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How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
I jacked this post from another forum..found it interesting.
--in fact, it actualy made me LIVID. I stated to the guy that posted it that not all apples were red.
But he said that most of this is true...well, not in the clubs *I* know...which are really upscale. Where "HUSTLE" is like breathing..gotta do it...
Read it, and give me your comments. I think it's a crock of poo...
Most people think the way to a stripper's pu$$y is with money,
buying lap dance after lap dance, throwing stacks of singles on
stage as they dance, and surprising them with expensive gifts. Those
people are idiots. "Marks,"; as the girls call them. Someone to be
siphoned until not one drop of cash is left.
There is only one surefire way to pull a stripper and it has nothing
to with personality or money (although those things don't hurt). The
secret is DRUGS.
Contrary to what many pro-stripper films and documentaries tell you,
9 out of 10 strippers are on drugs of some sort.* Be it coke, dust,
weed, pills, booze, if a girl's job is to climb up on stage and
spread her gash for a bunch of sweaty, over-weight mutts in ill-
fitting work clothes you'd better believe it takes a certain type of
courage that can only be had from illegal substances. Knowing that,
the key to making a needy young sex kitten your slave for the night
(or the week) is to always be holding. But you have to make sure
you're carrying the right stuff for the type of stripper you're
trying to bang. It just so happens that this whole thing can be
broken down racially. Along with the genetic yarns that make a woman
a certain color go these little strands that decide their drug
proclivities. Don't freak out—I didn't write the rules here. God
did. I just follow them.
WHITE STRIPPERS (BLONDE)
White chicks love coke. It's as simple as that. Any stripper worth
sticking your dick in is between the ages of 18-28, meaning they
were born between 1976 and 1986, which makes their moms either 70s
disco coke whores or 80s yuppie coke sluts. Either way, the coke
slut gene has been inherited by their daughter. When she asks if
you'd like a lap dance, respond: "No, I want to get out of here and
do some blow. What time are you done tonight?"; That's usually
enough to get you in, but for added emphasis it helps to pull her to
the side, dump some powder on your fist and give it to her to prove
you're for real. (Don't buy beat shit. Strippers who love coke know
coke. You're not getting anywhere with shit that's been stepped on
ten times.)
WHITE STRIPPERS (TATTOOED AND/OR WITH PUNK HAIRCUTS)
This is a somewhat trickier bunch to read because they like pills
and saying someone "likes pills"; is like saying someone "likes
music."; You've got to either roll the dice on a narrow spectrum of
possibilities (uppers, downers, psyche, or pain) or you can be smart
and invest in a smorgasbord of pharmaceuticals and have all your
bases covered. There's nothing worse than sparking a girl's interest
only to learn she likes Xanax and you've got a pocket full of
Ritalin. Pretend that you're going fishing and you've got an empty
tackle box. You're going to need a little of everything: lures,
bobbers, hooks, etc. Pills are inexpensive ($5-$8 a pop), so see if
you can work out a deal with your man on a variety bottle. At that
price you shouldn't think twice about pissing them away. Offer a
blue to the first girl you see. If she takes it, she'll go and tell
the other girls. Give 10mg to each and every girl in the club. 10
strippers = 10 pills = 50 bucks. No big deal. If you have enough to
get each girl high on the job, one of those girls is going to have
enough brains to realize you've probably got more. She'll be the one
to ask you, "What are you doing later?";
BLACK STRIPPERS
The black stripper is difficult to snare, especially for a white
male. Their drug of choice, weed, is the cheapest drug on the market
and easiest to obtain. This makes them the most affordable fuck, but
you're white and you have to compensate. That's where things get
expensive. Don't freak out, it's still completely doable. First,
start by tipping. Don't go crazy. Just a dollar or two here and
there to let her know you're interested. This will automatically put
you ahead of any black patrons in the club because it is well
documented that black males do not tip at strip clubs.** Your next
move is to have better than average weed. Like flowers, girls like
weed that smells nice. It helps to tell them that it's from your
boy's crop, and has been featured on the cover of High Times three
times and it's Redman and Snoop's favorite weed. It's important that
this lie and the two following lies be convincing: "Yeah, I know
Snoop,"; and "Next time he's in town, I'll introduce you."; That
should take of it. For added effect I like to lie and say I make
beats and ask them if they want to go over to my studio after they
get off work. This helps to both sell the con and save money on
hotel rooms. Be sure to know where a local recording studio is. A
cheap one is between $75 and $150 an hour, which is cheaper than
taking her to a nice hotel. Be sure to bring the new Usher CD and
when her favorite song comes on tell her you made the beat. Then
turn one of the knobs on that big mixing board thing in front of you.
