Thinking about dancing and want to know if any of you dancers are married and how that works out, if at all. I have a feeling I would have to hide it from the hubbie.
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Thinking about dancing and want to know if any of you dancers are married and how that works out, if at all. I have a feeling I would have to hide it from the hubbie.
I know a lot of dancers who are married or engaged or in long term relationships.
Honestly I wouldnt hide it from hubby. How are you going to explain your sudden increase in funds. Or what if one of his friends goes to the club you work at and sees you dancing and tells your hubby or better yet what if hubby goes to the club with some friends for a drink and sees you? You can seriously harm your relationship by hiding something so major from him. Talk to him and tell him your feelings and why you want to do this. If your having money problems explain it can help with the lack of funds in a big way. Tell him all the reasons why you want to do it. Maybe you can reach a compromise. Like say working in a hands off club or a topless bar or bikini bar.
Good Luck and welcome to SW :)
I don't dance, but please allow me to share my opinion as well.
I don't think hiding it would be a smart idea at all. I know that if I danced I wouldn't hid it from my hubby. If he found out and was upset by it, there could end up being some really major trust issues between the two of you.
Like Cally said, try to just be open about it. I've talked with Mox about it dozens of times, and we've got our agreement on what will happen if I decide I want to dance. Good luck!
There are major trust issues- He cheated on me and had a long term relationship a year ago. We have two kids and after all this crap I just want to do something for myself. If I do decide to dance I know he'll leave. I cant decide if my personal desires are worth it or not.
I guess that's something you'll have to consider heavily before you make your decision. Good luck with it, though- whatever you decide.Quote:
Originally Posted by jaylo4
Just seriously think the pros and cons. If you have kids you also have to consider them in this whole thing. If you dance your hubby leaves... hubby leaves kids have a divorce to deal with. I hope you do whats right for you and your kids. Good luck with everything.
Thanks for the advice. I totally don't want my decision to negatively affect my kids ( they're 4 and 9 mo.) But it's one of those things where I am pretty sure we will split eventually because I don't trust him and he's made my life miserable for 4 years. So might as well do something I enjoy. Am I totally selfish?
No your not... there is nothing worse then growing up with parents who dont love eachother anymore. I grew up with a family that was constantly fighting and it seriously effected me. I spent the time from 14 - 17 seeing a shrink. I think you need to do whats best for you and your kids. And if dancing is what you want to do I would go for it. Just dont hide it from hubby.
Married here 5 years!! Happy as ever and he knows!!
I would let him know that you are making that decision, if you know your relationship is over and you need to do something for yourself I would just let him know that you have to be able to support yourself since you don't see your self solely relying on him.
Be careful not to make it something you are doing to make him jealous, trust me, with kids that young you will be involved with him in one way or another for a long time to come and his support for your kids sake will be important one day. If he supports the idea of you dancing then he won't make it such an issue of you were to ever have a custody problem as well. If he doesn't then you have to just be able to say you are doing it to be able to support you and the kids and that you will make appropriate arrangements for them when you have to work.
If you do get into it try to arrange with your boss so that you don't come in until 8, giving yourself time to feed the kids dinner and do some pre-bed routines so that you don't lose out on that interaction with them, in the long run that will show a judge that you weren't cutting into your "mothering" time with the kids. I know too many men that made it a big deal that Mom was now a stripper and therefore not home with the kids during important developmental times and now was a "bad mom".
I'm married and my husband supports my decision to dance. He understands that it's something that I want to do not something that I'm required to do because of money issues. I haven't started yet, have to wait until he's laid off for the season, but he's really supportive he's even helped me practice my moves lol!
I would never hide anything, especially in the situation you are in. You should talk to him about it and see what he has to say. All in all you've been through one heck of a time with him breaking your trust and cheating on you like that. but you have to earn your way out of a relationship, not just pack up because something went wrong. Make sure that you are trying to mend your relationship and that you aren't doing this just because you know he'd hate it or that you are seeking the adoration from other men that he didn't give you.
If you're clear there than mention it to him. I don't think it would negatively impact your children in anyway. But then, it depends on how much you tell them about what you do too. Good luck and hope everything works out! Take care hun!
I'm happily married, and hubby was at the club the very first time I ever danced.
Get yourself some counciling before you go making any marriage busting decisions. And let your husband know that you aren't happy. So that way if the relationship does end, it won't be a suprise to him, thinking that you were happy all along.
I wouldn't recommend lying and sneaking within a relationship. It won't help anything and you will eventually get caught - and even if you didn't, you'd still be living a lie. That's not a foundation for a good marriage.
I'm not married but I live with my boyfriend, and he's 100% supportive and encouraging of my dancing. Sometimes he comes to see me, and if I'm hanging out with him and a customer comes in, he'll encourage me to go make money. Once or twice he's bought a dance from someone else if I'm busy, but usually he just hangs out with me when it's slow or buys a dance from me. But we don't get jealous of each other in the strip club and we don't expect monogamy of each other, so maybe that has something to do with it. I know he's not going home with a stripper and he knows I'm not going home with a customer, so that's all that matters to us.