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Shyness
I have been dancing for almost two months now, off and on. Guys often approach for dances. However, when they're not asking, it's very hard for me to approach a guy, act sexy, and ask for a dance. I think m fear lies in them thinking that I am only talking to them to get a dance. Hello. But, that fear isn't just paranoia - guys have said that to me before. Example - I'll have a conversation with a guy (after doing the whole "Can I sit with you?" thing) and it will be going well. But when I ask him for a dance suddenly I am a devious golddigger! Or he acts like it. Any advice is welcome on how to get over caring what they think!
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Re: Shyness
It may be your approach or attitude. You have to act confident . Chat with them , smile, laugh, flirt, eye contact.
With in 2 songs say "lets have some fun", you ready for the next song? Knod your head breifly in a yes type matter. If he says no with that approach, he wasn't going to by a dance from you anyway. Once the 2nd song is over tell him you have a few dances to do , you will check back later with him and to have a good time.
THEN LEAVE.
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Re: Shyness
You don't care when, they say thaht. I ussually think to myself:" I don't wanna dance to you either". And I walk away. If they don't want to be asked for dances, they should hang round somwhere else.
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Re: Shyness
Baby - these guys don't fall through a rabbit hole into the club. They walk in. They know where they are, and what they are there for and what you are there for. They half act like they don't realize that when you sit you are hustling (in the work sense, TOO, not the unethical sense), but in any rational sense they know what is going on. They are not internally monologuing "My goodness! Whatever is this strange wardrobe doing here? Why don't just poke around inside for a bit... but there is not back wall! And I'm suddenly in a magical work of music, and bright lights and black lights, and... oh my! There are women walking around. With very little in the way of clothing. And they all seem so... friendly. This is a clearly magical wardrobe nightclub, in which scantily clad, lovely women find me completely irresistable. My god, she's touching me! How lovely for me! La la la la la la la... .... ....
What? You want what? I'm sorry how much? Why? Oh. But... but, well, I thought.... I though that you... that we... So you've just been using me for money all this time? Oh. Because I thought... that you... you know.... I thought it was a MAGIC stripclub."
No. Don't worry about it. They're punks.
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Re: Shyness
If they don't want to spend the money, screw it. Yes, you can check back later, but if they are going to be dicks thenlet them screw themselves.
Are we gold diggers? Hmm, we work in to make money because it out JOB. Well if the definition of golddigger is: Some one who works for money, I guess I'll call myself one. But then I don't know many people who have jobs just for something to do.
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Re: Shyness
And Jenny, I love your posts.. I need to remember the "magic strip club"! When I get asked out instead of them getting a dance I sometimes say that I am a mirage and if I try to leave through the doors I just disappear.
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Re: Shyness
Jenny-- HILARIOUS. If you ever get tired of stipping, you can always fall back on stand-up. =)
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Re: Shyness
Jenny--SO TRUE!!! I just read your post to my husband in an NPR essay-reading voice; we loved it!
And second only to the magig strip club theory, isa the "I thougt we had something special" theory.
Rain, for your original problem:
Here are some answers you can give them:
--Cute as you are, I still need to pay my bills.
--I love my job, but . . . . would YOU keep going to work every day if nobody paid you? (This has actaully lead to some conversations where it turns out the custy doesn't know nobody pays us to show up. They think we are hourly and jsut want to get extra tips.)
--Yes, this drink you bought me is very delicous, but I still cannot deposit it in the bank.
--We do have something special, but I still need you to pay me.
--I don't care if you are Bill Clinton, I am not giving you anything for free.
(actaully, "I don't care if you are Bill Clinton, I'm not going to do XYZ" works well and elicits a laugh in a number of situations. Even 6 years later, it still works!)
Also, check the "clever comebacks" thread in stripping (general).
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Re: Shyness
The comebacks are one tool to keep your sanity (even if you only think them, rather than say them), but here's another. Kill them with kindness. At least a few of them will feel very small after you respond with nothing but good wishes. Something like, "Well, I'm sorry it wasn't me, but I hope you find the kind of girl you're scouting for so you can have some fun tonight." The whole interaction's not personal anyway, so I'm simply communicating that I don't take it as personal, plus I'm acknowledging I know it's a game, and he knows it's a game, but there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm stating (probably much to the surprise of the customer) that I hope he comes out a winner. It's really just a way of saying you're not getting to me, asswipe, but it's sugar coated in good will, convincingly so, because I believe there's truth to it as I say it. (And hey, I'm the paradoxical type who can hold two incongruent points of view simultaneously. On one level, I really do hope things work out for him. On another level, I'm miffed when someone behaves arrogantly towards me.)
-Ev