OTHER STRIPPERS
That is correct, I am going to lump together all Asian, Latin, Paki,
Euro strippers, along with anything else that might have just come
off the boat and amputees. This category is really your best bet,
especially Euro girls, because all they want is to be loved and
taken care of and what drug emits more love than Ecstasy? The
reality is you could give them mescaline and they'd take it without
caring.*** A key with foreigners is to make them feel welcome in
America. This is accomplished by telling them you don't detect an
accent, that they speak great English and that you basically
understand and agree with whatever they are saying regardless of the
fact that you can only make out every fourth word. To do this
convincingly, you must practice. Go to your stereo and put on some
rap music that you can't understand the lyrics to (most any rap will
work), turn up the volume just slightly, then go into your bathroom
and shut the door. You should not be able to easily hear more than
reverb and bass. Stare dead in the mirror, strain your ears and try
to decipher the lyrics without looking unsure, without creasing your
forehead and pursing your eyes. If you can convince your mind that
you know every lyric to that Ghostface song, using only your eyes
and facial expressions, you'll be able win any foreigner over,
completely negating their self-consciousness. Using drugs as bait,
of course.
Before you go running to your phone to cop there are a few more
things you need to be aware of when trying to run this kind of game.
First, and most importantly, is that you don't ever do the drugs. If
you're an addict don't even bother because you'll always take the
drugs over the girl and might even get arrested for beating a girl
for touching your shit without asking. You can get high all you want
when she's gone but while you're with her you have to pretend to
inhale, go take a piss when your turn to bang a rail comes around,
throw the pill over your shoulder and pretend to pop it. Sounds lame
but you need to have full control over the situation. I'm telling
you from experience, strippers are cunning, any sign of weakness and
you'll wake up without your pants, your wallet and your drugs.
Secondly, realize you only get one shot of pulling them out of the
club. If it doesn't happen that night, it doesn't happen. Don't play
yourself by giving your number and don't take a number. Consider it
a failed attempt and go home and get high. Lastly, and I can't
stress this enough, don't let them know where you live. If you can,
take them to a hotel (or the studio). If you've blown all your money
on the drugs and are forced to take them back to your place, take
the most ridiculously fucked up route ever to get there. Then after
you're done with them, give some more drugs to fry their brain a
little more and put them right in cab and send them on their way
(instructing the driver to use an alternate, more confusing route.).
As a child you had a great many dreams of things you wanted in your
lifetime, and I'm pretty sure that a drug-hungry whore knocking on
your door at 4 in the morning was not one of them.
CHRIS NIERATKO
*All research conducted and collected solely by Nieratko and proven
to be 100% accurate.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
Hmm. I guess he has never had any luck w/ white dancers with either brunette or red hair ::)
I have had a few guys try this kind of thing in the past. I had each one removed from the club and banned from returning and two went to jail because the manager called vice. Jail is exactly where this kind of worthless trash belongs too.
Please post the link to this forum. I have some LE contacts that might be willing to track down this pile of dogshit and put him where he belongs. Behind bars.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
I guess I can see why you're livid.
But really, was this particular piece of sh*t (meaning either the post or the poster - applies equally) even worth your time and effort it took to respond and then cut and paste the thing? Pigs wallow. It's their nature. No use trying to teach them not to.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
Ok. I am again embarrased by my gender. Yes, I know girls who like to get high, and I with them...but goodness no would I ever think of a scheme like this bullshit.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
like Fl Dancer, I have also actually run across a few guys who actually think/act this way. Even worse, I have run across a few dancers who fit the same scenario !
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
This is something we going to bother to get upset by? It's supposed to be funny. Note the asterisk at the end. I mean you may not think it's funny - but it is definitely a joke.
I read a book once about how to pick up women. I thought it was awesome. I would have paid money to watch someone try this stuff. I think it was Ross Jeffries. But nobody tell me he was joking too or you'll break my heart.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
Ah, stereotypes...gotta love 'em.
Of course, I'm sure that even the drug-addled members of this forum still aren't stupid enough to fall for this shit.
Say what you will about strippers, but a lot of them are pretty street-smart and if some guy comes up to us telling us he's pals with Snoop Dogg we'll probably be doing all we can to keep from laughing in his face.
I like the idea of renting a recording studio for just an hour...really bizarre touch.
This list is obviously aimed at colossal losers because any guy with decent looks and/or social skills doesn't need to even attempt any of this outlandish shit to get some...
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
What a bunch of crap. I guess before his brain cells committed suicide they produced this hateful screed to ensure his genes wouldn't get too far in this world. What a prize.
My best Stripper Says No To Drugs moment was snagging a date with a fine six foot five Coast Guard Officer while I was working the tip rail. Some kid offered me ice and I said "Nooooo.." and went back to smiling at my honey.....
(Never did anything harder than pot and never will.)
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
Isn't this a little tongue-in-cheek? I mean, it's so outlandish, I'm thinking he's joking.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
if he's not koing, he's absolutely one of the most stupid menin the world.
but i have had guys try this method, and i can imagine a few girls who might take the bait.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
that weed thing sounds so fukkin racist too...
this has to be some sick joke post
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
At the risk of sounding harsh, any chick dumb enough to take drugs as bait is basically a variation on a crack ho. Yes, I know, crack ho's are people too, but still...
