugs and the dealers and the pimps that congregate in these clubs. He was worried about my involvement in the scene, and was honest when he said that he couldn't deal with that again (an ex of his is a dancer).
So I had to sit down and think about it. Even now, when debts seem about to strange me and everything sucks hardcore, I know that he is really stubborn. And I am not ready to lose our relationship yet. I am going to dance someday, I know that. But I would rather put that off for a while to stay a little longer with him.
So I guess, the only thing that I can say is, talk some more. Be completely honest with him. Offer to take him to the club so he can see what a good environment it is. And if he still isn't supportive of the idea, you need to sit down and take measure of what is more important to you. In the end, you are the one who is going to make the decision, not your boyfriend.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
There's a difference between a partner saying "I don't think I can cope with the secondary stresses of your job" and a partner saying "Strippers are all DIRTY and if you become one you'll be DIRTY too."
The first is a mature response that gives you room to work thngs out.
The second is childish and jealous, and displays a complete lack of trust in you and respect for you as a human being.
That's a bad news boyfriend, if you ask me.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
The thing is... hes an amazing boyfriend. Hes helped me through so many things. When I moved to Ontario I was coming to 'dry out' I was into drugs drinking sleeping around etc.. He helped clean me up and bring me to where I am now. When I couldnt pay rent he gave me the money when I was so depressed and homesick he flew me home on a days notice to see my family. He spoils me rotton. The thing is dancers here have a bad rep... there are some real dive bars and I think he has a hard time believing there can be clean dancers who just do it to pay the bills. I dont know exactly why he wont let me do it.. He told me he thinks dancers are dirty and he cant respect them. But when I got an offer to model for a couple of nude mags he said no because he doesnt want me being masturbation material for other guys. Yet he loves it when we're at the mall or a club and guys cant take their eyes off me. I dont understand him I really dont. But I love him so much I dont want to lose him over something so silly.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
Unfortunately . . . it sounds like what he means is that he can't respect *you*. He may have a "white knight" complex in which you'll always, in his mind, be vulnerable and childlike and unable to take care of yourself, and that's why he takes care of you -- or something similar. If he's capable of acknowledging his problem and trying to deal with it, there's hope for the relationship . . . but if not, it'll become a problem for you sooner or later whether or not you decide to dance.
Re: Wanting to dance but...
Dont worry Cally, my boyfriends the same way when i decided i wanted to satrt dancing (havent yet but soon come) he took up smoking cigarettes again and was depressed...but he loves me and i know that he wouldnt leave me for something that i not only want to do but need to do. I mean he doesnt want anything to do with it other than to call him when im there and tell him im good and for him to pick me up when need be but he HATED the idea at first, its just time and talk that got him to see my point of view...so dont worry...guys come around especially if he truly cares about you....so no worries, just talk to him
Re: Wanting to dance but...
I think everything happens for a reason. If you want/need to dance,then dance. If you bf breaks up with you because of it,you can always quit. If you quit and he loves you enough he will take you back. If he doesn't take you back,maybe you 2 were never ment to be. Either way,do what you want/need to do. It will all work out in the end. (the way life intended)
Re: Wanting to dance but...
Cally, Cally,
Some advice from me to you, Do what you need to do and especially what you want to do! I respect individuals boundries in relationships, no doubt, but I have learned that by restricting yourself because of your partner can create serious resentments. My bf was pissed when I said, I am going to dance, but he is slowly coming to terms with it as he sees that its really just a job, not a fantasy, for me. Your bf saying strippers are "dirty" is a red flag in my book. Who is he to judge? Keep us updated on this issue!
Good Luck
Re: Wanting to dance but...
Well Im going to get my license next week and some shoes and outfits. He has accepted it and we agreed its ok. He knows im not doing it because I want these men im doing it because im so far in debt I cant see a way out. Also im dancing at the club I already work at so I know the custys I know the management and im comfortable and safe there. Im looking forward to it. I guess the only major thing is ... he doesnt want other men looking at my pussy... I wish we had topless clubs here :(