how do you know when you should end it?
How do you know when you should end a relationship when the problem isnt that i dont love the other, but that he has changed so much?
My boyfriend is a wonderful person. But in the past 2 years he has changed drastically. not even for the worse mind you hes just become a different person that i dont feel i have anything much in common with anymore.
he seems to be off in his own little world now, but he just doesnt see it. he has taken up a HUGE intrest in working out and eating healthy. he talks about it all the time and he works out 4 days a week. he also goes out and goes bowling 3 days a week. after a 8 hour workday and his video game time, it doesnt leave really any time for us.
i wont even get into the sex.. it hasnt been good for a year now.
so am i supposed to break it off with someone i love, but just dont like anymore? or do i wait out all of this and see if it changes? do i try and like who he has become and try and forget about how he used to be? at one time i wanted to marry him..im starting to wonder if i have changed too.
this is killing me ive never been in a situation like this before.
all advice appreciated.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Well, I won't say that you're automatically condemned to the "end relationship" pile, but you can't continue on with a relationship if you don't really know the person any more.
Mox and I have been together almost 7 years, and we've each changed back and forth over that time. There were times I felt almost exactly like it sounds that you do, but then he'd change again and we'd end up closer...blah blah blah.
I guess it's really up to you- you have to consider what's best for you, and where you are going with your life. Good luck with everything! :)
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss. Kristina Lee
so am i supposed to break it off with someone i love, but just dont like anymore?
Thats the most important thing there.
Have you discussed it with him? Have you told him its seperating you two? does his changes make you fearful of the result of talking to him simply because you don't know him or how he would react anymore?
You really have to know what you want. If you don't want to continue the relationship as it is, you need to address it now before you start to feel annoyed at him because then space is required to work things out.
If you are ok right now but know it needs to change then sit down with him and tell him you love him but he's not making you happy and you don't fell like you're going to be able to be with him if his personality continues.
Honostly, I think you may be pleased with the results, it SEEMS like you're not upset with his lifestyle or the changes there, but you look at him as being egotisticle about it and probably a little selfish which has you worried cause he wasn't like that and you see him potentially becoming the kind of person you don't like.
And if he loves ya, you'll know. He'll try. But you cant be afraid of the possibility that he doesn't love you enough to change back.
Good luck
::Mast::
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
we have talked about it, and were trying to work it out i guess. i guess i just dont know what i want.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
thats the issue right there, and there is nothing wrong with that. You just need to know yourself enough to know "If he changed back, would it be what I wanted? Or am I just looking over the fence?"
Good luck, you'll be happy I am sure Ms. Kristina Lee.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
You need to figure out what you want. If he's changed that much that you aren't sure you really like him anymore then maybe it is time to take a break and figure out if you want to be with him. People change, that's life. But you have to be willing to still like the person he is or it won't work out and then you'll feel like you wasted all this time for nothing. Maybe if you aren't ready to take an official break, then at least just spend a few nights alone thinking about what you want from your relationship with him now.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Well you know, people do change, and they generally don't stop changing... you say you don't feel that you have much in common with him anymore... was that, is that the basis of your relationship? the things you have in common, or something else?
Just as you can't change someone, you can't stop someone from changing... a long term love relationship is more like tending a plant than enjoying a painting... it takes work and you don't know where it will end up... sometimes it seems like plant is about to die but I've had some that miraculously came back from the brink... they never seem to grow into the shape I expect either... however sometimes there's no saving them...
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Your problem lies in the fact that you and your man aren't spending enough time together. He isn't meeting your needs. You are beginning to resent the changes he is making in his life b/c it is effecting your time together. You said you are trying to figure things out, and I think communicating is a good start. Make sure that you are getting the time you need to make your relationship grow.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
When you start asking yourself this question and rationalizing it all...it's time to walk away. Sometimes the hiatus is temporary and sometimes it's permanent. But, as soon as you are not happy in a relationship, it's time to leave and start looking at yourself.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
I realized it was over when I discovered that she was balancing the checkbook during sex.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Sometimes people just grow apart. People can change alot w/ in a year as well. I see you are taloking about the whole thing but is anything getting solved for the better?
If both of you are at a stalemate and one person isnt trying as hard as they should to make things better then its time to move on IMO. I see as long as you given it your all that you could and its still not working then bye bye BF.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
thanks for all the advice!!
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
Love is not enough to carry a relationship. Or marriage for that matter. It takes a lot more work than that. GL though!
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
People change throughout their lives . Sometimes they grow apart instead of with each other. Don't count on being able to change it. You will have to decide on whatever it was that kept you together in the first place is more than what you can get outside the relationship. You might want to discuss this with your S.O. to see if he can accomodate you to your satisfaction. In the meanwhile , if two ships are sailing in different directions, it's only a matter of time before the mooring lines snap and they journey in their separate directions.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
I know how you feel, but I'm married. We go to therapy, but all that does is keep us pleasant with each other.
Re: how do you know when you should end it?
if ya asking yaself if you should end it or not then im guessing that youre not happy at all n maybe thats a good enough reason to end it :(