You know what though? An addict is an addict is an addict. If someone wants drugs, they'll take them if offered. What I think is hysterical is that someone is so desperate to get laid that they'll risk a drug possession charge. If some wanker tries to bang a stripper by baiting her with a bunch of coke and then happens to get busted from it, that's a few years in a hard-core ass-rape prison. Then he'll be getting some left and right! Might not be the kind he wants, but if he's THAT desperate...
I could also write a similar deal entitled "How to Bang an Investment Banker"...I'm sure they'll be happy to take the coke too.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
To be quite honest, I love the fact that there is such a stigma attached to being a stripper and yes, I am one myself ;)
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
This guy is a burger! He writes a book to teach all his lame friends how to get laid because maybe on one or two occassions, he found a crackwhore, had the goods and got laid. This guy is a fucking hobbiest. He's lying, he never found a stripper, gave her drugs and got laid. No, he pays for sex all the way, the kinda guy that looks for the cheapest hookers, best deal. He might have got an exchange for drugs on an occasion or two. He didn't mean strippers, u guys. He meant streetwalkers.
Me personally, I'm not mad at him. He's just trying to get laid and make some money like every other person in the world. Yeah, its a sleeze way of doing it but I don't care. I never fucked him, I don't do drugs-he's not writing a book about me. So fuck him and his stupidass advice column or book or whatever.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
*spews coffee*
Ahahahaha. Either this guy's a 17-year-old pimply haxx0r who's never been in a strip club in his life, or met an actual black person -- or he's smarter than all this and is pulling a joke to get stupid people arrested and thrown out of strip clubs.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
The guy that found this post actually owns another forum. I don't want people to jump down his throat...cuz he is a cool guy. But maybe we can find out where HE found it, and if we want, respond accordingly.
I used to dance..but I stopped as the atmosphere here in my state (Richmond, Va) is horrible for ethnic dancers...and the clubs here suck and take all your money.
When I danced in Tx...now THAT was a great state....
But anyway...
www.jazzyville.com
That is where I found it.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
this fits some girls but not all
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
:spit:
Now, that was some funny shit. Any man who uses more than his penis to think will know that this guy is full of shit. Any man who thinks that this guy is "da bomb" will be sorely surprised. Especially when one of their "target strippers" turns him in for having drugs in the club.
Don't let it get to you. The only people who REALLY believe this crap are the ones who WANT to believe it. Are there some strippers out there that will do this stuff? Yeah, there are. But, obviously, there are just as many non-strippers who do it, too.
Just let it go.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
hmmm pills....
explains alot. I've been using coke...
*slides some "PILLS" across the table to Jenny*
*whistles*
*raises eyebrows twice really fast*
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
It is fully f**king racist...i like how he pinned all the euro, arab etc girls into one...liking e...what a prick...he really irks me...see this is the typ of guy that should have his balls shot off by one of those poor girls that get sucked in to his bullshit...actually hes probably a big loser nerd on the internet whose never even been in a strip club...lol....especially when he called us whores....like comeon....i know many girls tht would kick his ass for saying i just wan to get out of here and blow some coke...LOSERRRRRR....i feel sorry for his mother...
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
this guy seems like a pimp whos been with too many crackwhores. All i know is.. my girls in college do so much more drugs than my dancr friends. Honestly, my girls who dance dont even do drugs or dont even smoke ciggeretts! Some might smoke a lil weed, but my girls w/ normal jobs or chics who live on the college campus do mad drugs, way more than the dancers I hang with. I wouldnt catagorize people by their jobs. --Sorry if we have tha balls to take our clothes off and not give a sh*t what guys think, and make decent income. Dont be jealouse and judge us all, now..lol..
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
OMG, you know Snoop?????? Whew, well then, because of that, I'm ready to Phuck!! Got any Gin-n-Juice? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
I haven't read this whole thread yet, just the first post, but I want to say--as a tattooed, punk stripper--that we do not mostly like pills! This is a lie!
Most of us do coke. I rarely do drugs but where I'm at, most the punk strippers do coke. Pills are so... trashy. Geez.
Haha, okay, back to reading.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
I mean, no offense to this guy, but most the people who come to the club trying to get me high offer me the drugs for FREE. This guy is saying you should SELL it to the girl to get her to go with you. Fuck that, I'm a stripper. I can get my coke for free if I want. Jeesh.
PS - My posts are about as tongue-in-cheek a joke as his article was. You people get waaaay too mad too easily sometimes.
Sometimes StripperWeb is like... the most Republic stripper conventione ver. Jeesh.
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Re: How to Bang a strippper (this made me REALLY mad...)
I didn't get as mad as I did feel sorry for the guy. He is ignorant and thinks all strippers are like this, not only that, I feel sorry for the strippers that fall into this stereotype.
As a tattoed, punk ethnic chic. I've never popped pills in my life, I know gals that do coke, etc..and smoke weed..and I know guys that actually look for drugs in clubs like someone mentioned..but I have NEVER known a dancer that fit his stupid stereotype.
either it was meant to be funny...or this dude is seriously JADED.